I've recently had the misfortune of playing Goldeneye on Nintendo 64 and I'm going to tell you why it's quite possibly the worst game ever. In all honesty this is the worst game Nintendo has ever developed. Worse than Star Fox and Donkey Kong, but don't get me started on them.
When you start the game you don't get any of the cheats. You're forced to go straight into the campaign. Also all the cool cheats are basically impossible to unlock. Good job Nintendo. Thankfully they had the brains to put in a fucking multiplayer mode but it can't go online which is a major issue. Nintendo forgot to give the 64 internet capability. You can only play with people in your house. If there are any dev shills that might be reading this, listen closely to what I'm about to say. STOP THE SPLITSCREEN SHIT. Idiots. Everyone has their own console and tv now. There's no need to have people in your house anymore. Get with the program. Playing next to other sweaty guys on one tv is gay as fuck anyway.
The first level is called "Dam" when it should be called "Damn this level sucks". This game has awful graphics. To prove it, see the image. On the left is a screenshot from Halo Reach. On the right is a screenshot from Goldeneye. As you can see, Reach has much better graphics. The pixels are actually way better than the Goldeneye pixels.
Nintendo 64 is the worst console for a shooter because the controller only has one stick. You move and look around with the same one. Why didn't they just make it like Xbox? Dumbasses.
Near the beginning of the game the Germans kill your best friend Alex Trebek but later you find out he's actually Goldeneye and you have to stop him before he blows up the Earth with his golden eyes or whatever. You don't get to kill Goldeneye till the end of the game though. Way to drag out the story, Nintendo. The entire game is basically filler.
You can carry dual versions of like a million weapons at once. Um, sorry Nintendo, but this is not realistic. Halo is much more realistic. In Halo you can only carry two guns. That is much more realistic. That's what it's like in the army. This is just dumb. You can't even jump. How retarded is that? How am I supposed to dodge bullets?
William Cooper
There's no voice acting in this game. All in-game dialogue is text. The game expects you to know how to read. What about everyone else? Does Nintendo hate people that are illiterate? Guess what, that's racist. And racists are illegal. If Nintendo doesn't stop hating illiterates then I'm gonna have to call the cops, okay?
Just when you thought this game couldn't get any worse at some parts during the game you get chased around by this ugly dude but if you kill him you fail the mission. WTF? Care to explain that one, Nintendo? I'm very confused. This is very bad game design.
Seriously, all you do is point, shoot, and move forward. This game is for babies. A baby could play this game easy, same with every other Nintendo 64 game. It wasn't till Xbox when the industry realized adults like me like to play games too.
I give Goldeneye a 0/10. Worst game ever.
Aiden Bennett
Is this pasta or am i really seeing someone shitting on an old ass game like goldeneye?
Camden Anderson
there is a tiny bit of humor in how this is written in the exact style of all the bad reviews on GameFAQs, but I kind of have a feeling that's just you being a bad writer
1/10 did not even smile, visible sage
Noah Hall
>Nintendo forgot to give the 64 internet capability please stop, you're trying too hard
Isaiah Wilson
this is bait
Jose Hill
it's not bait, it's a failed attempt at humor
Luke Carter
This would be funnier if a significant amount of people actually defended Goldeneye 64 to this day.
Evan Jackson
This. What try hard bullshit. I thought there would be something funny but there was only OP being a faggot.
Joseph Lopez
Whatevenwasthat/10
Jacob Collins
>nobody gets the reference uncultured swine, the lot of you
Caleb Brooks
I get that you're trying to be ironic which is really funny, but the controls really are shit, and the visuals have aged especially badly
Gabriel Nguyen
I like it.
Parker Miller
>reference it reminds me of a million kids trying to copy Maddox's style 10 years ago and that's about it
Noah Jenkins
you tried, OP
Jace Russell
Goldeneye controls are fine, no idea how this became a popular thing to say.
Cameron Gonzalez
Look at this shit and tell me it doesn't remind you of those "breach and clear" sections from modern shooters, only not on rails or in bullet time.
