MEANWHILE in Lordran

Nice b8 patches

you kicked me off the undead burg rooftop last time we met up you fuckign faggot

So I landed a sweet new job as a guard in Anor Londo but the commute is hell. Do I really have to travel through sens every day just to get to work? I was thinking of moving to the archives but I dont have souls to pay rent there and the undead there discriminate against people that aren't covered in crystals. I'm thinking of just going back to my old job in the Burg, sure there's nothing glamorous about throwing firebombs from a roof all day but it's easy and less stressful.

oh my, are you a cleric too? we should hang out sometime :D

best case scenario you both end the night covered in a white, sticky mess

DOES ANYONE ELSE KEEP SEEING THESE FLOATING WHITE CIRCLES? NO ONE BELIEVES ME

Just fuck a hollow silly,

You get free moss out of it as well :)

your job doesn't proved you with complementary batwing demon transportation? sucks man.

>tfw left humanity behind

if only you human peasants could know this glory i now possess

>tfw stuck tending to a bonfire all day every day
Don't hit on me silly boys

pls be in londo

You have my attention.
Gyahahaha

Which one of you keeps leaving "Beware of beanpole" messages outside my house? It wasn't funny the first time so cut it out.

I was hanging around with a covenant co-worker by the water wheel in lower Blighttown the other day and he told me this rumor about a beautiful woman who lives somewhere in the poison swamp. Anyone else ever hear anything about this?

HolloChat? Darkspeak? LondoCall?

Pls respond

FUCKING NEW LONDO GHOSTS STOP ATTACKING ME

Oh shit I totally forgot that in Dark Souls miracles did bonus damage if you cast them where someone else has

You could one shot people with lightning spears if you stood in the right spot

I totally forgot forgot

skeleton?

>beautiful woman
It's an old hag, I've seen her. Thought about robbing her but when she started talking about pyromancy I ran away as fast as I could.

Hey bro, let me out of this cage so we can be pals

L O N D O R
O
N
D
O
R

There was some dude in yellow armor that had someone hugging him talking to me yesterday. He seemed like a nice enough guy. Should I hang out with him?

I'm just seeing floating tree branches.
And what the hell is up with that sun?!
I'm sure it was still there just a second ago!

I'm marrying Priscilla-chan guys what should I wear to our wedding?

FUCKING SKELETONS LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE REEEEEEEEEEE

LONDO
O
N
D
O

Who is the cute girl under the stairs with the snake legs? She seemed nice

HOW THE FUCKDO I GET TO THE STREETS?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A WAY NOW FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS
I eat dead rats and the occasional pidgeon that wanders too close

STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DRAGONFU YOU SCUM

>she

You remind me of a fun playthrough with a friend

I hear she's single you should go for it man

Yes and seeing that you are my cleric friend I'll even let you in on a secret.

If you take the elevator down in Sen's Fortress you will find a lonesome chest in which I have left a Talisman of unique Power.
Be careful not to read the Soapstones surrounding it as they are trapped.
You are welcome my fellow cleric :)

>Smough is the bride
Good.

Under stairs? what stairs you crazy bastard

What are you implying, fellow hollow? She has breasts

What the fuck is a top hat?

Fuck this Im moving tl Drangleic

CHOSEN UNDEAD IS A VIRGIN LOSER

NO MAIDEN LMAO

HOW THE FUCK DO I GET OUT OF THIS CITY?!
THERE ARE NO MAIN GATES ANYWHERE!
And no, I'm not going to ride on that fucking crow!.

Take some photos of the floating volcano for me, I always wanted to visit.

Lothric here, Drangleic is for fags.

Lordran had Anor Londo before it was cool, fag.

...

there's no girl under those stairs, only a room filled with painters and a room with a bonfire

Stay mad, cuck.
Your moon god's boipussy was delicious.

...

>Can't understand the up and down movements of the staircase
Siegward detected

Aldritch go and stay go you'll never survive the age of the deep

There's also this weird elevator that only goes down where I live, but there's clearly someone on top of the tower. How did he get up there? I have to think...

Lothric fuck off everyone and their mother knows you look like a gremlin under that hood

I keep hallucinating with this animal spirit in armor.
It tells me to burn, burn to the ground, and that i'm the cause of his pain.
It never stops, the screams, the metallic boots, the running in circles while being three.
At least learning about pyromancy seems to help a bit.

