Hey guys, God here. I'm about to release patch 3.53.1 for your universe. Taking suggestions. There are the current patch notes:
>added the ability for male humans to choose whether or not to ejaculate when they have an orgasm >fixed a glitch where you could become aware that you're dreaming in dreams >upped base damage for lightning by 0,4 increased base damage of wasp stings by 1,5 >nerfed asian intelligence >fixed a memory bug you know as deja vu >upped the rate at which meteorites spawn >upped the rate at which black people dies >minor brain calibrations in preparation for VR >added life on mars >added life on venus >removed life on jupiter >removed ticks >removed feminism because I let this happen on another universe and everything went horribly wrong >changed Andromeda's course so it won't crash on you >added more hydrogen in the sun, just because I like you guys ;_;
>added life on venus >removed life on jupiter stupid
Christopher Bell
Can you increase the rate at which devices charge? And maybe nerf CO2 levels?
Leo Hall
Please buff metabolism even more in the next update. I want to eat all the pie I want but be skinny.
James Morgan
Also, are there any dependencies we need beforehand, or?...
Kevin Martin
can you do something about the terrorist muzzies? leave the regular ones alone. theyre cool and have delicious food
David Sullivan
No, you will need them for trading, you are not alone in the universe you know.
I don't know what you mean.
Sorry, If I change your sex now, everyone would want me to do it.
You're close to do it, why should I ruin the surprise?
I don't know, my son had that and was crucified.
Landon Baker
Can you eliminate mosquitoes? Or remove their stinging ability?
K, thx, bai
Daniel Walker
fucking this
Colton Davis
Please give her back
Dominic Sanders
Could you do this but also make bugs not so attracted to me?
Parker Allen
>all sales are final
Bentley Garcia
when is the patch coming? and how big will it be?
Cooper Brooks
> >Could you do this but also make bugs not so attracted to me? It to any humans, you selfish faggot.
Xavier Martin
No chance even just for a fucking goodbye, just take me out then
Matthew Green
>removed life on jupiter How could there be life on a gas planet?
Jayden Russell
Could you make me into a girl please? It's fine if you can't I just wanted to ask...
Brandon Howard
You should add more possible natural hair and skin colors
Daniel Long
Guys with hairy asses? Wet dint need hair there, please. And our backs too!
Noah Allen
>>removed feminism because I let this happen on another universe and everything went horribly wrong thank god, this patch can't come soon enough, can you please speed up the release?
Camden Gray
Add an optional vaporwave soundtrack to everyday life....
Or like... fuck it... optional configurable soundtract to everyday life. Not on a device, just in our brains.
Also perfect memory recall of all music on demand.
Aiden Green
Can we please keep the dream glitch? Thats the only time I dont worry about my disability
Eli Sanders
Maybe he meant the moons? Europa? Doesn't necessarily mean walking creatures, could be bacterium.
Xavier Torres
Vapor bats.
They're fuckin rad.
James Foster
I need you to erase some dependencies with Allah's influence, focus on erasing people you know as arabs.
They're are mean to ID everyone on the planet, don't think I count people personally.
Sorry. She's very important for the universe right now and loves you tremendously, that's why I offered her this task.
Can't say that. I'm currently installing another patch on a Universe at war. So it'll take some time.
I thought you would like that ability.
Don't think about it again, I removed it anyway.
Sure, I only need you to get into a life.
You don't want that, trust me.
I don't want to take risks, better to be sure
Christian Gray
Requesting a magic DLC. I want to throw fireballs at stuff.
Isaiah Brooks
Bring back Hitler and Genghis Khan
Mason Rogers
can you add in more detail and remove the mandela bug? that'd be fantastic.
Julian Thompson
That's why it was removed dumbass it was a bug
Sebastian Wright
oh okay that makes alot more sense. thanks god
Evan Taylor
Can you bring Hitler back?
Aiden Martinez
He won in a previous patch but it cause long term stability that made the universe boring for the endgame.
Joseph Harris
>I don't know, my son had that and was crucified.
