Confession

Well gee, I guess I didn't return some video tapes on time

i watched porn before i was 18

also beat felony vandalism of state buildings. feds cant keep me

I pray to hard and I love Kenny Chesney more than a white Christian man should.

Once I cum the balogna.
I cum the balogna here.
I put the cum the fit balogna.

I once rigged the DNC primary election

>its safe here because you're anonymous

Ones faked a dossier for CIA

I was in the tunnel. When princess Diana was killed. I played a major role.

I have been convicted of multiple duis, felony trespassing, felony tampering of physical evidence, weapons charges and a bunch of smaller shit.

I only commit payback theft when I look at a recent receipt and realize I was charged the wrong price. Lowes owes me $10 and I don't know what I want yet that's pocketable.

Sad...

I killed nicole brown simpson.

so you didn't get away with anything. you lose.

What up Juice

I posted this reply with no sage.

you punks haven't done anything. you probably don't even know anyone who has gotten away with anything. posers.

I fell asleep at a funeral

> kmh

Can you cut the bullshit and tell me the real speeds dude?

I'd never even think of doing such a reprehensible thing like committing a serious crime, officer.

>FBI honeypot thread

CP possession. But that's not a real crime.

I kill hundreds of millions of potential children every night

lmfao i would NEVER post anything of that sort

Fuck you FBI

used to graze a lot at the market i used to work at.

Boss kept telling me to quit it, but it was delish and on good terms with him lmao.

As long as it’s ethical cp
t. Destiny

>its safe here because you're anonymous.

I once stole the constitution of the united states, soaked it in lemon juice, and ate it with some fries.

Stole a 8oz soda from a convenience store when I was a teen. Felt like shit still to this day.

Wew lad!

When I was 15 I walked into a grocery store with my backpack on, picked up a 24 pack of beer and walked into the bathroom. Unloaded all the cans into my backpack, left the box in the stall. Bought a Gatorade at the front register and walked out.

Ay oh i aint saying nothin

Once I went to the self-check out line and forgot to scan one of my items. After I bagged everything and paid for it, I noticed that there was one item I didn't ring up. I walked out with it and felt terrible for weeks. NEver did it again. Now if that happens I immediately start a second transaction and pay for it.

>used to graze a lot at the market
Like eating grapes without buying them? I hate people who do that.
I only watch the stuff where the girl's into it.

I used to steal shit on occasion when I was a young liberal faggot.

Then I grew up, stopped being a leftist retard, and stopped stealing.

>this thread

Illegal U-Turn

>Everything posted on this board is fiction.

Swam n the river where it said no swimming
Smoke cigs when 16
Thought holocaust might not be true story

NEVER DID SHIT DUDE

WHY YOU ASKING?

QUIT BEING WEIRD MAN.... BACK OFF

Worst in which aspect?
Jail time?

Madman

Bought kinder surprise

I own a gun illegally, but in my defense, it's an heirloom that's been in my family line from before you had to register em

I killed a guy in a fight, I threw his body in a river inside a plastic bag. They never found him, and his family thought he went to live to another country without telling them.

where do u find plastic bags so big?

>I was before the queen once.
>I had eaten mexican food
>a fart slipped out.
>the written was indignant
"How date you fart before the queen? "
>I'm sorry, mum. I didn't know it was your turn. You go ahead.

I stole a piece of gum from a Sunoco when I was 5.

Dnm over 150 orders of substances. pizza enthusiast for 9 years of the same source.
Hit and run on a fire hydrant and store, lucked out due to no cameras, had an quarter pound on me of weed.

Sold a kid 8 klonopin once and the stupid fuck ate them all at work so I had to try and make him not due stupid shit to get the cops called.

Stole booze out of open garages when I was teens.

Set a mini-fire near a field which burned for abit and fire department had to come put it out.

Petty theft.

Signature forgery.

There's a lot I'm missing but in my head I like to see what I can get away with, my internet history is fucked though and I can just pray I can make it to the end or flee in time.