Meanwhile in Lucis...

There is more to that room than just the bonfire. The key to proceed is a ring found in the Catacombs.

Don't think about visiting the castle there.

I was once there and in order to get to the toilet you had to go down a ladder, through two storage rooms, go outside and along some dragon statues that puke acid for some reason, walk through a random mask room and then the treasury. Afterwards you don't take the obvious elevator with no safety measures - that only leads to a tiny room with some bitch in a cage that has some gimp chained onto it.
Instead you climb another ladder, drop three feet into another room and then walk outside again past a two-headed horse that runs around in a large hall with stairs.
Whoever designed this is an asshole and I simply ended up taking a shit in a small, empty hallway located inside the wall to the left of the main entrance.

how would you know this, do they distribute these rings for free in that hellhole? is there a shop i can purchase it?

how does everyone seem to be in the know about this room?

Just visit the mansion, it's literally a hallway. The bathroom is easy to find, just be careful about the dogs.

Hey guys, check out my holiday pictures from the Lost Bastille!
They also have one of those elevators there like we do in the parish!

You missed out, buddy. The girl under the stairs is a complete slut, she was practically giving those rings out to strong hollow bulls.

it's not fair... I level up my dex to the hardcap and i still don't get any chicks

Hmmm...

mmmm...

Hello there Cred Forums! I'm afraid I've gotten myself in quite a pickle. You see, I made it to this unusual forest area, but it seems a large door stands in my way.

Hmm... quite the pickle indeed...

There must be a way to get past it. There just must! I've got to use my head, and think!

Hmm...

Dumbass. How are you going to get to Anor Londo if you can't tank that shitty iron golem? Now if you'll excuse me someone seems to have been playing with the staircase elevator again, I've gotta go the long way...

...

Nice

Someone post that "you are man now you must choose wife and have her bear children" comic with Lord Gwyn and his son.

Guys I haven't heard from my GF after she moved to New Londo. I don't want to seem creepy and just show up at her house, what should I do?

I saw some dude running around but he had a chest for his head. You know, those creepy chest that eat you alive, that one.
Are these chest thing evolving?

I think I should move out of Anor Londo to Oolacile. I heard it's quite nice there.

How do you go back in time?

I hear those folks down in Oolacile are having a party ever since they found those caves, they're all laughing and having a good time.

Just bring her a moss bouquet and show up at her door

Hey, did anyone else feel that earthquake a few minutes ago? Sounded like a heavy object falling off the rafters, I hope it didnt damage that painting.

man its lonely here in Majula..

It's because of your shitty nu-metal goatee, Saulden.

CAAAW
CAAAAW CAAW CAAW
CAAAAAAAAAAW!

SHUT THE FUCK UP

There's a shitty smelling snake in firelink now.
Fuck, now I've to find some new spot to take rest at.
Any ideas?

I heard New Londo just got remodeled :^)

What's the deal with that fucker, anyway?
I gave him a pair of boots and he gave me 50 souls for them.
Afterwards I threw a still steaming turd at him which he ate and he even gave me 100 souls for it!

Boletarianon here, thinking about moving. There's stray dogs all over the place, some dragons have infested important parts of our infrastructure, and every time I try to bring these issues up with an Official, the fat fuck just laughs in my face. How's Lordran? Any places there that has nice neighborhoods?

>be on hollow laundry duty
>shift takes me to demon ruins one day
>spot set of robes lying around
>go to collect them for cleaning
>wake up at bonfire
Seriously, what the fuck is that guy's problem. I'm just trying to do my job here.

It did? Last I heard it was filled with Ghost and rotton hollowed people. Still, atleast the smell won't be as bad as it is here.

odjebi

Eyyyheheyyy hollowman, I heard there's some sweet wench named Rhea all alone and vulnerable in the Catacombs.

QUICK POST BATTLESTATIONS

Put your humanity in the fucking bag

Please tell me there is more of this?

I am simply Crestfallen

...

Um... Should I call the doctor?

>eyes on the mask
>eyes on the fat rolls
>eyes on the chin behind glasses
WHERE ARE THEY SMOUGH?

