STAR WARS PLOT FARTS

Pull up a comfy chair and list plot points that left you baffled, confused and / or utterly thunderstruck with the stupidity or inconsistency

>Bonus internets if you can help others resolve their years of questions with logical and polite explanations / clarifications

Other urls found in this thread:

imsdb.com/scripts/Star-Wars-A-New-Hope.html
youtu.be/JGp_5gOww0E?t=1m15s
youtu.be/IOqf7DppNmY?t=6m24s
youtube.com/watch?v=bOcH-tBgFCY
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jedi_Code
space-facts.com/gas-giants/
retrozap.com/padme-didnt-die-of-a-broken-heart/
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

>Ignoring that old Ben is a nearly pathological liar

How did the Death star enter hyperspace?

This applies to Death Star II and Starkiller base

i dont get the question

Renowned and beloved Jedi Master telling fibs OR inconsistent writing by George Lucas?

We already know he was hiding his father's identity from him, so obviously his story about the lightsaber is going to be consistent with that deception

kek

No one has ever seen the Death Star enter hyperspace and yet the audience is to accept that it just turned up at Alderaan and later Yavin

Allows the Lars family to name him SKYWALKER, mmm, ok

If Obi Wan told the truth rigth out of the gate he would fucked Luke's mind extensively.

>lost the will to live

He's not Anakin at that point. At that point, he's Darth Vader. Kenobi also chooses to remember Anakin as he wishes to remember him (as a "good friend") and not what he became. Also, Kenobi thinks it's a bit much to tell Luke "yeah your father became evil and we need you to murder him" and he's right.

It has a hyperdrive.

Starkiller Base doesn't enter hyperspace. I don't remember Death Star II entering hyperspace, either.

So? We don't see Luke pee or poop but we accept that he does those things.

Skywalker is a common last name given to bastards and orphans and nobodies.

Yeah, people do that.

In a filmed but unused scene, Yoda says he wanted to tell Luke the truth but Kenobi said no because Luke wasn't ready.

>that's too big to be a moon
>clearly much smaller than luna, which is a fairly average sized moon

What did he mean by this brahs?

It's a big space station

"That's no moon. That's a space station."

"It's too big to be a space station."

Well that would make sense, too bad George Lucas wrote the movie and not you.

In Empire Strikes Back, the Millenium Falcon goes from one solar system to another with a broken hyperdrive; wouldn't that take years at sublight speeds?

Other way around. Yoda told Obi not to say anything.

You're using using G RR Martin logic of Snow, Sand, Rivers to signify a Bastard to excuse a George Lucas plot fuck.

Why isn't Leia called Skywalker?
It could have save a lick of incest

I don't think you understand what a plothole is.

>Why isn't Leia called Skywalker?

Probably so Palpatine or Vader couldn't find her

dude, you got it wrong, that's how lucas wrote it
imsdb.com/scripts/Star-Wars-A-New-Hope.html
go ctrl+f space station

>Yeah, people do that.
And they take days to die, they don't turn off like a switch.

You're right:

youtu.be/JGp_5gOww0E?t=1m15s

Forgot timecodes don't work here, skip to 1:15

Communication disruptions can mean any myriad of things. If my cell drops service, or my internet goes out, I don't just assume a horde of niggers will be busting through my front door.

What was his end game? Why was he so certain about invasion, and why was this never followed up on?

Oops, yeah, I did get it wrong.

Thanks for the correction.

Meanwhile on Tatooine there's a kid running around with the Lazer name of Skywalker.
Nobody mentions a Great pod race that happened years ago and links it with this guy

Does internet not exist in the Star Wars universe?
Did Vader never check on his old home planet?

Huge space stations that can destroy planets exist but these guys don't even have basic internet

I guess that means I'm George Lucas?

As my first act as George Lucas, I just gotta say this: sorry for the prequels, guys.

>Renowned and beloved Jedi Master telling fibs
You're right, Obi Wan never told a lie. He dindu nuffin.

Luke is a basement dweller, he has no contact with humans besides of Biggs and a bunch of lowlifes.

Some nobody slave who won a single podrace years ago isn't noteworthy. Seems likely the only people who'd know who he really is are his aunt and uncle. Everybody else wouldn't remember him. Not even Space Internet would remember that shit.

>Vader: don't worry senpai we tapped their ship
>"guys our ship is probably tapped"
>well shit where do we go now?
>"lol let's just go to our HQ"
What the fuck was her problem?

LMFAO, he's literally the
Star Wars version pic

>not knowing about the theory that Ben was Luke's father

I'm pretty sure high level military communications being blocked is more worrisome than your shitty cell phone losing service.

That actually happens, though

How do planets like Hoth, Mustafar, Coruscant etc. have a breathable atmosphere for humans when these planets seemed to have no plant life at all?

