Tech stories

ITT we post tech stories that we had gone thru and drove us insane

>"user, I is there an anti-virus for Ubuntu?"
>"LOL no, there's no such thing basically on linux. You're safe"
>2 days later
>"user! HELP! I CAN'T GET SOMETHING TO WORK! WHAT DO I DO?!"
>"Did you google the problem?"
>"NOTHING CAME UP WHEN I DID!!"
>"Tell me your issue.I'll look into it"
>Tells me issue.
>Google it
>10 seconds and I found a link
>"Do you even try?"
>"I DIDN'T SEE IT!"
>"YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK OR YOU WOULD OF SAW IT IN FRONT OF YOU!"
>Literally has autism and is mentally 7

>Walk into apple store for shiggles, also free wifi
>Not currently (as) busy.
>"Hey can I help you?"
>"What do you think is the user failure percentage that walks in here?"
>Apple rep laughs "I'd say around 75%"
>Even Apple knows it's userbase is retarded

>it's

??

Please point out the sentence

>Even Apple knows it's userbase is retarded

>calls someone retarded and doesn't know basic grammar in the same sentence

ah ok, force of habit is all user.

How many times have you had to fix computers that wouldn’t boot after a Windows 10 update? I’ve had to go through a couple now. What were they thinking?

>Here at microshaft we thought windows 10 was a good idea instead of just making windows 7 and 8 fine.
>why?
>BECAUSE FUCK YOU THATS WHY!

>be me
>work in apple call center
>customer service jobs are ass
>ugly fat woman calls in
>you can tell by voice
>she says the internet isn't working on her new macbook
>ask if she wants to schedule an appointment at a store nearby
>fatty yells no
>I stay calm and ask for more information
>confirm that wifi is on
>then have her reboot
>then have her take the battery out
>nothing working
>tell her to turn the router on and off
>ham planet doesn't understand and angrily mumbles cow sounds into the phone
>ask who her internet service provider is
>says she doesn't have one
>ask of she paid her bill
>fatty is further confused
>I explain that internet is not free and that she needs to sign up with a service provider
>hambeast goes nuclear
>demands manager
>I go get the manager
>she tells fatty the same thing
>I can hear the tumblr rage from about 5 feet away
>manager hangs up
>she shrugs and walks away
>I get more coffee from break room

these people... I hear these stories all the god damn time, and I still love them

More, please, more! Fuel my rage anons!

I thought you couldn't remove MacBook batteries.

im guessing older model

I recently had people call in who wanted refunds or exchanges for their iPhone 7s. They thought the missing headphone jack was a factory defect.

That story happened a few years ago. I've been working the same shitty job for a while. Pls be gentle.

>factory defect

...

>WOULD OF SAW IT

Ugh. Jesus fucking Christ. What happened to public education?

You 're a dumb ass illiterate faggot ,OP.
ESET has a version for linux and there is a nother AV called clamAV.

I don't understand why you guys are surprised by this. These are Apple users we're talking about. As long as people are too stupid to Google things I'll still have a job.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I did not know this user. I'm not a genius at Linux but hell, even I can get around it if I need to. I was on mint for like 3 years till I could get on windows again to play muh sims (don't judge me)

True user, I shouldn't really be surprised...

>work at financial inst.
>stupid lady calls complaining there are fraud trans on her acct
>check the acct, trans. originated from another institution
>she starts yelling she called last week to block all online trans.
>I explain it's not possible to just block online trans, we need to freeze/close the acct
>she starts yelling she bought shit ton of checks with this acct #, whose gonna cover that
>i explain politely someone has your acct and that's the only option, we can't screen all trans coming through the sys (literally 1000's each day)
>she goes off and says she got shit ton of checks and she don't want a new acct #.
>i tell her I can't help her with that, I can transfer her to someone who can.
>transfer her to Operator....
>when Op transfer call back I just let it go to VM
>still have that VM unread since last week kek

See that's the thing tho. Almost every 3rd apple user I know is actually very smart about their mac. They know what their using.