You'll be fine just eat a moss or something.

I keep getting invaded by these brutes with grotesque armor and equally absurd strenght.

Why cant other fellow undead appreciate fashion in combat?

What do my fellow undead itt dress like ?

nah that'll clear up after a day or two

ugh this fat cunt keeps talking about body shaming again, literally nobody CARES!!

Drangleic is even more cucked that Lothric what are you thinking

>fuck fuck fuck.jpg

Cringe thread? Cringe thread

So, have yo seen recently?

Last time I saw him was like an age of fire ago, what the fuck

That is Ba Sing Se

BUUUUUUUUUURN!BUUUUUUUUUURN! BURN TO THE GROUND!BUUUUUUUUUURN!BUUUUUUUUUURN!BURN TO THE GROUND!BURN TO THE GROUND!BURN TO THE GROUND!

...

THICC

nemoj

ITT

user that's awfully stereotypical of you, keh heh heh heh...

Hey faggots, if you want the ultimate redpill, go to New Londo and jump into the Abyss. Your true power will be unleashed... That is... If you're strong enough to handle the truth... Keh heh heh

What poor minorities are the Lordran County Police Department abusing now?

you always were a kidder user

He's just trying to join the Lodge, leave him be

>see this
>head starts itching
FUCK

...

it's my wife don't bother her

*bothers*

WHAT FOOLISHNESS

It's that an Titanite X armor?

what's up with that girl
and why is such a cutie

>her

She has no legs

Kind of a bitch, on my way to see my pal in Undead Burg I say Hello to her and she never says anything.

Whatever, she's not even that cute. The goddess Fina is far more beautiful.

Don't worry. You won't have to worry about her any more.

>insulting a girl for not speaking when she literally has no tongue
Wow rude

Why don't you invite me over for dinner some time?

Listen to this guy, he has his own Cathedral you can't go wrong.

My dad works for the darkmoon blades and he says that your 'wife' has bigger dick than he does.

this seriously triggered me

i returned dark souls 3 when i saw my husbando being eaten

he loved every second of it

>fold titanite 1000 times until it became a metal that is visibly great
>make an fancy orient blade out of it
>toss the sword on a roof next to that ledge in blighttown that looks like someone JUST could make it, but can't
>keep looting the corpses
I really don't know why i was losing my time fixing weapons for retarded adventurers.

WHY IS HE SO EVIL

How was I supposed to know? She never said she didn't have a tongue!

But thats not Ciaran

Hey guys, I just got out prison and I got a letter from the government telling me to be present at the kiln or something in a couple of days. Anyone know what it's for?

He's a cunt that maxed out all the magic stats but only uses enchanted melee weapons. He is the meta game.

at least we get more fanart

fuck you both

he have a micro penis then

He pretty much maxed everything
>soul spears & sorceries
>pyros
>dorkmoon miracles
>powerstancing a gs and an ugs

Pfft,look at these savages with their shields and spells

Alright Hoonters,let's go home,these baboons won't be a threat to Yharnam

After living in the Parish I have to ask, does the drake ever leave? I live near the cathedral and I've lost so many groceries from the Undead Merchant when I try to cross the bridge.

don't group me in with these filfthy cas'uls

my shield never leaves my back and is there purely for stamina recovery

THEY AREN'T BABOONS THEY'RE PEOPLE

YOU PLAGUE RIDDEN-RAT
THIS
IS
ALL
YOUR
FAULT

Dragons will rise again. Lightning faggots are faggots. Seath is a cuck. Gwyn is a lying shitter. Solaire isn't even the first born, he's a fucking liar. And a liar that turns into a big slug monster at that. The real first born knew the superiority of the dragons.

you can stop shitposting now Nameless King

How do dragons even reproduce if they have stone scales ?

Last time I checked, stone doesn't stretch very well

Djura,where are you going ?
I-it's not a good idea to mount a gattling gun to the top of that giant bell tower.
DJURA WAIT,I SWEAR I SAW THOSE GARGOYLE STATUES EYEBALLING US

THE CHAMP IS HERE!!!

You know what this thread needs?

can't beat the champ because he's the champ

Fuck, Shitposter Kaatheb is here.

WHERE ARE THE FESTIVITIES?

