Happy birthday Cred Forums. I'm gonna take you on the craziest ride ever. If I had to endure this then I wanna take someone with me.
My lil' bro is 24 and mid-functioning autistic. My fiance and I are staying with him and my grandmother for a short while and he's a never ending fountain of wisdom.
>discussing with my fiance on the way down >tell her my bro's into Sonic and autistic crap >”But thank god he's not a brony” >get into the spare room >giant stuffed ponies >giant stuffed ponies everywhere >goddammit I was wrong >second night >ask him about the ponies >he gets visibly angry >”The newer episodes ruined all the characters!” >he does however introduce us to Fluttershy >talks to us through her in a high girly voice >I think I just met my brother's girlfriend >great >put Luna and Twilight in the closet so they don't watch me sleep
>one week into my stay with my brother >he looks up to me and my fiance like we're gods >we become aware of the fact that Bro is looking at porn >his computer is in the living room >I decide we need to talk to him about this >ask him about his masturbation habits >I wish I didn't have to ask >he masturbates on average 8 times a day >8 faps a day Cred Forums >in the living room >basically he faps whenever his dick pops up >we explain he needs to chill out and that ain't good for your wing ding >you can't fap that much dude >at this he delivers one of the amazing one-liners I've come to know him for >”Yeah... Otherwise it gets too watery.” >remember Cred Forums >don't fap 8 times a day >it gets watery
Shall I go on? This ain't even the half of it.
Adrian Wright
Yes please!
Jason Turner
Also, bump
Levi Morris
You asked for it Cred Forums.
>back on the subject of Fluttershy >Fluttershy is an enormous Build-a-Bear pony with doll hair >okay, Bro's a Brony >at least he doesn't fap to ponies >or so I think >sitting in room, I hear a disturbance in the living room >go out to see Bro getting mad at grandma >”What's the problem bub?” >he's very upset and can't seem to tell me what's wrong in front of grandma >she won't leave him alone >I pull him into the kitchen to talk in private >”I can't tell you!” >”Just whisper it to me.” >fat chance >autism decibel level rises but he covers his mouth so it just sounds like “grrrmph grump grough” >”What?” >”I need to know how to get CUMSTAINS out of a pony doll!” >jesus lord >try not to judge >hold it all in >don't laugh >”Okay man, don't worry. I'll wash her for you.” >take Fluttershy into my custody >start explaining what happened to my fiance >apparently grandma still won't leave Bro alone >in the middle of my explanation hear him yelling >”user IS HELPING ME GET CUMSTAINS OFF MY FLUTTERSHY DOLL, OKAY!?” >look at fiance who is wearing the same expression of horror as I am >”... well, that's the end of the story.” >”Luckily it's watery.”
And yet it still goes on.
Easton Watson
>fiance and I have stuffed animals >I know how to wash them >never had to wash cumstains off one but eh >Tide cures everything >tie Fluttershy up in a pillowcase >kinda mutter some “I'm sorry for your trauma” thing at her >I feel bad for this horse >toss her in the wash >somehow she comes out of the pillowcase >Oh gee... >her hair's all tangled >pop her back in the pillowcase and hope the dryer works it out >what the fuck do I know about dolls with hair >hair and tail are now frizzed and matted beyond recognition >but hey, the cumstains are gone >Grandma is livid >”You better hope he doesn't see it like that!” >I now have to fix this horse before Bro finds out I fucked it up >luckily I know Build-a-Bear has a lifetime warranty on all their dolls >time to take Bro's girlfriend to the shop
Continuing?
Cooper Russell
oh god please keep going
Ian Walker
You asked for it Cred Forums. So now we're taking my brother's lovedoll to the toy store to fix its hair that I fried in the dryer. It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this?
>head to the mall where I work because there's a Build-a-Bear there >stuff Fluttershy in my backpack so no one knows I'm toting a pony around >stop by my store to get my schedule and shit >on my way out my coworker stops me >”Hey user, you went in the back so I have to check your bag.” >oh god >”Uh... Okay... Just don't ask any questions about what's in it.” >coworker looks in bag >looks at me >”It's not mine I swear to god” >give some “haha” explanation leaving out the cumstains part >fiance's behind me trying not to laugh >finally get to Build-a-bear and give them the same explanation without the cumstains >they can't do shit >they don't make Fluttershy anymore >get suggestions for fixing the hair >tell grandma they took Fluttershy in for repair and can't get her back yet >fuck I have to fix this fucking horse or I'm dead >spend next two days researching doll repair and brushing its hair >feel like such a fucking fag >she's actually starting to grow on me because I feel so bad >like a beaten wife >”Fuck you horse.”
This was only two days ago and I'm still dealing with this shit, moving on.
Anthony Morgan
This is amazing, I hope my jimmies aren't rustled
Jace Adams
Keep bumping, Cred Forums, I need to type the next part.
Oliver Myers
maorr!!
Grayson Butler
...
