Any anons suffering from alcoholism?

I'm down to talk or whatever but idk how to start it so ask if you want or don't I'll check back occasionally

That seems to be the theme I'm picking up on. Now to try and find some that can be deciphered while being original enough

Yeah I was spending around 4 grand a week on drugs and booze and smokes,mainly for myself but friends got some spillover, never got into heroin mind so that might be why I'm still around.

How was it when you cut down to weed? There's no way in hell that was easy.

Acid was my drug of choice though, I was buying two or three sheets at a time and I'd drop 85 to 120 every couple weekends

Im almost 2 years sober, but was an alcoholic for quite awhile before then. I first drank because it was fun and i wanted to have fun all the time. I felt more relaxed and outgoing while drinking. Then in turned into if i had a bad day, id drink to feel better. If i had a good day, id drink to celebrate. Didnt matter. I needed the booze to feel normal after a while. Id wake up and drink a few shots to get me through work, come home and get shitfaced. I gained weight, became a jerk, stopped hanging out with people. I couldnt do anything sober. I got fed up with myself and quit the day after Thanksgiving 2014.

I applaud your strength to quit it, user. Fucking hell, that probably wasn't easy.

I woke up strapped to a bed in the psych ward of a hospital in far northern canada with a vague idea of who and where I was, on checkout I was informed they found 75 xanax and a bunch of testosterone (I was on roids at the time) and GHB in my room so i was fired for it. Around that time I was evicted and got in another car crash while somewhat sober so I decided to go to university even though I had no savings or home. After 4 months of hellish scrounging, hustling and saving I paid tuition out of my own pocket and now I live sober in my own apartment, now, it may sound like this was over a long period but all that happened in those 4 months. 3 years of daily use is easier to quit from when you don't have any choice.

>3 years of daily use is easier to quit from when you don't have any choice
Fair point, user.

Curious, what kept you going when you were doing what you could to pay for uni?

kudos

what do you see as the biggest difference now? at least now you can remember ...

Thanks. It wasnt. I still have cravings now and then. I just remind myself that ive come this far and dont want to throw it all away

I definitely wish you all the best

Fucking after work every day my mouth feels like a dessert till I have a beer. Then usually don't stop

Slipped a few times, mostly with finding stashes I'd hidden around town, can't pass up an 8 ball od pure coke when you find it lol. I still drop acid every couple months and have a beer every now and again but alchohol wasn't really the main issue. Most addicts hate what they are, I've never met someone in the spiral who liked what they were and of course you don't know when your there. It was mostly figuring out what I am and what I want in life I guess.

Thanks. I lost a lot of weight. Saving money, as hard as it still is, became much easier because im not wasting it on bottles. I feel better and not such a piece of shit anymore

I know cigarettes don't compare to what you went through, but after years and years of smoking and poor blood circulation, the doctors have me a simple choice: cigarettes or my legs. I've never had an easier time quitting something so addictive.

I appreciate it, user

To tack on its a new thing. Just went through a nasty breakup. I'm fine around people but it exhausts me so drinking at home alone feels natural and relaxing but I'll be hungover the next day and hate the day till I get home and have a drink some days

I know it's probably a mental thing, but do you drink water throughout the day? All the alcoholics I know can't remember the last time they had a glass of water. If so, you are probably massively dehydrated.

I drink because it's the only way I can bring myself to fuck the now fat slag that is my wife.

There's gotta be some lyrics you could write for that.

>When I met you, you were an 8/10
>Now you look like you belong in a pig pen

Mainly will I guess, that and I've never been one to quit trying. My mind isn't what it used to be though, my head gets hot every once in awhile and there's some wierd fugue stuff every few days where I'm essentially useless but all in all its getting better now, just had 5 good days where I was happy in a row which Is huge.

I don't know what anyone else is going through but I was astonishingly lucky to not get jail time. It's a different life and you meet people who are crazily addicted every day you wouldn't know we're. I would drop 1 gr of K in a bathroom break and nobody would be any the wiser as I was injecting not snorting. I'd eat an eighth of shrooms then drive to grandma's for dinner.

I guess things are boring now but it's good, I feel like I can open up to people now and maybe kinda have a girlfriend who's also sober so we go do sober stuff when we can't handle the silence in our heads.

