YOU CREMATED NOW MOTHERFUCKER

seagal danceeee

I wonder if his doubles have to be fat or they pad them out

Seagal doesnt use double. No one is worthy enough to step in his boots.

>Mr. Seagal had an extremely distinguished career until Grenada when most of his team died due to poor intelligence.

>Seagal is a warrior. He's the best there is. When he got back from Grenada he punched his officer in charge.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, relieved it was just a dream that Seagal snachted my bday

I think Seagal doubled himself nicely since the 90's

*teleports behind you*
*unshit katana*
SNATCHED

*Redirects your katana swing with a mesmerizing ayy-kiddo move*
well I'm sorry to hear that

>Get back to the punani chopper
>I'll give cover fire

>For feedy bucs

>Brendan Fraser
>Divorced once
>Fucked for life

>Steven Seagal
>Divorced 3 times
>Dozens of kids
>Not fucked

how does he do it?

>boyishly handsome

International money laundering schemes

Obligatory webm

Russians love him for some reason. They're the only ones who watch his movies anymore.

kek

Yep. My dad watches his movies, even though he says they are complete trash

how do i become like him?

Imagine you are the girl in that scene, how many times you've had to undress in front of the ball of lard that is seagal because he kept running out of breath before the shot was over. Imagine his small but erect penis pressing against your thigh shot after shot while your skin itches from rubbing against his disgusting beard time and time again. Meanwhile everyone's saying shit like "You still got it, Steven" and "Damn, Seagal looks like THAT?" And you have to put up with it because you need the money to pay mama's medicine and papa's debt to the mafia.

Now imagine that.

>casual hug
>oh hey they must be related or something
>next shot; softcore sex scene
Is he the master of subtly?

...

Seagal threads are the best

The feels man

>dat sun

i bet that was Seagal's idea

...

purest of kino

NO, SAVAGE

How can one man be some awesome?

youtube.com/watch?v=EJ0nsaABbDo

youtube.com/watch?v=2b5bG8Rcpxo

>yeh bububu 45 clicks north of here
>KAPOW
>I need a medic

KINO
I
N
O

Seagal wears body armor everywhere he goes.
Dude is legit crazy, thinking that someone is gonna shoot him for being an actor

>dat sun going red giant on him

is there a point where kino is surpassed? cause that might be it

its almost as if seagul has never ever seen real combat tapes of niggers and havis murdering eachother in the streets of rio like is he stupid

Brendan didn't get jobs for a while because he refused to go as low as Seagal

Imagine being Chris in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Steven, you fuckin' cool, all badass with your flabby body and horrific greasy monster face. I would totally be buddy cops with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is smoke another joint in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Chris and not only stand still in the middle of the street while Steven Seagal flings a disgusting, badly bruised body in front of you, the jump cuts barely concealing his stretchmarks and leather jacket, and just stand there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that throw. Not only having to tolerate his monstrous fucking visage but his haughty attitude as everyone on set tells him he's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, STEVEN SEAGAL FIGHTS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch his newest defenestration victim skip back and forth in time into types of continuities you didn't even know were possible before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of hoes and groupies and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the suburbs in New Orleans. You've never even seen anything this fucking physically impossible before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his bulging stomach as he sucks it in to flex it imposingly at the camera, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to stand there and revel in his "stevenesque (for that is what he calls it)" fighting style, the style he worked so hard on with the greatest masters in Japan in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this street before the studio security could put you down, but you stand there and endure, because you're fucking Chris Thomas King. You're not going to lose your future blues career over this. Just bear it. Contort your face and bear it.

When Seagal films his lawman tv-show unlike the other cops who always wear their normal police uniforms, Steven always wear army desert camouflage and huge tactical vest probably to hide his beer gut

>He has had a lawsuit pretty much every year due to weird conduct with mostly foreign punani
>sells straight to VHS movie from the back of his pick up truck if Putin doesn't invite him over for a few Karate lessons
>Steven Seagal is a pathological liar

Kek. What is this referring to?

