ITT: Actors that you could beat up in a fight

Nobody has ever beaten Steven-sama.

...

post the webm of him lazily fighting the people please

webm needs to include the pose he does after winning.

Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

There was a news site video clip where Steven was training with cops doing some room clearing. Seagal kept his finger on the trigger and muzzle sweeped the cop in front of him.

Is he getting old?

no

you know that apple computers can't do webm :(

Is Steve-O our guy?

The reason he is so fat is because he has mastered his bodies' movement to such awesome degree he is using the minimal possible amount of energy for everything he does. Like here he is walking like a very fast penguin.

*died*

Aahaha the gift that keeps on giving

shit niggas i figured it out

Look at this calm and collected mother fucker.
Shoots badguys with ease and doesn't even flinch.

Look at the way he glides in there like he has butter for shoes.

Truly a master of the night.

which lawman episode is this from

I will snatch every motherfucker birthday

At first I wasn't sure that it wasn't just a still image of Seagal sliding across the screen.

Is Seagal legit autistic?

youtube.com/watch?v=2b5bG8Rcpxo

...

...

>total tryhard fraud
>can still kick my ass
FML

it's an effective defense of his most vulnerable area

wikihow.com/Act-Like-Steven-Seagal

was it a boy?

i'd like to see you try and fight a skeleton.

My sifu had a gut like that also.
>mfw he was an impenetrable wall of fast moving flab

just push him onto his back. he won't be able to get up

KEK

Aikido is the deadliest martial arts in the world. I want to learn deadly aikido stuff.

youtube.com/watch?v=USUbB-kg6P4
youtube.com/watch?v=fH6HtkySiCQ

One liver shot and he's floored

you have to be quick, if he talks you're done

>tfw he can manipulate his internal organs to evade the bullet trajectory or expel foreign matter

>implying a liver shot is a gunshot

what is it with this scene?
Is that even Seagal? It doesn't even sound like him.

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it's called acting, buddy

"The secret is not to act, but to be." Steven Seagal

Fucker wouldn't stand a chance.

I would beat the fuck out of him and then drive his corvette

>tfw Anonlardass gets accidentally fucked over by the stuffed body of Toto when he's trying to swing a bat at it

*twists your arm*
"You wanna try to say that again tough guy?"

He's out of breath after climbing a couple steps

he's using enhanced breathing techniques to achieve perfect aim

Why is he wearing 100 pounds of body armor?

...

Literally an older Dwight Schrute.

Why cant women resist him?

Ngl, Aikido is pretty based, and everybody gets fatter when they age. A lot of people cite the incident where he shat himself but Gene Lebell is quite possibly the greatest martial artist in the history of the United States, I'd like to see you do any better.

Not saying he's not a pudgy autistic hack, but credit where credit's due people

theflyingguillotine.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/the-ridiculousness-of-steven-seagal-part-1/

He has the perfect FML face going on during the sex scene.

>I'd like to see you do any better.
except I don't consider myself some sort of martial arts god.

What is this pile of garbage

If FBI would raid Stevens house what do you think they would discover there?

Katanas

Stale cakes

He heard Gene was looking for him...

how many

No, he said he had some "special ninja technique" that the dalai lama taught him that made him IMMUNE to being choked out.

Instead it was "Go, 1, 2, 3, Shart..."

so why did richie do bobby lupo

Can you imagine what Seagal is like in bed with a punani?

He's 300 pounds, sweating, wears yellow glasses, he humping a girl in doggy style, silent with a blank staret at his face, he comes in 2 minutes and lets a couple grunts.

Then he cleans himself up and goes downstairs to watch his own movies and play with his Katanas

Sounds like the entire Cred Forums

minus the girl part

...

Youstillsowboutdatfittybucks?

So he lives a perfect life?

underrated post

How desperate must you have to be to film a sex scene with Steven Segal? Even porn doesn't seem as degrading.

Uppercut to the jaw and he's out

I'm sure she's done worse

She must have, right?