You're not a fucking angel. You're just some fucking stupid giant worm, with a stupid giant face. God I wish I could kill you.

Fucking shitposters man.

You're welcome to visit Yharnam then,
We'll reach you how to be faster and how armor is practically useless and rolling is inferior to quicksteps

We only have 6 weapons to chose from though

...

you forgot to mention that strengthfags only get 2

>time travel is actually a thing
Can someone tell me how to use Time Travel to kill Pontiff and Aldrich, then save my Husbando?

Your new timeline is the one where Gundyr brutally rapes Gwyndolin,

No, fuck you and your husbando.

>ywn

Young wild niggas?

Just you fucking wait. I'll fucking get this time travel shit down.

>Husbando
gwyndolin is a girl!(male)

What is this? A cheat table?

GWYNDOLIN IS DEAD

fuck off kike

mugenmonkey.com/darksouls/

Yesterday our only water source in the shrine disappeared.
Now there's a snake that won't stop grinding his fucking teeth there instead.

He eats shit, which is amusing though.

what are you talking about? he's alive and well in Anor Londo with Gwynevere

What girl? All I see is an empty cage.

Time is convoluted. Time Travel is a real thing in the Souls universe.

Dark Souls 3 is fucking terrible. The whole game s basically, "Hey guys, do you remember this? Yeah, we totally did that, remember?". I don't count it as canon. It's fucking trash. And god, the combat system is garbage. "YAY, I can roll 8 times as a level one, and have almost infinite stamina regen!" Even Dark Souls 2, which was terrible was better than Dark Souls 3. As far as I'm concerned, neither one of them exist. There is only Demon Souls, Bloodborne and Dark Souls.

lol your trap is dead

This I need to time travel and save my dancerfu from Sulyvahn's trechery.

I'm not even the same guy. I don't care about Gwyndolin. I simply hate Souls 2 and 3.

cant wait for the DLC.
i fucking love snow levels

This this this

Painted World and Irithyll are GOAT levels
more of that is very pleasing

mine brethren! i just managed to escape from the asylum and i am wondering where i should head to ring the bells of awakening, perhaps you could aid me in my quest by telling me where to go?

try the catacombs, heard there's plenty of bells over there

try jumping

leave Cred Forums

...

>Ancient SA meme
>Cred Forums or /r9k/

user you 're embarassing yourself.

>Lordran

Did you mean to type Lordaeron?

>pepe
>something awful
hello newboi

>Implying that's pepe

I really hope you're just baiting, so I'll bite.

clyp.it/lpv1fcnx

Sweet dreams :^)

>The whole game s basically, "Hey guys, do you remember this? Yeah, we totally did that, remember?"
no it's not, dark souls 2 is more like that than 3, 3 is a sequel on the same place, so it's obvious that there will be things of ds1 and this is fine, what i find weird is that there are ds2 characters/refferences but ds2 is on a different place.

*bites you*

hehe sorry :)

I don't mind user :3
H-Harder~

>your when
>now

*gags and pukes on your huuuuuuuuge cock*

oh wow user~

Lautrec is that you? The goddess said you better get your back to Anor Londo ASAP

...

>be me
>fuck fuck fuck.jpg
where the hell did you come from?

reddit

Yes, Oolacile is a lovely place. Be sure to be nice to any phantoms you come across there.

Why is Lordran a walled kingdom? Were they at war with another kingdom at some point?

Help
I'm stuck in a barrel in the depths and can't move. I was put in one by some crazy strong lady.
Will offer pyromancy lessons in return for rescue

Kinky, was she hot?

>implying Yharnam isn't going to kick the living shit out of Lordran at the next superbowl
Why are Lodranites so fucking slow? Are they retarded? Do they not know how to run properly? And they're all so obsessed with those useless board things they carry around. Oh yeah, a big heavy piece of metal is going to stop a giant monster from biting your nuts off.

Fucking Lordranites get your shit together.

I think magic and pyromancy's are for heretics. I'm gonna throw some shit at you.

I know the one he's talking about. She really know to how to handle the meat.

hahaha zombie tits

Havel please, there's nothing wrong with using magic

Some of you dragons are OK. Don't go to Lordran tomorrow.

you are retarded