One month ago my father died of stage four lung cancer, and I haven't felt much of anything since...

One month ago my father died of stage four lung cancer, and I haven't felt much of anything since. I havent really had an emotional response. Everyone keeps asking me if i'm okay, and treating me like I should be wallowing in the depths of depression, but i'm just numb. everything is the same, everyone is the same, almost nothing has changed. what do?
>pic unrelated

did he a smoker?

he always told me he never smoked, but a few days before he died he told the doctor he smoked a little bit when he was younger, my guess is it came from the nuclear power plants he worked in

continue on. If you feel like there's something you have to deal with, deal with it. otherwise just continue.

I've never had the raw emotional response to death other people have. It usually takes weeks or months to hit me that they're not coming back.

It sounds like you're like me. You'll feel emotion, you'll grieve, you're just not doing it on the same schedule as everyone else.

It feels like I was over it the day he told me he found out about his condition, like I just instantly accepted his death, and when he did die. . . nothing. His funeral is in a couple weeks and all my cocksucking family wants me to give a eulogy

I don't know what you should do, but your brain most likely completely numbed you emotionally as a way to protect you. Your brain is coping with your dad's death with this mechanism. If it doesn't go away after a couple of months or if you want to, you should probably get a therapist to express how you feel, or go to a psychiatrist for medication

I lost a sibling about 2 months ago user. Sudden yet somewhat expected.. Haven't been the same since. We move on in our own ways.. but you need to dig deep and not only find those hidden emotions; but express and address them. It could hit you like a ton of bricks tomorrow or it could be six months from now. It's normal to feel "numb", it's a natural human reaction to repress emotions or depersonalize following a traumatic event. Even venting on here could be beneficial. Best of luck to you OP, time heals all wounds.

knowing it's going to happen ahead of time changes things too, yeah.

You can give the eulogy if you want, but only if you like him and think he's worth talking about. a eulogy is there to tell people who didn't know him so well about him, and remind those who did know him about what kind of person he was.
If you dont want that or cant think of anything to do, it's fine to back out. just say you don't think you can handle it

Your dad was a fag, lel

you`re holding your emotions, because you haven`t really expressed them trust me if you hold them like this, you will snap.
My dad died a year ago cried at his burial, nobody from the family showed me any are you ok ? holded a grudge than snapped.
and it is like emptyness wich sucks a lot just like you described it numb emptyness.

Sorry for your loss OP. What you're feeling isn't necessarily bad, so don't convince yourself you should be feeling this way or that way.

Whatever you do, though, remember that you weren't responsible. Don't blame yourself.

And if other people are taking it harder right now (like your mom, any siblings/cousins, etc), don't give them a hard time, just mourn with them and comfort them.

Hope you feel something positive instead of just numbness.
>vid for the hell of it

My mother died a year ago from breast cancer.
Hers was a slow death. took about 4.5 years of her wasting away. Gave me a lot of time to come to terms with it.

Toward the end, I could barely be in the same room with her, it was terrible, but it made me feel awful seeing her like that. To cope, I cheated on my girlfriend a bunch and basically said "fuck it" to my career. That didn't really help, but I wanted to do pretty much anything because I didnt see a point in anything at the time.

When she eventually passed, I had already worked through most of my emotions, so I just went to work the next day.

You never really stop missing them, you just try and remember the good times. That helps a lot.

Took him three and a half years to finally give in. His treatments were sending his cancer in and out of remission, but the last scan showed the cancer was uncontrollably spreading. So he called me up and told me to come see him, I drove three days across the country, and when i walked into his room at the cancer center, i didn't even recognize him. I think the hardest part was that, and when he told me he didn't want to live anymore

Yeah i've been mostly trying to comfort my sister who lives across country, the strangest part of the whole experience is the people not necessarily telling me how to act, but implying through actions how I should be acting, and that just makes me feel resentful of everyone around me

Op there is such thing as preemptive grieving, its how we mentally prepare when we know the worst is happening. We usually learn this from owning pets and loseing grand parents.
Its ok man you don't need to prove to anyone that you're sad or hurting. Them checking in on you is just them making sure you're good because they care. Just be gracious for their sake and let them know you're ok. Find your own way to greive and miss/ remember/ honor him and carry on his best mannerisms so that he may live through your actions by how you interact with people, its all we can do.
I lost a really close friend recently and alot if peiple who knew we were tight hit me up to make sure i was ok. Its a natural part of life man. When it hits you, just let the feeling wash over you. No shame. And if you feel like you've grieved enough and you just want to continue on, thats ok too man.

