*twists your arm*

this guy is the definition of passive agressive
smiles at you and acts like he wont do anything until he gets close enough, so you think hes chill bro
then twists your arm and gets you in a headlock
that story about him attacking leguizamo made me sick.

*snaps carrot*

You better double check your systems. That mechanics was an impostor.

*breaks niggers arm*

>deadest martial art

yes

Anyone have that scene when Seagal goes for a pee and the black guy with the gun asks "What are you doing?" and Seagal replies "Where do you think i'm going".
Then a bomb explodes and Seagal jumps out the window.

Jesus Christ

why does he always have a slightly autistic look on his face?

He looks like hes confused or something

*shakes head disapprovingly for unironically using the n-word*

youtube.com/watch?v=2dakhzl2SBQ

Thanks m8

Also, EASY!

His hair just keep growing. How does he do it?

*CRACK*
*looks back at seagal*
Wha happen?

Ancient japanese wisdom Seagal keeps to himself so badlets don't anger the gods

*sucks diownck

I think he's the most perfect actor to play Solid Snake in the Metal Gear Solid movie. Seagal has so many similarities with Solid Snake.

>CIA / FOXHOUND
>Aikido / CQC
>both fluent in 6 languages
>both have IQ 190
>both worked as mercenaries
>both expert in survival
>both are master marksmen
>both have blood from the east flowing within their veins

too bad its not going to happen

He could be Fatman from MGS2

That would mean he would have to shave his head and his awesome goatee and that is something he isnt going to do.

*snatches your birthday*

CASEY FUCKING RYBACK?

>Comments are disabled for this video.

Is he standing in a hole?

I really wanted to talk about how fat he was

...

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What was his fucking problem?

there is something wrong with this pic
isnt he supposed to be like 1,95m?

he's actually 1,78m

that would make Putin aroud 1,50m

Look at his eyes.
You know he wants to.

Goddammit it who the fuck edits Seagal movies?

Putin would totally beat the shit out of Seagal in a fight.

Salvador Dali is my guess

youtube.com/watch?v=ypMTI6FwCUU

this cant be real

EASY

Imagine being Chris in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Steven, you fuckin' cool, all badass with your flabby body and horrific greasy monster face. I would totally be buddy cops with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is smoke another joint in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Chris and not only stand still in the middle of the street while Steven Seagal flings a disgusting, badly bruised body in front of you, the jump cuts barely concealing his stretchmarks and leather jacket, and just stand there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that throw. Not only having to tolerate his monstrous fucking visage but his haughty attitude as everyone on set tells him he's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, STEVEN SEAGAL FIGHTS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch his newest defenestration victim skip back and forth in time into types of continuities you didn't even know were possible before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of hoes and groupies and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the suburbs in New Orleans. You've never even seen anything this fucking physically impossible before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his bulging stomach as he sucks it in to flex it imposingly at the camera, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to stand there and revel in his "stevenesque (for that is what he calls it)" fighting style, the style he worked so hard on with the greatest masters in Japan in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this street before the studio security could put you down, but you stand there and endure, because you're fucking Chris Thomas King. You're not going to lose your future blues career over this. Just bear it. Contort your face and bear it.

no words

He's so out of shape and on a verge of heart attack that anybody could beat Seagal in a fight.

> WLADIMIR!
> What?
> Not in front of the camera!

Literally flawless

Maybe we should give van Damme a call, so he can try to lure Seagal into a fight again.

What the fuck he literally looks pregnant here

His right arm is inside the gi, that's what's creating the bulge

>will.i.am

whats up with him and those sunglasses

i knock on the door

its me goku

>OY WHERE ARE YOU GOING

>what do you think im doing

truly kino

Easy!

*gets choked out*
*shits his pants*

youtube.com/watch?v=DgYlKtLq9FE

0:20

>We nee- somebody
>That can succesfullee...
>tk ou the nxclosehuh....

maybe if he lost 100 lbs.

youtube.com/watch?v=4KlyHwnPqns

We operator kino now

that webm makes me want to cry

THE TRAILER IS THE ENTIRE MOVIE

You want audiences to know what they're in for when you make straight to VHS movies that are secretly just a Russian money laundering scheme

Filthy gaijin. Master Seagal can kill someone sneaking up on him with the recoil of the rifle and maintain a smaller hitbox while approaching corners. Sifu Steven truly the greatest warrior

*teleports behind you*

LIKE HE'S STANDING ON A CART AND GETTING PULLED

Seagal's acting consists nowadays mostly of sitting and firing a gun while looking at something else.

This however is where he shines, you can see the way he moves and acts is all due to his CIA training.
The CIA naturally immediatly got him onboard once they learned how much of a big guy he was

Why does he likes katanas so much? He never quit being a weeb even into his 50s?

I doubt he has had any training in kenjutsu. Just look at this crap

reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/?limit=500
CTRL+F stevenseagalofficial
enjoy

>nb4 reddit

I was in the thread that was planning to hijack that AMA

comedy gold

>well I'm sorry to hear that

...

kek

>no credit card post
:(

How did they get to blow up a house? Is that some Mafia assassination that they hijacked for a scene on the movie to save costs?

Tony Johnson3 weeks ago
Steven Seagal beats any martial artists, you should see him training UFC fighters, or he used to. this guy is a killer. I would rather fight 2 bruce lees than this guy. The leverage his height allows him, I bet he could snap a femur with ease. I would run.

>literally trying to out-generic clapton, the most boring generic musician of the 20th century

youtube.com/watch?v=1rMH7Y-2Bio

Daily Reminder : Segal shit himself because he CAN be choked out.

well meme'd buddy

*snatches african baby*

delete this thread or I will snatch this motherfucker Cred Forums birthday

do you feel in charge?

one of my backups one of my personal backups int that amazing

Amazinglongslidewidebody got almost 15 rounds

*HUUUURRRRRRGHHHHHH*

man....what kept you vic.....ustillsobouddatfiddybuhs?

*nope*

He on that robbie rotten season

He kinda looks like puddy guy from seinfeld

Flawless double trips

>n-word
Tiggered me a bit 2bh

Pretty gud

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Who is this Cock erspaniel?

Literally any woman outside of your parent's basement.

Proxy paige

where can i find the rest of this?!?!?!

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Bruh

hahahah

lol he thinks he's people

So his entire martial arts shtick is built around the assumption that the attackers throw all their weight at you?

11/10

Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Arizona. I was trained as reserve officer. I was given the title of deputy chief. They take a movie “Sicario.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little girl, whether she was British or American, I don’t know. I don’t care. She had never been to south. She doesn’t speak southern American. She has never fought against drug cartels. They make her the Sicario. I got a phone call [laughs] from Joe Arpaio saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.

jesus what a pathetic fat sack of shit he is

all the good stuff already posted?
youtube.com/watch?v=2b5bG8Rcpxo

...

*glides across floor*

i'm convinced that Seagal plays shooter games in his spare time and imitates everything sees in them.

That hand switch thing is definetly something he saw in youtube or something.

Seagal was the guest of honour at the World Nomad Games, which is like the Olympics but for tribal games in Central Asia such as falconry, kok-buru (where two teams of riders throw a dead goat into goals) and horseback wrestling.

i wonder if they even knew who Seagal was?

...

stop forcing this reddit tier nonmeme its not even funny yeah seagal has been in some terrible directed movies recently but he was a 90s and 80s icon so fuck off

you still sore about dat meme?

KINO
I
N
O

Oh lord.