Spider-man (1967) The Devious Dr. Dumpty

Frank Cho?

I could get some good pics here too especially of that movie star at the focal point of the parade Rachel Welles. Where is she?

Hello everyone! I'm glad you could make it and I hope you'll make it to my movie "Big Top in the Nile" my newest picture recreating the Book of Exodus with a bunch of clowns and me as Ramses!

Mwah! Mwah!

I see she's wearing a billion dollars worth of jewelry to promote her movie and get the world record for most money spent on a costume. Should attract all sorts of publicity for the studio.

I thought we'd be the least trusworthy looking creeps here but look at that kid down there and that Thin Man behind us has to be up to something right?

It's nearly time for... balloon!

...

Hey a red balloon! It's going to chase down some kid! Stop it!

We've got 99 problems but a red balloon ain't one of em. This whole operation ought to be a gas!

*BOOM*

Egads! Fart Gas!

LET US OUT OF HERE

NO, STAY BACK, NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE

I don't care anymore. The air stinks, the people stinks, everything stinks.

Aright lady hand over the bling!

Heavens to Betsy I do declaaaaaaaaaare

You'd think an actress working 16 hour days with ridiculous diets and directors yelling at them constantly would do better under stress.

Gentlemen, let us unburden this woman of her billion dollar boodle!

> villain named Dr. Dumpty who is nothing like an egg

the Marvel Method in action!

Grab her what?! There's kids here!

You! You knew what I meant!

They say he who smelt it dealt it... time to get to the stinky bottom of this funky mist!

...

What now?

Right! The movie star. I hear southern moaning thisaways!

You look different... did you do something with your hair? And a billion dollars poorer?

Figures, 60's Spider-man is a whole year late to capitalize on the IT hype.

>Don't stare at her tits don't stare at her tits

Hey Spidey what's shaking?

"Miss Welles! Are you ok?! Do you need a hug?"

"No... I need my jewels back"

It was a clown and two thugs. They ran over there to their getaway vehicle

...

Does a hot air balloon count as a vehicle?

Commendable! Simply commendable! The planning and execution was top-notch and with the mayhem as it was no one even noticed our departure.

Now, with the winds as they and and current cloud cover, our getaway is all but guaranteed.

On top that I was wearing green so if anyone perhaps did spot me they'd rightfully assume I was one of those dastardly green-skinned people responsible for 90% of the city's supercrime.

And you my ill-breed compatriots? You're Italian. No one can tell you apart.

Not that they could catch us at our blinding speed of 20 MPH!

Pssst don't mean to interrupt but has anyone seen a billion dollars worth of lady necklaces?

Not now, we're basking in our glory.

Hey don't ignore me!

"Oh no! It's Spider-man!"

Well Well. I should have known the mastermind behind all this was Humpy Dumpy! Master Thief and arch nemesis of Weightwatchers!

It's Doctor Dumpty! Dumpty! First name Humpty, pronounced with an Umpty.

And for your information, you annoying arachnid I've lost 1 pound in the last 9 weeks! NOW GET HIM

Me? Get who?

He was talking to me, idiot.

Then I don't feel bad about beating you fellows to a pulp for a moment I thought I was supposed to do something!

*Sigh* why do I bother with goons?

This. This is my weapon

*WHAM*

Thanks for nothing spidey seeeeeeeense

Have to slow my fall

And catch this web I left earlier knowing the high chance I'd be knocked off. See? I learn from my past experiences.

"That asshole is still hanging on! What do we do?"

"Do? The Ballast We have the ballast so we'll use that"

"Yeah, I'm having a Blast, but how does that help?"

I said Ballast! Don't they teach English anymore! When we get back to the hideout I'm beating you both with a dictionary.

Missed me

Not even close

How many bags do you have up there?

OOOF

Me and my big mouth. I may have looked like an idiot when I got hit but at least I can fall looking cool!

>Loud Wheezing laughter

What a day what a day! First we get a heist and now we've killed Spider-man! No one could have survived that! I feel so confident I don't even feel the need to check !

He said the thing! Everything's going to be ok

*pomf*

Saved by Spider-man. Now I know what it feels like. Thanks buddy it must be fate. I owe me one.

This Professor Dumpty is as tricky to deal with as he is thick. Better grab the ketchup to get all the neurons firing.

After chugging a whole bottle of ketchup I'm always full of ideas!

Yeah! I.B.P.! That's my comedic surprise I'll have up my sleeve next time Dumpty and I face off.

Nah, if it was Cho only the T&A would be inflated.

Which by my calculations will be tonight because villains never know when to pace themselves or quit while they're ahead.

Everyone gather around the paper! Yes Bubbles, even you. I have my next caper planned out, it'll be tonight at the Plot Point Hotel!

Our target? The cursed mask of Dom DeLuise, it's pure gold, worth a fortune and said to have magical powers to transform its wearer into someone overly friendly and annoying.

The Dom DeLuise historical society is hosting the event and even more fortuitous it's supposed to be a costumed masquerade ball! The mask and other valuable objects will also be on display and chunky people get in free! Cause you know it's the Dom DeLuise and you need to weigh at least 250 pounds to even be a member.

>Gee! Thinking is hard!

"You two look lost. You have that glassed over look in your eyes. Did I lose you already?"

"Boss I'm just wondering if it's such a good idea to rob a place the day after we stole all the jewels. "

"Why? Why would it be a bad idea? Fortune favors the bold, I should know, it was the fortune I got at the Chinese buffet this afternoon."

>Does blinking burn calories?

Allow me to explain. We have to carpe the diem as it were. If we pull off such a daring plot when the police are looking for us most, using ACME equipment no less, they'll be talking for years about how huge our balls are!