>just gave birth to two children
>robot doctor says she is in perfect medical condition
>loses "will to live"
>dies

This is such bullshit, shitty writing on Lucas's part

>the emperor's fucktoy
>isn't commander of the death star

Old pedophiles lie user

For you.

ppd is a real thing, user.

Why isn't the New Order in episode 7 using clones when their soldiers can easily disobey their orders?

>"Only human who can podrace"
>Becomes famous republic war hero
>Turns into Darth Vader
>Space internet wouldnt remember him
ok kid

The Rakata did it.

they dont have clones anymore
stormtroopers werent clones
clones were phased out after the clone wars, kamino stopped making armies

must've missed the scene where she slit her wrists

Worst part is that "internal bleeding" would have been just fine.

>those blast holes were far too accurate for sand people
>I can safely say with utmost certainty that your family was murdered by the empire
>Even though they're trying to kill me and not you, I'm guilt tripping you into joining an armed rebellion
>lets fetch a ride on a fugitive traders spaceship
>you're paying since I'm the town pariah with no cash
>ok I trained you for 15 minutes, let's split up on this unknown death machine fortress
>I will find my way around all on a religious Jedi premonition

Obi Wan was a good uncle.

Who really knows he's Vader though? Ben left him for dead and probably figured it out soon after but him, sheev and Yoda?

...

Anakin being Vader isn't public knowledge in the universe.

>those blast holes were far too accurate for sand people
Remember that time when a tusken took out from 1200f away a speeder going at 500mph
youtu.be/IOqf7DppNmY?t=6m24s

>Recommended for dislike of sand
>Lawrence of Arabia

ARE YOU AN ANGEL??

>Starkiller Base has no hyperdrive

Then leave it alone it will be no threat to other systems

>R2D2 can fly!
>he can only do it once

Yeah, they could have had her get injured from Anakin force smacking her around but instead she just gave up right as her children were born.

>internal bleeding
Did nobody mention this to George?

>"Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend."

>Anakin never buys his mother out of slavery
>she dies via Tuskens

How hard could it be to raise a couple thousand credits?

Kek I forgot about that

>those blast holes were far too accurate for sand people

With these high levels of deception Luke might as well have been trained by "W" Bush

>Track management deploy cleaner droids

While the pack has is yet to pass through

Yipeee

And how did she become a princess? Did the King of Organa adopt her?

Qui-Gon Jinn, to Anakin Skywalker

>Midi-chlorians were intelligent microscopic life forms that lived symbiotically inside the cells of all living things. When present in sufficient numbers, they could allow their host to detect the pervasive energy field known as the Force.


Obi Wan Kenobi to Luke Skywalker
Well, the Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together


DID OBI SKIP JEDI SCIENCE CLASS?

Broken heart syndrome and a condescending droid that thinks humans want to hear some "lost the will to live" shit.

Did you even watch episode 3?

>ok I trained you for 15 minutes, let's split up on this unknown death machine fortress

Weren't they together for about a day? Traveling through space isn't as quick as some of you anons might think.

>Han Solo doesn't believe in "hokey religions" and "ancient supersitions" despite having been alive when the Jedi Order was in power

desu I did just watch episode 1 and felt no need to sit through the rest of the prequels. I didn't even watch all of 7 since it felt like I already seen it for some reason

Don't you dare talk that way about my cell phone.

Hoth was previously a temperate world that later froze due to global warming
Oxygen and other breathable gasses, locked in the ice are melted when it passes closer to it's star.

Mustafar has limited breathable areas located around production zones

Prequels are unironically more fun than the originals, so you're missing out

this. why the fuck didn't they go to some other backwater planet and SWITCH FUCKING SHIPS before going to yavin?

>what are artificial life support systems

Yeah, because the giant city planet isn't going to have Co2 recycling plants

Perhaps Solo and the rest of the people thought that the Jedi were a form of Illuminati.

Pulling the strings of power while remaining aloof and little responsibility for their actions

The Clone Wars animation is more fun, the prequels are mostly boring.

if he spent his entire life in the outer rim he probably never would've run into a jedi

He was born on Corellia, which might as well be Coruscant 2.

that's an issue with casting. originally solo was going to be the same age as luke and leia but harrison ford was just too good.

People in the Imperial fleet say the same thing, despite having literally fought with Jedi during the republic days.

Our moon is actually pretty big as moons go. It's the 5th largest in a solar system with 182 moons.

You have two jedi masters present in the room of
LOST THE WILL TO LIVE

They accept, (sry) George Lucas accepts it as thus and slide into the next scene.

Jedi Masters
who investigate even Tax Disputes and a lady, who is a corpse on the table, who YODA held close to his heart has bit the fucking dust accepts

>lost to will to live

as a fucking legit POSTMORTEM report

Hey !
I'm 35
and I want to fuck a 19yr old Princess

Yeah it is fishy. Did they kill her?

Maybe she was secretly Force sensitive and willed herself to die somehow.

No, Hoth is in the same system as Bespin and Anoat. It's the Anoat system. It takes a couple of days for their sublight drives to get them from Hoth to Bespin.