Joseph Martin
Bump
Nathan Brown
>at the end of the second day of brushing this thing's hair it has very little improvement >tail isn't one solid dreadlock anymore but it's still frizzy as hell >in the middle of untangling the front part of its hair Bro comes bursting in >dammit dude we talked about knocking >straight up now have a “please knock” sign on our door with his own doodle of Dr. Robotnik shouting “I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE MY PINGAS” >he sees Fluttershy >I freeze up >”Dude... Dammit, come here.” I show him Fluttershy and explain that I'm trying to fix her >he just has this really sad look on his face like he accidentally stepped on a puppy >”But look, I brushed her tail and it's getting very soft.” >he feels her tail like it's Milanese velvet or some shit >pats me on my shoulder >”It's okay user. You'll fix her.” >shit fucking fuck fuck fucking hell >I now have to fix this horse >Or replace it! >go on ebay >they're all used >considering the reason I had to wash Bro's in the first place I don't trust that shit as far as I can throw their fat greasy owners >remember seeing big pony dolls at Barnes and Noble >off to the mall again
Brayden Davis
bump me Cred Forums breathe life back into this shitfest
James King
...
Ryder Rodriguez
>Fiance and I fuck off to B&N as fast as we can the next day >find the ponies at the gateway to the kids' section >about the same size, but a little anorexic >made by TY so pretty good quality >their manes have sparkly hair >”Hey, maybe he'll like that. It's all glittery and shit.” >her wings are also coming out of her butt but fuck it >”Okay let's grab this thing and go, I'm getting weird looks.” >”It's for your brother, don't you wanna find the best one in the pile?” >fuck >stand there comparing ponies for the next five minutes >we decide on one that was hiding behind the display >”Okay let's go pay for this fucker.” >”Wait I wanna go look at something.” >fuuuuuu >I'm now carrying this pony by the ear around the store and trying my damndest not to look like a Brony >at some point realize something >”You're making me carry this thing around for a long time on purpose.” >”Fuck yes I am.” >wander around fuming and finally get to the register >mumble some spaghetti all “It's not mine I swear” >throw her in the back of the car like a dead hooker >”No, don't you feel bad for her?” >”What” >”You're selling her into sex slavery.” >good god you're right >prop her up in the seat and pat her glittery-ass head >”Don't worry, Fluttershy 2.” >”Yeah, it'll be too watery.”
Logan Walker
This never happened. Post a picture of the doll or I don't believe you.
Evan Bell
>tfw actually invested in this
Samuel Davis
Keep bumping and I will.
Kayden Smith
Its gonna end with dinosaur or fresh prince.
Angel Hall
Do it faggot
Owen Sullivan
It really ain't, but I don't know the ending myself. This is still happening.
My quads are the truth. Behold these horses.
Brayden Thomas
ch....ch...checked
Zachary Sullivan
Bumping so I can post this on iFunny
Hunter Barnes
you are the cancer that is killing Cred Forums
Lincoln Hall
This plushies are so bad, not respectable fan of the show could buy this crap.
Dylan Torres
Thanks user
Zachary Roberts
The Build-a-bears are actually pretty well made, if I were a ten year old girl I'd buy 'em all.
If I were a 45 year old manchild I'd install a fuckhole in them all
Chase Thompson
You can dip the damaged hair into very hot water to re-straighten it.
>decide to give Fluttershy 2 to Bro when grandma is away because she still thinks the horse is in the repair shop >fuck her anyway, I knew Bro wouldn't be mad at me >invite him into our room >ask him to hold out his hands and close his eyes >he's the worst at this >opens his eyes before I even get Fluttershy 2 into his hands >”Dammit Bro you weren't supposed to look” >expect glowing praise >he looks unimpressed >Bro is a discerning brony >no mere harlot will do for his waifu >”What's wrong?” >”I don't know...” >”Is it because the mane is sparkly?” >”I guess so...” >this woman is not my wife >she is an impostor >now I need to go return her >go back to sadly brushing the ruined one's hair >it was... it was just too watery, Cred Forums >too watery.
The saga of Fluttershy continues. If anyone here knows how to fix pony hair let me know.
Holy shit Cred Forums delivers
Now should I feel bad about sending this horse back into the sex industry?
Josiah Bell
enjoy ur ban faget
Jaxon Stewart
your getting attached to her arnt ya?
Landon Mitchell
My autistic brother could write better crap than this
Luke Flores
Holy fuck this is great.
Wyatt Young
Yeah the heat in the dryer is what fucked up the hair. Use the guide correctly and you'll essentially be using heat to un-fuck it.
Jason Anderson
It ain't that, but wouldn't you feel bad for a stuffed horse whose only desire (if she had a brain) would be to be loved by a little girl and instead a fat, hairy manchild faps all over you every day?
It's like the fucking Jessie story.
Dylan Wright
Shut up nigger
Zachary Rogers
got a pic of your brother? bamp
Connor Myers
Not that I'd show you fuckers. I've spent my whole life trying to keep him from becoming the next Chris-Chan.
He already spends half his time arguing in Youtube comments, I don't need to bring him to Cred Forums too.
Jaxon Johnson
Fuck off
Gabriel Harris
dude wants to fap to Autismo and his pony gf
you sick fuck
Brody Watson
Sides
Ryan Howard
somebody screencap this whole shit
Parker Wood
I lost the game
Hunter Kelly
Op where are you
Mason Bennett
Wait we need Moar this story was really intriguing
Evan Bell
Philly area why
I have some other stories I've posted of my bro but they weren't this interesting
Landon Diaz
Gamestop faggot detected
Owen Gomez
Nigger i meant why are you not regailing us with story of your pure gold brother.
Alexander Campbell
Nope, way better but eh
Because I never think Cred Forums cares that much I guess