Ask a Mormon Anything

Inactive member of the Mormon church here, willing to answer any questions I can.

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Do you really believe in a cosmic horror god?

Do you have your special underwear on currently?

Can you explain this whole Mormon thing in 1-2 sentences?

No fucking clue what you're talking about with the Cosmic Horror God.

>Is Inactive
I never got the magic underwear. Though, as far as I understand, it's not magic or anything. It's just supposed to be a reminder to the vows made between you and God.

why do mormons suck so much fed dick?

That's a nice church? If I join the Mormons, do I get a work visa and a Mormon wife?

You think Mitt Romney's disavowal of Trump will make utah go blue?
I have heard the guy has prophet status or something

Why do Mormons all dress the same? I had two mormon missionaries wandering around near me one day and they both talked to me. I thought they wanted to talk about baseball with me, but really they wanted to recruit me. Anyway, they both had that typical mormon outfit, which really just professionally dress, you know, white shirt, black pants, orange tie.

And I said: Why do you guys dress the same. I can tell at a glance that you are mormons. And the two of them looked at eachother, and they were like: Huh, never noticed that. I have no idea, it's just what I put on.

>Are you trying to tell me that this is all one big coincidence!?!??!

Be a good, faithful person and follow the commandments. Receive eternal glory in the afterlife where you essentially receive the potion of God of your own universe.

Because some families, not mine, decided to have 6+ kids like fucking freaks.

That's the Salt Lake City Temple. Not sure about the visa, but the wife thing is far more likely. Girls here are very hard to get unless you're LDS. (They can often be freaks in bed too)

post pics of nude wives

There is a very slow and uninfluenced fashion scene here in Utah, so it's very easy to spot Mormons in the wild.

The missionaries are usually required to wear that specific type of clothing, for the reasons stated in that it's professional. It can change from location to location. Such as Missionaries in Samoa are allowed to wear the skirt thing.

Bitch, I'm single as fuck. And even if polygamy was legal here or was still practiced by the LDS church, I'd probably only go with one wife.

Why aren't there more churches from the Latter Day Saint movement in France ?

"They can often be freaks in bed too"

Tell us more dude.

>> I never got the magic underwear.

>> hasn't even had his endowment yet
>> feels like he is qualified at all to answer any questions about the Mormon church

Get out m8


But fun-fact: there's actually a number of people in Europe and other developing countries that fake interest in the church just for this purpose

Don't mix up Churches/Meeting houses with Temples.

you better hope your wrong

Living in Utah, in Happy Valley, means I've been exposed to it my whole life. But hey, if you want to answer questions, go for it.

that's scientology not mormon vlad

Do Mormons dislike blacks and jews?

If not, why not?

Why should I hope that Mormons are wrong? If they are right, it would be a better outcome than the majority of other religions out there.

Why would we dislike Blacks or Jews generally?

>> inb4 pol memes and image macros

First Jewish Governor in the US was actually elected in Utah

They teach general love and tolerance for all races and religions. Doesn't stop racism among the people though.


That is one letter too many.

>why would we generally dislike blacks

I see you've never experienced more than one black person in one place at a time. Want to know why amerifats are racist as fuck? Not because my inbred grandpa named rick said nigrs r bad south should have one! Niggers in groups of two or more are fucking literal animals.


Aye my nigga? Youre a jack Mormon or just inactive?

Is it made of salt?

There was some discontent among the church members when blacks were allowed to hold the priesthood.

I went to church in Louisiana with my dad for a few months and every black member of that ward was very well behaved. Better actually than the one family from Provo who thought themselves better than everyone else.

Mormon girls are sexually repressed, and are often surrounded by their degenerate non mormon friends. As soon as their out of the house many become crazy, men and women partying and fucking like rabbits.

Sadly no. It's actually made of Quartz Monzonite, (admittedly had to look up to see if it was Granite or something else)

>EVIDENCE of any kind
to support Joseph Smith.

why not be a normal Christian, of any kind?

> The religious equivalent of a dad joke
Good one bro.

