Cred Forums i fucked up

Jason Collins
Jason Collins

Cred Forums i fucked up

Im 23 years old, and like three weeks ago i was with my then girlfriend at the hospital with her sisters new born baby, her mom was holding the baby and i was talking to my girlfriend, back facing the baby.

so, were chatting and a nasty fart slips out, seriously i didnt even feel it coming but basically right into the baby and grandmas face. immediate looks of disgust and i just laugh it off with
"Oh! Alarmclock, buddy!"

probably not the bets thing to say but someone changes the topic pretty quick, no harm done, right?

Later that night my girlfriend is trying to email some pics of the baby and finds alot of cartoon porn pics i had, mostly kim possible stuff, but some baby dragons too, like in diapers.

she freaks the fuck out, like worst fight weve ever had. she brings up a lot of stuff unrelated but but basically amounts to "you have problems, i cant be with you"

so she leaves for the night, she ont pick up my calls for days and shes staying at her sisters house. finally she picks up and says shes "pressing charges" and hangs up

i got a pic from my buddy the next day of all these posts from her, and her mom, and her sister, basically saying i rubbed my ass on the baby and did other sexual things.

I had to talk to a decetive today and im basically going to get charged with raping a baby. im looking at serious time if the hearing goes bad, my lawyer basically says im fucked if all the people in the room testify..

what do i do..?

Ian Bell
Ian Bell

just to clarify there is NOTHING ILLEGAL on my HDD some im not burning my computer. and the dragon pictures were always used ironically

Connor Thompson
Connor Thompson

How the fuck do you go through daily life without assisted breathing.
Holy fuck you sound like a complete moron and deserve castration.

Jackson Gutierrez
Jackson Gutierrez

baby dragons in diapers
Dude what

Jeremiah Jenkins
Jeremiah Jenkins

Any security camera's in the hospital room? If so, that will prove you didn't rape it. Also wasn't the doctor present in the room?

Best of luck OP. If you really need to, get on the maury show and do that lie detector test

Nathan Flores
Nathan Flores

I second this.

If you get locked up for life, op, nothing is lost. Plenty of faggots around.

Carter Green
Carter Green

they consider the butt rubbing sexual, and since its an infant anything sexual is rape or something like that

Jacob Foster
Jacob Foster

Worst bait ever, or most autistic family ever.

You did nothing. Putting your butt on someone isn't illegal. You did nothing. Hentai isn't illegal.

Magnet to HDD would destroy any illegal shit you had.

The worst defense lawyer would get you off. The stupidest attorney wouldn't touch the case. The ADA would laugh at these charges. A judge would look at the family and say "seriously? Get out."

Enjoy the fact you found out your GF is a horrible person. Lament in the fact that you keep stupid cartoon porn on your computer, despite having ass on tap.

Camden Phillips
Camden Phillips

This confirms bait.

None of this is true.

Jaxon Wilson
Jaxon Wilson

well ur hat is made of copper and that is dumb

Henry Bailey
Henry Bailey

This.

You didn't rape a baby OP. It was an accident and your GF is a bitch.

Liam Ward
Liam Ward

tell that to the police. the story goes i had a boner and they all kicked me out, she reported it the day after because they were scared of me getting violent (history of fights)

Samuel Moore
Samuel Moore

First, learn how to spell. Second, practice making better shitposts, faggot.

John Collins
John Collins

fuck you, my life is ruined

William Miller
William Miller

Paralegal here, but after law school, even I could get you off.

Note: This isn't legal advice, and I'm not an attorney.

Unless they have physical evidence of you farting on the baby, or rubbing your butt, deny deny deny. Remember, you're INNOCENT until PROVEN guilty. The burden of proof is on her and her family. You could counter sue using the Facebook posts as harassment, defamation of character, and libel/slander.

Tell your lawyer to go back to school and retake a basic civics course, because you must've picked him off of the first google search you ran. Fucking idiot.

Jaxon Davis
Jaxon Davis

police said im fucked too

Oliver Thompson
Oliver Thompson

if 3 people say you did something and they are all related so same motive, i dont think they can be seriously considered in the court of law, especially regarding family matters and relationships.

where do you live op?

Nicholas Sullivan
Nicholas Sullivan

Doesn't matter. Cops just hate paperwork. Don't speak to anybody else from here on out without an attorney present. If you do, you deserve the charges for walking into it.

Sebastian Gonzalez
Sebastian Gonzalez

AHAHAHAHAHA!!! U FARTRAPED A BABY?

what the actual fuck op?

Dominic Phillips
Dominic Phillips

kim possible stuff

Isaiah Reyes
Isaiah Reyes

pressing charges
for what farting on a baby?
is this a case of fart rape?

Nolan Morgan
Nolan Morgan

B8 m8 might as well kill yourself

Your lawyer would not tell you that you are fucked from this.

