/brit/

Thinking about having a wank lads

...

I LOVE YOU ESDEATH-TAICHOU

ritsu-chan is officially best girl and my digits shall prove it

I took a sip from a cup of mercury

Aye lads

Cred Forums

the final frontier

these are the voyages of the general thread /brit/. It's five year mission: to explore strange new gimmicks, to seek out new slags and new specimens, to banter where no man has bantered before

My lifestyle could take a very happy turn over the next few months. The type of turns where you'd be invited to parties on the yacht of the nephew of the prince of Qatar in which you'd be chatting geopolitics with Lou Bega and the guy who played Arturo Bucco in the Sopranos, while petting a baby tiger. One of the Ghallagher brothers would be preparing lines of cokes for you all to relax and Andres Iniesta would be drunkingly declaiming his own poems. Then you would have a friendly competition with Craig David for the favor of a 15 years old Slovenian supermodel. You would win but let him take her home at the last minute because your GF, the Granddaughter of Salvador Dali is supposed to join you at the party soon, and you enjoyed Craig's work in the 90's anyway. You'd shake hands with him and Craig would say something along the lines of "fair play mate".

gopping

...

FUGGG :DDDD

Ate at least 5000 kcals and 300g+ of sugar today lads. Not feeling too great.

very nice

>Lips on the front
>Mouth to the side
Your impressive digits don't make your waifu any less of an abomination

why would you want to shoot a duck or a deer

relax

rip pineal gland

>sitting at subway eating lunch
>see group of school girls laughing at another table
>one of them comes over and gives me a piece of paper, says "phone me" while smiling
>the paper has an actual phone number on it with a heart and some lipstick
>call it for some retarded reason
>it was a suicide hotline

>implying you go outside you fucking nerd
haha yeah this definitely happened

absolute bullshit story

the globalists lads

what are they up to

I give it a 15% chance this actually happened

s-simca-chan?

redpill me on apartheid

HAHAHA this will surely #WOKE a few squares

literally the best thing to happen to any African country

newfags this post has been around for generations of /brit/ posters

It was bad to not let black tribals run a huge country and whitey deserves to be killed for it

Continue posting your Pepes please lads.

youtube.com/watch?v=5z9PKxt_9k4

ABSOLUTE FUCKING CHOON this is

I remember when I went to uni and I lived right near a subway for one year.
This was back when subway was cheaper too.
made me sick of subway too
thank god

windows belongs in the fucking trash. it wouldn't boot up to the log in screen this morning and I tried to refresh my files and it is stuck in an endless boot cycle now. installing linux as I type this post. I'll be sure to keep the lads at /brit/ updated

big fan of it

post machines

met a friend who i hadnt seen in a long time

he's become really simple.

sad 2bh

...

not a big fan of this

white have as much business in africa as blacks do in europe

colonialism is stupid, but yes obviously university educated whites from the UK were better at running a country than literal spear chuckers

what does really simple mean

I discovered Griezman back in his first season at la Real Sociedad. Really feel like a proud father when I see him today.

not a big fan of not posting fuck machines

had a chat today with the weird guy from school that used to try and hang out with me all the time

was rambling on about saving the white race or something and seemed annoyed when i told him i was uninterested

Post normie memes

...

oh fuck off

T B H the Dutch where there first and unlike wogs today they built a developed civilization where there was nothing.

The Bantu migrated there after the Boer developed the land and made it wealthy.

If blacks were coming to Europe with railroads and agriculture I'd e more receptive

unironically my best mates recent facebook status.

Least he's happy I suppose

Dicks out for Harambe!

Fucking cringe

we are doomed

goodnight

*tucks self in*

why do Americans still care so much about WWII?

howling

that means you're as ghetto white trash as he is

Ok so cede the cape to the whites. But eastern south africa, namibia, zimbabwe, angola, mozambique, algeria etc. the european settlers were displacing invaders and actually orchestrated the situation we now find ourselves in

hahah

>look at the twins as if they were my own

errr

hes in the military and has 4 generations of veterans.

