Luke, did I ever tell you that I'm 40 years old?

Luke, did I ever tell you that I'm 40 years old?

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Luke, have I ever told you about midichlorians? They are microscopic organisms that live inside of you and give you your Force powers. It might be a little disappointing, but there's nothing really mystical about the jedi knights at all - you might as well call yourself a mutant.

...

>prequels fuck up continuity this hard
>people still defend them

Luke, did I ever tell you about the Sith apprentice I cleaved in half after he killed my master? He was a good friend.

No one defends the prequels except for particularly autistic assburgers on Cred Forums.

Wouldn't he have been about 50? I assumed he was 20 in episode I, 30 in episode III, which would make him 50 in ANH?

Luke did I ever tell you about the time my master cheated a merchant so your father can win more money in a race?

It was your father's lightsaber, he used it to slaughter unarmed younglings in cold blood.
An elegant weapon for a more civilized age

He was 57.

youtube.com/watch?v=hN74bOubUug

Time passed between 1-2: 10 years
Time passed between 2-3: 3 years
Time passed between 3-4: 18 years
Since these are approximations, we can say 30 years give or take 5 would have passed. The only way he could be 40 is if you're saying ObiWan was 15 in Phantom Menace and 25 years passed to get to new hope. Which is unlikely. I'd say he was about 19, and 31 years passed, making him around 50

He still looks eighty.

who cares autismo

delete this thread kid

Luke Have I ever told you that Chewbacca and R2D2 are actually people with genetic disorders in a costume?

Desert life fucks you up

How could 1.2 million clone troopers rule the galaxy?

Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster. Cut down your foes with style, young Luke, or don't kill them at all.

Luke did I ever tell you that I'm from the planet Stewjon, named after the famed Earth comedian Jon Stewart? It was a lush farming world with fertile soil. I had good friends there.

such deep lore

>Luke, did I ever tell you I was a heroin junkie?
>That needle was a good friend.

>it's true, all of it
goddamnit

This could be it. He thinks he is the last jedi at this point. Life of solitude would mess with a person which would cause rapid age. It isn't until he dies he realises Yoda is still alive.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I fucked Batman? He was a good friend.

>Obi-Wan just dissapears like it's a dream or something and everything isn't real

poetry

>20 in episode I

>20 years old
>still merely a padawan

not true. Yoda and him seem to be in contact somehow after splitting up the skywalker kids, it's definitely implied at the end of episode 3, all that shit about learning stuff from qui-gon's force presence

He was 16 in episode I, 23 in episode II, 25 in episode III and 41 in episode IV

>muh continuity
lmao loser

i do

BRAVO LUCAS

i think its implied qui gon in general pissed the council off so poor obi had to suffer.

No. He was 25 in episode I, 35 in episode II, 38 in episode III and 57 in episode IV

Ben Kenobi was 57
Alec Guiness was 63

I believe this

They suck and i love to laugh at them but they're a billion times better than the sequel.

how does that add up with luke and leia's age?

...

This user is right
>in episode I Obi-wan is padawan so he's most probably around age of 16
>in episode IV Luke is 16 so 16 years have passed between episode III and IV

Obi-wan is 41 years old

Really? I thought Luke is like around 20, remember how in episode 4 he was dreaming of going to the space academy but his uncles makes him be a farmer instead, seems like a college age guy thing

There is no need for speculation, even in new canon their ages are specified. Luke and Leia are 19 in IV, Obi-Wan is 57.

>new canon

>20 years old
>still playing with toys

Yeah, I don't think so. He's probably 14-15, and Obi-Wan is 38

>he is a EUtard

He is not really playing with it, just fucking around.
It's 19 years between III and IV, why is Luke's age even a question?

Luke, did I ever tell you that I'm 35 years old? Time is not a good friend.

Luke, did I ever tell you that I hid you from your father here, on his home planet, to live with his own fucking step brother who he knows and has visited before? I was a good friend.

People don't defend the prequels, they just say that Episode 7 was obviously the worst Star Wars film ever.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I left your sister to be raised as a wealthy princess in the lap of luxury on a gorgeous planet while leaving you on a hot, sandy rock with a surly old man who exploited your labor and wouldn't let you hang out with the few friends you had left?