Believe me or not. At least I never touched kids or murdered someone like faggots here.

Btw this is all a sarcastic joke NSA,FBI,DEA, CIA. I'm joking to datamine, I'd never break the law

I black mailed a cop. Found out through a girl the officer was cheating on his wife with her mom and brought it up when he caught me with a little weed.

idk if it's a crime or not

I have infiltrated several right wing groups and planted child pornography on computers in their buildings, and then "notified" the authorities who promptly shut them down and send them to jail.

forgot to add, shot a dude with it and killed him bc he was bein an asshat on my ranch. thank god it's along a creek

do u genuinely believe that we aren't also larping?

I've never committed a crime. But nice try FBI.

Killed someone
The lawyer told me states gonna declare me crazy and get no punishment
Austria btw

I drank before 21 and tried weed in college

I own many black slaves.

I killed a stack of backpackers and framed Ivan milat.

In the land of made up stories

once I had consensual sex in the missionary position

I'm so bad :(

You were giving a blowkob to a passerby for crack, the driver saw you two and puked therefore making an accident.

I gace you crack in I was the passerby

I posted to a completely nonpolitical thread in a politics forum without saging and reporting this underaged b/tiered bullshit

Everything is a larp. Nobody breaks the law. Innocent until guilty.

Except internet crimes. I'm trying to back off doing anything illegal online, whole internet is a honeypot shithole. I miss the old days of the internet. Don't miss online drug vendors I had to trust sending physical cash on the mail though, shit was annoying.

If I ever got arrested, I'd figure I deserve it for all I've done. Then again society sets what's illegal even if it's moral. Only thing un-moral I ever did society wise was stealing robotussins to get high off of.

But yes we just larp here, love playing personality roles and seeing who believes what. Also nice to post crimes and see responses and let off steam to tell people and hopefully be forgiven. However this is a larp

...

says kekflagger
dump the tools in snow, snow removes fingerprints n dont talk to cops. easy

Here in the land of no freedom usa, I prolly commit some sort of felony every day without knowing it.

mfw
>literally hacked the 2016 election.
>russia gets blamed

>alphabet faggots stirring the honey pot.
Fuck off faggot

This sounds like total bullshit but by god it’s the truth pol, i hate my life
It was an accident

Murder

i dindu nuffins !

Terrible LARP, please kill yourself. You tried way too hard.

I robbed/kidnapped my older brothers at gunpoint when I was 15.

well i once shot a guy in sparks. might have been reno

LOL Hi CIA.
I sometimes accidentally don't fasten my seat belt right away when starting to drive.

I pooped in Hillary Clinton's hair piece once.
It was right before the election and she was on tv. This fly kept buzzing around her face and I felt horrible.

>itt every user is literally Samir al Haydn, dangerous recent convert to Islam and world champion tiddlywinks expert

Did you watch him die?

.7mi/km so he hits like 70 in a 35. That's pretty fucking insane, actually.

How did this Cred Forums-tier, non-political thread make it to nearly 100 replies? God you fags are idiots.

i drove off on the i-80 driving in the left lane going the speed limit for fifty miles

I once stole a whiteboard marker from school.

i've killed over 9000 people using only the power of my mind and a tube of jack juice
i warned them the consequences would never be the same
now they can't even, they just can't even

I stole a friend's alligator Lego when we were 12. I don't think he ever found out. He had, like, an entire wall full of boxes of well-organized Legos. It was his father's hobby.

I almost forgot, I become a habitual liar when CIAFBI faggots start shit-tier threads in order to b8 retards into actually talking about things they've done. I just can't help myself. Just don't ask me about the dead bodies in my storage unit.

accidentally creating what in essence was a fully customizable botnet software that me and a sand nigger from malaysia spent writing over the course of a few months.

not really a crime but it got into the hands of some people that did use it for large scale ddos attacks and they did get in somewhat serious shit

you see from the perspective of quality - it was very well written, but due to the fact we were not using it for any nefarious means and there was reasonable explanation that it was not written with the intent of functioning as such, my name was literally on the file when you opened it in mss as the author.

so i got a knock on the door one day and thought i was about to get v& but quickly explained the situation, handed over all the source code and database information which displayed IP's/proxy address and ports/queries/etc because I logged all of it

In my freshman year of high school i rubbed my dick on a stick of gum and gave it to a senior girl i had a crush on. What crime would that be considered?

