/brit/

yeri

> failed the last rep on the last set of a fucking silly 70kg bench
> had to do the roll of shame
> mfw people were watching

give it a rest mate
self pity is the most unattractive trait ever

The gf (who exists in the real world) is coming over later for sex. She's probably going to let me put my willy (which is bloody ENORMOUS) into her hot little puss (which feels like warm apple pie btw just so you know I'm not lying).

Jealous VIRGINS do not respond to this post.

*scratches greasy neckbeard, farts loudly, puts on another anime episode*

How come the paralympics come after the olympics and not at the same time or before?

ANOTHUH FINE DAY IN GO'D COUNTREH

is that so?
*walks off and talks to someone else*

Who /poor as fuck/ here?

M-m-might owna house one day...h-hahaha...yeah

nhs.uk/conditions/Coeliac-disease/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Time to give up the sugar puffs

I'm 5'4", 398 pounds and wheelchair bound yet you don't see me getting all this praise and attention. I could probably lift more than him if I used steroids too but I don't because of my disabilities.

I'm cringing now lad which is a real rarity when reading Cred Forums, give it a rest you fucking loser.

>basically has no legs
>still weighs 169kg

> tfw a dick virgin but not an arse virgin

do you only get 600 quid a month?

kissed a 60 year old man today

>will never experience teenage love

Can only save 600 quid a month after expenses

>Rent
>Food
>Car fuel
>Car insurance
>Car
>Occasional replacement of suit for work
>Socialising
>Hygiene

Etc etc

why

>this runt just can't stop talking about his girlfriend in a desperate bid for attention

HAHAHA FAGGOT I GOT TO EXPERIENCE PRE-TEEN LOVE

WITH MY UNCLE BALLS DEEP IN MY 12 YEAR OLD ARSE

Got quite a bad comedown lads, regretting my decision to take mandy now

time to stop crossing the road because you might get hit by a bus
time to stop existing because your cells might collide and you may get cancer

He's Australian, lad. It's common culture there. It's a sign of respect

i had 2 gfs in school but didnt have sex with either of them desu

It should really be before, bit sad how low ticket sales were

you have 5 seconds to explain why you don't buy all your clothes at jacamo

Who here /given up on their fantasy team after only 1 month/

it'll be alright lad

Amusing post

take a couple benzos one love bredren

reported for under age

I've had gay sex loads of times

> why yes i partake in the consumption of illegal substances

saying bye to my dad

never give up

just use your wildcard lad ffs

Me in the top right

> tfw tiny asian twinks always lust after your white cock and hairy chest

i have never heard of jamaco before today

jamaican patois is funny as hell

Does anyone have the picture where the russian guy in the army visor hat stares at the camera while the other russians in the photo are falling/fighting?

*lusts after your white cock and hairy chest*

but i have and I didn't put in any Man City players

all french people should be killed (except for my grandmother, who is french and a genuinely nice lady)

sort of patched things up with the ex best friend who I fell in love with lads

morning lads

your first date with me MUST be anime with beer and shitposting, NERD

Yeah here

...

...

>he didn't have sterling in midfield and iheanacho as captain

impressive

gf is doing another anxiety attack

Posting with one hand while she sobs into my pillow hahaha and patting her with the other hand

Oops I need two hands to do the captcha without dropping my phone haha hold on there gf, one sec

mans never been in paris when its shutdown aye..

so did you all go out last night lads?

Do girls consider you weird if you have no friends?

I only really had school friends and I stopped talking to them after I left.
I get a lot more shit done without them.

Is that a turn off?

>Dating
Bit gay. I'm only into lads for the sex desu but I'll watch animoo with you if it gets you in the mood to bum me

every time i see a gook with dyed blonde hair i hope they die

fucking cultural appropriators

my RUNT ex-bestie thinks he patched things up with me but i'm just playing him for the pawn he is hahahaha

I didn't come here to be made fun of alright?

How much do you have in savings lads?

Yeah I went out and bought a £2 oven pizza, a pot of instant noodles and a bottle of vodka.

wew, are you me?

had a panic attack today
shit my guts out thought I was going to vomit
think it might have been the cough medicine

>yfw

i *NEED* a brisbane bf

Not really, my best mate is a desk and I have a gf.

everyone with no friends is weird tbH
at least not a lot of friends but having 2 or 3 tight mandem is enough

About tree,fiddie

>bender

tears

exCUSE me, i say no homo

Anyone here had a prostate orgasm?

