GUYS

GUYS


GUYS

A HALF-LIFE MOVIE CONFIRMED


PLOT TWIST

ITS MADE BY JJ ABRAMS

Other urls found in this thread:

escapistmagazine.com/news/view/168539-J-J-Abrams-Confirms-Half-Life-Movie-Teases-Official-Portal-Film-Announcement
youtube.com/watch?v=4drucg1A6Xk
rottentomatoes.com/m/10_cloverfield_lane/
store.steampowered.com/app/450390/
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Source: escapistmagazine.com/news/view/168539-J-J-Abrams-Confirms-Half-Life-Movie-Teases-Official-Portal-Film-Announcement


can you even fucking win with these piece of shit cards

there is no god

The lard ass strikes again.

>J.J. Abrams
>movie
>no Laidlaw
It's fucking over. Half Life's impeccable writing and characters are going to get the Hollywood treatment

why are we here?

just to suffer?

>Time, Mr. Goyim? Is it really that time again?

first star trek
then star wars
now half-life


is nothing sacred anymore

are there ways to add lens flare to crowbars?

Wrong.

Men created Half-Life and men chose to not finish it, and now men are going to make it into a movie.

Men learned evil from himself, not God

Ghost in the shell isn't even out yet, and another one of my favorite series is being butchered by Hollywood.

>Gordon puts the rock into the anti-mass spectrometer
>test chamber just turns into one big lens flare, followed by seizure-inducing footage of Gordon running around back and forth+explosions

The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away


someone please fucking hold me i cant deal with this shit

pull yourself together

the best we can hope for is that it's just a Die-Hard knockoff adaptation of the first game with sickening levels of fan-service

You wouldn't want J.J. Abrams to finish the plot of Half Life 2 by putting on film scenes of Gordon Freeman singlehandedly destroying he Combine, would you?

Life is nothing but pain. Existence is pain because it is decay. You are decaying, every nerve and cell barks out because you know deep down you will die the way you live, alone and lonely. Uncomfortable in a warm bath of pleasures that no longer do. Our imagination is mute, invisible, but shows a rare blip when something is to be consumed. Manufactured entertainment is the only high anymore. You smoked the crack and will always have the itch. Craving will never be the same. You will die unsatisfied and in terror. The brief solace rests in the manufactured, where the mind can still play, until corporation snaps you into the reality that you are nothing but one blob of millions of 60 dollars that come every development cycle, you are birds to the bread crumb, a means to somebody else's end that is also twisting in ethereal discomfort. You are not alive, you are not even dead, you are floating through a cosmos and all you want is Half Life 3 to itch the spider bite but instead Transformer's featuring Gordon Freeman is taking its place, to bilk millions of scrambling fools out of their Friday paycheck.

JJ Abrams is fucking terrible.

Granted, I haven't seen Star Wars. But the first two Trek movies are BAD BAD BAD BAAAAAAAAAD. Why does this guy keep getting work?

does this mean well get half life 3? why else are they trying to revive a dead series?

Only once you watch Star Trek: Beyond and compare it to the others you realize how much Abrams sucks.

Star Wars is even worse mary sue trainwreck

dear christ


i just realized something

since valve doesnt want to make another half life game because they have "nothing interesting to do with it", they're just gonna make half life 3/episode 3 into a movie to shut up the fans


Alyx is now a lesbian - got the minority card too so she's gonna be the lead
They're gonna sell Gordon as the protag but switch it "subtly" before the second act where Gordon gets captured or something, meets some black trans girl rebel fighter and then they talk about how oppressive it is to be focused on breeding now that the suppression field is down and then they rescue Gordon but then Gordon dies for nothing and together they save the world then walk off to a portal where G-man is shown just before the credits roll for being really angry about his plans not working out for his employers but then giving a crooked smile to the viewers to imply this was his jew mastermind plan all along which is why Alyx needed to be saved and..