I wouldnt be so sure of that

at least he keeps his clothes on during the sex scenes

Not only is Gene Labell remotely the greatest American martial artist. Aikido is useless on anyone that isnt a wifebeating drunk

I'm sure the girls do as well

Imagine getting paid $7500 just to take your top off and show your back I'd do it

follow up

Seriously, whats going on here? What is he doing that makes it look like this? Surely hes not standing on a little cart being dragged across the room?

Seagal mastered Shun Goku Satsu

this faggot

all of them

requesting pasta about killing verne troyer

>when you ain't got time to snatch motherfucker birthdays because the punani at home needs bushido

What do you think Steven would have turned out to be like if he didn't leave his first wife and stayed in Nipland?

like this but more

Kek that gif is amazing.

>ITT: actors that would kill you in a fight
FTFY

Gordon Freeman has let himself go

does this look like a face of man ready to kill to you

Ah man that is some ooooold ass flashkino

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he looks as if he's ready rip me in two

youtube.com/watch?v=2dvGpkqpUeg

looks like a man that would snatch every motherfucking birthday

what about this one

looks like a purebred killingmachine

>somewhat boyishly handsome
K E K

...

the OG weeb

>when you tell her you want a prenup

>tfw no prenup with your editor and you're stuck with him

You think he lets them become stale?

what would have happened if Seagal would have been drafted to Vietnam?

>Years active : 1988-present
But what about when he was in an all black band in the 50s?

LESS DO EM ALL VICK
FO DE FIDDY BUGGHS

Every Seagull thread has a gold nugget and this might be it. 10/10

muh sides!

>Groans
youtube.com/watch?v=4KlyHwnPqns
>Enjoy
youtube.com/watch?v=DgYlKtLq9FE
>0:24
>mumble mumble

>1954-1956 Band member in all black band
>1973-1983 Owner of dojo in Japan
>1976-1983 Emplyee of CIA
>1983-1988 Owner of dojo in California
>1985-1988 Enforcer for the Mafia
-
>1952-present Reincarnated Tibetan monk
>1988-present Actor
>1988-present Reserve officer
>2011-present Diplomat of peace to Russia

He's so cool

>We need somebody that can successfully
>take out the negzovalcosa

>take out the negzovalcosa
What did he mean by this?

Youdungedderbreenfrens

Why is he the way he is?

youtube.com/watch?v=nkskuSXqUD0

I blame his autism

On a scale from Steven Seagal to Tom Cruise, how manly do you run?

True Warrior never runs. True warrior preserves his strenght by walking slowly or using a hoverboard

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he doesn't care about appearances, he does what is the most effective you insecure faggot

is this actually a shot from one of his movies

all those punanis just waiting to be snatched

Yeah its from the latest installment of the Birthday Snatcher trilogy

what a genius.

I wouldn't mess with him, he's friends with Kid Rock.

Shit nigga, why does his hair look like someone drew it on with a Wooly Willy?

because he grew it back

What movie?

Is... Is hair painted on?

>0:37

WAT

...

youtube.com/watch?v=1X9RvuSuU_Y
anyone remember this

Huh?

>stuck
m8 that is unironic non-meme kino

I thought Seagal was a big man?

Kino or Seagals way of laundering money?
I can never tell, he truely is a master deception

Note that
>I still believe this edit was actually Seagal's idea

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>Running on a treadmill, but never working out your core, while eating a lot of fatty foods will help you attain this look.

>Seagal once crashed a tank through a person’s house because he suspected that they had a cockfighting ring

>Be careful when walking around inside with sunglasses, you could trip into something and hurt yourself.

somebody has the Arnold copypasta adaptation to this ?

NO WAY THIS IS REAL

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>No force
>Guy comes flying
kek

You tell me

youtube.com/watch?v=aYpOIQUVT7U

4:06

he looks pregnant

Tfw just now realizing how similar Dan is to Seagull.

...

Well it's a joke stolen from the last Segal thread, which very well may have been stolen from the Segal thread before that, so not really.

Is he on a hoverboard?

>he doesn't care about appearances

He's the most narcissistic action hero ever.

that's sacha baron cohen fag

He's on something, that's for sure

What have you done!?

He looks like he's gonna cum at me from the top of his head.