THE GUAC IS BACK

Is Jeb Bush planning to challenge President Trump in the GOP presidential primaries in 2020?

He'll be 67 then. Trump is 70 is Hillary is 68. I don't see the US wants senile leadership.

...

...

¡YEB SURGE!

>Counting Jeb out
The 2016 surge is coming.

SLOW AND STEADY

God I feel bad for Jeb! Notice the headline; 'Jeb Bush DONORS want'. I don't think Jeb! ever wanted to be President, it didn't feel that way during the debates, even before he got utterly rekt by Trump

TURTLES
U
R
T
L
E
S

At some level, he did. But it was only ever to impress his dad.

How can you feel bad for a guy who got millions for free and is basically rich since birth? Jeb enjoys politics, it's his favorite hobby.

...

well why not? it was only a billion loss last time

Columba should run for president - first woman and first of the goblin race

jesus christ

Damn, that guac looks good

>2000 years in the future
>Human civilization ended a millennia ago
>But one man remains
>Surging from the cave where he has survived for a thousand years on guac alone Jeb emerges
>Jeb with his turtle DNA has not aged at all
>Jeb walks slowly towards the remains of the White House
>His feet crunching over the bones of Cruzs skelegates that tried to overthrow Trump starting the end times
>Jeb finally reaches the Oval Office and sits in the presidential chair
>Jeb sees a plastic turtle with a note on it and a battery beside it
The note reads:
to my friend Jeb Bush who will someday slowly and steadily reach this office, I wish you the best of luck and the gift of my energy
>Jeb has finally found peace

looks like it's filled with maggots

Because he's still a human being.

It looks like chunky vomit

But when Trump wins won't he be the Republican nominee in 2020?

That's assuming he'll want to run again, which he will, of course.

Is

We need to get Alex Jones, jeb bush and Ben garrison together

They can follow along trump like every woman in SAO

...

>Mfw I would sooner vote for that Goblin than Hillary.

...

>first woman
>first Hispanic
>first of the disgraced elves to drag themselves back to heaven

Bitch gonna run an entire campaign of pictures of her looking sad

Oh, you poor naive thing.

>An incumbent president Trump dishing out bantz at Yeb

I would literally pay per view $59.99 plus tax

...

At least Ed knew when to throw in the towel

Doesn't matter if they're incredibly intelligent - awkward introverts with no charisma aren't electable and don't make good leaders.

>who is nixon

Jeb has friends, but they aren't open for interviews.

>You're at 0.1% and I'm the President Jeb, so far I'm doing better.

top kek

He wants to try and run in the next primaries against incumbent President Trump? Who has by then saved the world?

Good luck, Yeb!

"You have ruined my life." poor columba

If he works enough drive throughs, he might be able to pull it off. Trump will be so busy being president, maybe he won't notice the joyful tortoise creeping up on him until it's too late. Slow and steady wins the race.

we should all send him thoughtful cards once trump wins

Jebhead from womb to the tomb reporting in, he' surging rn we may not have to wait, #GUAC2016

Salacious crumb

...

Beauty/10

Wow what a fucking joke.

>W-WAAH I WANNA BE PRESIDENT

Bushes must've had some serious inbreeding in their family to have so many retarded children.

JEB SURGING

NOW JUST 3 POINTS BEHIND THE CHAOS CANDIDATE

Would Cred Forums actually back this man? Or is he more or less just a meme?

Nixon knew his shit.
youtu.be/JTPyE6f7GnQ

Anyone have the pasta where jeb! tries to shoot Trump only for the bullet to be low energy?

His own mother won't even back him.....

if trump turns out to be a disaster, republicans can go back to the experts to get fucked

I really want to see them spend more money on him only to fail again. Was really funny last time.