*untucks you*

because it set the stage that the entire politics of the globe unfold on you literal retard

POST FUCKING MACHINES

I'm upper class, he's middle class. He just decided to join the military

want to do bjj or wrestling or summat just because i can only box

dont want to deal with ufc fans

thecollegefix.com/post/29178/
going to think deep and hard over this

whole lot of doubt here hahahaha

>he has a keyboard with a numpad

I'm always here for info. I mean worse comes to worst, we dump Hillary in 4 years and move on. She's honestly one of the most qualified candidates that has ever run, and for some reason, she's held to a much higher standard than candidates before her (and beside her currently). To me, it shouldn't even be a contest. Choosing trump over Hillary is like going to the doctor and choosing a monkey to do your surgery instead of a surgeon who's had 35 years of experience.

>normies

so that I can do backflips off jumps on bikes while playing gta vice city

I'm a useless NEET with a multi-millionaire executive father

He paid for my own apartment in a large city and I've been applying to jobs for 6 months. I'm not lying. I'm a loser, but I'm upper class

Do headphones fuck up your hair? I think im getting thinner where my headphones sit.

living the dream lad

should have asked for some money to start up an alpaca farm though to be honest

Not a fan of the gimmick of not using capital letters in some posts ITT. To be completely transparent. Their authors try too hard to be nonchalent and low energy.

Because they were a hive of barbarism

Also I agree that direct colonization of most of Africa was unnessecary when arguably coastal trading colonies as the Portuguese had were more efficient and more profitable in the long term
colonies were a huge cash drain while trading cities or ports cost very little to maintain, allow for force projection, and are easy to defend.

>when you're a bitch
>*sassy rihanna gif*

99% of twitter """"""memes""""""" right there

oh boy here we go

@65481199
kys runt

This is a VERY bad post, please don't post here again.

...

>experience
The wrong kind of experience

capital letters have no place in /brit/

reminder to report matthew ludford

hey gurl
say "tuna-sub" backwards.
thats what im do on ur face

Aye aye Cap'n

Society is devolving

We'll be molluscs by the end of the century

Why am I so fucking dumb

I 100% have some sort of learning disability

>he's a grammar nazi

creasing

Having a fun night lads?

the rapist is here

*swings a punch at you*
*misses and falls over*

Can't promise I will. I like the decadent spirit of this ersatz of a general. But I'm leaving for tonight. I have shit to do in the morning. Good night.

Medical term is being an absolute spacker

welcome to the thread!

been here all night you twat

Alri l'etranger

gas nonwhites now

is this /brit/ or has it turned into anime thread all of a suddaaaaaa-

n-no I don't want to be gassed

wanked three times today

the first was to standard german and yank porn

the second was to a polish trap

the third was to lesbian hentai

rate my selections

>I look at the twins as if they were my own

>at work
>accidentally bump into a girl carrying papers
>i kneel down to help her collect them
>our eyes meet
>i say something like "hey, it's just like in the movies"
>"yeah, except in the movies the guy's attractive"

Wanked twice to mature feet today

Might do a 3rd

you can give your gas to me

Got my driving theory test tomorrow lads. Failed it three times before, help ;_;

>at work
>the creepy guy bumps into me and knocks all of my papers down, what an idiot
>offers to help me pick them up, like no?
>starts staring at me
>"j-just like the m-movies heh heh..."
>nope out of there

so when are you murder-raping her?

If its the hazard perception you're failing you probably need to click more, pretty much click anything that could maybe turn into a hazard.

pidgeon shat on me head outside oddbins

quality banter, sounds like a top lass

maybe she's negging you because she likes you?

Sounds gay

do a mock test
all the answers you get wrong, learn them
do another
repeat until you pass consistently

the only tricky shit is stopping distances, and I don't remember them because I only learned them the day before the test

yeah... haha
what a dork

Nah I always pass the hazard perception, it's the actual test, and I'm not far off either I always get low 40s (but never 43)

Thinking about how these people shouldn't even be at uni.

Neither my high school nor elementary school babied us as much as Unis do.

have the bum pimples

how do i offer to put my balls in there? would be thrilled to lie down at the bottom of the pit, knackers up, and have some tumblrina just land with all of her weight right on top of them

Should have said "so is the girl"

How do you even fail that shot it's so easy you fucking idiot. If it takes you that long to do the theory go's help you on the practical lmao

rate my acne

lads...

