Come back ;_;

Come back ;_;

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I swear I am going to kill myself. I fucking loved this woman all of last year. It almost killed me then. Fast forward to this year. I escaped it with copious amounts of escapism and work. Now it's back because multiple times (3 in the last two weeks) I have been cut off by long time friends/romantic interests. They tease me about how they're going to leave, I ask them not to tease me like that, then they go. 3 times in two weeks, friends of 4 months- 1 year, one a girl who kept telling me how much she loved me, how perfect I was, how we'd be together.

I pray every day and I'm not religious. I don't know what's going on in my life. I try so hard to have faith in God. I don't know what's happening. I work hard, I do everything I can to be good, and these things happen. Then I have to see ROSE'S FACE taunting me at the end of the night. To top that off, the World Peace stream sucked ass.

I'm seriously going to go fucking nuts. I already smashed a bunch of shit in my room. I already cut up my legs. I am going to fucking go crazy. This is horrible. What have I done, I do not understand. Why, God, why??

Is Rose kino?

>cam whores
>no nudes
who why the fuck even?

No, her taste is pleb tier

if there was a god, why would god allow the world to end up like this? Genuinely curious

There is no god
Only goddess

you realize that on the Internet there are millions of pics and videos of women you can jack off to right? why do you fixate on only her?

I don't know. Smarter men than me have answered that question. The pinnacle of desperation if praying atheists and I'd usually consider myself agnostic but the other night I prayed so hard for something good to happen, I started reading the Bible, and it happened the next day. It was beautiful.

But now everything is back to how it was. I'm not edgy or arrogant enough to say that God doesn't exist because bad things happen to me. The universe does not center around me. But I do wonder what I've done wrong, or what I haven't done right, that has led to these things happening to me. I work so hard, I am as nice as can be to people. I've done a few bad things, but I've always pursued forgiveness, through the people I've wronged and through God.

I don't know what to do anymore. It's comical, really, it's comical how sad and pathetic this all is. I pursue online conversations with traps online just so I can feel some form of care or affection. I won't even masturbate when we ERP. I just talk to them and pretend I am. I don't know what I've done so wrong in my life.

Because she's perfect

>as intelligent as I am
>adorable physically
>quick witted
>impeccable sense of humour
>soothing voice
>laid back
>exudes positive energy
>self-aware