Leo Scott
Remove the anus. It's a real shitty orifice.
Kevin Hughes
please erase spiders or aracnophobia. Also make the lucid dreaming/astral projection event to happen more frequently, it's fun
Daniel Anderson
> > >You don't want that, trust me.
Don't want hairless ass/back?
Anthony Rodriguez
Leads to world of traps.
Hunter Powell
Noted, there'll be some exceptions.
Let that to technology, you are not too far from that.
Sorry, my son is not willing to return a fourth time.
That's the more efficient system, millions of years ago, everyone had to poo through the skin. Bad idea.
I could help you guys with arachnophobia. Let me test it with some individuals before.
Jackson Bennett
Yes, magic dlc please. If it's too dangerous just add telekinesis and stuff like that, just simple magic so no one fuck shit up
Wyatt Garcia
>>minor brain calibrations in preparation for VR
Ryan White
Hoe the fuck to defecate?
Colton Morris
>get into a life >into a life ?
Bentley Wilson
Please nerf my disease, im just a useless background character in this game now.
Cooper Rogers
With all due respect, God, your game sucks, don't get me wrong the graphics are really nice, good job on that, but the game play really sucks, you could at least add in some dragons, or more interesting quests, this shit right here is just boring.
If you ask me, forget patching, just delete it and start all over, this time remove all boring survival aspects from the beginning, and make it something interesting like an action adventure rpg with magic and shit and don't forget dragons!
Jason Sanders
What's the possibility I'll end up happy?
Brayden Brown
yes please. I swear I can't function properly if there's any kind of spider near. Also lower theur population, Dude my yard is full of those critters
Dylan Gutierrez
> God, I have a question, Whats the deal with these fucking clown sightings? pic related is a dude from my hometown but all you gotta do is google clown sightings, and this faggotry is all over the place
Christian Garcia
Make the dragons anthro and fuckable too :^)
Joseph Jackson
Then for me, please? Sorry to sound selfish in my request. But i am organ donor, and think about humanity's progress.
Well how about this. Endow me with the ability to shapeshift, and take etheral form. Why? Just because. You can take it all back afterwards anyways. Your God.
John Cox
Wish I could, but it could lead to the human race dying out, and I need you little brain apes.
Alexander Wood
>Create game with dragons >Dragons fuck shit up, players don't get to be top of food chain, everyone whines/dies >Remove dragons >WAAH life is too boring!
Every fucking game...
Easton Gutierrez
God, I think something is wrong with reality for me. I was born a cis-white male in a western society to a middle-class family and did not automatically become successful. I thought that this was a given. Can you look at my save file and see if something glitched?
Chase Rogers
Also, did you see my mosquitoes request to remove their stinging ability?
Owen Morris
This is why you make them look and act like humans, just with dragon features. Best of both worlds and I get dragon pussy
Lucas Phillips
God, please grant me attractiveness!
Gabriel Powell
My sides...bg character...you sir deserve sainthood lol
Joseph Carter
Dude you don't just roll a cookie-cutter class, ahh too late I suppose. When deciding on a class always read up on what that class is saying, not other whining cunts.
Zachary Mitchell
When will we get modding tools and access to a developer console? It's been billions of fucking years.
Jose Diaz
To the female gender, of course.
Jacob Thompson
Through one such request? I hold this much power?
Matthew Hall
Just fuck a komodo dragon you furry cunt, stick your dick in it's mouth to start with.
Ayden Turner
Earth is a background character right now. But don't worry, I'll look for something to do with you.
Earth is not a game, is a minigame designed to take great influence on the main history of your universe, but that'll be in a couple million years.
I can't tell you that. Just that Cred Forums isn't your place.
They're a glitch that appeared since I created politics and languages. I'm working on it but is complex. Just give me some time.
Did it before and everyone got really horny and burned as hell.
We'll see.
You are not prepared for that, they would be jealous and destroy you.
He is not me.
You're right, you're a glitch. Just wait for the patch.