The average Joe in me wants to rest and take the night off playing Dragonball Fighter Z with my team of Goku Black, Goku, and Goku, but the Majin tattoo on my head is pleased to do even more evil!

As long as everything goes according to the plan we'll be fine and with Spider-man dead who else is going to stop us? No one. There's no one else in New York City. No one at all.

Uh plan? Did we miss the plan part? I was got distracted by Dragon Ball thinking. Fuck Jiren.

>If it's called chicken of the sea how do they get the chickens to breathe underwater? Snorkels?

Yes, only Spider-man could interrupt and bamboozle our plans and he's dead, pushing up the daisies, gone to meet his maker, an Ex-Spider.

"Wait! Spider-man's dead? No one told me he was dead! "

"Bubbles, I just said he was!"

Are you sure he's dead? Like really dead? Dead dead? Not "hasn't posted on twitter in 7 days dead? "

Don't tell me you're upset by his passing! I thought you hated him most of all. You keep commissioning artwork after artwork depicting him in humiliating situations with a micropenis.

By my estimates you've spent several thousand dollars over the year. You should be rejoicing not saddened!

Naw! You got me all wrong! I like tiny micropenises! I think they're really cute and on Spider-man they make him look all shy and vulnerable and that's kinda cute-like.

Whenever I see a micropenis I can't help but want to grip it between my thumb and pinky finger and milk it like a cow. Is that weird?

*Shudders*

TMI, Bubbles. TMI. I'm try not to vomit and ignore that. Let's all clear our minds and discuss the plan. Yes. The plan! Anything to change the topic.

Going to the costume party dressed as myself. Lame I know, but I don't care. Point me in the direction of the snack bar

Mask of Dom DeLuise, I'll be on wallflower duty with you tonight... after I eat. God am I hungry.

Where's the pigs-in-a-blanket and punch? All I see are ethnic stereotypes. At this point I'm so hungry I'd eat cantaloupe.

Excuse me, miss.

Yuck! What are you dressed as? Tinkerbelle after getting beaten with an ugly stick?

"Spidahman! You're alive! Do you have a Micropenis?"

The hell kind of question to ask is that?!

I was just curious so that's why I'm askin' I was told you were a flower or something by the Professor and I thought I'd never get a chance to ask after all these years.

YOU! You're the one behind all those rumors and those pictures! WHY. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE. AND WHAT'S THIS ABOUT DUMPTY. TALK. TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW.

AND WHAT'S IN HERE? MORE CREEPY ART?

A gas mask! At a costume party? Preposterous.

Where's that Dumpty? In a party hosted by morbidly obese people he could be anyone.

*BLAM BLAM BLAM*

...

Oh no not again

AHAHAHAHAHA! Oh no! It's Dr. Dumpty!

The mask is mine and I get to bring laughter to the world. Forced or not, it's therapeutic to laugh

Ahahaha! Farts! Farts are funny and so are fart jokes! Come on Dracula live a little!

We're getting robbed blind by a fat guy! Play some goofy tuba music and our sides will never return!

Look at me! I'm a Snifit!

Hold it, fatso. The mask of Dom DeLuise is a treasure to the world. You may be large but you are not in charge.

Everyone run! I didn't plan on anyone else having a gas mask! Get out! Get the fuck out! Bail! Bail! Abort the mission I repeat abort the mission!

He didn't plan on that? By the way he acts after one slipup he's probably one of those guys who disconnects when he starts losing in a fighter game.

Ah well one slip up deserves another. Have a little I.B.P.

Instant Banana Peel webbing!

Whoawhoa whoa whoaaaaaaaaa

!!!

Ow!

A fat man slipped on a banana peel! Laugh! Everyone point and laugh!

Laugh all you want but I'll get the last laugh. I wouldn't be Dr. Humpty Dumpty if I wasn't prepared to take a great fall.

This hat isn't for show. I pull the cord and poof!

So long suckers!

They all expected me to have a great fall and shatter in some Kafkaesque twist of fate but instead I'll fool them all but floating down to safety in my Hydrogen-filled hat I got from the novelty hat store to spare myself such a wretched fate!

Oh no he's slowly floating to safety! Hey how come you're not laughing at him anymore. Can't let him get away again!

He totally got me. I expected him to shatter and die and he didn't. Played me good.

Move over Porthos, I'm taking this.

Confound it! Where's the exit. This novelty oversized hate is too big.

The handles here somewhere but I can't see. For fuck's sake this is embarrassing.

Aha!

*Kaboom*

Could have filled it with helium but I had to save money and go with hydrogen

Welcome Miss Welles. You've had a hard night getting gassed and robbed but you're here with us to promote your movie which is currently at 31% on Rotten Tomatoes and a runaway box office success. We'll have our interview in a moment after some stupid robot tricks. Is there anything you'd like to say first?

I'd like to give a little shoutout to Spider-man if it's ok. Spidey? If you're out there you're more than welcome to play a love interest in any of my movies I don't care if you do have a micropenis I won't judge.

MWAH

I've been thinking about Humpty Dumpty a lot lately. I get that they sent all the King's men to put Humpty Dumpty back together again but why send the horses? Horses can't fix anything and they're naysayers.

"Haha! Neighsayer! I get it! You're funny!"

"No I was serious"

"What's serious is that rosacea on your face"

THE END

That's it for this week. Stay tuned for more of the same next week

jesus christ

sick Mourner cosplay

Bump

Chickens breathing underwater with snorkels? That sounds like a funny picture.

May I suggest spanish intro as theme?

youtube.com/watch?v=2887MsT5Axw

best theme

B U M P

Still one of the best regular threads on Cred Forums

bamp