>Luke, did I ever tell you about your Uncle and Aunt? They were just brutally murdered and you haven't reacted at all. Perhaps they weren't such good friends

>Your father hated sand

>So I dumped you on the sandiest planet in the galaxy

Luke, did I ever tell you your father mass murdered an entire classroom of innocent 1st graders? With the very lightsaber I just gave you?

He was a good friend.

>"Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend."

Luke did I ever tell you that you can fly? Just try spinning, that's a good trick

goddammit lucas

Luke, did I ever tell you about those two droids you just bought that stood by and watched your mother die? They were good friends.

>a magic treeā„¢

...

>this entire post

like poetry

Luke did I ever tell you about the magic tree? If you touch it you'll become Avatar

>Luke, did I ever tell you about magic? It's basically just a term we use for something we don't yet understand. You don't think so? So what is magic supposed to be anyway?

Fucking kek

How does rotating a massless energy beam induce a change in air pressure and generate lift? Or is he rotating it at the speed of light and making a warp bubble or something?

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the birth of you and your sister? It was a beautiful moment, despite your mothers tragic death. You were delivered by a droid. I still remember it's poetic humming. "Oobah, oobah." It was a good friend.

...

...

>the robot got paid, and he naught the bugs

Like poetry

>Luke have I told you about that one time me and your father fell into that nest of Gundarks
>Luke have I told you about that one time your father build C3PO
>Luke have I told you about that one time your father murdered children before force choking pregnant pademay?
>Luke have I told you about your father and how I hacked off several limbs on a volcanic slope against a CGI backdrop?
>And he was a good friend

Oh yeah. Forgot that was a thing. Why, Disney?

Kek, I forgot about that

The prequels were so fucking bad holy shit

Luke, did I ever tell you that when your father and mother first met, he was a nine year old slave to a flying jew baby and she was a 14 year old democratically elected queen, though since it was a term of office with a limited number of years, she was really more like a president, I think. They were good friends.

I'm fucking dying

Luke, did I ever tell you that your father murdered tribal sand people after they raped and killed your grandmother? He slaughtered them like animals. They were NOT good friends.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time a cartoon rabbit made a motion in the galactic senate that effectively created the empire? It was a more civilized age.

What is the point of this set? It won't look realistic up close and it would require CG of the surrounding area to look even somewhat realistic from afar so what the fuck? Just throwing away money?

Luke, did I ever tell about that cyborg that had pneumonia. I shot him in the chest and his organs burst into flames. He was a good friend.

>Luke where did you find these droids?
>I have never seen them before, ever.
>Did I tell you this already?

Good fucking lord. Star Wars is easily the stupidest extended universe out there by far with no comparisons. Stewjon? What the fuck? That just angers me. Fucking kikes giving other kikes recognition in their shitty lore.

its a real magic tree you pleb.

Luke did I ever tell you about chairs? Chairs were pieces of furniture humanoids could sit in or on (depending on the type of the chair). Chairs came in many shapes and styles, and chairs that could hover also existed. Chairs were common household items throughout the galaxy.

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Chair

Obi Wan is supposed to be in his late 30s or even 40 in IIII.

Add 20 years (thats how old Luke is) and he is 50s.

Still too young but better than nothing.

Fuck the prequels anyway.

Hamill was like 25 at the time right? I can buy Luka as supposedly being 18-ish, but 14 is fucking insane. And as some other user said, he's not really playing, just fucking around

>IIII
kys

Luke did I ever tell you about jizz?

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jizz

>Luke did I ever tell you about your dad's lightsaber? He used it to slaughter a village of defenseless sandpeople, including their women and infants. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.

Somehow, for some reason, light sabres must have mass. Everything becomes too retarded if the dont.

Luke, did I ever tell you about niggers? Long ago they worked our fields picking cotton. Today they play basketball and loot our stores.

They were good friends.

You can grabass with your little fuccboi friends later, Luke. I need you here to stare at the vaporators and make sure they stay running.

>25 in Episode I
>10 years pass
>35 in Episode 2
>3 years pass
>38 in Episode 3
>roughly 20 years pass
>58 in Episode 4

Luke, did I ever tell you about traitors? Don't trust them, they are not good friends

...

is this canon?