Noah Bell
>all this time wasted, op tried so hard Better luck next time
Liam Miller
It's an FPS game played on console in which you can't move and aim at the same time. How is that in any way good
Ethan Fisher
>in which you can't move and aim at the same time Learn more about the game before posting.
Jason Diaz
>open a door and start shooting at enemies with shit AI Cool
Austin Foster
Because its not like designed like Quake and was made with that limitation in mind.
Owen Sanders
I'm confused, do you really think that having to hold two controllers at once to aim is good design?
Yes i did notice that the enemies act like retards that are unable to aim correctly, and it autoaims a ridiculous amount
Easton Baker
Frigate is a really interesting level. It's like they decided to completely model the ship, with all the decks and rooms and engine areas, and then said "fuck it, turn this into a level somehow." It's very realistically mapped and very nonlinear--the whole mission is like a proto-Rainbow Six map with the whole hostage rescue thing.
Brayden Lee
Those were the basic guards in the game, they flinch from any bullet assuming it doesn't hit their gun. The hostage gets killed if you don't kill that guy first which is neat.
The auto aim is reduced on the higher two difficulties and the delay on enemy shooting is necessary given the sub 20 FPS.
Jordan Wright
>having to hold two controllers Learn more about the game before posting. You're just proving my point trying to shit on a game you barely know anything about. Stop being a faggot trying to put a game "in its place" because you watched a youtube video and think it's overrated or whatever.
Levi Morales
>in which you can't move and aim at the same time
But you can and you don't even need two controllers to do this. The left d-pad exists for a reason.
Luke Ross
So you actually think that aiming with a d-pad makes for good controls?
>y-you havent even played it!! Every single time lmao
Brandon Johnson
You don't know even need the d-pad, just 1.2 control style, aka the default controls for Turok
this gets posted in every thread and people somehow still don't know it's a thing
Brody Wood
>the delay on enemy shooting is necessary
That's what makes the game good though, you're supposed to be able to beat shit without getting hit. That's one of the things that makes it stand out.
Luke Lee
>death animations are a dead art that were killed by ragdoll shit feels bad
Colton Jenkins
It's the same thing, you can use the c-buttons or the d-pad with that.
Parker Cruz
>d-pad Learn more about the game before posting.
Levi Harris
>Using the default controls Anyone who's not a retard uses control scheme 1.2 with the c buttons to move and control stick to aim
Hudson Cook
I know. This wasn't a scripted death either.
Juan Lewis
>op thinks he's funny >nah, this is tired and stale >y-you guys are just butt hurt people don't like your classic game >op proceeds to get anally devastated and shows his underage and fails to try to make points >gets btfo even more
Pottery
Dylan Perez
Those 4 buttons on the right of the controller then, stop posting the same thing over and over like an autist. Point is that there isn't a single good control scheme for this game
Still feels like shit, and the aiming feels stiff no matter what you do
Brody Lopez
Finally something new on this shitty board.
Camden Martin
>the aiming feels stiff no matter what you do Now you're just making shit up to try and save face.
Wyatt Nelson
I'm not the guy arguing
I made this thread to see if people would get that it's from Arby n the Chief, but apparently it's been hijacked by quakefags so great
Jack Perez
>Arby n the Chief gay
Ayden Martin
no u
Joshua Kelly
Goldeneye was a great game for it's time. It didn't age well graphically obviously and the AI was terrible even for back then, but I was 13 when it came out in 1997 and DAMMED if playing that game didn't make me feel like James Bond!
>I know OP is troll though.
Jonathan Howard
...
Lincoln Diaz
>Still feels like shit, and the aiming feels stiff no matter what you do Controller aiming has always been shit.
Carter Turner
...
Jack Rodriguez
We taped a piece of cardboard to the tv so different teams couldnt see the other teams screen, because playing goldeneye would always end in physical violence
He's not lying though, you still have to change the lookahead option (and to ON, counter-intuitively), it order to make aiming not shit, but once you do it works just as well as anything else.