OH GOD THE MORE I GO ON THE MORE I CAN CLEARLY SEE SOMEONE THINKING THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

GODDAMN IT HOLLYWOOD

DON'T PANIC

99% chance it's going to be directed by Dan Trachtenberg, who is legit.

youtube.com/watch?v=4drucg1A6Xk
Portal short film he made which is what got him hired in the first place, actually very good.

rottentomatoes.com/m/10_cloverfield_lane/
His feature film directorial debut, which has every appearance of being a 'dress rehearsal' for the Portal/Half-Life movie(s), easily could have been brought into the universe. People were noting its apparent connections even before it released.

Gaben has talked about making sure the film(s) aren't just direct adaptations, and rather companions to the games.

I wish that if we could talk to ISIS we would tell them that if they would ever nuke a place, it would have to be Hollywood. Just Hollywood. The world will be an infinetely better place if Hollywood just disappeared from the map

>'Valve doesn't make games any more' meme.
They did have a bad dry spell, while they worked on technology, but they're officially back.

>the rest of your rambling, insane post
valve aren't bioware, user.

Can we get an anti JJ Abrams petition going or something

Dude

Portal 2 was released half a decade ago.

Besides, Valve have stated that they're not working on HL3 because they have nothing interesting to implement, aka a mindblowing graphics/physics engine.
Lots of people speculated that it would've come out with the Vive with the hints the then CEO of HTC was dropping, but nothing yet.

You forgot Counter Strike and DotA 2, you dip.

Those aren't games that Valve developed. Those are games that were developed out-of-house, bought out by Valve (DotA 2 is the best example of this so far) and then raped by them by inserting microtransactions everywhere.

it was "confirmed" years ago you absolute and relentless anal fiend

>Half assed 20 minute VR demo constitutes a "game"

Go home kid

>Valve have stated that they're not working on HL3
no, they haven't. the only official statements ever made about HL3 have been weird jokes from Gaben, 'these things, they take time' and whatnot.

fucking rooster-teeth posted clickbait tier 'hl3 will never happen' stories citing an anonymous source who very clearly was one of the CastAR faggots grinding an axe. all the rest of the games media, desperate for content, just echo-chambered that for years. that's what you're thinking of.

The Lab isn't Portal 2, man. store.steampowered.com/app/450390/

All of the game can be seen in a few hours, yes - it is just a free demo for a limited audience, after all. That said, Xortex and Longbow do have tremendous replay value, I still find myself coming back to them. Even just fucking around in the hub is fun.

Most importantly, it shows Valve still knows how to make games. The level of polish and fantastic game design are on par with anything Valve's ever done.

>>valve aren't bioware, user.
this is jew jew abrams the cuck director you're talking about

DOTA2 was developed in-house, after Valve hired the current primary developer of the original mod. Compare and contrast every other MOBA that just copied that mod and gave no credit to anyone, and also inserted genuine P2W microtransactions as opposed to cosmetic-only ego items.

CS:GO was originally licensed out for development, then Valve took it back over once it proved actually successful. You can argue this was less optimal for Hidden Path than if they had actually launched their own IP, but you'd probably be wrong, and it wasn't anything shady or untoward on Valves part in any case. It's pretty much the essence of the bargain made when anyone takes on a licensed property, trading ownership for brand recognition.

This really sucks. I was talking to my friend the other day and we both agreed that we would rather have an Uwe Boll adaptation than the no risk JJ Abrams franchise treatment.

I know people like James Cameron, Ridley Scott, David Cronenberg and John Carpenter aren't interested in vidya movies, but I think most of the Valve series would benefit from old school sci fi directors, instead of the new "everything must look cool" geek directors.

I think most people are excited about this bullshit.

see
yes, it's been obvious Valve is ramping back up to major AAA game development for a while. certainly ever since the Vive was announced, and now they've recently been confirmed to be moving to a new office space to support a major employee expansion (iow bringing back art labor). it's not worth mentioning any of this on Cred Forums because Cred Forums can't think outside of memes and the HL3/'valve doesn't make games anymore' meme is too strong.

>Starting Jared Leto as "The Government Man"

James Cameron is too busy exploring the sea to even make a film of his own, let alone a vidya adaptation, Ridley Scott is an old fart that wouldn't touch something vidya related with a 10 foot long pole, he might as well direct a Disney film for babies than do something vidya related.