She has a Skype interview in like an hour and she's just been sobbing and shaking and trying not to hyperventilate since she woke up.

Think I'm going to have to tell her to go to the doctor and ask for some proper pills, propranolol does absolutely nothing these days.

Anxiety is a terrible infection, I'm glad I've merely got mild depression. xoxo best of luck, I have to go back to cradling the gf

exCUSE me, but would you kindly bin yourself

Yes it is an utterly divine experience.

tesco express

Top 10 gayest posts I've read on here, well done lad

Imagine having a gf who has anxiety attacks

Utter runt tier

no

Tesco metro actually

guess i'll have to bin you myself

> imagine having a gf

I suppose you must Hahahaha

FOOL.
This is ideal.

How can you not want a gf that is clingy and dependent on you?
Makes me feel important desu.

>Gf is a police officer
>Still stays with me even though she is surrounded by men with good jobs who work out everyday

Literally why

Looking back on my life so far and it sure has been one depressing ride

>tfw the best memories you have are of forums and message boards on the internet

>being in a relationship with a workmate

that's retarded

need a gf to squirt on my dick and then suck it

...

have fun when u get stabbed for going outside
girls with mental illnesses are literal pakis

imagine thinking a jpg is the same as a gf, shocking really.

She's going to cheat on you on a whim and blame it on her mental illness, lad.

None of you are enlightened enough to actually understand Nick Cave.

is she dominant in bed?

What do you do for a living?

iktf

COME FITE ME THEN I WILL BEAT YOU

am living the life haha

i see him occasionally, lives not far from me.

about 5 grand

Very boring office work

No she basically just does whatever I tell her to

He's unironically shite and overrated desu

Nah.
She calls me the second a finish work and always tries to fuck me so I don't leave.

Pretty amazing desu.

really wish I didn't have anxiety/panic attacks lmao

same haha

>No she basically just does whatever I tell her to

Can't stand it when the lazy fuckers do this.

wouldn't mind Mugi hammering my ballsack 2bh

BOO

Do you ever worry that some ne'er-do-well will brutally assault her on the job and leave her in a vegetative state?

In my limited experience grills in positions of power are more likely to be subs in their sex lives. Same goes for dudes.

Does it counterbalance the downsides of living in Brighton?

Why do no cool people live in the North.

This songs called In Bloom

not allowed

Love watching Keith Floyd shows. My favourite TV personality.

Oi oi

Interesting, hasdn't heard this one.

Yes, several already have.

Police work sounds exciting until you hear of them getting spat at and hit and having to pin BO, shit and piss drenched hobos to the floor

Loads of cool people live in the North mate. I saw one of the blokes from Eggheads in Tesco a few months ago.

doooo do do dooooo
BLAM BLAM BLOM BLUM

>Does it counterbalance the downsides of living in Brighton?
i live just outside Brighton but work near his house quite a lot. I like Brighton, its got everything you could need and in summer is an awesome pace to go out in, literally every entertainment you could imagine goes on somewhere.

bummed that faketaxi is indeed, all fake

That's actually exactly how I imagined police work

*headbangs*
Unironic banger

*teaches pervert cabbie a lesson*

snow falls
into military temples

right then

the oneitis is on spastic anxiety pills and seems fairly depressed and makes jokes about suicide ha

When I come to power, the animes will be first into the chambers.

>Police work sounds exciting until you hear of them getting spat at and hit and having to pin BO, shit and piss drenched hobos to the floor
I do this for $7.25/hr at Walmart and you don't see me abusing my powers like them/

This happens all the time mate, what jobs have you had?

...

S H A R T
H
A
R
T

need some new clothes

> pin BO
what does this even mean
I hate this fucking website

Pin body odour, shit and piss ridden hobos to floor.

Not sure why you don't understand basic English.

read the full sentence, it makes sense apart from the use of hobo, that just sickened me as an Englishman.