See:

Luke is 19 in ANH

To be fair, Lucas was just making a dumb joke, it was the fat autists like Pablo hidalgo and Leland chee who took it literally because they MUST document this fictional universe for wookiepedia

>25
>still padawan

Was obi-wan retarded?

he got left behind for being too many days absent and smoking death stixĀ© in the padawan lockers

well his master was

TOP 5 worst Jedi ever
1. Qui-Gon
2. Qui-Gon
3. Qui-Gon
4. Qui-Gon
5. Qui-Gon

What is the point of this man? Is he supposed to be a lookout?

shit you did it now

that's Harpoon-man, he's a vigilante authorized by the rebellion to protect the skies

How did he get there?
What is that spear for?

Funnily enough General Grievous actually made 8 year old me predict the good friend meme, I still remember looking at him and his proto-TR8R bodyguards and just thinking about old Ben telling Luke about this shit.

Heeeeere we go again!

wasn't Qui-Gon expelles from the Jedi council for Force-fucking an elderly woman?

We all know what goes on in the back entrance to Tosche Station.

...

Trips confirm, then he took her son and left her to die on a barren sand planet

this movie is commonly known as the "Jar Jar"

>Was obi-wan retarded?

The pole has a reverse-gravity launchpad at the base, it shoots him upward and the bottom opens and closes just at the right moment.
He is a lookout for any new moons that may appear in the sky.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I was one of the most respected actors in the world, performing in renowned films such as Kind Hearts and Coronets, The Bridge on the River Kwai and A Passage to India? I even got an Oscar and a Knighthood in recognition for my talent and excellence. Then, while I was between shooting masterpieces with David Lean, a nerd named George Lucas begged me to play an Arabian samurai wizard from space in his childrenā€™s flicks. I took it to be nice, even though it meant saying lines such as "Only a master of evil Darth". Now those movies are the only thing people remember me for. When you search my name on Google Images, the first result is from a website called ā€œWookiepediaā€. My legacy is ruined forever. George Lucas was a bad friend.

>Jedi council send this guy to negotiate a peace treaty

lel

it's a laser spear gun

Luke did I ever tell you how your dad sacrificed the republic over a bad dream he had, then went into the jedi temple and murdered all the children there and finally choked his wife to death? He was a good friend.

I like this one.

>Luke did I ever tell what kind of relationship I had with your father?

Luke did I ever tell you about Bigger Luke, commonly abbreviated to BL, or more uncommonly BgL. He is the slightly larger manifestation of you.

biggerluke.wikidot.com/bigger-luke

Because that way his ''feeling'' in the force, of his own relative kin, would just be confused as his step brother and not Luke.

Luke, did i ever tell you that electric motors are expensive so we had to actually put a midget into R2 to make him rattle a but and turn his head?

>"Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I rode Boga, the large lizard-like female varactyl? During my search for General Grievous on Utapau, I found myself in a need of a mount. So I visited an area of pens where the Pau'an natives kept varactyls. And I took from them savages one of those inconspicuous huge bright screaming dragons instead of any other more advanced transport vehicle we had at our hands at the time. The fucker couldn't even fly like the majority of our vehicles so we both got blasted hard during Order 66. He is probably dead who knows lmao. And he was a good friend."

Holy shit, it's Jamesir Bensonmum.

Obi wan had a lot of friends

>relative kin
>step brother
Close.

...

yeah Ep. 7 sucked a nut, maybe even 2 nuts.

...

kek

You're a big guy

>Luke, have I told you about a story in space a long time ago?

...

>Mace Window

Always gets me

wew

...

These guys are right

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time where midichlorians were a thing, and nobody ever bothered to check Sheev's count when the Jedi knew there was a gigantic Sith running around trying to rule everything all the while Sheev was amass more and more personal power?

But it was actually brilliant: Tatooine is a sandy planet, and Vader hates sand, so he would never ever try to look for him there.

The question is why didn't he hide Leia on another sand planet?

Maybe he's special needs so was held back 10 years?

accurate description of my reaction to these shitposts

dubs one and "really raimi?" fits too

He isn't 40, he's in his late 50s.

Isn't there a theory that Sheev was manipulating the minds of the Jedi with the force, so that they would never suspect him?