Yeah a massive amount probably 100 Oz a day of water. Honestly I constantly feel thirsty. Got a bladder problem so if I'm dehydrated my dick can hurts to the point of fainting. I think by the time I'm off work I'm tired of water mostly

But Thanksgiving of 14 was probably one hell of a ride yeah?

I regularly drink half a handle of gin or bourbon. Starting drinking a 12 pack a night at 21 and it just escalated. Used to go to work hungover every day. I've cut back to only weekends. Still drink a handle per weekend

Just do some. Just a taste man. You know you want to.

But yeah acid was the big one , I'd be fucked up on acid way more if the tolerance didn't increase so quick after use, your off acid for a week unless you do twice as much next time. I did spend one week high on acid almost the whole time but I'd gotten a vial with around 20,000 hits in it to drain and only one week off

work makes me stressed out, and unconfident so I get home and drink 6-8 beer to hype myself up about the great things that can happen the next day, tmr comes lame as hell plus soul crushing, performance is impaired due to my previous night of drinking, fail hard, go home same thing go to bed and repeat the cycle. I'm drunk right now faggot!

Yeah that "what happened to you" expression people get is the worst fucking part of it all.

Haha actually it wasnt as good as it shouldve been. Spent more time reflecting while drunk. I spent it with family so it was hard to go all out. I couldve waited to stop once i had a rager, but i know id just tell myself that it wouldnt be good enough, so id need another rager, then another. It was definitely the time to stop

If you get hung over you're not an alcohol

Idk I got hung over but maybe that was the drugs nit the alchohol

Different guy sorry

Oh man. No doubt

A friend of mine basically used drugs as something to keep him happy. He didn't realize his obvious mistakes until he tried heroin. After that it took about a year before we lost him. Probably a benzo/sub combo. Shit's harsh man, I used to talk to him about his addiction. What struck me the most, which I also now can recognize in my own mental health issues, is the loneliness it creates. The lack of understanding, perceived understanding, and ability to explain makes isolation a natural state. People just can't open up.

I fucked up my body from a decade of pro skating. Don't do it. Shit sucks

I had a choice: eat pain pills or take a drink so I can sleep. Then it became take a drink to not be cranky. Then it became take a drink to be happy

Alcohol slowly stopped becoming effective so I would drink more and more often

Now it's a solid bottle a day. Perpetual hangover. Liver is shot. Have to take a shit ton of pills anyway.

Fuck skateboarding

I quit drinking and drugs 3 years ago when my spouse threw me out of the house. Quitting was rough for a while - my life was a mess. Things are a lot better now. I'm in the best shape of my life and get to hookup with chicks that are hotter than my ex.

I legitimately had an ex ask that to my face at the bar, wasn't a wake up call because it was 'that bitch'

Sorry about your brother. Take it easy with the nightcaps, i'm pretty sure it was a major factor in me developing acid reflux.

You have a YouTube? Or any of your music online.

For me alcohol makes me feel less like dying. Work is hell I work 70+ hours a week but I'm in the military so no matter how much I work I make just about nothing and I am very very far away from my family and friends. And I always feel weird trying to talk to them about my issues because I don't want them to worry. So I get home from work and sit in the barracks and drink until I fall asleep every night. And I know it's bad but I feel like seeking help would only make the situation worse.

Can you give me a hint at who you are? Perhaps board sponsor?

>someone trying to create art about a traumatic life experience
>has never experienced that trauma

How about go die in a hole fuckface?

If you really want to understand alcoholics go to a couple Aa meetings. Most are selfish assholes and big babies honestly. They piss everyone off and don't understand why everyone gets pissed. Most addicts and alcoholics don't think they have a problem before treatment so you probably won't get many honest answers from people who are loaded right now. Egomaniacs with inferiority complexes would describe most of the drunks I know accurately. But I do love them and dedicate much of my time trying to help them because I am one.

“There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.”

– Doug Stanhope

Shitty. Too bad you couldnt see your reflection in her cold and heartless eyes

Sadly, I don't. I have been pooling ideas together so when I do release, it can be meaningful. To give you an idea though it is progressive rock and progressive metal type deal that I write.