Wish they had that at my uni
I'd go there an play loud metal music

5 cents

x + (1 + x) = 1.1
2x = 0.1
x = 0.05
therefore the bat cost 1.05

not hard blud

Pls no bully. I don't know shit about cars, I don't like them

doing a think over this

Five cents.

5 cents

Wanked to paki porn twice

x+1+x=1.1
2x+1=1.1
x=.05

in the family washroom at work and some raging cunt is banging on the door

Like hell use the regular bathroom

6/10
rate my eczema

should i post my mates wife? the one that got cucked and is taking care of twins?

You should have threatened to kill her family haha

some literal math wizards itt

you'd be surprised
ideaspots.com/solve-riddle-tons-harvard-students-failed/

>Moderator asks question about cyber warfare and security

"I have a son. He's 10 years old. He has computers. He is so good with these computers, it's unbelievable. The security aspect of the cyber is very, very tough. And maybe it's hardly do-able. But I will say, we are not doing the job we should be doing, but that's true throughout our whole governmental society. We have so many things that we have to do better, Lester - and certainly the cyber is one of them."

Get some sun you Troglodytes

well?

youtube.com/watch?v=8G9QIIvSpzE

wait are the twins black

i didn't read this but my guess would be they were asked it in person and answered without really thinking

40

96
*yawns*
*adjusts my fedora*

19

Does negging actually work?

It's hard to do it without sounding like a dick

1+4x1=5
2+5x2=12
3+6x3=21
8+11x4=52

52

No.

Being self-deprecating is literally the easiest way to get girls though. Just dont go overboard with it.

96

92 you fucks

I think it works when you are friends with someone and they trust you.

51

only correct answer

8x11 = 88 +8 = 96

>Being self-deprecating is literally the easiest way to get girls though.
Explain

wait no its 40

8+11+21=40

Just paid $100 for a PUA's book. He does so well, it must work

ding ding ding!

next question

What a disaster

i think the point is that you can find a lot of different answers that follow some pattern

clever

listening to "popestar"
banger ep

you answered your own question

Could be also
1x4 +1
2x5 +2
3x6 +3
8x11 +4

independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/pepe-the-frog-hate-symbol-anti-defamation-league-alt-right-meme-a7334181.html?cmpid=facebook-post

Wew lads.

15

all the previous sums are wrong

>Should have gone with a weak framelet high e face cuck instead of a pseudo-chad
what did he mean by this

got called a little legend in the tescos parking lot after downing a whole pack of mcvitties

this desu. thats not how equations work

...

new to catch a predator is top bantz tbqh

15, duh
you dummy

Please refrain from posting the Nazi frog

lads
imagine being American

youtube.com/watch?v=e9PqefBGdxc

Anybody here made money off YouTube?

this 2bh i'm surprised you're all answering them differently
it's like you don't know basic maths

Oh come off it you absolute spacker

Cred Forums has fucked everything again

"I wasn't going to do anything. Just wanted to hang out with this 12 year old boy. Wanted to make a friend. I'm actually really not into that."

>The popular Internet meme Pepe the Frog has been officially designated a hate symbol by the Anti-Defamation League.
Ah it's the Anti-Defamation League. It's always the Anti-Defamation League.

you can hear every breath she takes

why are Rasheeds always so anti-Semitic?

So do I need a license for pepe's now?

Yes me. A lot. Can't answer questions though. Need to go to bed. Will talk tomorrow.

the closet paedo butthurt in the Cred Forums threads is always entertaining

Fuck off dimwit

oh piss of you utter weapon

ah yes
matched with a qt on tinder and sperged my way into conversational oblivion
onto the next hole

>peado
Why use the singular form?

I'd say 30% of that board are pedos.
The other 70% are fat autists that hate a film or show if it gets too popular.

Except the Sopranos of course. They suck the foreskin right off of it.

fuck off kid diddler

bugger off, mong

*joins the KKK*

>pedos
FOY

because muslims hate jews and always have

actual nonce detected

>oh piss of you utter weapon

>bugger off, mong

Is this guy retarded or does he like roll playing on /brit/?

>roll playing
>roll

Fatarse. Shocker that a fat yank twat is fucking moaning about on food. Spacker

>I come to generals and don't use the lexicon of the host people

Back to /cum/ you go you bellsniff

fuck off yank

made a riddle 4 u lads

SNAP

Why reply to the paki? Everyone knows he's a lying, attention-seeking piece of shit.