>still playing with toys
He's a farmer. There's fuck-all else to do for fun around there.

>i do
And you are a particularly autistic assburger for doing so.

hes just a few days away from joining the empire and blasting his fake parents.

>trekkies can't take jokes

But that's wrong. He wasn't 16. He was 25.

Looking it up, Jedi become Padawans at the age of 13 and up, and then spend at least 10 years as a Padawan typically before becoming a Knight. So Kenobi being a Padawan at age 25 is normal.

Spotted the trekkies

...

for luke

>Luke, did I ever tell you it's shite being a Jedi? We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Galaxy! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into the Republic. Some hate the Sith. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can't even find a decent empire to be colonized by. We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Luke, and all the good friends in the world won't make any fucking difference!

>Luke, did I ever tell you I was on the Jedi Council with a giraffe alien, a black girl, a green girl, a blue girl, a black man with horns, a female version of Master Yoda, and an alien with apple turnovers glued to the side of his head and a mask?

No, 7 was pretty good compared to the prequels

this is gold

i like the idea that obi-wan like pada-wan is actually a title and the entire universe is fucked beyond all imagine.

Why he didn't go to jedi school from the beginning ?

Yet he never complained about the money he gort for it.

Luke, did I ever tell you about your fathers best friend, Ashoka Tano, and the many years they spent together? She was a good friend.

Anyone else impulsively save an image and copy/paste the filename the uploader had if it's an old filename? This is like my version of rare Pepes.

>LUKE, DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME WE CRASHED GENERAL GRIEVOUS' FLAGSHIP WITH NO SURVIVORS? IT WAS A BIG SHIP.

>Vader's canonical last thoughts were about those orange buttcheeks

Top taste.

Wouldn't he have been in his mid-50s, though?

>beep boop Luke, did I ever tell you that I knew your dad when he was like 9 and your mom when she was like 14? And I saved your mom's ship one time so she rubbed down my chassis, if you know what I mean beep boop

>beep boop Luke, did I ever tell you that you have a sister who was raised by a senator? I saw her au naturel a couple of time, if you know what I mean beep boop

>Luke did I ever tell you about the Invisible Hand? It was the flagship of the Seperatist fleet yet it was not equipped with a cloaking device nor constructed in the shape of a hand. The people who named that ship were stupid friends.

Holograms or it didn't happen.

>It's a Trade Federation ship
>Invisible Hand
>Invisible hand of a market
BRAVO LUCAS

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time Ahsoka died fighting your father in an ancient Sith temple on Malachor V that was actually an ancient battle station? It happened after her negligence got Kanan blinded by another good friend of mine, Darth Maul, but I'll tell you that story later.

But before we go any further, I should tell you about the Bendu.

>These blasts are to accurate for sand people
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the sand person who shot your fathers podracer while he was 30 yards away and it was going almost 600mph?
>He was a good friend

>Helloooooooo! I'd like to get down now. Pleeease. :(

This. The latest Star Wars film was fucking awful. At least the prequels had a "so bad its good" charm and were memorable. I can barely remember anything from The Force Awakens.

"Comparative Advantage" would have been a better name imo

Luke, did I ever tell you about Riyo Chuchi?

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time that my master, Yoda, and Han Solo's companion, Chewbacca, teamed up? They were good friends.

>Qui-Gon in charge of peace negotiations

Yeah sure Jar Jar, whatever you say...

STOP IT STOP IT AAAAAAAAAA

...

He was a 57 year old being played by a 63 year old. Prequels made some things that made continuity difficult to lime up, but this isn't one of them.

it's not a toy, it's a model! Luke is a sheltered man child who lives in his parent's basement.

What retard wrote that?

...

...

>This sand planet has been a good friend.

bravo lucas

It's a hook for pulling electric lines, the guy is a utility worker in a cherrypicker.

i've never seen a 40 year old look 60

niiiiiiiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

we have some economololologists here

best

>Luke, did I ever tell you that when you were a newborn baby I gave your twin sister - that you didn't even know you had, and haven't even met yet - to Bail Organa, Senator of the beautiful planet of Alderaan, to be raised as a princess, living a life of privilege and luxury, whilst I brought you here to this sandy shit-hole wasteland to grow up in the baking heat, a place where the only way to get water is to farm it out of the atmosphere and where you will constantly have to fear for your life and due to the very real possibility of deadly attacks from roaming feral sandpeople? I'm a good friend.