You smell bad

Zachary Thompson
Zachary Thompson

They're gonna say that to scare you and for you to plead guilty

Brody Rivera
Brody Rivera

If your lawyer can't get you off on charges of raping the baby while her grandma was holding her, you need a new lawyer

Jason Walker
Jason Walker

topkek
wtf man in what world do you live
you're not fucked at all
and your girlfriend was a literal turd

Ian Gray
Ian Gray

i live in norway, courts dont work like they do in the us. the police think im guilty and think im a pervert

Jaxson Murphy
Jaxson Murphy

Jesus dude lol.

I think there's a lesson to be learned here.
Cred Forums - Not even once.

Michael Gomez
Michael Gomez

Hahaha good. You are a fucking pervert.

Carson Reed
Carson Reed

Im going to explain to the police how it is not illegal for the pictures of kim and the dragon stuff was used ironically. im going to the center again in a little bit to meet with the same detective and explain Cred Forums to him

Carson Wright
Carson Wright

I Swear!, he raped the baby!
N-no i didnt, i just farted on it!, it was an accident!
No!, you're a pedophile!, i saw you fuck it in the ass!
Yeah?!, well, i asked Cred Forums advice and they told me nothing i did was illegal!

Mason Hall
Mason Hall

Might as well give them a reason to charge you if you're allowing yourself to get railroaded like that. Rub your butt on as many babies as you can.

Mason Morris
Mason Morris

Prison time might just be good for you, they might beat the stupid out of you.

Ayden Bennett
Ayden Bennett

there was no penetration. in norway it is different, if it is proved to be sexual it is charged no different than me assfucking the bugger

Daniel Johnson
Daniel Johnson

Wow. You know, we should all move to Norway and unsexually rape women. Especially little girls. After all, it's legal.

HEEEELP IM BEING RAPED
No you're not. This is a standard penetration test, that's all. We're just checking if your vag works.

Jordan Robinson
Jordan Robinson

I think you understood that backwards, if you touch somebody and they can convince people it was sexual then you will go to prison

Jordan Torres
Jordan Torres

smoke some weed

Lucas Moore
Lucas Moore

explain 4chin to cops, is posts many funy memes
"Y r there all the dicks"
I don't look at dicks. Sware.
y 4 all the girls have penises?!
I don't look at those dicks either.
y r dey talkin bout rape 4?
I don't look at those either.
y do u go on 4chins if no look
IS 4CHIN IS Y

Alexander Morales
Alexander Morales

man fly to another country, it's too fucking cold anyway

Robert Sullivan
Robert Sullivan

LOL

Dylan Stewart
Dylan Stewart

shhhh, you might make the goy realize they have no reason to be here

Nolan Thomas
Nolan Thomas

Since this is going to the courts, I think it's acceptable that you break our code of silence.

Lets face it, this isn't a secret club anymore. Quite a lot of people visit Cred Forums, they just pretend that they don't. Chances are somebody in the jury visits an imageboard.

Divide and conquer:
First of all, come clean to your family. This way you can get them withdraw their withness statement. Tell them that you're part of a massive online community that focuses on ultra sophisticated satire and everyday discussions. This community is called Cred Forums. Because it's just an incredibly massive satire show, at times shock images are posted. The end result is an abstract, living form of modern art.

When they ask why, just tell them that you've always been part of this community and never had second thoughts about your membership.

After they've understood the concept, tell them that you didn't intend to fart on the baby - but you lactose intolerance and it happened accidentally.

If you end up in courts, just use the same defense.

Now, to make yourself look less like a pedophile you should probably go ahead and save a lot of just stupid, more or less borderline sexual images on your Cred Forums folder. DO NOT FORGET TO MODIFY THEIR SAVING DATES.

Adam Walker
Adam Walker

Hahaha jævla dredunge

Thomas Gutierrez
Thomas Gutierrez

Just let the fag go to jail.

Lincoln Wright
Lincoln Wright

How can gass leaving your body possibly be considered sexual you poletard

Chase Ortiz
Chase Ortiz

police say i have a baby diaper fetish. its not true, i like diapers in an adult way but not on babys

Isaac Peterson
Isaac Peterson

OP here. I'm in serious shit so I'm just going to come clean. I also had about 16GB of Lolita and childporn. The local authority's have requested my computer and other internet enabled devices. What do I do?

David Jackson
David Jackson

this isnt me. only the kim stuff, like 6 dragon pictures and my frog folder

Landon Brooks
Landon Brooks

Yeah, the poliece would probably know more about your sexual preferences.
After all you do have pictures of dragons in diapers that you can't possibly delete.

Isaiah Cox
Isaiah Cox

Jesus fucking Christ Norway's autistic

Nolan Rivera
Nolan Rivera

Wtf, frog folder?

Xavier Davis
Xavier Davis

You're a sick fuck. You should be thrown in jail, it's only a matter of time until that cartoon shit becomes child porn.