>Have a good entry-to-mid-level job in politics
>Promising career ahead of me
>Currently most successful person from my old peer groups

>GF is also in politics and is currently in a more important position than I am with even better career prospects

Fuck sake, kinda wish I had a normal gf that was actually impressed by me

You can have my old shirt mate.

jacamo lad

spastic

go back to bed

Public Affairs lad here, what in politics are you doing?

I turned down working in Parliament for public affairs because it's more money

mr porter and farfetch for aesthetic clothes cheers x

This general has become complete utter shite in the past month.

*pins BO*

I'M GUNNA SING SHERLOID BAI SHERLOID OH...

Alri billionaire

how so?

my favorite designers: comme des garcons, saint laurant paris and cav empt
only a e s t h e t i c clothes haha

For the last few years finishing a 15 season career mode on FIFA 12 has given my life some purpose. In those moments where I've felt st my most lonely, my most desperate, my most depressed. It has been my solace. It's given me that feeling that I'm always working towards something. That I'm not just wasting my time.

And 2 or 3 weeks ago I finally finished it. And now I'm lost. What comes now? What am I working towards? This is a journey that I began in 2011. I've been on this journey for 5 years. There was no ceremony, barely any acknowledgement of my achievement from the game. Only an email from the board of directors wishing me well in the future. I feel cheated. It's more anti climatic than my failed attempts at sex have been.

Hold me /Brit/. I'm in need of some serious help. I've just lost all direction and meaning to my life and I don't think that I can go any further. My journey is over.

not enough anime

In my group of friends it's only the unsuccessful people with shit jobs who have gfs.

Not reading one single letter of this

did not read a single word of this

>cav empt

How do we fix /brit/ lads/lassies?

I don't normally come here lads but I feel as though I have to put some rumours to rest

you see, you might think that the idea of having a girl feel some sort of genuine mutual attraction to me would be unappealing, or indeed, revolting, to me. This simply is not true.

You may also believe that, looking past skin-deep attraction, that the idea of a girl genuinely enjoying my company, perhaps on a long walk with the dogs, or indeed simply sitting on the sofa watching a film is something that I would not enjoy. Again, if you assumed this you would be wrong.

Finally, it has been rumoured that you assume the thought of spending the rest of my life with a woman that loves me unconditionally, whom I may start a beautiful family with is one that repulses me. I am sorry to inform you that you would again be incorrect.

For you see, these three points that I have presented to you, concepts of a better life if you will, actually sound incredibly appealing to me, so much so that their failure to be realised year after year occasionally brings me to tears.

Ahhhhh... yessssss

...

but its aesthetic haha

Can't say I'll be reading this one either

What team(s) did you manage? What were your achievements?

Project management at FCO. Suppose that can hardly be called politics, but it's on the path, and I'm only 22.

Think you'll ever move to the public sector?

I hope that's just a stock photo of some random army bloke and not actually the "woman" in question

...

thank you

Are you a fast streamer lad? How did you get in past the hiring freeze if not?

And yes, I desperately want to but the hiring freeze has effectively fucked me over so I'm gonna apply to the fast stream literally every year until I get in.

The annoying part is I do all the kind of work that gets done in the FCO (dream place to work) like policy, research, projects, management and I can speak three languages (nothing shit like Spanish either, some hard to learn languages).

I obsesses over working in the FCO but just can't get in, so I am in effect a lobbyist instead whbich sounds interesting but is boring as fuck and involves me convincing MPs not to vote like a bellend in parliament but most of them are bellends anyway so it doesn't work.

business plan: overdose on drugs

...

> room mate had to take a piss the moment after you took a shit
enjoying the scent lad?

Began with Leeds for a few years, then moved to Newcastle for the majority of the career and then spent the last couple of years managing Barcelona.

Nope that's "her"
Born a boy but now she's a female apparently
fair enough imo but we can't let proper girls join the infantry
some woman in the US army did a fantastic article on why not

Trying to squeeze one out

political pepe?

Just went for a piss and the toilet fucking stank
Must be my fat revolting aussie wanker room mate again

Hi brit
Saw this and thought of u x
twitter.com/MailOnline/status/777448085165342720

-Buckinghamshire

That is indeed me, but who is this?

...

i hate how women try to play off having to sell sex as some sort of female struggle

if i get into serious financial trouble, i won't even have the option of selling sex, i'll just be fucked

Maybe I can help?