A massive armada of ships blockade your planet and suddenly your military and political communications systems go out? That's a guaranteed invasion. The equivalent is calling Lando and Nein liars for knowing the Death Star II assault was a trap for them being jammed.

Heh. That isn't really that strange.

Because of her, a dozen Jediletts got killed. What do you think?

With the communications knocked out and the planet blockaded they were effectively occupied, weren't they.

Jedi are forbidden from attachment. Jedi are taken from their parents at an early age so it's not much of a strech to understand Anakin was not allowed to see her. As a matter of fact, Anakin and Shim have this conversation in TPM.

Midi-chlorians are not the Force. Also Yoda and Obi-Wan not mentioning them is kind of the point. They learned their lesson during the Clone Wars on relying on technology and instead started listening and trusting the Force.

Han never said he didn't believe in the Force or the Jedi. He called it superstitious nonsense and simple tricks. It's clearly obvious he never saw a Jedi in his prime. Even witnessing Obi-Wan and Luke he brushed them off as nuts. It's like if a magician said he was ordained by god. You would brush off his "miracles" as nonsense too.

Shit load of inconsistency about to occur with the release of
Star Wars
Rogue one

Where did these bad boys disappear?

Out of all the dumb shut I just read, this makes the most sense thanks

Wasn't Padme in critical condition after Anakin choked her out on Mustafar? That and coupled with and stress of child birth coupled with her despair over losing Anakin to the Dark Side, it seems reasonable that she might die.

>entire planet shut off
>not an incursion

Now this is nitpicking. Not completely wrong though.

Did you just fucking ignore the whole "Your dad was totally killed by Vader" thing from the original trilogy? He's a fucking liar and an organic supremacist who hates droids and he probably broke his Jedi celibacy vow depending on what is still canon.

fuck you, you autistic faggot.

Do hyperspace lanes have established sizes? I know some are larger than others but as far as I know no one has said how big or small the major ones are. I know a capital ship can't just go anywhere it needs a lane for far distances while a fighter with a hyperdrive is smaller and can pretty much go anywhere.

>Jedi are forbidden from attachment. Jedi are taken from their parents at an early age so it's not much of a strech to understand Anakin was not allowed to see her. As a matter of fact, Anakin and Shim have this conversation in TPM

Buy her from slavery, drop her off on another planet. Job done

Anakin clearly still has an attachment to his mother when he finds her again, so everything you've just said is bullshit. If the Jedi cared that much, they would have taught him not to care or they would have forbidden him from ever going back to Tatooine. Besides, they weren't supposed to teach Anakin, but they made an exception. They can't make an exception for his one living relative who's in bondage? That's ridiculous

Old guy (bum, broken car and weird pal) looking for Teenage Monarchy damsels

Nigger if Anakin being Vader was public knowledge the plot twist in episode 5 would never have happened you stupid motherfucker

>all sound the same

>redubbed using clone voice

>not clones

>never explained in the movies

I'll take not cannon for 600 alex

And Ben also said Vader killed his father as if they were two different and separate people when they were the same guy. He's trying keep Luke from discovering the truth about his father. They originally wanted him to kill Vader before knowing who he was so it wouldn't affect his training or will to destroy Vader.

No because you don't question his Holiness. If you don't understand his vision, that is your fault.

Episode 1 is complete garbage. Episode 3 is funny and is almost like a parody prequel. Episode 2 I forget.

Nigga, just plant a bomb if you wanna kill Vader. The real problem is the battle station and all the star destroyers fucking shit up across the galaxy

Luke's whole destiny bullshit literally doesn't matter. The Death Star was going to be destroyed without him in Return of the Jedi, and Vader and the Emperor along with it

It's explictitly said there are hundreds of jedi, keepers of the peace not soldiers, the jedi will be overwhelmed and all that shit. In a galaxy of a fucking quadrillion 99% of the population has never seen a jedi. Most public knowledge of the jedi is that they're a bunch of old wizards who use space magic, no one actually knows of the Force is just a bunch of illusions and magic tricks. Hell they're (relatively speaking) so uncommon many members of the CIS years into the Clone Wars are surprised to see jedi leading armies and weaponizing the Force.

>Buy her from slavery, drop her off on another planet. Job done
Doing that would violate the Jedi code and get Anakin expelled. Additionally, where would he get the money and time to go buy a slave in the Outer Rim worlds? He was apprentice to Obi-Wan, he couldn't exactly disappear for a couple of days.

>Anakin clearly still has an attachment to his mother when he finds her again
Of course he does but the Jedi forbid attachment. It's the primary reason why Anakin is a very unstable Jedi. Let me quote Anain with the Jedi code: youtube.com/watch?v=bOcH-tBgFCY
This is emphasized a lot in TPM, AOTC, ROTS, ESB and ROTJ. Anakin was formed forbidden attachments with his mother and Padme. Also: starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jedi_Code
>Amongst other dictates, the Jedi Code forbade Jedi Knights and Jedi Masters from taking on more than one Padawan at a given time; and forbade Jedi from forming attachments, such as marriage,[3] and other specific, individual bonds, such as romantic love and family.