>sheriff

kek

youtube.com/watch?v=RUjPz7BKjlM

He is straight up lagging, Seagal needs a better internet connection.

It's pretty poetic, he's not connected to reality.

youtube.com/watch?v=yxloUBCYuFM

>is the buddha the buddha nature?

What did he mean by this?

>Seagal vs asian Harambe

utter kino

...

is that even Steven Seagal

Nice True Lies pasta.

To those who doubted his Aikido abilities.

Watch and apologize

youtube.com/watch?v=aYpOIQUVT7U

youtube.com/watch?v=USUbB-kg6P4

>Throws him out of the building
>Hey look like he got the hic ups
>Someone get that guy a glass of water
A movie quote to surpass metal gear?

Fat fuck should turn to Sumo

If he's so good, why did he chicken out of Van "manlet" Damme's challenge?

apologize for what
no one in that gym even wanted to spar with him
fucker looked BORED

is 1911 the Katana of firearms?

youtube.com/watch?v=OBnrJoV2mZg

WELL I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT

*breathes heavily*

'CAUSE NOW

*sprays canned hair on scalp*

BECAUSE NOW

*burst seams on plate carrier*

*I I I I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, 'CAUSE NOW

*gets choked out by Gene Lebell*

I WILL SNATCH EVERY MOTHERFUCKER BIRTHDAY

>I'm an Aikido master I have a response to every attack :^)
>gets choked out by Gene Lebell and shits himself

The weird part for me is.. growing up, Arnold, JCVD and these guys were all cool as hell
but even when Steven Seagal was "cool" he wasn't very cool at all..
he was like someone's step dad trying to act like JCVD.

kek

>But I remember once, at my home in Miami, I believe it was in ’96 or’97, Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O’Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna… it was a heck of a party

imagine being in that party

kek

EASY

no that would be the glock 40

>rescuing MREs
>0311

>imagining Seagal getting cucked every time by Arnie at parties and there being nothing he could do about it but hit on the waiting staff instead.

Steven Seagal was one of the most outstanding warriors this country has ever produced. He was brilliant and outstanding in every way. And he was a good man too. Humanitarian man, man of wit, of wicked sense of humor.

He joined the CIA. After that, his ideas, methods, have become unsound...

Now he's crossed to Russia with his Slavic fans, who worship the man like a god, and follow every order however ridiculous.

Because there's a conflict in every human heart between the rational and the irrational, between good and evil.The good does not always triumph. Every man has got a breaking point. You and I have. Steve Seagal has reached his. And very obviously, he has gone insane

Your mission is to proceed up to Moscow in a charter flight. Pick up Lord Stevens path at the Red Square, follow it, learn what you can along the way.

When you find the God, infiltrate his fans by whatever means available and terminate the Stevens career.

>getting blown by 1996 madonna

>getting blown by 1996 Van Damme

>Painting is cover art from Seagal's album

>Those two russian fuccbois throwing themselves around like circus monkeys

Are Seagal threads the evolution of Fraser threads?

PFF

holy shit it is. Truly Seagal is the alpha prima of our species.

It seems logical. If Fraser was a pathogical liar with a deep-seated masculinity complex, he'd be Seagal.

Why wont Seagal do a zombie movie?

...

Seagal threads are the only reason I haven't killed myself.

OMFG, I am laughing so hard at this ultra-thread! Is he the ultimate JUST?

IS THE BROTHER AT THE TOP OF THE BILL

U-UNATCO?

he already did.
imdb.com/title/tt1194271/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_23
The monsters are clearly zombies but they somehow call them vampires.

underreplied mission

>most of his team died due to poor intelligence.

they don't seem that stupid in the photo

what movie is this

...

I don't get it, is the fact that Based Steven is ambidextrous supposed to be a surprise?

Oh god that editing
why

this is why I love these thread more than anything.

XD

requesting more Seagal operator webm's

I am hoping some wonderful user just streams the whole shitshow

it's supposed to have this ultra fast, "cut to the chase" editing style

also, based Steve showcasing Oscar tier actorcy, he had to learn southern accent for this role

he didn't however have to take 60 pounds, that just happened.