I'm just using it as an excuse to anonymously vent about my crazy fucked up drug use. Fuck op this thread is ours now.
He can try all he wants but he'll never know what it means. He's too weak to keep himself together and drink so he'll try to leech off of those of us who've been through the wringer and made it out.

I can't get anywhere with issues that I personally face. Damn near got sectioned for writing about depression which is something I have.

I have just seen how being an alcohol fucked with my dad's life, which motivated me to want to understand it more.

Yep, spot on, inside of addiction is usually self-hatred of some form or another.

FUCK you all.

Alright that's reasonable, I thought you were like "oh Bob Dylan went through it and made good music about It so I'll do it too"

Thanks you weak willed pussy

I am technically a binge alcoholic.
I don't drink during week days but on the weekend I will drink 1-2 bottles of whiskey. Usually by myself.
Best thing about alcohol for me is it kills the thoughts that are killing me for a while.

Hmm...
>29
>Living the dream abroad
>Good jobs, fun at night, got married to a beautiful lady
>Changes opinions on babies (wants one, NOW), wtf..
>Share probs with friends
>One of them says stop by before work
>We have some drinks at his suggestion
>Tl;dr that quickly pushed me over this invisible line of no going back til all is gone
>35 now
>Lost wife, job, was basically homeless for a year, sleeping on friends couches between 33-34, drinking a handle of vodka a day..
>..until my eyes tinted a tad yellow
>Stopped, dusted myself off..just now being normal again with a good job
>Life is good again but seriously..fuck alcohol. Lost all and almost life.

Not all alcoholics go from sun up to sun down you dumb cunt

It's a compulsion. You find a gravity pulling you towards the refrigerator. You don't even want a drink. You hate yourself for what you know is inevitable. You may even fight it for 20-25 minutes. Standing by the closed doors. Feet rooted in place. But you can never win. Eventually the door opens and you pour a drink. The immediate warmth thato you feel in your stomach. The feeling of lucidity that flushes over you. You convince yourself it's only one more, so you pour it. Before long you're 6 drinks in and muttering to yourself sweet nothings about how it's a one off. How you'll stop after the next. After that you wake up. An empty bottle next to you and a ringing headache. You curse your affliction but as the day passes, aso does your hangover. And so does your disdain for your actions the night before.

Booze is honestly the only thing I look forward too now. I work long days and start drinking as soon as I get home. I need to drink enough before I go to bed so that I pass out. I can't lay alone in bed sober or else my thoughts and feelings start gettin out of control. Alcohol pretry much keeps the thoughts of me killing myself at bay.

Anyone else feel really happy when drunk but every now and then you look at yourself in the mirror while plastered and think "I fucking hate you" and the buzz is gone?

Same, I've been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember. And that's why I do it. It's easier then dealing with the problems

I've had it both ways. Alcohol is great to stop thinking and pass out but occasionally it can hit me at the wrong time and I get even more depressed

I drank between binges because you can keep drinking easily compared to things like psychadellics

I can't find psychedelics or I'd just do that

not sure if im an alcoholic or not. I like to drink, and i do it just about everyday, but i don't go to school/work drunk so if i am an alcoholic, i'm at least a functioning one.

I smoked weed, but weed has a habit of making you think about shit, and alcohol more just numbs my thoughts and feelings, and i typically just enjoy things more

i can down a single fifth of alcohol in one night by myself, but usually only on weekends

Ever since the first time I took a drink I knew that's what I had been looking for my whole life. Some people want to be astronauts, or doctors, or lawyers when they grow up. I wanted to be drunk.

It solved all of my problems. And I grew a life around myself that could support that.

Look harder, specifically ask for mdma then leverage that connection into different drugs, usually if you can find M or coke you can find the regular party favors

I don't do mdma that's part of the problem

Oh hey Bam

So you find M dipshit people that sell m sell lsd, I did, it makes business sense cause the markup for lsd is insane, I was getting sheets for 50 a pop and flipping them for 500, it doesn't make sense to not sell acid if you sell M unless you can't get it. People that sell coke sell other things too cause coke has shit margins

I should say coke has shit margins for people at ground level not for people at the top, then margins are fantastic

Go fuck yourself you fucking hack.