I downloaded a car

I ate oreo without dunking it in milk.

one time I killed 6 million Jews but they blamed it on some German guy who dindu nuffin.

I went 46mph in a 45... was a huge adrenaline rush not gonna lie

Fag. I went 110km/h in a 50km/h zone

>kekistan flag
>confess your crimes

I shot John Fitzgerald Kennedy

CIA niggers.

>its safe here because you're anonymous.

I once took a pen off the welcome desk at my local community college

One time many years ago, I noticed a sticker half-peeled on a box at the store and I peeled it off and took it home. Also I regularelt exceed the speed limit and have driven over the legal limit alcohol BAC wise

I ran over a CIA nigger who was gangstalking me

I see you Pflax

>be me
>be 13 years old
>my neighbor is a 30 year old milf
>she has a 1 year old son
>asks me to take care of him while doing the groceries
>sure why not
>she leaves
>I find the dirty clothing basket
>sniff, lick and masturbate to her used underwear
>leave cum on her used underwear

is that a crime OP?

Good job

I once removed the tag from a mattress. Another time I didn’t rewind some video tapes before I returned them.

I torrent movies sometimes

I killed a couple hundred thousand Jews one time.

One time I secretly switched your regular coffee with delicious Folger’s Crystals.

>its safe here because you're anonymous.

At the take a penny-leave a penny tray I once took 2 pennies and I've never put any back.

>Mexico
checks out

Made a copy of Top Gun and edited out when Goose dies. If you imagine that he quits the Navy and goes to truck driver school it’s not as sad.

Smoking Dmt while tripping balls on lsd

youtube.com/watch?v=tIeEotdOVew

YOU MOTHER FUCKER I OUGHT TO KILL YOU! SON OF A BITCH!!

Smoked weed erry day as a kid when that shit was still ILLEGAL whaddap nigga.
Now that it's legal I still smoke it as an adult... but I buy that shit off a dealer ILLEGALLY WHAAAAAAAA

I once took some cookies from a cookie jar.
Yes, I'm fat.

56 instead of 28
>tfw mutts count worse than 8 yo

I get away with denying the holohoax every single day!

I've been to r*ddit in the past year. Someone asked about a product comparison I was looking for.

i masturbate to pixels on a screen of a female who was under the age of eighteen

I once stole 38 billion dollars from the American government

...

Yes orrible larpa cunt tryna git his mates off.

Don't forget about the whole "35 dead American sailors" thing

Monetary wise multiple tax evasion

Ethically “murder” nurse who worked hospic, have high doses of narcotics to....help transition into the afterlife

You lot dint know how easy it was for mother to match all the dots.
Can easily figure out the lies from the truthful crimes.
>Data mined.

oh shit that reminds me, also that insurance scam on the twin towers

Brilliant

So many officers in this thread, hya guys.
>HAHAHAH
:|

had a FWB for a couple of years who was 14 when i first fucked her. i was 27. so, maybe 150 counts of statuatory raep.

shit was so tight.

I cut the tags off my mattress once. I then burned them.

i went 100 mph one time on the interstate.

BASTARD!

i use milk crates any fucking way I want to everyday

>What's the worst crime you ever got away with?
posting in NSA bread

Stole $100 from my Dad. Lied about it to his face. Made it right before he died, but never forget that shame.

Pics or it didn't happen

I spent my time at the age of 15-17 shoplifting daily for drugs money.

I'm not even black.

Underrated

Heh, 911, blamed it on some shithole... Heh, good times

Going on this site.