He's too operator

if the Room was to be remade, Steven Seagal should do it.

>this is real. this really happened. someone really cut this and released it.

>when you snatched all the motherfucker cake and the birthday ain't even started

I want to see the infamous "motherfucker birthday" scene

youtube.com/watch?v=WEkfnrUI5Z8

youtube.com/watch?v=bTi0A3BF0i4

...

Well I'm sorry to hear that

youtube.com/watch?v=cfNW1ERej0A

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

I hate it when people take Cred Forums memes to youtube

that violates the Code.

What? It's an unedited a scene from a Seagal movie, specifically "A Good Man".

I was talking about the comments. Do you want to have your birthday snatched?

I'm sorry Sensei Seagal, please have mercy

*snaps neck*

keep the change

what went wrong?

>youtu.be/4Zu1YIukylw
what went right?

youtube.com/watch?v=-b88Sf_eCgE

I try not to judge by appearances but you don't get that crazy looking for no reason.

whut happend?

anyone else watching seagal movies for subtle pure kino moments like this?

He looks like a character from an FPS. Like, is someone pushing him on ice? Can he levitate?

...

He really looks exhausted in his movies when he's walking stairs and standing up.

I fear he might not be with us for long

She ate every motherfucker birthday cake

...

holy fucking shit

he's reached Wiseau levels of kinocraft

Literally the opposite

the sword is mightier than the pen

is there anybody who embodies this philosophy better than Steve?

>le code
>le first rule
>muh secret memeclub
kys

>tfw seagal doesn't show up on set so you have to wheel a cardboard cut-out of him around

He did any sex scene where he was not wearing more clothes than a bum?

I kinda want to see him nude and fucking a whore actress that know she just lost in life

do you feel agitated?

>while leaning against the wall cause he's having an infarction

the pen, in this case, being the script

and the sword, it's easy to understand it's a metaphor for any weapon.

do you feel in charge?

Nobody cared who I was until I told you about the Infinity

...

tell me about the infinity. How many rounds does it hold in magazine?

I only come on Cred Forums for seagalposting

seagalpost a day keeps the doctor away

What's going on here

EASY

Cino or Kino?

youtube.com/watch?v=DgYlKtLq9FE

wtf does he even say at 0:25???
>take out the nex-/exile clu-huuhu

autistic as fuck i know, but im pretty sure the guy he's beating up also played the guy with the guy with the guitar in the 2004 Punisher movie

m.youtube.com/watch?v=4KlyHwnPqns

>that groan

>that groan
"you still sowabou da fiddy bughs?"

Why does he do it? It doesn't take any extra effort to hold it properly, it's already right there in your hands.

Nope.

>In a March, 2014 interview with Rossiyskaya Gazeta, Seagal described Vladimir Putin as "one of the great living world leaders". He stated that he "would like to consider [Putin] as a brother", and expressed support for the annexation of Crimea by Russia.[15] In July, 2014, following calls for a boycott, Seagal was dropped from the lineup of the August Blues Festival in Haapsalu, Estonia.[78][79] Estonian musician Tõnis Mägi, the minister of Foreign Affairs, Urmas Paet, and Parliament's Foreign Affairs chairman, Marko Mihkelson, had all condemned inviting Seagal into the country,[79] with Paet stating, "Steven Seagal has tried to actively participate in politics during the past few months and has done it in a way which is unacceptable to the majority of the world that respects democracy and the rule of law."[80] In August, 2014, Seagal appeared at a Night Wolves-organized show in Sevastopol, Crimea, supporting the Crimean annexation and depicting Ukraine as a country controlled by fascists.

Holy fuck

I just marathoned force of execution. Holy fuck. Does someone have the scorpion scene? Everyone should see it tobehonest

I bet when he looks for actors he makes sure theyre like 5'5 or something so he can look taller than he is.

I tried watching the movie for shits and giggles

I still don't know what is going on there