There is a joke here about the party girls. They'll do anything you want until you pull out the beer.

>why not be a normal Christian, of any kind?

Because we got cooler rituals and there is no Church in Germany that actually stands against degeneracy.

Why do you think I'm inactive. I still think the LDS church provides some very good guidance and values. But there is a reason I'm not so active. There is a lack of scientific evidence and the people, at least in Utah, are often fake.

where can I find this thread on Reddit?

Utah Mormons are pretty trash - but its just what happens when a religion changes from being a small minority to being the actual leading church in a state (or country). At least that is how I explain the difference between UT Mormons and other mormons.

I may be a cuck, but I sure as hell don't go to reddit.

Some are gay loving fags, the other ls think they are Gods gift to the world.
There are a few cool ones in the rural areas though.

For sure. As stated above, I've been to church outside of Utah and it was incredibly refreshing.

The main issues here is that the church really does permeate every facet of your life. People can, and do, look down on you if you're not LDS. Regardless though, I do feel that the church still has a lot of important values that are incredibly important to living a good life. So even though it may be trash here in Mormon Central, I still believe to a degree and hold those values as my own.

They sure try to, but no caffeine?
Some stuff is too small potatos for me to accept their micro management.

So the caffeine thing was something that members blew out of proportions. One general authority in the church said that he doesn't drink anything with caffeine, and members took that it being super bad for you. Some wards enforce stupid regulations like that, but even here in Utah it's seen as a joke.

Christ this is the most boring Mormon on earth

Beck get off Cred Forums

>something about
hot beverages are not for the body or belly

got a copy of your book, different author

>true you guys tend to be great people, but I'd rather have you at my church than doing secret handshakes for 10% tiding

What you're talking about there is called the Word of Wisdom. That particular part you quoted in generally referred to as coffee and black tea.

I've never heard anything about secret handshakes. But hey, I may be wrong.

Did you like LDS musical?

I hate musicals so I haven't seen it. I've heard a couple songs though and it's pretty funny from what I can tell.

Is it true Mormon heaven basically means you become God of your own universe?

Is "soaking" a real thing? Is it possible to find a pure virgin qt wife if you are LDS male or are LDS wives whores like everywhere else?

Essentially, yes. There are three kingdoms of heaven. The Celestial Kingdom, Terrestial Kingdom, and Telestial Kingdom. The Celestial kingdom is the highest of the three and those who are allowed into it are able to become gods of their own universe.

With that though, there is a period in the afterlife where all are taught the truth. I interpret this that, assuming you weren't a complete ass hat, you have the ability to be allowed into the Celestial Kingdom. But as Germanbro mentioned above, I have not received my endowments, so I don't know all the information of that.

Seems dumb to me that any benevolent God wouldn't provide an opportunity for all his children to be allowed into the highest kingdom.

Soaking is a thing, and yes it is completely possible to find a virgin qt. Just know she is more than likely to turn you down for not serving a mission.

Yeah like I said, jack mormon.
I never even completed Sunday School.

oh! Sorry I never saw your first post about that. Um, you could say I'm jack I guess. I've done everything up to, but excluding, getting my endowments.

I'm non-LDS working in Provo and living in Orem.
I'll never get promoted, will I user?

I've been thinking about converting to Mormonism, or rather a church as conservative as I am so I can find a decent wife and so my kids don't grow up in the degeneracy I had to (both my parents are atheists).

My question would be are there actually any virgin, more traditional girls in Mormon churches?

Ive heard the favoritism is really bad in rural Idaho.

Oh shit, I didn't think other people from Utah even got on here. I grew up in Orem and living in Provo right now.

And you can still be promoted. If you are denied because of your religious views, i'm pretty sure you could sue.

Happy Valley Mormons can be pretty awful when it comes to tolerance. It depends on your boss, though.

Not OP, but yes. Conservative qts exist by the thousands, and are based as can be.
I'd join if I wasn't such a degenerate

Very much so, my dude. But as for being red pilled...not sure about that.