Utterly howling. I kinda wish his mates just put him up to it for a laugh desu

>I fucking hate women
Are all ausfags like this?
There's a board for this

No, but my gf is fast stream. I got in because they have exceptions for specialist skills and I'm considered to have specialist skills in cybersecurity. Quite odd being there because I left school at 16 and don't even have A levels as I went straight into work.

You're at least meeting with MPs regularly. I'm sure an opportunity will come up. And FCO isn't that special--grass is greener and all that.

What languages do you speak? I'm trying to learn Russian and Persian.

discuss

dep ped

you never replied to my last email you cheeky swine (don't worry about it too much mate)

Trump is pretty good tbqh

Don't wannna give too mcuh away but similar to the two you're learning.

Congrats on the job - wish I'd done an apprenticeship in something like that.

I honestly give up all my idealism but at least working in the FCO there's a good chacne to travel and do something worthwhile which is what I like.

MPs and politics in general is shite, believe me.

What sorta stuff do you do on an average day?

i don't hate women, i hate how they complain and act like only they have problems when in fact they've got life with training wheels on

I did lad? You didn't respond to me I don't think.

I even checked recently.

Did you end up sorting anything?

Had a dream last night that the Soviet Union came back but there was a piece of Siberia that didn't want to join the reformed country so they had their own separate country

Hello I am newly arrived in the UK, as I have gotten a position here with my firm. I am originally from Turkey. Can you guys tell me about life in the UK (sorry for my bad english)

there's also a general for yanks

>I obsesses over working in the FCO but just can't get in

FCO is supposed to be shit and JUST tier since Blair moved pretty much all foreign affairs to number 10. So the whole place is bleeding experienced workers due to poor morale

>leader of momentum being interviewed on sky news
>surname schneider
Why does this not surprise me?

Not even Cred Forums for the record.

So can somebody explain how to make a good dating profile on Plenty of Fish?

>(except for my grandmother, who is french and a genuinely nice lady)

i had a french grandmother too. she was from new caledonia. thought it was rare in australia.

t. hates women

Fact: Jews are the most powerful race in the world.

use tinder instead

only dried up hags and single mothers use pof

this is the last one I sent, but like I said not a big deal. Some stuff came through, graduated, managed to get in on an >unpaid internship for a company until the end of December which should give me some good experience. I won't say what company because I don't want to get doxxed but they deal a lot with TTIP and that

You're still in what sounds like a good job mate. Consider how shit most peoples' jobs are.

There is a good chance to travel, yeah, but it's pretty fucking competitive.

Pretty much all of my time is spent sending emails and sitting in meetings, either with the team or stakeholders. Sounds shit but I actually enjoy meetings. I'm an introvert but it doesn't seem to matter.

Really?

Still, if you can somehow beat 119 other people to be the one they select for the diplomatic stream you get paid to learn a language then get moved around every 3 years.

Sounds absolutely amazing desu and now we've left the EU I reckon they'll be vamping up the amount of people and work we do abroad as we're no longer represented by the EU in a lot of it anymore.

I'm not a "yank", my ancestors are from England. I have just as much of a God given right to post on /brit/ as you do.

be attractive

Yeah erm fuck off with this polirics hon shitw yoyr a losf of boring wabkrrs fuvj off novodt hoves a shite

Ah shit, sorry lad, I don't know how I've managed to miss it because I don't get many emails to that account.

Congrats on the graduation, but fair enough, is it remotely political/ are you still angling for politics/parliament?

Sounds good lad, well done again.

Just one final thing, if -somebody was to look at a job like that where would they look online if it's not fast stream?

...

>Will have to attempt to find a job once i finish uni

NOT a fan of this meme desu

>All these people who post on brit who work in politics or government.

It's genuinely a bit frightening.

doing a job app for a job that i ostensibly don't want but secretly it sounds comfy

nah don't worry mate its not the end of the world

I'll email you if you don't mind with the details, like I said if I mention too much it's easy to guess who I'm with

>Those last 2 questions put by the Neil about who Diane James' political heroes are.
t. mainstream–media
>Hurr, she's in UKIP, so she must love Poo-tin
>Le Eurosceptic shills takin' rooblz.