Benjamin Powell
Benjamin Powell

I think its only OP thats autistic

Tyler Bailey
Tyler Bailey

I'm assuming he means pepes

Adrian Diaz
Adrian Diaz

Man i dont understand this thread at all. What does your weird porn have to do with farting on a baby? and how the fuck could you even possibly go to jail for farting on a baby? If youre really getting fucked by the law OP, no eurofag can talk shit about the US legal system EVER again

Cooper Watson
Cooper Watson

This thread again?

Samuel White
Samuel White

If fartinf on a baby is considered rape than Norway is autistic as fuck but op is also autistic

Mason White
Mason White

What the fuck am I even reading.

I still have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to think about this...

Wyatt Martinez
Wyatt Martinez

THIS
High levels of kek

James Evans
James Evans

farts on baby

Parker Smith
Parker Smith

Why did it link that post I didn't click on that shit

Nathaniel Lopez
Nathaniel Lopez

Holy shit, I hope you get chemically castrated, what a disgrace of a human being.

Eli Gutierrez
Eli Gutierrez

I've never heard of anything this retarded in the rest of Europe. Norway is just fucking strange.

Thomas Davis
Thomas Davis

KEK
E
K

Grayson Bell
Grayson Bell

Ok, guys!
Im a buddy of OP and he did have a boner, but not from the baby.
Also the baby didnt have the kind of diaper that satisfies OPs fetish.

He still fuckd tho.

Brandon Lewis
Brandon Lewis

You need to RUN. Like RIGHT NOW. PACK YOUR CLOTHES AND FLY TO A NEW COUNTRY start a new life or something. If what you're saying is legit you really have no other option. Good Luck user.

Colton Evans
Colton Evans

Bro literally go through there statements like what time did this occur when were you alone with the baby why didn't they tell the hospital if you hurt the baby why is there no marks or injury's on it talk to your gf and ask if she really wants to raise the baby as a victim ....... Just find anything that doesn't match up and when the testify say there lying to get revenge and in some country's if your sexualy assaulted the governments give you massive pay outs so research that and cause them of wanting that..... I was accused with rape from my ex and I just went through her statement over and over and high lighted all the lies then found ways to research them write a whole page of evidence suggesting she wants money from govt I sent her the in email 3 days later get a call from cops saying case was dropped still should if sued that piece of shit I was literally 15 at the time so this isn't a hard thing to do good luck

Isaiah Green
Isaiah Green

thank you user, i will search for discrepancies in their original facebook posts. i feel like my life is ruined and i did nothing wrong..

Grayson Carter
Grayson Carter

If any piece of you're retarded, barley coherent story is true, you should be butt raped for all eternity in jail. Stupid shit happens to stupid people.

Jeremiah Cruz
Jeremiah Cruz

Implying we don't post all that stuff so we can talk about Jews every once in a while with impunity.

Eli Gutierrez
Eli Gutierrez

They are leading you.to the slaughter. You're a fucking retard, do you not realize you can request legal counsel be there for Every meeting with these people. Get defense, not more contact and fuck that detective, and sure the shit out of your exfor slander.

Grayson Walker
Grayson Walker

Dude they have nothing on you you'll be fine now calm down

Asher Hughes
Asher Hughes

wow hey reddit, nice new maymay..

David Young
David Young

tfw partner is into more fucked up things than you
both share a computer, don't give a fuck

Evan Watson
Evan Watson

The police are the hugest liars int he history of the universe. They would send an innocent man to jail for murder if it meant doing less paperwork.

Zachary Cooper
Zachary Cooper

If your post is not a copy-pasta, it will becomes one.

Jonathan Martin
Jonathan Martin

Pics of post and we will help.

Logan Taylor
Logan Taylor

Welcome to the internet.

Are you old enough to be here?

Jonathan Taylor
Jonathan Taylor

Isn't it just a variation of the guy with his neighbor's baby?

Joseph Moore
Joseph Moore

what r u talking about, this is my trial

Luke Parker
Luke Parker

I would trust 6 jews and 12 nigger over 1 cop

Daniel Murphy
Daniel Murphy

police are always going to say that. they always want to turn anything into a class A felony, even when it's not a crime. and if you talked to a detective without a lawyer, you're a dumbfuck. never talk to the cops alone. NEVER. first thing you do is ask for a lawyer.

they will turn everything around on you. they love trying to play your friend, tell you things like how it will look better for you to talk to them first without going for a lawyer. fuck that. fucking pigs always want to pad their records with arrests.

Jace Scott
Jace Scott

Are they Hispanic? Did they say a gringo raped my baby?

Justin Perry
Justin Perry

i told them about how i like adults in diapers but not kids! i was very clear i had no interest in childern

Carson Morales
Carson Morales

cartoon porn pics i had, mostly kim possible stuff, but some baby dragons too, like in diapers.
enjoy prison you fucking degenerate

Brandon Ross
Brandon Ross

i told them about how i like adults in diapers

you should have winked at him then

Oliver Perez
Oliver Perez

OP I don't like babies either. I fully support you farting on that little prick.

Sebastian Hernandez
Sebastian Hernandez

i rubbed my ass on the baby

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