>If the Jedi cared that much
They didn't. Qui-Gon did though. A lot of Padawans and apprentices were stripped from their homes or slavery or whatever situation they were in. The entire job is to take a child and train them into the ways of the Force. Their family stops existing.

>They can't make an exception for his one living relative who's in bondage?
Given how unstable Anakin already was, that would be a REALLY bad idea.

Serious, how or why rework all these new black stormtroopers and ships into Rouge 1 for???revisionist toy merchandising that is completely illogical since we never see them in the OT....good work disney!

When the dark side takes you, you are not the same person you were. Vader and Anakin are two separate people metaphysically. So technically obi wan wasn't really lying. Vader killed anakin.

Most people who knew Anakin thought he died at the end of the Clone War.

>we never saw Scout Troopers in ANH or ESB
>we never saw Snowtroopers, TIE interceptors or Tector Star Destroyers in ANH

The black stormtroopers are a specific black ops unit. Why would we need to see them in ANH? Vader decided to handle things himself with his own troops in ANH. Also those TIE fighters are specific for ground assault. We've never had a reason to see them in OT movies. They would've been useless on Hoth with the shield and useless in the dense forest of Endor.

I fucking love these

>>They can't make an exception for his one living relative who's in bondage?
>Given how unstable Anakin already was, that would be a REALLY bad idea

Leaving her to be raped to death by Sand People is probably what fucked him up te most, though

Really, though, I don't care. You're just coming up with nitpicky rationalizations when the entire concept is fucking ridiculous

Do you think the jedi are paid or do you think that the government just pays for all of their stuff and jedi just live in dorms?

I mean, if Jiah Khan killed herself, prettiness ain't gonna save ANYONE. RIP.

not quite.

Tarkin who is old enough to know things still has great respect for vader's abilities.

The guy who gets force choked by vader probably is "new blood" to the empire's higher ranks since he doesn't have a british accent like most people from coruscant do.

>The guy who gets force choked by vader probably is "new blood" to the empire's higher ranks

Literally dozens of Jedi fought bugs and robots in a huge arena

Not to mention hundreds of battles across the galaxy

This shit would be newsreel footage to these 'new blood'

"Hey, remember when we studied the Clone Wars in school? Weren't there hundreds of Jedi in a school on Coruscant? Aren't there thousands of textbooks and magazines floating throughout the galactic rim mentioning te Jedi and their powers? Whatever happened with that?"

>tfw my autism now makes me think of him when anyone mentions they have no service

She was bought and freed by a relatively successful moisture farmer, the sand people killing her was a terrible tragedy but not really something the Jedi can predict.

> plot points that left you baffled, confused and / or utterly thunderstruck with the stupidity or inconsistency

Can someone describe in detail Palpatine's plan in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Be sure to touch on:

>The taxation of trade routes
>The blockade of Naboo
>The invasion
>The treaty that palpatine wanted signed
>How any of this benefited the trade federation
>The vote of no confidence in the sitting chancellor
>The role of the jedi ambasadors
>The sudden disappearance of all the trade federation ships
>The battle at the end "Working to his advantage"

Even after nearly 20 years I have never heard anyone make any sense of all of this.

An object this size will attract any local satellites, comets and asteroids which happen to be in orbit of the targeted planet
Also, and more importantly

The destruction of any planet by the Death Star will inflicts a literal Maelstrom of debris heading to it due to it's gravitational weight

Tactically the death star delivers but gets fucked in the process

postpartum depression is just really quick in the future

I think it's safe to assume the Emperor would have instituted anti-jedi propaganda throughout the Empire and especially within the Imperial Fleet.

Propaganda and Re-education programs. This is a totalitarian Galaxy-spanning empire we're talking about, after all.
EZ

>>you're paying since I'm the town pariah with no cash
I thought he did pay?

Luke paid with the money from selling his speeder.

Windu was mentioned as a dissident
>Disrupting a legal execution of dangerous war criminals kicking off the Clone Wars
or something in the new canon

It's only 120 miles in diameter earth's moon is like 3000 miles in diameter, and the death star is far less dense than the moon because it's mostly hallow.

>dat 5 hour cut of the original Star Wars

everyone who likes Ep 4 needs to listen to the radio play version

That's not really how that works. I just said there are thousands of magazines and holorecordings out there. This isn't Stalinist Russia, this is an entire galaxy

Coruscant is a city that spans an entire planet. Do you know how long it would take to indoctrinate that entire social atmosphere? A New Hope takes place like 15 years after the end of the Clone Wars. You can't take entire totalitarian control of one planet, let alone a galaxy, in enough time to make it so your older generals don't know what the fuck a Jedi is. Not 15 years, but like 2. That's not enough time

This shit just doesn't make sense

Lucas was trying to write a grand tragedy, it's a testament to how badly he failed that the last 10 minutes of RotS with dying of a broken heart, NOOOOOOOOOO, and every main character being shoved into their ANH start positions to sit and wait for 20 years is easily the worst 10 minutes in all of Star Wars and it's supposed to be this epic culmination to tie these 6 legendary movies together and complete the puzzle.