Good stuff lad i'll look out for it

really want a gf who will cut off my leg and eat it in front of me while telling me how good it tastes

I'm the PM, you should be scared.

Thanks pal. I'm unsure where you'd look online, sorry. I was 'poached' from my previous role in the private sector.

>right to post on /brit/
/brit/ doesn't have rights, it has privileges.

I used to be PM lads AMA

Fuck off arrogant

Fair enough.

Thanks for the chat lad, hopefully I'll walk past you unknowingly in a corridor one day soon.

*Puts on le anonymous mask and runs into the distance crying*

leader of the opposition here, AMA

(please, I've run out of stuff for PMQs)

Why did you quit Dave?

REALLY makes you think

news.sky.com/story/us-accused-of-colluding-with-is-over-strike-on-syria-troops-10583152

Do you even think about how stupid your post looks before you post it?

/Brit/ takeover of Government soon lad

Rasheed attacked the yanks again.

fred

Yes, they really "regret" that air–strike (!)
When will they be paying comp. or sending 80 of their own men to fill the roles of the late Syrian soldiers (?)
>your_man_in_America.jpg

Honestly howling at this lads.

Thought brit was all students or just unemployed/low skilled retail work.

There's unironically people who influence government and meet with famous people/ do work that is important around the world.

These very same people post 'doing a poo' and other shite.

Who else posts here?

Based Dibnah

Unironically was going head to head with a well built 30+ year old man on Friday over someone I had just met. The bloke was a culchie and was getting slabbered to so I stuck up for him and the wee faggots lapped it.

alri lad god here

I started the runt gimmick haha

Fucking hell this song is so good

youtube.com/watch?v=1ekZEVeXwek

no you didn't FUCK OFF

My grandfather (whom I never really met) was an antique """collector""", green beret and later a mercenary

Then there's me. I post on an anime imageboard asking for cuddles and cry at night, mental

same. fucking kill me.

*sends you to hell*

heh, good try kiddo

antique collector is nothing special really
you just need the interest and the money to start

imagine if i had a job and a gf

haha

*tells St Peter to tell you to fuck off when you get to the pearly gates*
in a bit you cheeky cunt

it's overrated

These affair over the N.A.M.A. is really shitty, I hate how a bunch of incompetents so easily get elected to power. My next hope is for the F.P.Ö. to win Austria's Pres. election.

How're you lads dealing with the shitshow that is Brexit, currently?

MATE SAME. Friday night took so much mdma I lost count, I've also been taking xanax for 8 days, didn't sleep friday or last night. I took 3mg xanax, l-theanine in mega doses, magnesium mega doses, 300mg lyrica and I am still dying. Honestly feel like taking my last 1mg xanax even though it'll wear of in 6 hours and then I'm fucked. No money until wednesday haha so no weed or no more xanax. I'm fucked. Teeth are fucked too, stopped taking MDMA for ages and vowed to never take it again and I had like 4mg xanax half a litre bottle of vodka, some beers and then my inhibitions were lowered and I bought a pill plus a gram of MDMA.

D.Y.I.N.G

Fuck MDMA. Teeth are fucked too

I put collector in """ because they were all incredibly rare, historical items and I'm unsure if he even paid for them

watched Superbad for like the 5th time, haven't seen it in ages tho. Usually I just laugh watching it but now it's just all feels knowing I will never have a great experience with the lads like that

>gives thee immortality

LOVE reading stories about stupid dumb normie scum who fuck themselves up hahaha

normies are plankton

reckon the gf might let me out of my cock cage today

might even let me cum im so exited :)

ohh wow thats cool

Love reading snarky comments from social rejects like yourself that use muh social anxiety as an excuse to be bottom of the barrel scum of society. Take pleasure in the fact that I'd turn your fucking head into paste son. Ya wee fucking loner, enjoy having no sex for the rest of your life. Far sweeter revenge.

I genuinely don't rate Pogba.

wasp flew into my room but I don't mind wasps

he pro'ly confiscated them from Nazi prisoners of war and "forgot" to return them to their rightful owners.