We don't talk about Potato Land. It's bad to dwell on it for too long. Place is fucked.

Eh, I'm not so concerned about that as having someone staying home to take care of the kids. I grew up in Brampton ON which is something like 80% Indian so I don't care as much about racism.


There's been a lot on Cred Forums lately. And shocking as it may sound, there were tons on Cred Forums years ago. It was like central to northern Utah were Cred Forums headquarters

As far as being able to sue, it's not like they would outright say they weren't promoting me because of religious reasons

Despite how much the church permeates the culture here, it's still a great place to raise kids. Some women are getting more open with wanting careers, but tons are the traditional type that want to watch over their kids.

Mormons make the best stay-at-home moms. They see it as their life calling. The problem is the top-tier ones will usually only marry another Mormon, and being an active Mormon is a huge commitment.

That is pretty surprising. I would figure that it would be Northern Utah that would go on Cred Forums, since it's less LDS.

There is a reason that religion shouldn't be brought up in the work place. But if it's that big a worry for you, just fake it till you make it. That's what half the people here do anyway.

Why are Mormon's pro-illegal immigration?

dum du dum du dum

Can confirm. I've been turned down for even a simple date because I didn't serve a mission. It's really difficult to find a girl that's a good median between LDS and Non-LDS.

No clue, to be honest. I assume it's something about how they want to help everyone. Probably along the lines of, they often are viewed poorly, so if they help out these poor refugees and shit, that people will like them more?

Honestly I have no idea. All my friends are generally conservative and hate Illegal Immigrants.

That's good to hear. Next time I see some missionaries on the bus I'll go up and talk to them.

Yeah but that's sorta what I'm looking for. To get involved, I mean.

Do you know the Shaytards?

Shaytards? Never heard of 'em.

You'll probably make those missionaries day. If they are from Utah, they are often judged on how many people they baptized. It's one of the reasons I didn't serve.

I got told about something called "Soaking" last night - apparently Mormons do it and don't call it sex to avoid losing their place in spaceheaven. It's where you put your dick in but don't move, just sit there. That true? I thought you just raped family members and intimidated them into not talking about it via theology.

There are a ton of Fundie mormons in Mexico. Romney has family down there.

Yeah, soaking is a real thing. Some girls will also take it up the ass since they still "have their virginity"

Err....I'm sure some people are fucked up enough to rape their own family, but my family has been with the church since it's inception and nothing like that has my knowledge.

Fundamentals are fucked.


>mfw I'm actually related to Romney...

>Some girls will also take it up the ass since they still "have their virginity"

We have much to learn from such a wise culture.

I'd definitely look into it. You can visit Mormon . org to get missionaries to visit you, to see if it's what you want to do.

I'm in salt lake. How do I pick up Mormon chicks without being Mormon?

They a well famous youtuber mormon family with 5 kids who post a video each day and has made milions

SLC is full of disaffected Mormons and non-Mormons. Try a bar.

I basically live on BYU campus and I've never heard of them. What I mean is, they ain't shit.

I'm still learning how to do this. So far it sucks anal beads.

do you secretly masturbate to porn sometimes? be honest.

More than 4 milion suscribers
Made some company and sell it to Disney for 500 milions
They aren't shit man

I'm inactive, so yeah, of course I fap.

What I mean is that they aren't anything in Mormon Land. They are doing well, which is good, but they aren't something that is spoken about here. At least not that I've heard.

when youre on your mission. do you get to pick what bike you get? and why is it always a GIANT?

I didn't serve. So no clue. Both my brothers served but had different bikes.

ive been talking to the mormons who live a couple of houses down from me. they came over my house and helped with my garden.

i get the impression they are bored as fuck and would rather be doing gardening then be on the bike. i could be wrong though.

It's possible. Depends on whether they are missionaries or not. There is a good chance they want to convert you. Some people just don't know when to give up on converting others.

they are definitely missionaries. one is from utah and the other is somoan. good lads, anyway.

We didn't have bikes on my mission, but I bet the church has their go-to models for missionaries.