Then why did the doctor deliver the prognosis of "she don't wanna live no more"

>Starkiller Base doesn't enter hyperspace.
Maybe, maybe not. We do know it can and does move within the film; which raises the question: how do Han and Finn find it if it can move around the galaxy?

Even in the unlikely event you encountered a jedi, they rarely ever display their powers. It actually does make sense that people would doubt their abilities.

>redubbed using clone voice
No they weren't, that was just Boba Fett who got redubbed

>galactic rim
Boi, what the hell are you on about

She lost the will to fight through the pain.

>It's not a solid ball of steel
>It's only 120 km across
>Quadanium steel is damn strong

>like 15 years
>15
There's a number, and now I can't take you seriously

>this is an entire galaxy
Which is massive, making it difficult for information to travel. It's not surprising that most people have never seen a Jedi, or know much about them other than that 20 years ago they had powerful influence over the Republic Government

That pisses me off so much. If that stupid cunt had died of injuries THAT WERE INFLICTED BY ANAKIN, then that would have been the perfect tragedy.

He would have killed the one person he wanted to save.

>Deathstar can enter hyperspace
>still has to orbit Yavin before it can get in position to blow up Yavin IV
>Doesn't just blow up Yavin and watch the entire rebellion get consumed in the explosion or go hurtling into the void

So in the Naked Now everybody contracts a disease that effectively makes them drunk. Everybody is horny and fucking each other and Yar fucks Data. Then Data wanders onto the bridge and he's infected too. How the fuck did that happen? Worf didn't get sick. I'd think a disease would be more likely to transfer to another organic life form not a robot. Can someone explain this? Was Data just succumbing to peer pressure?

>blowing up a gas giant

>24 hour recharge period

>gas giants don't have cores

Jedi needed this contraption to navigate space lanes with a small vessel and yet we simply have to accept that the Death Star, an object considerably larger forgo any such limitations

But Yavin IV orbits the gas giant Yavin. Blow up Yavin and Yavin IV is held in orbit by????

...

Well now you have a moon doing nothing and a Death Star that can't do anything for another 24 hours.

And?

OH MY GOD, IT'S ALMOST LIKE IT'S SCIENCE FICTION OR SOMETHING

y'all mufuggas need to suspend ya disbelief

Let's say that was true due bad writing and no one disputing it in the story, it's still terrible.

She not only gave birth to two children she was elated to see, her last words were "there is still good in him". She's clearly holding on to hope at the moment and since she knows at the time that Anikin went nuts due to a misunderstanding she has even more reason to want to try one more time to talk to him. Losing the will to live was clearly shoehorned in to make things more dramatic instead of just doing the logical thing and having her die from her injuries and the trauma of childbirth stacked on top.

No now you have a moon hurtling off to wherever in space it would be going if it wasn't in orbit. Which is normally an increasingly cold, dark void

>implying Yavin had a core and wasn't just gas

>moon hurtles right into the deathstar

Wouldn't the moon just start orbiting the sun? Even if it didn't, the rebels wouldn't immediately die, they'd probably just fly off to fuck knows where.

Its funny episodes 1-3 are viewed as the worst if you go by the popular consensus of goyims
they are the best ones for sure

/thread
Problemo solved

Then what held the gas in place genius?

>Gas giants are not all gas. Beneath the heavy atmospheres of these Jupiter and Saturn are layers of molecular hydrogen and liquid metallic hydrogen. Uranus has an icy layer over its solid rock core, and covered with a gaseous atmosphere. Neptune has a water-ammonia ocean for a mantle overlying its rocky core.

space-facts.com/gas-giants/

That big trench is where the engines are

>Which is massive, making it difficult for information to travel. It's not surprising that most people have never seen a Jedi
HUNDREDS OF BATTLES

HOLORECORDINGS

>engines
Nevermind, the word I was looking for was thrusters

The force held it in plce

Luke is somewhere between 16 and 19

That's still not enough fucking time for any of this shit to have happened

You'd have to have completely suppressed all talk of Jedi for like ten years. Building up the infrastructure for that level of knowledge and information control does not happen on a galaxy-wide scale in 6-10 years

>Mesa thinks your forgot about meh

"Jar Jar is key to all this"
George Lucas

>Those blast holes were far too accurate for sand people
>Remember that time when a tusken took out a speeder from 1200f away going at 500mph
>He was a good shot

That's a detachable hyper drive sled you mongoloid fuck bucket.

...

It's entirely possible that the "presence" Vader felt in ANH was actually his old lightsaber. Plus it's clear that Obi was spinning a web to get Luke to gtfo because he fucked up his job of protecting him and needed to ditch.