Thats the thing, i've been waiting for those emotions to come out just so i can get it over with, move on, and go back to my life, but nothing, no feeling of grief, no crying, and even though everything seems the same, nothing feels right, i just feel hollow. and when people asked me if i was okay, i would just give them the default, 'i miss him, but i'm okay'

my dad died completely unexpected from brainbleeding couple of weeks ago, same reaction. think its normal

This guy gets it OP, lost a sibling a while back and would go between phases of numb and overwhelming grief. Important thing is to not internalize this stuff too much, you gotta do some searching

My mother died of cancer after it spread from her colon, to her lungs,her spine and her brain.
I didn't cry. I still havnt really.
I loved her, we had a to if h relationship but she was still my mom.
Don't let others tell you how to mourn, my sister called me a monster but I jut don't cry about that kind of thing.

My Granma was very "healthy" up until february. She was a smoker her entire life, but she used to walk a lot and do things and exercises. Then, I think it was Feb 22nd, BAM diagnosed with emphysema on the upper part of the lungs. Then diagnosed with cancer on throat and lungs(doctor said that the cancer was lingering there for over 10 years). Started radiotherapy in July, died on the second week, the radiation cut a blood vessel, and she died in her sleep.

Sometimes I remember her and almost cry, but mostly I'm just numb and sad that she's gone. But she lived in another city, so i didn't saw her much, which I regret the most, because I had opportunities to see her, but i dismissed, I'd rather play some bullshit game with my friends, and go see a movie, than travel to see her.

All the stories, and recipes that I never learned, knowledge that was so close to me but then it just disappeared, now there are only memories and objects.

Even recently, I was at a calculus class when it struck me, I don't even know when I remembered her, but I suddenly did and got real sad, still didn't cry, but I remember her every now and again.

My father's cousin, when he lost his mother told me that you live twice, the first when you are born, and the second the time your mother dies.

Well, this helped a little

Congrats, you're a well adjusted human being

At least he didn't go out like pic related. Then you'd be telling a whole different story.

I'm with you there man, my dad traveled abroad for work all the time, we had a decent relationship, i loved the guy, but it was kind of detached.
it feels like i've just been distracting myself to avoid the shitstorm. I'm also in calculus, probably just failed my first test.
I quit my job last week, was sick of that bullshit act. I also just kinda stopped talking to my girlfriend, am sick of her bullshit drama, too much stress on top of all this bullshit. friends keep hitting me up to hang out, but i feel like i have nothing to talk about, i just want to play games and go to college.
fuck cancer

You've got to cry. If you don't cry your heart will crystallize and this numbness will haunt you. What you need to do is go out to the ocean at night during a full moon and hangout and try and cry. If that doesnt work you need to call upon your good friend tequila. But crying helps. I lost my sister and my fiance in a car accident 2 years ago. It helps to cry with others aswell

lol did you get that from the rekt thread?

well this thread looks about kill
thanks for the talk guys

There's really not much you can do. Losing someone isn't something that there's a protocol to. Everyone reacts differently. I was much the same way when my father passed a year and a half ago. One day it may hit you like a sack full of bricks and you may break down and cry for hours...or that feeling will never come. The best advice I can give you is to just live your life the best you can. Find something you're passionate about or you can express yourself through. I know it sounds fucking cliche, but sometimes it helps.

>the nuclear power plants he worked in
yeah

Don't worry about delayed emotional response. It is normal. People are trying to help, and don't really know what to do at this point.

look up stages of grief.

sauce on pic?

I'm familiar with the stages, i can't say i relate strongly to any of them. somewhere between depression and acceptance

My Father also died of Stage 4 Cancer. I was numb for years. I finally went to see a therapist and I started to talk about my feelings and it got better in time. I hope you can deal with your pain and not wait years like me, to talk about it. Good luck!

I was the same way when my dad died. It will pass. There isn't a set schedule for someone to grieve over a loss. All I can tell you to do is what I did. I took it one day at a time, and moved forward. Sorry about your loss.

Watch the movie "demolition"

Lost my mom this year, her heart, kidneys, lungs and liver all began to fail at once. She had been sick off and on for years. I had a numb stage. Everyone goes through it differently. My sisters were all sobbing and crying and now they seem over it. I had a few tears, but it still haunts me. That feeling of being no help is horrible. I miss her all the time.

My mother died in january this year and I still feel the exact way you do user, people think i am over it but I have not even cried yet and she was like my whole family beause her and my dad split when I was 6.

This.