It gets discouraging to get doors slammed in your face all day, so it's nice to do service once in a while as a change of pace.

Oh, then yeah for sure. They want to try and convert you. Some will do it just to be good people, but usually they will try to do it just to get a baptism in.

They usually are good people but if they get overbearing, just tell them flat out that you are not interested. They should leave you alone at that point, assuming they get annoying.

Fellow Jack Mormon here,got out early don't really know shit about the faith. When growing up in slc I was a total shitlib, now some what fashy 1488ish. Most of the Mormons I know in slc are total shitlibs now. Wtf

"Big" city, m8. They think it's cool to be progressive. Come down to Utah Valley and it's not as bad. Even worse, go out to some out of the way place like Vernal.

Fake how?

"just want to get a baptism in"
what does that mean? do they brag when they get back to utah?

"yeah... i got over 300 confirmed baptisms to my name. im kind of a big deal around here"

Only if you are a poc Tongan or Samoan and play sports ball. Mormons love there token sports ballers

They put on a show. They act like they are these amazing people when in church, but will shit talk and stab you in the back as soon as Sunday is over.

Thats a lot of protestant church people in the south too. I go to a baptist church but keep to myself. Im in a big city so I can avoid anybody being too much in my business

If I get a Mormon wife and a huge house, will she clean it and cook stuff, or do I have to hire a Latino?

Unfortunately, yes. Not always, but it is a bit of a status symbol for the more shallow of the congregation.They think the mission is purely to baptize as many people as possible. While it is meant to spread the gospel, I feel it is mainly to better the people who serve and provide them with a growing experience.

Mormonism does not fly over there. The church is given up there whites in Europe and focusing on south America

Can confirm, mormons are obsessed with sportsball. but they can also be pretty nerdy, like DnD nerdy.

Depends on the size of house? I dunno, that's not exactly something I would know much about.

someone write the navyseals copy pasta but with mormons and baptisms

My buddy served in Czech, not a single baptism. Even opened up the Slovakia Mission. People just don't take to it there.

How did you get to be such a gullible retard to be tricked by a Christian fanfic? Also why are you such neocon cucks these days. Romney is a fake ass faggot and elitist retard. Glen Beck is a crazy person.

My dad lives out in the Uintah Basin. The only shithead Mormons live out inTridell.


Idenity politics affects everyone dude. Beck is way too preachy, I agree on Romney. Hes a dick yo.

here ya go. It's probably shit.

What the frick did you just fricking say about me, you little meanie? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Missionary Training Center, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret meetings in Salt Lake, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in all doctrine and I’m the top bible basher in the entire mission field. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will convert you the frick out with speed the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fricking words. You think you can get away with saying that doodie to me over the Internet? Think again, fricker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of missionaries across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, meanie. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your faith. You’re fricking done, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can convert you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my Book of Mormon. Not only am I extensively trained in Doctrine, but I have access to the entire talks of the 12 Apostles and I will use it to its full extent to convert your miserable booty to the glory of Mormon Jesus, you little doodie-head. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fricking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you dang idiot. I will poot gospel all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fricking converted, kiddo.

I didn't have a choice, I was born into it.

Probably should have green texted this.

not bad!

I laughed heartily

Nice job mate

Thank ya. It's far from perfect, but I'll take it.

There are like 5 black people in the chosen land, they never see nog behaviour

And the blacks that are here are usually white washed beyond recognition.

I have noticed some more niggerish blacks popping up recently, though. It's kind of disconcerting, since the wort you get here is angry Mexican-Americans drawing dicks on things.

Jake Mormon here used to think the same and to a degree still do, however it is hard to call some one a moron when they make ten times as much money as you have an esteemed career and happy family.


Are your women loyal? Or do they commit adultery?

As nice as mormon afterlife sounds, you're still a doomsday cult that thinks the apocalypse will happen soon. You have the resourcefulness of the Chinese and if everyone was mormon we'd go extinct.

Everyone is already the god of their own universe.