Obi Wan is 20 in RoTS yet he has that thick of a beard? He was 10 in TPM?

The fuck?

>Luke, did I ever tell you about my master, Quigon Jin? You want me to describe what he was like? Well.......he was a wise jedi master........uh....he had a green light saber......he had a beard......er......he actually looked just like me but with long hair...

>he was a good friend...I think....

...

It's the photoaging that comes with living in a desert planet

>he is irish
>his lightsaber is green

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Evan Orbus and his Galactic Jizz-Wailers? He was the best Jizz musician in the galaxy. And he was a good friend.

>starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Evar_Orbus_and_His_Galactic_Jizz-Wailers

In one of the comics / books, Vader actually suspects him being on Tatooine but after arrival he gets pissed off and leaves. It's canon btw.

>>Obi Wan is 20 in RoTS yet he has that thick of a beard?

>being low test
I'm sorry

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the third part in this trilogy which is about to come? You enter Jabba's palace and rescue Han, only later in an alternative timeline characters like Joh Yowza and Sy Snootles are introduced, this causes a great disturbance in the fans

>this thread again

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Wookieepedia? It's a 'web site' that will exist a long time in the future in a galaxy far, far away. Autists will visit it on their 'personal computers' to write articles about breasts, jizz and chairs. It's a good site.

These threads are the best thing happening on Cred Forums right now

Literally quality shitposts

Yeah I think it was called "hack writing"

Maybe it has something to do with that time difference shit life in interstellar

...

That's good to know.

Thanks user

Best one I ever read

I feel like somewhere it should also be mentioned the clone army was clones of him.

I thought it was more than that? I don't know the exact numbers but I thought it was something like this:
>Episode 1: 20 years old
>Episode 3: 30 Years old
>Episode 4: 50 Years old
But yeah, I get what you're saying

Not to mention the fact that he didn't even change Luke's name

He wanted Luke to get caught

>George Lucas
>Luke Skywalker

>Lucas
>Luke

Self insert?

Intragalactic*

I like this meme.

Nope George, along with the rest of his family, have their own dedicated characters.

The young jedi who got gunned down by clones, allowin senator Organa to escape was his son.

...

>Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes.
Well played.

Can I culture those midiclorians, and get an injection?

It would be extremely painful

Luke, did I ever tell you about the prophecy that said someone will bring balance to the force? I didn't? Huh. It seemed so important at one time. Nevermind, neither I or Yoda or anybody else will ever mention it again. Forget I brought it up.

I'm a big guy.

>Republic secrets on the menu

ITT: No one asks the obvious question...

How are you guys measuring "years" in a galaxy with no fucking Earth in it?

I mean, who knows, maybe these humans in a galaxy far far away just don't age all that well, despite the rather insane levels of medical technology. Or maybe midichlorians make humans age faster...Or some other like pottery.

>This could be it

Force youser

were the jedi around for a thousand years or a thousand generations

Maybe both, and they just fucked like bunnies. (Who knows what the gestation period for half these aliens are.)

I suppose the alternative is to give goofy frakkin names for arbitrary time units ala Battlestar Galactica. (Who at least had an Earth in their own galaxy.)

tfw Anakin was plowing Ahsoka

>Isn't there a theory that Sheev was manipulating the minds of the Jedi with the force, so that they would never suspect him?

Which is sooooooo stupid.

The Jedi have to be total morons for the plot to work.

It would have worked better if the Jedi were a long disbanded group, and they were few in number, who tried to save the Republic but could not.

Luke, did I ever tell you about breasts?

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Breast/Legends

Luke did I ever tell you that Darth Vader is your father and was once my apprentice before the Emperor turned him away from the Jedi and he slaughtered our order down to the younglings?


He was a good friend

Does this actually happen?

I would guess it's based on the capital of the Republic's year, or the rotation of the galaxy

>Then this is loss
Fuck sake.

57.

he was 25 in Ep 1, 35 in Ep 2, and 38 in Episode 3.