I have to keep my mind occupied or I will start crying. I miss her so much.

thanks man, talking to you guys has probably been the most constructive out of anything
I'm not sure how i feel about therapy, i know it works for some people but i have my doubts that some uppity fucker with 'qualifications' is going to provide help. i'm not trying to be one of those idiot guys that are like 'THERAPY IS FOR PUSSIES HAHAHA" but i have my doubts. idk maybe a professional can help, maybe i'll end up saying the same default shit i say to everyone else, i just want to be done with it, i don't want this to be my permanent reality of emptiness(edgyness)

my older brother died a few months ago and i felt the same type of thing. the first week i felt nothing, and i had to sit back and watch everybody sob. but now, its still really hard and i miss him like a mother fucker

i miss him so much, i just wish out of anything for a phone call, just to hear his condescending ass tell me i could be doing better, even though he's really proud of me. just to tel me again that its going to be alright, the last thing he said to me was 'take care of yourself, i love you, son"
thanks for the sympathies user, sorry for your losses

sorry for your loss annon the worst part is that the last 3 years she lost her voice and now I cant remember much of her because I cant remember her voice, I asked my step dad if he had a video of her talking he said he did but then he ups and leaves so a I now have to pay him 60k and support my jobless brother and sister who are still dealing with the loss legally im screwed and have to put myself in debt until im 38 because of it im 23 now.

god, i know exactly what you're talking about. i just want to go back to the days where my brother and i would wake up early and play our ps2 for hours and hours. just being kids and having fun. he was taken too fucking soon man. too fucking soon.

why do you have to pay him 60k?

because she left a will and the house goes to me my bro and sis but hes claiming half of it because they was married :( I feel like killing my self everyday but I couldnt do it to my bro and sis.

all 3 of us are from he same father and the house was soley in her name he never had anything to do with it.

i've thought of suicide quite a bit, have had lots of dream of watching my body die from outside myself, but i've never even considered actually doing it, merely pondered the concept, but i've always had an inherent distaste for the act of suicide, maybe its just whats been instilled(brainwashed) into me by the culture but suicide isnt the answer

Just remember ur dad wanted u to be strong, when the time comes, remember that deep down no matter what. He wants u to be strong bro
Just remember that

My dad passed away a year or so ago. He died in my arms, I pounded his chest so hard to get him to breathe I almost broke his ribs. All I can remember is his last breath and his eyes....... His eyes haunt me. All I feel now is hollow and burned out sorta numb like you OP but I know it's going to slide into depression.

my mother passed early last month due to heart problems and ive not cried either. she just kinda fell over and died on her bed while she was talking and everyone started to fall apart and i just remained calm and collected.

I get it in my head that im ready to be with her and am not scared to die at all I dont agree with suicide but it still goes through my head whats the point in going on with life I have a job that pays minimum wage and have to pay him or I risk losing everything in court and I cant make my family go homeless :(

sorry for your loss user just dont give up when it hits you I saw what it did to my brother

thats fucking tough bro, why the fuck does death need to be so litigious?

Not going to lie, its going to take years for things to feel normal again. Lost my dad suddenly from a heart attack just about five years ago now. Best thing I ever heard about the grief you are and will feel is that its like a ship wreck in the middle of the dark. You're thrown into the water, and all you can do is grab onto something near you and hold on. The waves of water (grief) are going to be huge and you might not feel like you can hold on, but eventually the waves will get a little smaller over time and they're easier to manage and deal with.

Emotions are going to be all over the place for a while, too. I inherited my dad's house after he died and its where I still live, but the best example of weird emotions I can give is when I was putting away food once. I opened my cabinets to get a plastic container once, looked at them, out loud I said, "Dad, you have a shitty tupperware system" and broke down crying on my kitchen floor for like, 10 minutes.

Its going to be the shittiest waiting game you're going to have to play, but there's no way around it. You'll be okay in the end. I promise.

you believe in afterlife?

tbh i gave up long ago

my family put me in a deep dark crippling depression years ago. they never did what was right for me at any point in my life and it left me in a position where i cant take care of myself

thanks user, your words mean a lot to me

She use to believe in ghosts and spirits I dont know if i believe in it as I look or any signs from her because she use to say she will make me jump when she goes but I have seen and felt nothing but im ready to find out if I can be with my mother again, the worst par is I may have to marry my gf to be able to get the loan I need but it kills me to just think about my wedding day with out her there im not sure if I can do it but I have to because I will make our family lose our family house otherwise. How is any of this fair please answer me this anybody :(

I know how it feels, bro. I lost my brother back in April to heart failure. Its had to believe that he is really gone and everything else is still going on as normal.

Nothing is fair, and i'm sorry user, life is cruel and random, and i would talk to a lawyer before making any affirmative action towards a loan

im speaking to one on tuesday

I hope it goes well for you, its bullshit you have to pull that money out of your ass to a faggoty ass stepdad. . . if i have to select images of a storefront one more time i'm going to fucking lose it