Alcoholism isn't something you should ever showboat for the glamor of it if you've never dealt with it you piece of shit.

Anyone in this thread giving their experience as an alcoholic is a fucking bullshitter.

OP if I ever met you I'd fucking drop you. Go fucking kill yourself you piece of shit.

Oh come off it you fucking shit stick.

How dare I wanna to try to understand something other people suffer from. I'm a goddamn musician and I would prefer to sing about something besides fucking girls, driving cars, fucking cars, or driving girls.

My money is on this guy being the real alcoholic here.

You're a fucking hack, dude. I suffered from alcoholism for the past two years and it's not something you should try and write a song about because a real fucking musician writes from the fucking heart about their own fucking experiences you fucking pussy. Go fucking kill yourself asshole. People like you make me fucking sick.

I fucking was and I know all these "stories" UTT are fucking lies.

You want to write a song about fucking addiction, bitch?

Go fall in love, think your life is complete oly to get fucked, then develop an addiction and live by it.

Then you'll have your fucking inspiration you fucking hack.

Don't tell me what a real musician writes about. Vivaldi is a lauded composer and as far as I know, he never spent a year as each of the fucking seasons.

How about you fuck off and all?

>2 years an alcoholic
>suffered

Talk about it when you hit 10+ years you fucking asshole pussy hack

why are you writing a song about something you don't understand?

Well best of luck to you. I'm on my way to a meeting right now. (Not the only way but it works for me) There is life after alcohol and it ain't bad.

The same reason George Crumb wrote about being a celestial body. It's the beauty of abstract thought.

Haa

OK you little bitch. You're a fucking hack.

>hey guys I'm just some spoiled little brat and I want to write a pretend song about almost killing yourself and ruining lives of those you love because of your addiction. I'm just so pure and I want to be your voice to the world so I can be a cuck and make a YouTube video like the biebs and hopefully get discovered by usher and maybe someone better.

Kill your self bitch.

Better yet, go buy a bottle of whiskey and drink yourself to fucking sleep every night for the next month thinking about how unoriginal and talentless you'll always be.

Then KYS

I'm drunk as shit on vodka right now cos I have the day off tomorrow. I drink, but I don't NEED to drink like my shitty ass dad does.

copy, go to AA meetings you'll get darkly inspired prob. I heard some fucked up shit in meetings. Dude blacked out and woke up with his car on his lawn and a severed head stuck in the grill, didnt remember running the guy over and just went to bed like nothing happend. served prison time and now goes to meetings and cries retelling this story every night. what a nightmare...

Wowwhhhoooowo

Big fucking man over here!

>hurr durr try ten years as a fuck up alcoholic bitch. I'm still trying to beat alcoholism nigger. I'm a better fuck up than you are.
Seriously? You're really going to try and fucking outstand someone over something like alcoholism?

I take back what I said about OP. You should fucking kill yourself you pussy. If you actually DID suffer from alcoholism you would fucking agree with me.

guys like that are the reason i stopped going to meetings. dick measuring contests about how shitty of an alcoholic you were is the saddest thing i've ever witnessed.

You guys are a bunch of fucking pussies.

Hey OP. Go to fucking reddit. I bet you'll get a bunch of hacks just like you spewing a bunch of nonsense for your fake ass song.

Pussy

kek

THANK YOU

I tried rehab once. I was in detox for two days and I fucking left the third day because of how much bullshit it is. Rehabilitation has such a low success rate too. The only people I've ever known to succeed and overcome addiction always do it alone just like I am right now.

cocksucker

If I wanted bullshit, I wouldn't waste time here. Starting this thread gave some people a chance to vent. Having to put up with cunts like you is a small price to pay. Very small price.

Very intelligent of you, user. So deep and intellectual. You really changed my perspective. Bravo for you.

Not that this will sway anyone but if you actually work the steps life is pretty awesome. I agree it's hard to listen to all the fucks who sit in meetings and don't actually change their lives. I really get off on helping people though and some do get it.

Never went to AA or NA, still quit, anyone who says it's impossible to quit is weak of will and weak of mind. Good for the people that work the program, whatever works is a good thing.

>Vivaldi is a lauded composer and as far as I know, he never spent a year as each of the fucking seasons.

Yes. Deal with it daily.