I would

You should save it.

pretty kino 2bh

I'm laughing so hard that I can't stop crying.

Luke, did I ever tell you about thumb wrestling, a pastime Han Solo was most familiar with?

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Thumb-wrestling

>How are you guys measuring "years" in a galaxy with no fucking Earth in it?

It's all based on Coruscant.

>Vader arrives in Tatooine
>sees the sand dunes
>"I hate sand. It's coarse, and irritating. And it gets everywhere in my mechanical joints."
>"Unlike Padme."
>*weeps in cyborg*

That is the entirety of the Fett subplot perfectly explained by how ludicrous it really was.

It also proves that II is undoubtedly the worst film.

idk this one lady at my work I thought was 60ish really had a 8 and 11 year old. So I have no idea how old she is.

>Luke, did I ever talk to you about a man named Lawrence I tricked into leading my army and giving me a country, leaving him a shell of a man?
>He was a good friend

He should have left Padme for the orange qt desu

Kek that filename

Really makes you think...

Guinness was always old, even in Kwai and Lawrence he looked like your grandpa.

Funny isn't it, if he banged Ahsoka instead of panda bear the empire wouldn't have risen and Sheev would probably be dead at the start.

>Luke, did I ever talk to you about Mein Kampf and the Third Reich? Or about Heinrich Himmler? He was a good friend.

>Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes

This is the best summary of Episide 2 ever. I laughed hard enough my wife got annoyed.

No offense to Alec, but that was the least convincing arab ever.

Does anyone have that picture of the ball-and-cup mechanism?

Not to mention the impeccable British accent, Anthony Quinn was pretty hilarious too.

what about her son? Did he laugh too?

Yeah, I laughed.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about that time I built a pretty good railroad for my mortal enemies only to destroy it after having all my comrades killed by the japs?
>They were good friends.

This hurts me more in regards to Peter Cushing, especially since they apparently are going to CG him into Rogue One.

Not only that, he wouldn't have been remembered otherwise at all.

I can count on 1 hand how many people I know that have seen any of those movies, much less would they have remembered who ''that guy who played Obi Wan" was.

Was getting burned part of your plan?

Most people think that when Mace mentions in Episode 1 that their ability to use the force is diminishing, it's Sheev that is causing this to stay undercover.

I had a coworker in her early thirties who looked like she was in her late fifties because of heavy drug and alcohol use when she was in her teens.

Shit happens I guess.

>Isn't there a theory that Sheev was manipulating the minds of the Jedi with the force, so that they would never suspect him?

It's pretty much spelled out plain as day that this is the case.

Sheev's strongest power was deception.

Luke, did you know that during the last days of the Republic, we knew there was A Sith Lordā„¢ in the Rupublic? Then once your father found out it was Chancellor Sheev, instead of turning him in, he decided to go along with the Chancellor's crazy scheme that involved killing every Jedi in the temple and destroying everything he had worked towards since he was a child. Even though Sith Lordsā„¢ have reputation for being liars, he believed him anyways, based on a vague promise about saving his girlfriend from dying.
Anyways, once I cut off your fathers arms and legs and his girlfriend died anyways, and your father had no reason at all to be friends with Sheev, he helped him build the Death Star.
He was a good, trusting friend.

This is going to ruin Star Wars once and for all if the leak is true.

No, Rey taking black dick then dumping Finn for Kylo Rey incest will ruin Star Wars.

A tree won't do shit.

I'm not up to date with VIII lore, what's the magic tree do

Luke was a NEET.

That's not true, just a rumor.

It IS the force.

The major problem with the extended universe is thats its way to extended. Its like they just threw out the license with no quality control whatsoever.

>democratically elected 14 year old
Holy shit my sides

How would Obiwan know Anakin built 3PO? They didn't even meet until Hope.

>your age
>still posting on a mandalorian bantha-chasing holonet

LOL

>Luke, did I ever tell you how the moment you were born and your mother held you and your twin sister in her arms and then immediately died from a lack of will to live? She was a senator!

They met in Phantom Menace.

I would wait until the movie before complaining

They met in Phantom Menace and Obi-Wan shared a ride with him Revenge of the Sith.

