Hey Cred Forums, wanna hear a 5-word horror story?

Hey Cred Forums, wanna hear a 5-word horror story?

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java.metagno.me/
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mhm

>3
A word.

Name a better all-purpose language

I have a better one

Scala

Object Pascal.

nice joke mate

> wanna hear a 4-word-and-1-number horror story?

>anything that also runs on the JVM
>even decent

Roses are red
Volcanoes erupt lava
3 billion devices run Java

6 billion skype

Smalltalk

Thats better

>literally java with syntactic sugar: electric boogaloo
>better than java

m-maybe

Nice image.jpg.png faggot.

>not mass renaming all your image files .png

Isn't really anything else as a) fast at runtime b) portable c) general purpose desu. Ugly Pajeet language but it does what it sets out to.

Scala is great. It has a lot of flaws, sure, but it pushes the envelope and I think a lot of the stuff done in scala will guide language design in the future.

My camera doesnt have RAW but I renamed all my photos to png and they look much better now.

Parking meters run Java? Why? That's an embedded application, why wouldn't you just write it natively

50 billion devices run glibc

an even scarier story

>implying that numbers aren't words.

Because you can find a Java dev at every McD making you a burger, so you might as well employ them for 4 weeks; also cheap because of that.

>1mp1y1ng

funny you mention parking metres as I actually developed software for them a couple of years ago while we transitioned from C to Java on them.

The reason for switching was because we needed to be able to deliver a platform which could work identically on many different hardware types. Doing so in C was more work and error prone. We needed simple networking and touch support on top of the standard magstrip readers and button inputs. 10 years ago all you had was the magstrip reader half a dozen buttons, coin counters and a tiny LCD. These days parking metres support nfc payment, have internet access, interactive maps of where you parked and free spaces, etc. and come from many different manufactures who use different hardware. java makes the most sense.

WHATS BEHIND THAT GREEN BLURRY THING? XD

...

C#

3
"3"
'3'

Fight me.

...

i downloaded 5 megapixels for my camera and pics are amazing now

Made my day m8

A shitty meme redditors love

>printers
that explains everything

Wanna hear a worse one?

ALL devices in the WORLD run C.

yea no

No, they do not; or no, that's not horrible?

I could blindly pick a language from a list of general purpose languages and I would have a pretty high chance to have chosen something better than java.

I'm glad you said "general purpose languages". That must have excluded esoteric programming languages like LISP and Haskell, otherwise your statement wouldn't be true.

>tfw decided to specialize in java in college
This is a nightmare

>PublicStaticAbstractDogShitFactory

Java is written in C
245645 billion devices run C

I can see someone stole my joke from the DP blog.

t. piec

"I had to update java"?

java.metagno.me/

>Status: Registering Java Runtime Environment

Why would you write it natively when you can just make your products use Windows embedded and run Java Swing applications?

Easier to write, easy to debug, easy to update, easy to deploy.

C and C++
why else is every game*, every internet browser, every kernel, every OS, many performance critical website backends (google, youtube, facebook, twitter, ...), the majority of scientific calculation software (BOINC, CERN (root), ..), the majority of neuronal net processing (Caffe, tensorflow, ...) and every single competitive chess engine made in one of these two languages? oh that's right, because C and C++ get the job done both rapid in development as well as in terms of runtime performance. every other system programming language looks like a toy next to C/C++. Java and C# are good for quickly making UI front-ends and loading the C/C++ dlls but for exactly nothing more.

*minecraft obviously being the exception but it is evidently slow as hell for rendering some trivial voxels...

TODO: write a java JVM machine in Object Pascal.

Minecraft also uses openGL for its rendering, which is an API designed for best use in C.

It could be a lot faster if it actually rendered things not like a dumbass, so its not entirely java's fault. Still, optifine and other mods pretty much try to remove as much of the java OO overhead from it.

>write a java java virtual machine machine

>AMD Eight Core Processor
I use an 8350 rig as my daily, but I know you guys hate it.

>write a java JIT compiler for a java JVM using JavaScript

cooking with gas

thats six words

free and open source software?

>>literally java with syntactic sugar: electric boogaloo

No, that's groovy. Which is still orders of magnitude better than java.

minecraft is retarded, it uses deprecated fixed function rendering from another decade, it's not java's fault, it's the creator

How in the fuck can that even conceivably be a horror story?

Is Java on the desktop mostly a disappointment? Yeah. Is the whole toolbar-bundling thing absolute bullshit? Yes.

Is it horrifying that Java runs across an insane variety of computers and devices? FUCKING NO.

Jesus Christ, you Cred Forumstards are such a bunch of pampered little millennial shits. You have no idea what a huge pain in the ass it was having to use all different languages and platforms on each and every project, no matter how simple.

>both rapid in development
C and C++ are rapid in development? Then what do you consider normal? assembly?

Why does the installer you get from their site download a installer?

it's pretty common for windows programs nowadays
the one on their site is just a "stub" installer

there's a few reasons why they would do this, such as;
- old sub installers are capable of installing the latest version of a program
- a stub installer can pick a suitable mirror before downloading
- a stub installer can use different methods of downloading the full installer, such as via bittorrent

it's pretty cancerous when it fails like the eclipse installer did, but thankfully they had full installers as an alternative

I can tell you a four word horror story:

It's running on flash

>rewrite java in assembler rewritten pascal

>android is running on java

I doubt my Credit Card has Javascript on it

Underrated af

one man
one .jar :^)

>Mfw printer gives java nullpointer exception

This guy gets it, once .NET is fully cross platform there will be no need to leave .NET especially since meme programmers can program in Iron Python or VB while the actual programmers use C# and F#

>Still, optifine and other mods pretty much try to remove as much of the java OO overhead from it.
lmao no they unfuck the minecraft rendering code to be less shit. Has nothing to do with java specifically minecrafts code is just crap, which is not surprising given it's history

`3`

Lisp.

If only Indians and Chinks could use it...

He said all-purpose, not esoteric.

>Java
>Jeva
>Jewa
>Jews

...

...

>3 billion devices run java
thatsthejoke.jpg

Hello fellow EDiot

I thought it was
>status installing java runtime environment
a bit of dark humor

also:
Why was the barista so slow to make the coffee?
because he used java.

test

Trick question
22 is one word or two?

Twenty-two is one word.
The dash is there for understanding pronunciation and combines them into a single word.