Vader Facebook stalks his old friends and masturbates to their pictures.

What?

You didn't understand the plot at all. Sheev/Dooku ordered Jango to purposely fuck up so that Obi-wan would eventually find Kamino. They didn't give a fuck about killing Padme, in fact Sheev definitely didn't want to kill he, without her he wouldn't be able to maniuplate Anakin.

I think the idea is that Tatooine gives Vader too many feels, so he never goes there. Thus why it was easy to hide Luke there.

Facebook is all about old friends

The wanking part is all your own, son

>You're just coming up with nitpicky rationalizations when the entire concept is fucking ridiculous
Incorrect, I'm stating the Jedi Code which is explained in the movies multiple times and from the creators of Star Wars. I think you're having a poor grasp understanding Anakin and the Jedi Order. It's understandable but please tell me what your issue is.

>son
Papi?

what movie is he in

The unnecessarily long lightsaber battle could have made room for more vocal expansion of the plot

george pls go

just like all of us

...

>implying Luna (lol why are you using bear in the big blue house as scientific fact?) existed a long time ago in a galaxy far far away

Why didn't the Gov. kill the sheriff in Stranger Things? They could've made it look like he OD'd and it was before he made the 'deal'.

When a New Hope was written, Luke's father was conceived as a separate character from Vader.

It wasn't until the second draft of Empire that Lucas added the "twist" that they are the same person, hence the the inconsistencies.

I might be remembering ep 7 incorrectly, but I think they mentioned that it fires the energy pulses through hyperspace.
Still, it has to travel to another star to recharge, so it has to have some kind of FTL.

Are you dumb? When they capture the Falcon Vader says "I feel a presence I haven't felt since..." and storms off. Most assume that presence is Obi Wan but I could be the saber that Luke holds throughout the whole ordeal. It's clearly not Luke himself because Vader doesn't sense him in the trench run...only that he's "strong in the force".

I'm saying JJ might have done some serious fuckery with light sabers themselves in TFA. Tying the user to them through the force or some shit; hence the flashback shit Rey got when she gently, but longingly, stroked the saber.

Rey can stroke my saber if you know what I mean.

Here's a question... Do you think Boba Fett lived? And possibly saved a couple other dudes that fell in the sarlaac pit. Fuck the books or whatever that answer it, I want your theories.

Who exactly was supposed to tell Leia she is the daughter of Darth Vader I'd like failed and how exactly was she supposed to defeat him?

Unless, somehow, his jet pack wasn't completely fucked he could have gotten out. Clearly the sarlacc wasn't that acidic internally because digestion takes "1000" years or whatever. If he had a reserve tank or a boost mode he could have gotten out.

I doubt anybody else lived, not that anyone else of note wound up in there. Boba Fett isn't going to waste his time trying to help people out of a gaping sand vagina even after saving his own ass.

Sheev's political machinations is like a narcissist under LSD

no, I don't think he lived. Tragic end to a tragic life.

Surely they fixed the tractor beam on the death star before the rebel fighters arrived. It wasn't actually damaged, just powered down.

It was powerful enough to suck in the Millennium Falcon, which is much bigger than an X-Wing, so why didn't they just suck in the X-Wings instead of trying to fight them?

The scene where Padme is dying while the emperor is working on Anakin is completely misunderstood. Palpatine's master worked with the dark side power of transferring life energy. In that scene Palpatine is preforming a dark side ritual that transferred Padme's life force to Anakin so that he could live. That is the irony of the promise Palpatine made to Anakin about the power to heal. Anakin didn't realize that the expense is another's life.

How the hell do you blockade a planet in the first place?

The Trade Federation, at the time, couldn't have had more than 2% the strength of the Republic. Go around or something.

>be me, a young padawan
>master picks up some weird new kid because "muh proffesy" or some bs
>master makes me promise to train him then dies
>lulwut.c3po
>treat him like a dick cause he's so butthurt all the time
>tfw he's a bro and I owe him my life many times over anyway
>one day he finally flips out and kills a bunch of kids
>I find him and we duel
>I even taunt him during the duel by letting him know he will always be lower than me
>mfw I cut off his appendages and leave him to suffer and die a horrible death instead of saving him or putting him out of his misery even though he saved my life too many times to count
>mfw I saw it all happen and did nothing anyway
>mfw he was a good friend
>mfw I wasn't
>mfw I'm the worst Jedi in Star Wars

>Completely missing the point of that line

How does it feel being that stupid

Luke's / Anakin's lightsaber shows up in THE FORCE AWAKENS

How did it come into the possession of Maz Kanata?

This is why they approached the moon of Yavin to let it's larger Gas Planet absorb the damage

i've thought about this. i'd never go on an adventure because i'm too skeeved out about shit like this.

stuff never happens for the right reasons.