>Be me
>wake up in the morning
>feel depressed and empty
>pull out loaded .22 handgun and stick the barrel in my mouth
>suddenly remember today is Sunday Funday
>smile rushes to my face
>put gun back in drawer
>not today
>run downstairs
>Columba is standing in the kitchen
>"Buenos Dias, Today will be an extra special Sunday Funday because I invited one of your friends over to join us!"
>she points to the kitchen table
>Donald Trump is sitting at the table pouring cereal into my favorite guacabowle
>"Good morning, Jeb. I like your pajamas" says Trump
>realize I'm still wearing my one-piece footie pajamas with turtle patterns
>"h-h-hi Donald"
>embarrassed
>"Hey Jeb could you please bring me the milk?" asks Trump
>take milk out of refrigerator and walk towards table
>trip on my toy turtle I left on the floor last night
>fall down and spill milk all over the floor
>lying in a puddle of milk
>Columba screams "ay dios mio, Jeb! I told you to put your turtles away after you're done playing with them!"
>she takes off one of her shoes and begins spanking me with it
>curl into fetal position
>start crying
>Columba tells me to go upstairs for 15-minute timeout
>run upstairs
>get my gun
>aim it at my head
>pull trigger
>wake up in hospital 3 days later
>Donald Trump sitting at the foot of my bed
>ask him what happened
>he tells me the bullet didn't kill me
>"how could I survive a headshot point blank" I asked
>Donald Trump smiles and says:
>"The bullet you used was low energy"
>mfw

I wonder if they can't write it off and let the taxpayers pick up the bill

You can see his soul being eaten away slowly. You can see it in his blank, glossed over stare; longing for victory, only to fall so far away from any chance of sweet glory. Donald J. Trump stands tall, proud, gleaming with a holy aura. Jeb see's that he has lost, Jeb see's that his time has passed. He sits and reflects on his actions, the guaca-bowle rests on the nearby tv stand. The empty glow of the television flood the room, glaring Jeb in the face. He see's His face, the slogan that brought him to this climax; Make America Great Again. Jeb decided it was his turn to do his part. It was his turn to Make America Great Again. He reached under his bed, grabbing the revolver his brother had given him years before at his ranch in Texas. He loaded one bullet and cocked the hammer back, staring into the eyes of his downfall. Closing his eyes, he hears Donald Trumps voice one last time.

"Jeb, talk about a low energy guy."

旅に病んで
夢は枯れ野を
かけめぐる

Falling ill on a journey
my dreams go wandering
over withered fields

-Japanese Death Poem by Matsuo Basho

Close but jeb! Tries to kill Trump in the one I'm thinking of. Also took place after a debate

slow and steady

POST-DEBATE BACKSTAGE

>Trump is swarmed by enthusiastic reporters
>Rand chats casually with his family
>Carson is wheeled away with an oxygen mask
>Christie goes out back where his wife is waiting with three double cheeseburgers
>Cruz and Rubio shake hands with a scattering of supporters, smiling politely
>Carly Fiorina sips water from a dish in the hall
>Glasses of champaigne are handed out
>Cruz pipes up: “You know, I just want to say, you all did great out there. I’m really proud of this party. I wish you all peace and happiness over the holidays.”
>Rand: “Yeah, Merry Christmas everyone! I look forward to locking horns again in the new year!”
>Carly wags her tails affectionately
>Rubio: “Hey, where’s Jeb?”
>Trump: “I saw him head straight to his dressing room after the debate.”
>Rand: “I hope he’s alright.”

CUT TO JEB’S DRESSING ROOM

>Jeb: “So you want chaos? I’ll give you chaos.”
>Jeb loads up his revolver and flees the room, returning to backstage.
>He pushes through the crowd of candidates, straight for Trump
>He raises the gun to Trump’s forehead.
>Jeb: “You call this low-enery?”
>Trump smirks dismissively.
>Jeb: “You think I won’t do it?”
>Trump: “I don’t doubt you’re willing to pull the trigger…”
>Jeb pulls back the hammer
>Trump: “ ‘cause I know you’re a tough guy.”
>Jeb pulls the revolver away and puts it to his own temple and pulls the trigger.