Going to be sick on the bus lads

i'm gonna wait till the end of season

@65039712
fascinating, really interesting...

ngl, you also sound like bottom of the barrel scum.

yawn

ar matty's spreading

:/

t. NEET virgins who are unwashed and sit in their room looking at a white screen all day causing their mother to cry herself to sleep

My life hasn't changed in the slightest

if you say so mate.

yawn

It is going to be bad. It is going to be apocalyptically bad. We will lose everything and we simply won't get the trade deals we'll need.

How do you guys deal with this? Are you emigrating? I support Scottish independence but until the UK government pulls it's head out of the sand and lays out just how bad Brexit will be a lot of people can just continue to live in denial over the future of the UK.

@65039792
@65039931
someone's triggered

crikey you're insecure, why don't you tell your real life friends about your drug habit

I use Yotsuba B

wish people would stop saying the families York and Lancaster were the warring families of the War of the Roses

because pro-tip: York and Lancaster aren't families, they're places. They were just the places where the two main branches of the Plantagenet family were from. The war of the Roses was a war between Plantagenets in truth

*turns around at the bus stop*
hm? err about quarter past 12 mate
*turns back*

Just to specify, if I were English I'd emigrate.

where do the dragons come in?

I just come here to laugh at betas like yourself, the majority of people on /brit/ are normies that come here to laugh at virgins.
>he doesnt remember the Cred Forums migration

> this drug-addled runt getting absolutely triggered

lol

>I support Scottish independence

Oh pull the other one you're just as sad as the neets

yeh mate, other countries are really going to want to see the 5th largest economy on earth do poorly. that will definitely make them more money.

A lot of black people were just in the wrong place at the wrong time

@0048
very good post hmm yes very intrigued

just had a packet of roast beef monster munch
yesterday i had 3 grab bags of them
bloody hell

>taking your prescribed medication makes you a runt
Okay vinnie virgin calm down, your tendies are ready
Have a job that pays 40k+

the synapses of this drug-dependent cretin are absolutely fried

he can barely string a sentence together

>trade deals

oh dear oh dear an arrogant student I bet too

>the same system which props up the violent policing of our senpai

REALLY makes you think

twitter.com/ukblm/status/776044729737805824

@65040115
you're such an insecure little shit it's hilarious

not even a runt, you're runt fodder

never post in my presence again

eating carrots and honey salmon
maybe some époisse and an apple too
wat about u?

1485

and yet here you are trying to validate yourself to anonymous neckbeards on the internet. very impressive.

And you spend your free time tellin sadacts on Cred Forums how much better you are

Take a look at yourself mate

DIDF pls

thanks for nothing GEMA you german FUCKS

simply lol mate I am the alpha and the omega compared to the likes of you skinny, underfed friendless losers I could take on 20 of you on my own, guaranteed

I want to keep fish but fish tanks are so expensive

does anyone know where to get cheap fish tanks in uk?
They're so much cheaper in America.

>I am the alpha and the omega

Actually starting laughing at this post cause I could actually kill you IRL, it's not even funny lol

there are people ITT that actually support this nignog

twitter.com/ukblm/status/776743314972348419

...yeah, actually it will. We aren't the fifth largest economy, we're the fifth largest competitor.

I once kept a goldfish in a large popcorn tub from the cinema for over a year. It was perfectly fine

I could turn your insides to mush just by sneezing on you mate do NOT test me

Am 5 foot 1 and built like a slender houseplant; if everyone in brit was put in a cage I would genuinely be the last cunt standing

Where do you live if you're close by we'll arrange it

oh I see, this was all a simple lampoon.

>nignog

skepta isn't associated with BLM you stupid cunt

literally just a box with glass sides
maybe you could improvise

Not really senpai

*teleports behind you*
Kill me? heh, you can't even catch me
*stabs you in the back with a tanto(Japanese for short katana)*
Better luck next time bud

>skepta isn't associated with BLM you stupid cunt

...

make a puddle in your garden mong

reminder to petition Hiro to return our most successful meme

skepta is a good mc but makes too much bait tunes

It was funny when BLMuk got called out for Cultural appropriation because all 9 of the people at the airport protest were white. I dont think anyone actually takes them seriously

>defend skepta

Off yourself soon lads.

but i like the filters desu

its legal for you, being a brown man, to rape english girls under uk law .

I'd say you're one of the few people who are probably better off coming to the UK at this point.

well this isnt weird or anything.

fuck you, lord.