The thing with Jedi is that everyone knows what they are. No one ever actually see's one unless they identify themselves, and most of the time they don't bother and just JMT people. Even in the clone wars, they're basically Republic Officers in the army, which eliminates a lot of the mystique about them. Sure, they have laser swords, but those are mostly ceremonial, like sabers are today. The Jedi were disbanded after the war anyway, and they all became officers in the imperial army. Like that Vader guy.

Prequels did fuck up the concept of a galactic internet though, in that they demonstrated instantaneous information transfer, which means you have an internet of instantaneous updates across the galaxy, which means why the fuck are you hand delivering Death Star plans? Eh, I guess they had that in Empire, too, but it was less obvious where the Emperor was in comparison to every Clone unit across the galaxy being given order 66 simultaneously.

Someone told someone else that Luke lost his light saber on bespin, someone flew down with a metal detector and found it floating around the gas giant where the density of the light saber equalled the density if the surrounding gas. Or someone picked it up off the floor in Cloud City and it got traded around by people in to rebellion memorabilia.

That wasn't the only lie Kenobi said

>So? We don't see Luke pee or poop but we accept that he does those things.

I don't. Luke is too pure.

Like Ben telling Luke
>your father wanted you to have this

The McGuffin of Luke suddenly getting it back on an Irish island will be quickly swept away

>Luna
>average
lolno
It's a pretty big moon, especially by terrestrial planet standards. We only have such a large moon because Earth was created when two proto-planets smashed together, ejecting a whole lot of planetary mass in to orbit.
None of the other terrestrial planets even have moons, except Mars and its two retarded potato moons are just asteroids it captured due to its proximity to the asteroid belt

Obi-Wan: "That boy is our last hope".
Yoda: "No, there is another".
Yoda was referring to was Leia, right? Yet she didn't do shit at all to bring balance to the force. This always baffled me as a kid. Please explain what Yoda meant.

>vader masturbating
user pls
his dick and balls would have been the first things to burn off. He probably pees through a tube and has to have testosterone injections

He force messaged order 66.

>Incorrect, I'm stating the Jedi Code which is explained in the movies multiple times and from the creators of Star Wars. I think you're having a poor grasp understanding Anakin and the Jedi Order. It's understandable but please tell me what your issue is
My issue is that it's weird and creepy that Anakin basically ignores the slavery of his mother for ten years or whatever and then suddenly really cares what happens to her and gets fucked up

You can say "well that's their code" as much as you want, it's still fucking weird that he left his mother on Tatooine when it would be the easiest thing in the world to free her and would cost him and the Jedi nothing

It's obvious that Lucas just forgot about the character and is a shit writer

>Hold your fire
Nooo, u imbecile...OPEN FIRE

>Star wars ..fin

they have tractor beams, its possible they can repel objects away from them, and shield generators could probably take a lot of hits

if luke hadn't won the battle against the emperor , then leia wouldve grown force balls and begun training

Never mind load lifters

>HAVE I SEEN YOU BEFORE?

top kek

This AND all at once haha

"not this ship sister!"
han was too proud. Doesnt excuse Leia being a dumb dumb.

What does Obi wans lying have to do whit this?

>We already know he was hiding his father's identity from him
Friendly reminder they made that shit up for Empire along with Leia being his sister, hence the retroactively incestuous kiss (which survived editing through all the subsequent editions for some reason)

From a certain point of view.

Fug

>Only a Sith deals in absolutes
>Do or do not, there is no try
Was Yoda a Sith?

...

I only watched the movies once and didnt like it, except the third one which had great fight scenes so I watched it a few times.
What I noticed is that Anakin flipped out at the end and choked Padme which effectively caused her to die (more from the shock than the physical pain).
But, Padme was his life. Everything he did, he did for her. You would think he wouldn't hurt her, even if she brought Obiwan. Since he thinks himself so powerful, he should have just proceeded to try and kill Obiwan without hurting Padme.

No but he's evil, don't you get it?

They're tools, user. Would you recognize a toaster your brother had and you only saw for a few hours thirty years ago and it's sporting a new paint job?

That's the irony

...

its not as dense as an actual planet

Ya he's probably alive. We'll probably see "punished boba fett" in one of the upcoming movies

I know it's not a plot hole, but why the fuck does Leia need Obi-Wan in the first place?

He's a Jedi. She probably just figured he would come in handy. Who else would she know on Tatooine

Bibble is the CIA of Star Wars. Only appears a few times, has a few lines, but you know he's secretly a wizard who's pulling all the strings in the background

>My issue is that it's weird and creepy that Anakin basically ignores the slavery of his mother for ten years
What? He never forgot about his mother and that was actually part of his downfall. He tells Padme about her in TPM after departing and mentions her frequently in AoTC. You're not understanding his mother was a core component to his fall from grace. He loved his mother very much but had 10 years worth of Obi-wan and other Jedi telling him to forget about her and let her go. It drove him crazy then he started having vivid nightmares of her death. Obi-Wan brushes him off but Padme encourages him to pursue it.