Fast forward to Fox and Friends the next morning discussing the incident with Trump:
>Trump: “I said it from the beginning, he was a weak candidate. His murder attempt was a disaster. The only thing he did well was suicide.”.

Mfw Halloween costume

THATS IT

thanks user always makes me giggle

>"D-don't come any closer! This thing's loaded! I don't want to hurt anyone!"
>"Jeb, please!"
>"Jeb, think of your children! Please put the gun down!"
>"N-no.... he pushed me to this! I wanted to be his friend! I wanted to run a clean campaign! He just pushed me and pushed me! I didn't want to take it this far! He just wouldn't st-"
>suddenly the gun goes off as it's pointed upwards
>blows a hole through the ceiling
>screams are heard upstairs
>the ceiling suddenly collapses
>it's the children's cancer ward
>beds, wreckage and dying children lying around everywhere
>the nurses and doctors that are still conscious fumble around trying to hook the kids back up to their medicine
>one kid starts having a seizure
>Rubio runs over to him, takes off his tie, and puts it in the kids mouth
>"Bite down on this, kid. You'll swallow your tongue."
>chaos everywhere
>one doctor is even paralyzed in one leg now but is too hopped up on adrenaline to realize it
>everyone is either scrambling around to help or is still unconscious from the collapse
>"WE GOT A FLATLINE HERE! PADDLES! I NEED PADDLES!"
>Jeb snaps out of it and jogs over
>"What can I do to help?"
>Carson looks up at him and shakes his head
>"Haven't you done enough?"
>"... B-... but I-"
>"GO HOME JEB!!" Cruz yells

Does anyone else here feel so bad for him that they want to be his friend?

>randomly bump into Jeb while buying soap
>he shyly asks if you'll consider voting for him before is gaze shifts back to his feet
>say "maybe"
>his eyes light up, huge smile comes across his face, he hugs you and invites you to his house
>get to his house, he proudly shows you his miniature turtle collection
>hands you a bowl of delicious guac as you proceed to build a pillow fort together
>hang a "no Trumps allowed" sign on the fort
>spend all night crank calling other candidates, telling them they'll never get the secret recipe
>his wife comes home from cleaning your house
>she says it's getting late and Jeb has a rally tomorrow
>as you're leaving he takes a special pair of matching turtles from his collection
>he places one in your hand and says you'll be best friends forever
>as your walking out you lean your head back over your shoulder as the front door is slowly closing behind you and you whisper "I'm voting for Trump"
>his wife finds his lifeless body the next morning

I'm definitely voting jeb 2020. Guac and turtles. Make America the cool kid in 3rd grade again.

Mother of God I made a thread last night about missing Jeb.......WHAT HAVE I DONE. I DIDNT LISTEN

March 6, 2016: The Iowa caucus was bad, and New Hampshire was worse. Super Tuesday was a complete blood bath for the Bush campaign. It is 6:37 am; Jeb sits alone in his study holding a Smith & Wesson .44 Magnum to his right temple. Sobbing like Niagara Falls, Jeb tells himself "this time I'm really doing it." Every second feels like an eternity as Jeb gathers the courage to pull the trigger.

Columba slowly creeps into the room. Softly, as to not startle her husband, she says "Jeb, it's Sunday Funday. Please come down to see you friends and family." She tries her best to muster up an optimistic tone "I got more avocados from the market to make the weekend guacamole."

Jeb releases a hefty sigh and slowly lowers the gun to his desk. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his favorite turtle and mutters "slow and steady my friend, slow and steady."

As he descends down the stairs, the sound of laughter is echoing through the halls. He sees his father and brother in the living room. Much to his chagrin, Trump is there with them. George H.W. and George W are sharing their stories of White House antics with Trump, and giving Trump pointers and tips on what to look out for once he is in the big chair. As Jeb enters, the room goes silent. Trump reaches out his hand to shake which Jeb meekly accepts. Trump is the first to speak "Melania said I might have been too hard on you during the campaign" and hand Jeb a neatly wrapped gift.