I gassed six gorillion kikes

>flag
uh, underrated

>be me
>trans walk up to me
>offers sex
>politely decline and walked away
i broke majors laws right there faggots y'all can't compete

I raped several underaged girls.

breddy gud, you should make one

Arson. Lit a school on fire in the middle of the night when I was 13.

MOAR!!!

I smuggle in Kinder eggs and sell them on the deep web. Could end up in prison for FUCKING CANDY if caught.

My first year in college, I took a drunk 15-year-old girl home from a party and fucked her in all three holes. She was an experienced and aggressive little slut who initiated everything, even the butt-fucking, but I would have gone down for twenty years if I had been caught.

>Used to work for a cartel running cocaine. Had to kill a few times to prove my loyalty.
kek

i once made an illegal u-turn -- and no one was the wiser.
this other time user forgot to check a cheeky user's digis

>80kmh
pffft! that's like 15 mph
eurofags are wusses.

I once shoplifted candy as a 10 year old. Also I stole a kid's ipod and threw into a large body of water because he pissed me off.

I stabbed my dad with a Bowie knife when I was 7

i once conducted a panty-raid at camp peary.

I stole a novelty sized eraser from a dollar tree when I was little. I still feel bad about it.

>planted child pornography
and it grew into a larp

most right wing groups screen for flamboyant fags who use memeflags, fag.

The crime of existing

And I did 9/11

...

I stole a pair of sun glasses from a Walgreens when I was 16 (like 21 years ago) because I had no money
That’s it

I fucked your mum and didn't pull out.

I could've gone to prison for terrorist threats, but instead I pleaded for insanity & went to a mental hospital

that was me :3

Jaywalking

Nice

I once accused Ann Landers of being a boring old biddy. I was more animal than man..

get help

Who are they user?

Ari Goldstein and Ruth Goldberg.

I’m interested

>its safe here because you're anonymous. give details.
Sure friend.

I hear some people use the US Postal Service to traffic narcotics.

I hear.

The FBI is coming here now to find potential school shooters after being criticized LOL

I buggered mi m8 anoos

I drank every night for about 3 years. Sometimes when my money was running low I'd shoplift beer and wine. Sometimes I'd shoplift it 3 or 4 times a week, often when I was drunk or high myself. I also stole books from used bookstores impulsively. Never got caught. Found god again and the white race. Feel bad sometimes about it but oh well, life moves on.

To be fair, I knew you had a temper when I married you..

/thread

Killed a man while transporting 5,000,000$ worth of meth from new mexico to north carolina.

Killed some people in the 60's and 70's and never got caught. What's funny is pic related is what they think I looked like.

28th of June 1914. I killed a man.

perfect

i stole three trillion dollars from the taxpayers and then ran two plans into the world trade center towers and one into the pentagon to completely destroy the evidence and the paper trail and no one will ever know my true identity

as a cia agent, only recently I surpassed my former hate Trump score with 14 murder death kills

>I've been to r*ddit in the past year.
You know the rules leaf.

wow bro you're so cool.

...

I rolled a stop sign once.

About 10 years ago i stole around $100k from my job in merchandise.

what kind of merchandise
was it all at once

I rode my bike where it said no bikes or skateboards. Twice.

Wew, glad I got that off my shoulders thanks.

>it's safe because user
Party v& thread

Nice flag

I guess parking wrong.

I don't even know what exactly I did wrong though, but I got a 10 buck ticket anyway...

I tore the tag off my mattress once

I once copied a video without the written, express permission of major league baseball.

I drive a few miles under the speed limit in the passing lanes.

u a fed?

Lmao, I went 157kmh in a 88kmh (Yes im American, and I am converting for you)

They should probably head to plebbit/leftypol instead. pic related.

It was women's clothing, I would resell it online. I stole it over 6 months or so, sold for half of the price. Made $50k extra that year.