^.^
she messaged back after i sperged
i've told her i'll take her somewhere really cool and interesting
where should i suggest lads?

literally only one was me and it was the one calling him a fat yank twat. nice try though, you bellend

Scousers are bunch of fucking drama queens

Oohh 'illsborough

Oohh Thatcher

Get the fuck over yourselves

@65482207
of course the fucking retarded yank doesn't know the gimmick but chooses to speak anyway

walk on

They caught me stealing food at work today lads, feeling proper suicidal

take her to a canal to tag up houseboats
bitches love an outlaw

That's not what snap means you fucking retard

Holy shit

You have two ropes. Each rope takes one hour to burn. These ropes are not identical, nor are they uniform; i.e. it does not necessarily take half an hour for half the rope to burn (if you have trouble visualising this, imagine a rope of varying thickness across its length). With only these two ropes and a way to light them, how do you measure out 45 minutes?

ASIANS OUT!

easy bait

take a hike

...

I hang myself

SNAP

call
a bender

well you can light both ends to get 30 minutes and that's all i got

literally all me

font

at the start light the other rope then once the rope lighted at both ends is burned out light the other end

look at me dab

ooh, who's this handsome devil?

righto

just flopped a full house on poker stars and slowplayed it like as boss. two diamonds on the board so i figured he might have a flush draw. flush got there on the river and i cleaned him out for $25. played like a fiddle lmao

i had to look it up desu :3

i wrap it around the necks of these stupid fucking north american posters and attach the other end to an ascending cargo liner

exTREMEly rude

Literally me lads

Bit haram

good lad

No girl every thinks about me doe...

how do you make a rope to hang yourself?

if you want attention, just ask :3

Fact: 92% of alt-rightists are virgins

Do you have a hemp farm?

just feeling super bad and cant go to sleep ;_;

also you said it wouldn't necessarily take half an hour for the rope to burn so how can we assume the thickness etc. is evenly distributed among either half, or that the ropes are identical in that respect?

all me

youtube.com/watch?v=qVOTRPnl1Jo

if you cut the rope into two halves of equal lengths, it would not necessarily take the same time to burn both

burning at both ends will take half the time regardless

why are you feeling bad?

...

Eat shit and die, you nosey bastard

youtube.com/watch?v=FBaKlwFSDqU
i see

ah yes, an edgy teenager :3

unholy

...

Ultimate job lads?

Mine would be some kind of government deal where I have to go round to depressed spastics houses and coerce them into topping themselves.

Persuading these miserable creatures to renounce their undeserved membership of the human species and do the right thing would be a pleasure.

ate 4 bowls of crunchy nut today

>Ultimate job lads?
>Mine would be some kind of government deal where I have to go round to depressed spastics houses and coerce them into topping themselves.
>Persuading these miserable creatures to renounce their undeserved membership of the human species and do the right thing would be a pleasure.

The gf has arisen

the one where I don't work

post americans

F1 driver

inspector of tidy immigrant fanny

>am i under arrest?

...

Have a very nice apartment lads. But I need it to look a bit more adult-like.

Get a plant? Is artwork too pretentious or try-hard?

is she sick? what the fuck is up with that lower body it's unsettling

lads there's some random cat in my garden who wants to come in my house

what do?

Hey, how about I launched your head off your shoulders with a devastated uppercut?

captain of a barge, transporting cargo across the pacific

Does she have some kind of disease?

Post pics of the kot

too much ass tbqh

they're actually English mate LOL

psychologist desu

low test

bowl of potpourri on the coffee table

>a game of chance involving money? don't mind if i do!

>you say you'll throw in grievous bodily harm on top of that? i'm in

>nobody replied machine operator

/brit/ is dying

*walks into /brit/*
*sees all the yank runts typing away, using british
idioms*
*walks back out*

...

ambassador for hmg to the usa

I put some of my cats food outside for the stranger cat

maybe she is hungry

Hopefully all the other Aussies will fuck off too.

get rid of all your kitchen appliances

when in /brit/, do as the lads

Tosser

>using capital letters
>using full stops
>typing like your grammar is being checked
fucking nerds
will they ever stop learning

need my microwave for tea

do people say "wankstain" in america?

