After lurking for many years and shaking my head at all the feels and an hero threads that kept getting in the way of a...

>It all began when I got divorced and started dating a beautiful woman who unbeknownst to me was
>an opiate addict and escort (never confirmed but where there’s smoke there’s fire).”
>I had custody of my daughters and when the girlfriend moved in that started all the vicious threats >from the X and her mother.”
>I move to another state for employment and the X really picks up the threats.”
>About 2 years into our new life I get home from work to find my girlfriend and her mother waiting to >talk to me. I’m informed that my girlfriend has been using Heroin and all my money is gone. 401K, >Sale of the home, jewelry, on and on.”
>She promises to go to rehab and her mother will repay a large portion especially the money my >girlfriend stole from my daughter’s college fund. (By the way her mother reneged on her promises.)”
>She returns from rehab and all seems well until my X drops her plan of attack. My youngest daughter >goes into school and says I raped her on my birthday and she wants to live with her mom. Of course >the rape kit is negative and I pass a polygraph but the damage is done.”
>Several weeks after she leaves to live with her mom I find my girlfriend dead of an OD in the family >bathroom.”
>It doesn’t seem to end as more things come too light and as they say hindsight is 20/20.”
>So here I sit contemplating when to put my plan into action. I have an interior bathroom with no >windows. I will seal all areas with duct tape once I’m in. I will rig a bottle of sulfuric acid to slowly drip >into a container of formic acid thus creating CO. To smooth it out I plan to take a shitload of benzos >and phenobarbital before entering the room.”
>Thank you for listening to my bullshit. It’s almost therapeutic to get it out.”
Oh and if it pleases the Gods I like large natural breasts and/or young chubby blondes (PS my daughter is neither chubby nor blonde)

I'm 42, I work as a chemist for a pharma company

That's my age. How old is your daughter? What state u in?

The one that did the damage is 14 now, my oldest whom I still got to the school of her choice is 21.

Thank you. I know there are always people whom are suffering more in this world but I can't seem to shake it. The brain is fucked up.

Here's some big asian tits for u op.

No not yet. I've got all the supplies with the exception of formic acid. I couldn't find any in the lab I work at. I saw some online for cheap though.

Do u have a good relationship with the 21 year old.

That is beautiful. Thank you.

Ok nigga I'm gonna post some tittays and shit for you. Idk if I got what you like but I'm gonna try to find some for ya.

By the way, you say you're drunk right now--- I'm not saying don't an hero, but at least wait three days before you do. If you're gonna be dead for the rest of time, waiting a few more days won't hurt, right?

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Yes I do. We are very close. I'm also very close with my ex-girlfriends daughter who is also 14 now.

Answer OP

I did. see the post above

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sorry I'm more of an ass girl myself :/

Here's the deal, man. If you off yourself, you will never be able to experience their love, help them out, walk them down the isle, etc...

Thank you sir, you're a fine gentleman.
yeah It's a balancing act right now. I know I can just go outback and grab some fire ants and distill those bitches and get formic acid.

nothing to be sorry for. I love a thick blonde ass girl too.

I've thought about killing myself but I have three kids. I think of my daughters, and a son, and not being able to experience their weddings, jobs, happiness. I think of being in a dark place, where I can watch them from afar but not intreact with them. I see them crying in sadness, but not being able to console them. I see them needing advice, and not being able to get through the darkness to get to them...

These are all fine points that I go over in my head all the time. I know it would crush both girls. I just can't help it my brain just keeps feeding me despair. I try to tell myself that it will be ok because I've left a handsome life insurance policy for them.

At least wait for your daughter? I'm 22 and fresh out of college, and I know if anything happened to my dad, I'd be lost. We're also very close in a quiet, don't talk so much but are on the same wavelength kind of way. I'm kind of in the same boat as you emotionally pretty often lately (not necessarily as extreme, but close at times), and my family is what keeps me going on. That and my kitty. So from a daughter to someone else's dad, please please please don't do that to your daughter. You know how bad it feels to lose someone, don't make anyone else feel that too, ok? If things used to be better than they are now, then it stands to reason that if you give it time, they can be better than they are now too.

Money doesn't heal the heart fam.

As for your brain, it will ease up. And if it doesn't, then it's likely depression-- and that's not normal. It's a disease like any other and needs treatment to get better. Have you tried seeing a therapist?

I think about this most with the daughter that did me wrong. She has autism and her mother has always manipulated her. shortly after the incident she came crying to me saying she was sorry and they made her do it and she wanted things to go back to the way they were. Unfortunately I don't think that will ever be possible. She was just here for the whole summer and I felt hostage and like i couldn't parent. It just sucked.

Here's another thing. Six years ago, I found myself homeless, unemployed and going through a divorce. It was extremely difficult. But now I have the best job I've ever had, a great gf, nice house, etc... Life changes man. You could be cheating yourself out of a good future life.

my tarot cards say you will be killed on the highway, by a piece of rebar. You wont be able to experience your kids weddings, their jobs or their happiness. The cards also say they will find happiness and learn to love their new father.

Oh fuck off with your bs new agey divination you piece of shit. Leave the man alone and go pretend to be a witch somewhere else.