I used to steal candy all the time from the store, while buying some "cheap" candy. I'd wear a hoodie, and sleight of hand some snickers into my cuff and into my arm sleeve. Was really easy, and I never got caught.

one time I ran real fast, so fast it was over the speed limit

I stole a pack of Yugioh cards when I was a kid. Felt like shit.

>I rode my bike where it said no bikes or skateboards
>Twice
You absolute madman!

>I used to steal candy all the time from the store, while buying some "cheap" candy.
Gj user, always buy shit with confidence and be friendly.
The shady fucks that don't buy shit are the ones that get caught.

I once had sex with my wife without the sole purpose of procreation.

Yup, that was my theory when I was in elementary. I was already pretty damn smart for my age and got away with a lot of things.

In first grade, I stole every single tamogatchi in my class and never got caught. Not even joking, I had like 50 of them before my mom found my stash.

I had sex out of wedlock and not for the purpose of recreation ether

I was a serial shoplifter in high school

I rapped myself. No matter how much I begged me to stop I couldn't control myself. I have been silent for years until now.

one time in kindergarten i took an extra chocolate milk during snack and when the teacher asked who took it when someone didn't get one, i didn't say anything. I felt really awful. been holding that in since about 1990. i feel so liberated, thank you special agent faggot

Did you ever get to stage 3?

I stole $2 from my mom once when I was 8 and cried about it for an hour

One time, I shooped the woop

Actually pic related, that looks like me shoplifing alcohol.

i got to 200 in an 80 (i think) zone

I stole an extra coffee from Tim Horton's
I don't clean up my dog's shit in the park
I pee on the toilet seats in public washrooms, sometimes shit in the upper deck
I had sex with my best friend's little sister in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation so we could be betrothed
I think black people smell like cat pee

Kek I had my fat Mexican friend shoplift for me all the time before he got caught

i lied to my boss once, i feel terrible

I drank some cheap coffee and boiled eggs and I farted on an elevator in a high rise express elevator and it stunk bad and when everybody was forced to get a whiff I looked around just like they did with ascowl on my face.
I did it on purpose cuz it was an elevator full of normie slaves with too mych cologne that was making me sick.
I could have held the fart....but I kinda forced it out.
The I got off the elevator and left them with my stank.
I'm a real bad one!

when grocery shopping I sometimes steal twisties in the produce section to use at home

sometimes I don't tip when eating out

I'm absolutely willing to believe it's a crime in burgerland desu

I browse Cred Forums at work

We're ran by Jews,Jew. If not tipping was a crime there'd have already been a 2nd Holocaust... not that the first one ever happened or anything.

Wait, but do laws even apply to Jews in America?

According to my parents, my worst crime was surviving the abortion and them having to raise me.

Excellent point Bergstein.

but you're not austrian user

Metric system, has and will always be superior

I didn’t wait and hour before a swim after eating once . Waited only 37 minutes .... been looking over my shoulder ever since . Don’t recommend any of you boys going down the same road as me . Not cut out for pussies .

My friend SWIM once pirated a film. SWIM is hardcore as fuck.
True Story.

How did you kill the person?
And why do they think you are crazy?

Uneducated American swine.

Don't you guys have retarded measurements too? Or is it all metric?

When I was in school I was really thirsty and stole my classmates juice

I always wondered if that story of the guy who ran over some kid with a tarmac laying machine was real. Said he just paved over the kid and no one knew what happened. Saw it posted on here.

My friend SWIM broke into the city SWIM pool at night and went for a SWIM

I rigged an American Presidential Election.

I told an user i would get nudes for him if he send me a girl's kik. Eventually i posted the nudes in the topic and a few minutes later, by her latest reaction before she blocked me, i noticed the user had blackmailed her with the nudes.

Cunt

wtf where did you find this letter?

...

Just letting you know that the normie goyim know the FBI is full of fifth column far-left extremists trying to overthrow the ELECTED president while ignoring genuine threats like school shooters.

Put a fiver in the collection basket at Sunday Mass, and took 4 singles out 'cuz that's just how I roll.

i switched the caps of the salt and pepper shakers
mom is gonna freak

Not only her cunt, full body pics

ask these guys

I don't break the law because I'm not a nigger.

