ITT: How to commit a crime and get away. Say for instance you beat the shit out of a guy at the park at night

Just make sure, that he's black.

LOL

what a faggot

Walk?
And try not to say anything during beating him
wear new or old clothes that the man in question hasn't seen

I'm not giving away all my trade secrets. Fuck off noob. You reak of FBI

Become a cop

Cause he tried to sell his victims phone, don't do that, and everything is ayokay.

He wasn't asking how to suck cock dumbass.

>dumbass

NO U

Obviously then he would be asking you.

Oh, you DON'T want to be caught?

Also, filming shit that directly incriminates yourself is a no no.

OP here, I also have a taser, do you guys know if that makes people go unconscious or just fuck you up. can people die from those?

Hit em in the balls with it.

Judging by your question I'm going to advise that you don't try anything you will surely be caught

That's true, I never said the guys were criminal geniuses, but they had a good idea of what they were doing. Attacking people from behind, making sure no security cameras were present, attacking in isolated areas, etc. Alexander Pichushkin also had a good strategy.

...

First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don't reommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite

look I put a lot of thought into this but im not a medfag, do people die from taser?

Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it's in the tub.

I pmsl! (Pee'd myself laughing) Caught me totally off guard. How do you 'like' or 'upvote' a comment on here?

If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it's easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave.
That is the one thing you can't do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It's also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it's an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It's also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It's not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn't want to go. Anyway it's wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.

Don't return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You'll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you'll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.

not killing if I can help it, just incapacitating them

Look at the things the policemen may be looking for -so a motive for example. If his guy knows already you are going to beat him up, you should wait a month or a few months so it doesn't seem connected.

You must at all cost make it look like a random crime. Don't scream shit that can connect you to the case.

Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you're get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.

this

resign

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don't try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don't over-use it, or power drills or saws. They're noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It's better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you're not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you

Murder all witnesses.

Goteem!

Meet new group of friends.
Get invited to their house.
Steal their shit.
>profit??

any suggestions on the setting? I know I said a park but all the parks in my city are surrounded my houses that can see a good chunk of the park.

I like you.

Just find a homeless dude, and pulverize him. No one cares about hobos.

my target is a drug dealer

What are you? From the phillapines?

Sure.

why the Philippines?

You spelled balls wrong.

A forest, particularly a dense one with little established trails, like Bitsa park, where Alexander Pichushkin killed 49 people before being a dumbass and getting himself caught.

The president said that if you kill a drug dealer or user you get a free pass.

Go out and murder someone you hate then just sprinkle some crack on them. No repercussions.

Heres how to steal money without being caught. Just be Jewish