Before he can gain control of himself, Jeb rips into the box like a kid on Christmas. Inside is a case of 5 Hour Energy and a bottle of Prozac. George H.W., George W, and Columba burst into laughter. The tears suddenly return. Jeb runs out of the room, back up the stairs, and retreats into his study. He reaches for the .44 once more, again holds it to his head, repeats the famous last words of da Vinci "I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.", and then squeezes the trigger.

RIP JEB.

Jeb is a massive autist, of course Cred Forums backs him.

>Ruger and Jeb!

Two of a kind, both willing to betray their supporters and destroy the constitution for personal gain.

When the final numbers from Iowa came out (1%) the attacks began from all directions.

After South Carolina (less than 1%) the attacks stopped. That was the worst moment. When nobody seemed to care enough to take a shot anymore.

Standing in the middle of the stage while Trump called me 'Low Energy' seems like a summer scented memory of better days. That is all over now.

Mom called. Dad had a stroke around 9pm when the Carolina numbers were coming out. I guess he is probably dead. My brother George hasn't called. I guess he doesn't want to be tainted with my disgrace.

I never wanted this election. I never wanted to be President. My wife didn't want it. But my mother and father wanted it. I didn't hesitate. I would never let them down.

Thank God I kept the cord from the laundry bag that room service left in the hallway. I tied it to the shower rod. No need to do anything else. Everything is ready.

A small night storm blows
Saying ‘falling is the essence of a flower’
Preceding those who hesitate
—Yukio Mishima

wow he's looking old

>Jeb Bush sits in a dimly lit chair after another set of harsh words by Teflon Don
>"But I thought. ...I thought If I called him a Chaos Candidate, people would finally understand!"
>"..but that only made him stronger.."
>Jeb looks down as his cell phone vibrates
>a text message appears from his father
>'wut r u doing to our family name m8'
>Jeb sighs
>he reaches into his pocket
>pulls out a tiny tortoise sculpture
>"Slow and steady little buddy. Slow and steady."

Ca ca bowle reporting in

I'd vote for him if Trump or his affiliates don't run.

I would unironically have voted for him if I were a US citizen during the primaries.

Yeb can have it after 12 years of Trump.

...

He just needs to take some time off to find himself. He's going to go on a festival circuit, get lit every day and give out little turtles to all the festival sluts.

He will be the millenials candidate in 2020 and win by a landslide.

...

Who else is voting for Jeb! this November?

No, no more Neo-Cons

...

>runs again
>gets beat by Cruz

>Obama's Syria policy has been a disaster
>What we need is to hurt Assad and help 'the rebels' EVEN MORE!

Donald Trump is a hero for destroying the goodGOyParty.

Kanye will rape his ass.

who names their son jebby

>Implying Trump won't be winning a second term after a successful term as president and improving America

>rich people don't have problems

Only poorfags think this.

2016: Donald Trump def. Hillary Clinton
>2020: Kanye West def. PRESIDENT Trump
2024: Caitlyn Jenner def. PRESIDENT West
2028: PRESIDENT JENNER def. Mark Zuckerberg
>2032: Jordyn Jones def. John Ellis Bush

You know what Jebby means in Serbian? Fucker.

Masochist? Delusional? Some people are just gluttons for punishment.

>"hey, we didn't throw enough money away this round, let's get ready to waste even more!"

Jeb has obviously a lot of problems, but his problems aren't as severe as problems of people who don't have food. Those spoiled fags wouldn't survive a year among refugees or places they so promote to be normal.

This shit is starting to make me legit sad.

The fucker can't get a staff going, he's making calls himself

He's out in the streets

He's driving limos

He had to pickup his own chairs

He carries turtles

Fuck if it wasn't for the god emperor I might give him a pity vote.

NOOOO

I'm in tears over here senpai

Reminder that Bush men are packing anacondas

I've still got a couple turtles up my sleeve Donald!

Do you think Hitler ever mocked Churchill and Stalin (5'4") for being manlets, even in comparison to him?
Also TIL FDR was 6'2"

Brought a tear to my old jebhead

Ducking hell