A friend of mine is an apple tech like this dude. He can take it apart, replace things, I mean you want an answer, he can give it to you. I mentioned Terminal, talking about Ubuntu once and he said "what are you talking about? you're on linux not a mac" I was unaware that macs did things in terminal.

But the reason he and I are surprised still is because we are optimists. Meaning, we are HOPING that ONE DAY, that it's just slow in these places and people call in for repairs that actually need attending too. Not these shit with a lardo tumblrina getting mad cause she aint payin fer dah interweebz. I mean... Yeah...

It's 2016 and people are still fucking retarded. We have google, bing, duck duck go, yahoo, I think something called yandex, and NO ONE that has a tech issue that is as simple as this, can figure this out. It's like going to a black lives matter rally and telling them you're on their side and they smash a beer bottle over your head saying "NO! YOU'RE FUCKING WHITE! GET LOST!"

It's as dumb as that.

That's not tech illiteracy. That's just you being a jerk.

Oh fuck there's my reply wtf?

Why the hell couldn't you just disallow external transfers? Only allow checks against the account. How is that even conceivably not supported?

You're an ass.

It's not supported...that's the way the core system was coded. We'd have to have an employee checking all Web/ACH trans before posting to acct to make sure it's not going to hit her acct.

Only remedy would be close acct and we, as the institution, cover her new checks.

Maybe if she was polite I'd offer her that. Dealing with cuntstomers all day sucks.

>It's not supported...

What a worthless answer. Sounds like your system was designed by idiots who couldn't foresee the simplest of situations.

>that's the way the core system was coded.

..as if anyone cares.

> We'd have to have an employee checking all Web/ACH trans before posting to acct to make sure it's not going to hit her acct.

Yeah, so, your system was a retarded piece of shit that couldn't even do the most rudimentary evaluation of incoming transactions. Completely idiotic. That woman had every right to be angry.

It's quite rare to have this happen. Common procedure is to close and open new acct.

I doubt someone would want to shell out $$ to have this coded (we have to pay for any enhancements to the sys)

Look at CC system. You lose your card it's stolen or fraud trans..they send you a new one with new #, nobody fucks with that shit "Oh you have 50 automatic payments setup for this account, sure we'll only allow those and you can call us so we can whitelist any new ones"

Like I said, the only thing we could do to accommodate her was to reimburse her for her new checks + it ain't our fault

>It's quite rare to have this happen. Common procedure is to close and open new acct.
>I doubt someone would want to shell out $$ to have this coded (we have to pay for any enhancements to the sys)

Dude, nobody cares about the technical justifications for the incompetent implementation. How do you not get that?

>Look at CC system.

No. It's not a credit card, it's a checking account. I expect that you could disable an entire CATEGORY OF CHARGES to a checking account without closing the account.

>+ it ain't our fault

Man, if only my job were that easy. "Sorry, that's how the system was written, blame the last guy. What do you mean it's my fucking job to improve the system? Hell no! It's already written, I'm not going to do WORK to accommodate the CUSTOMER. That's crazy!"

>mint
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Please elaborate what is wrong with mint.

Ecksdeee

>late 2011
>sister gets an amazing laptop for "school", needs to be winblows because the teacher has some shitty self made programs he uses to teach, and he's way too fucking old to bother with any of applel's shit
>not even a month later, the computer is a fucking mess
>slow as fucking balls, thousands of facebookpic1.exe on downloads folder, shitty 600x400 stretched low res boy band picture as wallpaper, cluttered desktop, 800 GB out of 1000 used on fuck knows what, bluescreen every 40 minutes
>"son, do your thing and i'll buy you a game"
>get to it, thankfully all the drivers came in a cd, put W7 on that bitch, some programs she might use and leave it better than new, it took me an hour to fix it
>show it to dad and he tells me i did a good job, i'm a genius etc, the usual clueless parent shit
>next day
>the computer is slow as shit
>as in, the fucking pointer has lag and it takes minutes to open any folder or program
>sister swears all she did was watch youtube videos and social media shit on it, then turned it off
>dad gets unreasonably mad and slaps her for being an idiot, then buys her a macbook anyway
>"say user do you want this thing instead of the game i promised you"
>ok
>wipe everything, customize the shit out of it

And that's how i got this VAIO laptop i use to torrent anime off of my neighbour's wifi and shitpost from the bed when i'm too lazy to get up, i do not own a smartphone because fuck those things.