...

my brother and my sister don't speak to (You)
but i don't blame them

>WAYUNKSTAYUN

howling

no but "cumstain" isn't unpopular among the youth

need you out of business

Why do pakis hate the English language?

have a feeling you have a terrible imitation of a yank accent. those pronunciations are way off how wed say it

a 10/10 gril smiled at me today, the closest ive ever been to sex. she doesnt know it but she made my day haha

C H O O N

youtu.be/QhoBvR1e7tA

vocaroo :3

Ever had a girl ride you? Doesn't feel that great at all but its great for them apparently, hot seeing them react to massive mutilated cock

hate my voice

new:
strawpoll.me/11324849
strawpoll.me/11324849
strawpoll.me/11324849

nah cowgirl is my favourite position
feels good and doesn't require a lot of work
missionary feels good but is really tiring

nobody cares

...

Don't worry, we do too

It feels good but not great. Even with girls that are good at riding I can last as long as I'd like with it.

Some are terrible and just grind back and forth. Easy way to get them off though

did not read this post

Nah, your girls loved my voice and said I reminded them of a cowboy.

TexasMasterRace

A king has 1,000 barrels of wine stored in his cellar. Unfortunately the guards found an assassin that had snuck in last night and poisoned exactly one of the barrels. Even 1 drop of poisoned wine would be enough to kill a man, but the poison takes 30 days before becoming fatal, plus or minus a few hours. The poison is colorless, odorless, and victims show exactly 0 signs of being poisoned in the 30 days prior to dying. There is absolutely no way to detect the poison.

In 31 days time, there will be a grand feast in which the king will need as much of the wine as possible. He has 10 prisoners on which to test the wine. His first idea is to give each prisoner a drop from 100 barrels of wine, and then when 1 prisoner dies, throw out all 100 barrels of which the dead prisoner drank from. However his jester speaks up and explains a solution that will pinpoint exactly which barrel is poisoned using only the 10 prisoners.
What was the jester's solution?

>texas
ahah not trying to bully but literally everyone with a texas accent sounds thick as pigshit
its like bristolian for yanks

nobody fucking cares

im a gangsta ass nigga

kill jester

>I show why I am the silenced singer - I'm being forced into a position where I have to sign a tenancy agreement on a Flat in High Wycombe through Chancelours where I have to pay a years rent up front - that's after how I've been messed around in my current flat, I have to pay a lot of money for removals, etc
poor timmy

Nuke Russia

Assign each prisoner a number for a position in a binary number, then for each barrel of wine, the prisoners who's numbers match must drink. So barrel #5 is 0000000101 so only prisoners 8 and 10 drink. Once there's a load of dead prisoners, see what binary number they make, and that's your barrel

people think that here as well. helped me pull though

cama cama cama cama cama chameeleeoooooonnn

yeh its quite hard tbf

>muh gunz
>muh Dallas Cowboys
They are pretty retarded down there desu

WHO

just serve the wine anyway and give the prisoners a drop each so he can be sure hes got a barrel or two for himself
why does he gaf hes the king

Inbetweeners on E4 lads coming up to the best bit haha

ok well you saved me copying the answer too i guess

UP

what have i got in my pocket?

Serve beer instead.

HANDSES!

:( stop stealin our wymynz

Down at the ol' watering hole ladaroonies

Me in the bottom right corner.

>got a pair of jeans with a hole in the pocket
>walk around in public holding my semi-erect cock through the hole

Good fucking feel

Me in the yellow waistcoat

Thanks jupiter

Fucking hell didn't even notice him

go up to the bar and ask for a pint and see what they say

SUCH

absolute top lad behaviour

They asked a pint of what, I said hold on a sec

What do I order?

semen

a noble spirit embiggens the smallest man

vodka

Worth reading The Histories by Herodotus.?

Beer only

>worth reading...?
nah if they haven't made a film of it its shit

Is that really how the asteroid belt moves?

going to have to test every single barrel individually

my life appears to be less eventful than the average bennie receiving /brit/ loser

what have i done

...

IPA

fosters

>there will never be a comedy series like Peep Show or The Inbetweeners ever again

Bring on the race war, I'm ready to die.

nothing, therein lies the problem. You have vacillated and lived a half life of half daring, waiting for some change to be thrust upon you. Take charge pierre.