At restaurants I would unscrew the caps but leave them. So when they go to sprinkle some it all comes out.

I once vandalized my own dorm door so my roommates would blame it on this weirdo neighbor.

One time I got some weed and made brownies with the weed. Beat that.

One time I got my dog to inhale on my bowl.

Stole slush from a slushing machine :DDD when i was in seventh grade.

I had consensual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation

Jaywalking

I own a television without a license and was once unironically a member of the Labour Party... I hope the good Lord can forgive me brothers.

disgusting perverts get the rope

Put down the keyboard Ted, there's still work to do

more like Ethel and Julius Rosenberg

Im unironically set for life monetarily but no one knows and no one will ever know

fucking lol, what a minor detail

Drove 50 km/h in a 30 km/h zone. Morons of the City Administration removed the 30 Sign from one end of the Zone at some point, and apparently forgot to put it back.

...

killing the prezident himself

I once pissed in the bushes.

FBI agent Peter Strozk helped bury the Clinton email investigation and then helped the DOJ run a counter intelligence operation against the Opposition party candidate, and his FBI lawyer Fuck buddy.

I smoke a lot of meth and download fansubbed anime.

I once ate a candy without paying for it.

I've expand a foamed many of my enimes tail pipes on their cars. Boy is that a bummer to figure out. Hahaha. Love doing that takes two seconds.

Hello FBI, why didn't you stop Cruz?

user, I shot a man in Reno, just to watch hime die.

...

This is normal if you're in the country.

Shot a man while robbing his castle.

Arson.
Lots of Arson.
One of them got blamed on someone I knew, but he was a cunt and was gonna end up in jail anyway.

Good for you, thats the way to do it

YOU BASTARD

Jake and amir!

> be me
> have gender dysphoria but attracted to women
> live as straight male with ex model gf
> reputation for being right wing af

Is this ultimate fight again degeneracy?

The cat wouldn't scratch her if she removed her finger out of his butt. That's just cruel.

Sort yourself out.

>its safe here because you're anonymous.

Kek

I am the hacker known as Cred Forums

>transbian thinks they're fighting degeneracy

the principled way to do it would be to seek out alpha males in grillmode and mine them for their genetic material to use to impregnate unsuspecting females in a way that cannot get back to you

Being white.

When I was 8 or 9 I stole a pack of Icebreakers gum from the Food 4 Less in Ukiah, California. I'd been seeing a lot of commercials for it on T.V. and the aggressive marketing had gotten me curious - but my Mom disliked me chewing gum so I figured I could only acquire some on the sly.

Wrongthink

Implying anyone would seriously incriminate themselves on /pol.

>give us evidence of your crimes
t. alphabet soup agency

Drunk driving as i was making a 3 point turn the cops just passed me

Weak bait

I said some not so nice things about Hillary on the internet. 13 of my brethren have already been caught though. Feel like its only a matter of time before the feds get me too ;/

Hey there fellow kekistani how goes the fed work?

>regularly pirate media
>Have straight jailbait on computer
>Underage drank smuggled 151 proof everclear
>public intoxication in Napa, Open container laws violated
>drunk drove to see hookers
>Solicited gypsy begger, screamed "will you suck my cock for $100 dollars from my truck after giving her a water bottle"
>got a hooker to see me in my hotel room while I was at training for work
>revealed state secrets involving nuclear submarines
>Mill out and assemble ar lowers and complete rifles for people in CA
>About to move to open bolt machine guns, will probably leave one downtown fully loaded for a crackhead to find

I'm a sleaze nazi bois

Amazon.

pinterest.com/explore/large-plastic-bags/?lp=true

I meddled in the elections

Smuggled hash and Marijuana across the Holland /WGermany border complete with strip search and dogs involved. Successful transfer occurred. No more details.

I do the opposite. I go 40 mph in a 85 kmp zone