>he doesnt realize it was palpatine that killed padme

Luke, I never told you how one time Darth Maul...oh, sorry, I didn't tell you who that was. Well, he killed my master...anyway, turns out he took over Mandalore, this was after the spider legs...yes, mechanical spider legs. Idk, I think there was dark magic involved...magic? Oh, uh...it's probably just the force. Anyway, um, Maul took over a planet and killed my girlfriend. Yeah, I know what I said about the no love thing. Wait, I didn't mention that jedis were celibate? Oh...yeah. Well this was all after we saved Jabba's kid.

He was a good friend...

He's flying with the force. He's spinning his lightsaber because it's a good trick.

Luke, did I ever tell you how your father screamed for me to give you his lightsaber, after I dismembered him and left him to die?

>But you just told me he killed a dozen children with it!

Yes, from a certain point of view. He was a good man, and a good friend.

Luke, when gone I am, the last of the Jedi you will be in this region of the galaxy

Their lightsabers have repulsorlifts on them. AKA the stuff that allows things to hover in Star Wars.

>Harry, did I ever tell you about Dorcus Twelvetrees? She was this rich blonde bimbo that nearly exposed the entire Wizarding World when she was dating a Muggle that was part of some magic-hating group that started during the Salem Witch Trials, which scared the shit out of most of the American Magical Community even though it was pretty limited to a single town.

>Because of this, American Wizards are even more uptight and segregated from the Muggle World then we are to the point where its against the law to interact with any non-magic folk and you have to register your wands with the government. Dorcus's name went down in history for referring to retarded wizards. She was a good friend.

They didn't though. Obiwan was on the ship in the phantom menace. In Clones they're both in the Colosseum, but never meet. They don't meet face to face in Revenge of the Sith either.

Sometimes they're close by, but they're never introduced.

...

Obi Wan was 25 in Episode I
35 in Episode II
38 in Episode III
And 57 in Episode IV

To be fair, a 57 year old in 1977 looked a lot older than a 57 year old today due to the gap in medicine and life expectancy.

Also, Obi-Wan spending some much time in Tatooine's sun, his love of booze, and his incredible guilt and stress over raising a Sith Lord and indirectly dooming the galaxy causing the deaths of millions, probably did a real number on him.

I'm pretty sure in TCW they meet.

And they do in RotS

>She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew!

Also Maul killed his Mando waifu.

Mando Calrissian?

>You fought in the Clone Wars?

>Yes. I was once a Jedi Knight, the same as your father.
>That reminds me. Luke, did I ever tell you that in our prime (which happened to be a mere 20 years ago), the Jedi had Dragon Ball Z powers and could destroy armies single-handedly, run at lightning fast speed, deflect blaster bolts with stunning precision, jump tens of thousands of feet in the air, and hover around for prolonged periods of time? "Crouching Jedi, Hidden Sith" sums up that era well.
>Now that I'm an old man, I can't do any of that anymore. Time is not a good friend.

I know Genndy Wars was awesome, but it's funny how "through the roof" it was, even compared to the prequels.

>Yes, from a certain point of view.

Dammit, you made me emit an audible chuckle. You're a good friend.

yeah, he was able to grow a full beard at age 16

Obi Wan isn't 40 in A New hope. He's 60, according to canon

JC, did I ever tell you about the time all augmented people simultaneously became violently insane and 50 million people died? They were good friends.

Duchess Satine.

You mean Deadchess Satine?

I need to play Deus Ex someday just so I can truly understand all the dank memes.

STOP CALLING TO TELL ME BULLSHIT, OLD MAN!

Luke did I ever tell you that Sith get to learn a move called Force Lightning? It was never an effective character device to show how Sideous can manipulate the force in cruel and sadistic ways, it's just a standard trick that all Sith know.

>Luke, I am your father

Why is this such a defining moment? It wasn't foreshadowed, neither of the characters were particularly interesting enough to be attached to...

This has got to retroactively be one of the dumbest scenes in film history.

I'm sorry you haven't actually watched the OT?

>neither of the characters were particularly interesting enough to be attached to...
>Spend most of the first movie with Luke and/or Vader
Was feeling dead inside part of your plan?

>Hurr durr fuck the EU
>New canon gives us the Avatar tree and the biggest Mary Sue this side of Vitiate

Yeah, unfortunately.