No, vidya movies are forever doomed to be made by hack ''lol this looks cool'' directors, not because of the idea, but because the source material is A: not seen that kindly by older experienced Directors, and B: Director's that grew up playing vidya now have a job in the industry and think that if they make everything anime-like then it will be good.

>tfw the man best suited to play Dr. Breen died 6 years ago

At least he played Bowser

I know he isn't directing, that's why I mentioned the "franchise treatment" thing.

You could always fool one of them with the script, Cronenberg wasn't even aware that A History of Violence was a comic.

>You could always fool one of them with the script.

True. They did get the production designer for Blade Runner, Dennis Hopper and Bob Hoskins to do the Mario Bros. Movie with one of the earlier drafts of the screenplay.

But Ridley is an old fox, the guy might make a boring shitty movie once in a while but he isn't dumb.

I haven't watched anything that JJ Abrams except for Star Wars. What's the problem with him? I thought people loved the Star Trek films.

Star Wars is less over-the-top than his Star Trek films, the first of which being basicaly a Star Wars knock-off and the second being literally Wrath of Khan, but a whole lot fucking worse, keep in mind that the whole ''lens-flare'' meme came from these movies, and for a good reason

>I thought people loved the Star Trek films.
You thought wrong. The Abrams Star Trek movies are basically the entire reason anyone hates him at all. He couldn't have done a better job of pissing in the series face if that was his intent. You wouldn't be crazy for thinking it was.

Nothing, but if you think about it, there's also nothing noteworthy about them. They're serve more as a visual update rather than a competent reboot.

People do like them, because it's basically the same but on a new wrapper.

i liked cloverfield lane....

He's a more successful Rolland Emmerich, except this time he gets to touch the franchises Emmerich would never get close even if he tried

>inb4 gordon freeman played by idris elba

you really had to put "source" on same row as the link?

I would be shocked if Gordon was even mentioned. Or maybe they'd have him feature-cameo, but make him deliberately terrifying and alien, presumably with the HEV helmet on.

>inb4 Gordon Freeman played by a spic
>inb4 Helena Mossman played by Jamie Lee Curtis
>inb4 Eli Vance in flashbacks played by Morgan Freeman
>inb4 Alyx is even blacker
>inb4 G-man is played by Clancy Brown
everything sounds bad

>they use the cast from the new Ben Hur movie
rip

Things just keep getting worse

I fucking hate JJ Abrams.

He has made one O N E good movie and that was Star Trek, and even then he completely shat on the original series.

The last Star Wars movie had the same themes as the original triology but it was just dog shit. The beginning was super good actually but as it went on it got worse and worse.

>Alyx is now a lesbian - got the minority card too so she's gonna be the lead
>They're gonna sell Gordon as the protag but switch it "subtly" before the second act where Gordon gets captured or something, meets some black trans girl rebel fighter and then they talk about how oppressive it is to be focused on breeding now that the suppression field is down and then they rescue Gordon but then Gordon dies for nothing and together they save the world then walk off to a portal where G-man is shown just before the credits roll for being really angry about his plans not working out for his employers but then giving a crooked smile to the viewers to imply this was his jew mastermind plan all along which is why Alyx needed to be saved and..
There is not a single movie that sounds anything like this at all

>THIS IS WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR
>THEY WANTED TO MAKE A FUCKING MOVIE SERIES TO THIS SHIT INSTEAD OF FUCKING MAKE A GOD DAMN LAST EPISODE TO IT AND END IT ALL
>TFW THIS ENTIRE FUCKING

>HALF-LIFE MOVIE
They have to release a game alongside the film. It just doesn't make sense otherwise. Why get all this exposure for a game series that they make zero money off of these days. They will have to release episode 3/half-life 3, it's happening!

Oh and possible Portal too?

That would be ok I suppose.