I understand money isn't all but it can help ease the burden of life.
I've been in treatment for a bit now since the last time these feelings got so bad I checked myself into the hospital for suicidal ideation. That time my plan was to drive into a concrete station off the highway.
I spend so much time just looking around at ways to end it all.

> and all my money is gone. 401K, >Sale of the home, jewelry, on and on

Possible bullshit here. No way in hell a "girlfriend" cam access your 401k and sell your home out from under you. Too many layers of security to pass in order to pull this off

You better watch out not to cut yourself with all that edge faggot.

Do you take medicine?

What you go to college 4?

Thank you for your reply. I constantly battle with what it would do to my oldest. She is chasing her dreams and I'm so proud of her I would hate to be a reason for her to fall short.

Op, please explain how this even happened.

During the relocation for new employment (my old job closed up shop) I cashed out my 401K and left her in charge (whatever the legal name is) in my absence while I found a new job and relocated. She also stayed up there until the house sold. It supposedly made a profit but when I pressed her on it she said most of it had to go to relocation and her medical bills.

Op, you're only a few years older than me...and common sense screams you never allow a 'girlfriend' that kind of latitude with your finances. Wth were you thinking?

Yes which is another embarrassing feature of this. I don't want to start dating and have someone see my medicine cabinet. Plus they slow my cognitive abilities which makes my job a struggle at times.

Don't make him feel worse. Hopefully he learned his life lesson and will find a good woman next.

Do you exercise, go to the gym? What state u in?

I don't know. I loved and trusted her. We had to move across the country for the new job. Someone had to stay back with the kids. My X was already threatening to file abandonment charges if I went away to look for work.

Op, aside from basically having a serious liability no longer in your life, and your family fragmented, what's the problem you're facing? Financial woes from child support? Doesn't sound like it based in career and skill set. Can't adjust to the new paradigm because X is a flaming cunt and you are still stuck in provider and protector mode?

I keep wanting to start exercising but it just doesn't happen. I used to be in great shape. I was a swimmer in HS and spent 4 yrs in the military. I'm in Florida

Where at OP. I also live in florida. Tampa area

Yeah you pretty much nailed it. In my shrinks parlance I have: PTSD, Adjustment deficit disorder, and major depressive episode recurring

Lauderdale

Married 5 years. Had son . Had to give him up to my folks to raise while I got myself together. He's about to graduate high school. So I get the adjustment and depression.

The way I got through it was basically becoming someone new. Who I was when I started and who I was when I ended the relationship, the idea of being a father....I had to burn it in my mind and just focus on being a better person

Friends help. Hobbies help. Creative hobbies reeeeeally help . A lot.

I'm not going to say don't do it, because it's your life to take. But what's kept me from doing it is the thought that as long as I'm alive, tomorrow my luck might change. I know, it's lame.

Here, have some great tits.

Bit too far away to offer to go out for drinks. Oddly enough, I'm also in the health care industry. Former emt, 3 years as a senior medical analyst at a tampa based MSO, just got hired by an ACO group and one got FL BCBS chomping at the bit to scalp me and bring me on bl board for risk analytics

Dude, you gotta start working out. They've done studies that show an increase in results with meds (as much as double) with exercise. Plus lifting weight and getting toned with cardiovascular will boost your self esteem. Get you on track to find someone better in your life.

Also, following up with what helped for adjusting...tabula rasa. Had to wipe the slate clean got rid of all the books, music, furniture, the old bed, the old car, every picture or scrap rememberance. Start as close to new and fresh as i could. Out of sight out of mind helps when dealing with memory permanance

Yeah I've been working on that. I moved to a new house and ditched a lot of her things. It's still amazing though how much stuff comes up after 8 yrs of living with someone.

Bumping with bewbs

Not sure if you'd dig broward if your a tampa man. I love it down here though. The mix of cultures and weather keep me grounded so to speak.

I do know how that goes. I've moved 3 times and kept finding little shit that I don't want to keep anymore. Some days I just wanna pile everything up and torch it all with kerosene

Thankfully I've gotten rid of close to...90..95% of the stuff I once had

Oh thank you! Patty Cake is one of the most beautiful creatures to ever grace this earth.

Lived in homestead before hurricane Andrew tore the snot outa the place. Haven't been back, bUT that was a lifetime ago...freaking what...1992?

I've lived all over the states and in central America (army brat) . Miami was nice n all but reminded me too much of being south of the border at times

Yeah soon man. I just have to get over this latest round of bs

You feeling better OP? You gonna try and work it out instead?

No bro, you'll never start if your waiting for something. Go in tomorrow and just start. Or just start by walking a mile.

Delete it. Trash it all OP. Gotta cut that out of your life. No more dwelling on it

I have been doing reps of push ups in the morning and taking my dog for walks at night. It's a start. I just know I need a serious regimen.

Agreed.

Will do. It's been hard but I shall overcome.
Thank you all.
Feel free to use the thread to post delicious women while I run out for more beer.

Bumping with smiling chubby big tits.

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Your fucking stupid . eat all the goddamn benzos and phenos. Quit wasting time hell awaits fuktard

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enjoy

Abandon kids for rest of their life cause u fucked an addict.. Good move

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Sauce?