I mean shit Luke was cool, but he's not a motherfucker I'd have my kids look up to or quote. He's a stupid kid who suddenly becomes an adult because his ***dead*** dad is actually Yoshimitsu.

Screentime doesn't mean jack if the characters are one dimensional by default and have a garbage script.

They are, and they do.

Both, the Order and the Republic underwent reforms about a thousand years before the prequels.

They had been around for about 20 thousand years though, or a thousand generations.

>>*weeps in cyborg*
Fuck

>Sheev's strongest power was deception
That and ripping holes in space-time.

100/10 I can't stop laughing and my friend is calling me autistic

I miss midichlorians.

Midichlorians are still canon. They merely indicate the presence of the force.

Where the fuck do they fit and power them?

Fuck off Shilloni.

Fuck off with your EU "canon" bullshit. It will never be acknowledged in the movies.

...

>Calling Clone Wars the EU
The EU had it's good moments, unlike Clone Wars. Too bad the Clone Wars team fellated Lucas into making their show "special canon"

One of the characters from The Clone Wars is in the new movie, being played by Forrest Whitaker.

I would get Forrest Whitaker eye too, if I came from that shitfest.

>The EU had it's good moments, unlike Clone Wars. Too bad the Clone Wars team fellated Lucas into making their show "special canon"


Wrong, The Clone Wars was George's show from the start. Actively involved in all the story arcs, but letting others make his ideas work. You know, like how the original trilogy worked.

Twirling the saber is creating a column of super-heated air above him, generating a thermal updraft.

>Hey George, we'll let you dictate the basics of the story if you give us special status.
Yeah, sounds nothing like quid pro quo.

George initiated the show man. He liked Genndy's Clone Wars and wanted to do a take that was more under his control.

He was also developing Star Wars Underworld and had over 50 scripts developed for it, but was sitting on them until CG got cheap enough to be practical for a running live-action series. The Clone Wars character that Whitaker is playing in Rogue One was initially developed for Underworld, but George wanted to use him early and put him in Clone Wars.

Clone Wars and the six movies are the only shit that matters pre-Disney now.

There are new books that are canon now

And those were made AFTER the Disney buyout. Like pretty much everything after April 2014 is part of the canon.

That was my point

But there are some older games that are still canon too

>Luke did i ever tell you about Bane. He was a big guy

Hey Gareth, why are we recording my lines first?

Pre-Disney games aren't canon either.

The old Expanded Universe/Legends is more of a resource that they can pull ideas, characters, vehicles, and creatures from for new storytelling, but that doesn't make the Legends stuff they appeared in canon.

Like you have a bunch of KOTOR stuff popping into things like Rebels, but the Canon version of what happened in that time period is still really vague (though they seem to be expressing a desire to make the Old Republic era into more of a Feudal Japan in Space aesthetic what with Canon Darth Bane having samurai armor and shit)

And while Thrawn's coming back, he's not gonna have his Force deflecting lizards anymore beyond a piece of artwork in his office that looks like them.

There is a while list of Disney approved material that IS canon on the Star Wars website...yes there is. KOTOR remains canon.

You can just look this up

*whole

Considering the Grey Death was a thing, and the augmentation freak out must have been a drop in the bucket in comparison. Like how ww1 was overshadowed by WW2

>There are people in this very thread who are obsessed with "canon"
This is why we can't have nice things.

Nope. The Lucasfilm Story Group credits added on the TOR expansions is just there as a courtesy.

It's just that a lot of people making Star Wars stuff now are KOTOR fans and so you see ships and locations. But there is no Revan and pals in canon just yet. Though if Revan's reintroduction was up to Pablo, he'd go with femRevan

>Pre-Disney games aren't canon either.
Literally not true.

>then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs

>"What's wrong with a sequel user? You still have the originals!"

>tfw you will live to see Star Wars raped and ruined by the retcons of the new films

Why does canon not matter to you in popular fiction?

>Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs

Hey, Adam! Remember that tie the Arabs finally got their shit together and under Iranian leadership, they finally marched into Israel and wiped the Jewish state into the sea?

They were good friends.

...Also you were just started reading this in my voice!