>JJ decides to write it all by himself too
>movie does really well in spite of being zoomed in on characters faces and filled with horrible jokes
>disney gets jealous of the movie's success and buys valve
>disney disbands valve and hands development of episode 3 over to EA

>THE FORCE AWAKENS WAS SHIT
>Well actually it was pretty good
>BUT ITS STILL SHIT

I think you have mental problems

Or they could realease part 1 and end the second movie with a cliffhanger. HL3 being an adaptation of the 3rd film.

IT'S NOT A MOVIE
IT'S HALF LIFE 3
JJ ABRAMS IS UNDER GABENS PAY ROLL
HE'S LYING TO GENERATE HYPE FOR SOMETHING THAT NO ONE WANTS
SO THEY CAN BE DISSAPOINTED
SO WHEN HALF LIFE 3 DROPS IN STEAD
NO ONE WILL BE DISSAPOINTED BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED ALL ALONG
IT'S NOT A MOVIE
IT'S HALF LIFE 3
IT HAS TO BE
IT WILL BE
HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA
AHHAHHH
HAH
HAHAHA HAHA
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

will there be mawmen in it? this makes or breaks the deal for me

Half Life and Half Life 2 are an overated ugly empty platformer from the early 2000s that feels like a tech demo.

I can't actually think of a better director for a Half Life film than JJ Abrams.

Who else would you get to do it? Paul W.S. Anderson?

> I'm a parrot

Here's a (you), dude. Don't think anyone else is gonna bite.

no one because how come after 20 years of shitty scripts NOW they decide to go with it with J.J. Abrams of all fucking people to do it?

>yfw the movie IS episode 3 with the intro to the movie being Gordon having nightmares about the Black Mesa incident and City 17 before waking up in front of Eli's body

Who knows? Probably somebody not famous who actually plays and loves the source material? Besides, as
says, JJ may not be directing at all. And Dan Trachtenberg already made a Portal short that was pretty neat.

John Carpenter

You talk as if The Pottery Awakens wasn't enough proof to disregard him as a good director

Kek it's going to suck so hard

Abrahams is a jew and does jewish things. It's bothersome when they're a walking stereotype

And TFA is one of the least inspired movies i've ever had the disgust of watching

i fucking wish. carpenter was always amazing when it came to staying true to source material.

JJ abrams is actually good he's just jaded about how fucking retarded everyone is. So he makes mass market trash for retards because it's just the most efficient way to farm money.

I know this because he was involved with fringe.

I'd be fine with this but it would never happen since the majority population asking for 3 has never played the game and would be confused

First Star Trek movie is edgy as fuck with a plothole the size of the black hole the story is about
Super 8 is pretty imbecile. It's the Goonies with explosions like a Michael Bay movie with narrative dissonance. But Steven Spielberg promoted it because the nose knows
The second one is okay-ish, still edgy, re used plot
TFA was A GIGANTIC SHIT. It's the embodiment of comercialization without soul. An herald of what happens when you leave reptilian people to emulate feelings for actual men

He's an explosions man, the guy you call when you need some propaganda in and also blockbuster stuff. He's basically the new Spielberg.

Don't say stupid shit man, he's not your friend, you're not close to him, you don't know these people, only his work. And his work speaks out loud.

A director does more than storytelling, that's for sure. But his storytelling sucks ass. He's got to be a competent manager, tho.

Damn that is spot on.

Why you guys reminded me of TFA

>opening day, only one dressed as Darth Vader and looking visibly excited about it, even though I knew it wasn't going to be anything to write home about
>all those ''fuck you''s the film had but people clapping because it's something they recognize from the Star Wars films
>the aftermath of getting interviewed about what I thought of the film, and even when giving credit where credit's due the released interview cut me out entirely, they even kept my dad
>one of the kids cock-surely states in the video ''in terms of graphics this was the best one''

>think OP's making a joke thread
>it's real

On the upside maybe this'll push Half Life 3?

I thought the first Abrams Star Trek was meh, didn't watch the others.

Star Wars was far better than it reasonably should have been and I very much enjoyed it, but I think episode VIII will be better with a different director.

A FUCKING TREE

More like this is finally going into production because Valve finally has HL3 in a state they can guesstimate the release year.