I still don't know how the hell my sister managed to fuck up a computer so badly in a span of 6 hours, fucking normans.

your sister is your average fucktard that cannot into computers AT ALL user what do you expect?

It wouldn't be his fault though, if call center people had a say in how systems are setup or decision maker power they wouldn't work in a call center.

Show me where he escalated the issue internally.

How the system has been structured and what his role is in the company is irrelevant. He's posting it as if this is some tech-related stupidity on the part of the customer, but it's tech stupidity on the part of the company he worked for.

>be me
>Need to download something to work pc
>download window doesn't appear on top of IE (firefox is finally rolling out but not on this pc yet.)
>write it ticket.
>it guy comes right over, good guy
>has me repeat the issue then email him the steps.
>confirms issue
> 5 min later, I maximize something from toolbar
>animation Flys across into secondary monitor
>secondary monitor currently set to spar pc
>Need to make a walk of sham to the it guys desk to explain it was user error.

His company no doubt sounds like it is pants on head retarded, but him magically fixing a shitty system it sounds like he has no power over is not going to happen. He should quit in all honesty.

>Show me where he escalated the issue internally.
This never works in the real world. Most organizations care more about profit then customers service, suggestions will be ignored if they cost money. Help desk exists to provide the absolute minimum support the company is willing to fork out for so it can lie about it having good customer service. Help desk staff exist just to reset passwords and take abuse for shit choices/policies beyond their control.

at least you admit it lol

>work in IT, second line user support
>give out new computers to everyone at work
>we give them a piece of paper explaining basic changes, since we just went from XP to Win7
>user calls in
>she has trouble with her screen being frozen on her new computer
>ask her to reboot
>didn't work
>ask her to check the screen cable
>after a while of fiddling, everything seemed ok
>keep diagnosing for another 5-10 minutes
>getting nowhere so I decide to just go down to where she's at
>the person who set up her new computer placed the information sheet on her screen
>peel off the paper from her screen, everything's fine
>O.. oh.. thanks
>smile and say you're welcome, lie and say she wasn't the only one

clamAV is rather against dumb windows users, for mail servers and proxies

...

>factory defect

technically true my man

they are shipped gimped from tyebfactoryt

bump it

>hamblanet (visit her brofile at dumblr btw!) thinks everything is FREE
>not being given everything for free is batriarchy!
:DDDDD

>be me
>just got done writing shit on my laptop
>girlfriends laptop is doing updates so she asks to use mine to write her paper
>10 minutes later she hands me the laptop and says it's really slow and she can't figure out why.
>She downloaded chrome because she didn't trust firefox and had about 30 tabs open
>mfw

My god, people cant be this stupid.

>work at help desk
>provide support for local private universities, among other clients
>get university call
>it's an older black dude
>read scripted answer, ask for name, etc
>filling in ticket as usual, just asking for him to confirm a phone number
>WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S THE NUMBER YOU GOT IN THERE
>read the number that the ticketing system picked up
>NAW THIS AIN'T IT! ERRYTIME I CALL YOU ASK ME THEM DUMB QUESTIONS.
>Ask for the correct phone number as calm as I can
>I'M TOO AGGRAVATED FOR DIS SHEEIT. ALWAYS ASKING ME BOUT THESE DUMB QUESTIONS.
>Hangs up
>File a hangup ticket
>guy next cubicle gets the same idiot 10 minutes later
>mfw he spent 30 minutes on the call to teach the guy how to see a post he had submitted on blackboard.
>mfw this was the same dude that called us to learn how to use a USB drive
>mfw he called us earlier to help him get his GED diploma

bump

>be me
>My mom put password to her phone
> Doesn't remember it and failed so many times I have to wait 1 hour between tried while trying to remember her password.
Kill me