Yes, but until I think about a better ID tag system, you'll have to deal with that.
There are things that even I can't do.
Never. Sorry.
Sebastian Martinez
Having the indecency to ask god to become a god >There is a special place in hell for this one
Lucas White
Yes Mr. God. Do something about the Muslims. Also make space travel easier so some of us can get the fuck out of this hellhole.
Justin Morales
Just going to antigrav or something, I won't abuse it. Honest!
Brayden Wright
God why did you strand us on this rock? In this shit hole where we can always imagine our dreams bur we can never have them? Just let me live in bliss or don't let me live at all
Zachary Reyes
Space travel is allready easy as fuck due to relativity. The biggest challenge is the gravity on earth but that will be solved with my space elevator once I get done with my degree.
Carter Reyes
>>fixed a glitch where you could become aware that you're dreaming in dreams >>fixed a memory bug you know as deja vu Fuck you I like those things.
Kayden Cruz
Help me with memory? I want to remember more and be smarter?
Jonathan Thomas
Muslims are a test. I trust you to solve this problem, so I can take you all into space and get them to know you.
I'm protecting you.
That's why I'm deleting dream and memory glitches, because they overuse brain power.
Lucas Barnes
Sweet, thanks.
How long before upgrade push?
Jayden Hill
It's nice to have someone protecting me
Brayden Sanchez
God, I have three main problems now. I'd love if you could do something about spiders/arachnophobia, my crippling depression and the fact that I'm forggeting the simplest stuff though I'm only 21
Grayson Martinez
he said that already
Isaiah Diaz
Who created you? Will you get patched to optimize you too?
Leo Garcia
What happens when we evolve into Gods ourselves ?
Hudson Martinez
This, i too have depression that may ruin a 9 year relationship (3 years engaged).
Jayden Cruz
Dear God, my computer keeps fucking up. Can you fix it? I can't afford a new one. Also give me some friends who live near me. And a good dealer. And take away this breathing problem I have. And my depression, and the depression of my friend, whom you already know about since you're God. And take away this retardation that has plagued me recently. I know that's a lot of things. Anyway, Amen.
Levi Jackson
As I said before, I'm working on arachnophobia, but'll be delivered until the next patch. Depression is a function I used trying to avoid dangerous people as much as possible, unfortunately this function isn't perfect, you need to change variables on this one, change your lifestyle. I can do things work out for you but I need you to try. Also, forgetting stuff is a consequence of this function.
Nice try. You don't need to know that.
You won't.
As I said to you need to change variables. Change your lifestyle with your partner. I helped once to this couple who had fights everyday, so I made the guy to make pig noises everytime he gets angry. That changed everything.
My child, your time has come.
Ayden Cook
Thank you god, I feel less lonely
Zachary Nelson
I like you You made my day god Updating now
Cameron Ramirez
Sorry, only Christians have early access.
Dominic Hill
Good night god, it's actually 4am here. Give me nice dreams and a hug please
Oliver Brooks
Have pleasant dreams my child.
Leo Flores
G'day lads, your lord and saviour Satan here. I've hacked into God's update for the universe and removed the deja vu and lucid dreaming patches. taking suggestions for what to hack in if I can get through undetected. Currently:
>Removed Deja-vu fix >Removed Lucid Dreaming fix >Added Burning Horse >Added intelligent life to Alpha Centuri >Increased spawnrate of UFO's >Increased Abduction rate of UFO's
Connor Butler
God, why can't I find happiness in my life
Evan Perry
Hey Satan, would you mind removing all things called "women" they are extremely annoying and always keeps on nagging. Thanks.
Tyler Martin
Hi there Based God. Kill me? Or grant me my fantasies? I'd really appreciate it, boss.
Jack Adams
No, keep in lucid dreaming! I love that one, and it's not like it's fucking with competitive balance!
Maybe make it a side activity? Or let it stay instead of the normal loading screen shit?
Evan Foster
How about you fix those surprise erections. Despite what so many Cred Forumstards claim, really don't need them that often.