>it's still fucking weird that he left his mother on Tatooine when it would be the easiest thing in the world to free her and would cost him and the Jedi nothing
Firstly, he didn't leave her. Qui-Gon tried to make a deal but it fell through and he only got Anakin not his mother. Both Qui-gon and Anakin felt terrible about this but they agreed even with his mother it was destiny. Also the Jedi weren't interesting in saving slave they didn't even want anything to do with Anakin. Even Obi-Wan was reluctant to train him why do you think they would free his mom when they forbid attachments for their students?

>Lucas just forgot about the character and is a shit writer
I think it retroactively enhances ESB and ROTJ. Vader has an unhealthy attachment with Luke to the point he sacrifices his fleet to get to him. He never learned how to be healthy since he was taken from his mother.

>yfw luke never got those power converters from toshi station

It was spread through touch. Yar touched Data when she was seducing him.

There's still time.

fucking quints get

It was an early episode, and a showcase of Brent Spinner's acting abilities.

Data was late immune to a lot of things.

Yes, makes sense. But I think JJ is just doing something new

Do you think a 1000 years was just 1 earth week?

Maybe the robot was just really shitty and he fucked up the delivery and severed an artrey and he was like
>Oh shit. She, uh... lost the will to live I guess.

>Why isn't Leia called Skywalker?
Because she was fully adopted by the Organa family at the end of Ep III. Luke was raised by his aunt and uncle, the Larses. People who were his father's family through marriage. They know Luke's dad is Anakin and they know Anakin's last name is Skywalker. So why wouldn't they tell a Skywalker that they're a Skywalker?

Have Jedi's ever shown mercy? Fucking Luke didnt finish off that snow creature he maimed.

fucking obiwan later keeps cutting off peoples arms, and letting them live.

>episode 8 is just luke using rei to pilot the falcon and take care of all the errands hes neglected to do for the last decade

its gonna be Rey. she's the other

He calls it a small moon

>what is density

>Do you think Boba Fett lived?
I think the Sarlaac would have rejected him since it can't digest the metal of his armor. He probably got vomited out later.

...

>want to hide out from the feds
>I'll just wear my jedi uniform for the next 20 years

Was he autistic?

I feel like Lucas just crammed that in for some idea.

Goddamn surprised he didnt film additional scenes another Jedi in hiding that comes out, and helps them pilot a X Wing and defeat the Death Star. Lucas somehow films this, and splices it into the Special Edition for 2020

>sublte meming and poe's law at work here
well played my friend, I see you've collected quite a few (you)'s and one more!

Maybe they were moving too fast to be tracked by the beam. Or there were too many of them. Or they forgot and fucked up writing.

>he does not know
retrozap.com/padme-didnt-die-of-a-broken-heart/

>trying to kill me and not you
I thought empire was trying to find droids...

break this autism down for me please

Jakku is a big desert planet

So Poe meets the village and gets the shit to put in BB-8 and BB-8 hooks up with Rey.

Then Poe flies the fuck away, then hooks up with Finn, then crashes a TIE within WALKING DISTANCE of the original village and Rey in an emergency landing.

Were they aiming for that location? I feel like flying up into space and landing in the same town is too coincidental. It's the same kind of shit like where Superman starts a fight in Metropolis, then flies to space and punches a dude for a while, then they punch each other back to Metropolis and keep fighting. Shouldn't they end up randomly in Africa or the middle of an ocean or something?

Its not implied how long he walked. Cant say how many hours, night time walking was not shown. Does Jaku have a 24 hour day?

maybe he just walked like 8 hours, which is between 7-12 miles.

Christ almighty I read through this whole thread thinking you guys were talking about some EU stuff when talking about Starkiller Base.

Episode 7 really was a lukewarm puddle of piss

But then why was Luke called Skywalker?

It could use the star a few times before it dies.

>I haven't been counting, but I've probably seen Revenge of the Sith 500 times

y i k e s

Size matters not, dude.

>a fucking nigger without the force can swing a weightless laser blade without cutting himself in half seconds later.

As far as I know, fighting with a lightsaber without the force to project weight is like using a flashlight as a sword.

Is all that true?

There have been thousands of man-years used to discuss the physics of lightsaber fighting. You are not the first and will not be the last.

she can do it
why can't I

Because your allegience is to the republic, to democracy.

>How did the Death star enter hyperspace?

With its hyperdrive.

Next question?

>massive galaxy
>virtually limitless resources
>societies still fighting wars over ???

C-3PO was on that farm for 10 years
He went there with Shmi
He had a distinctive voice and personality compared to the thousands of other protocol droids

So your false equivalency with a common toaster is utter fucking bullshit

the ooba ooba droid euthenized her

>Do hyperspace lanes have established sizes?
No, the opposite. The "routes" are simply dimensional folds that don't have any real length or width as we understand them.

If I remember right it was a week or more. So maybe enough time to learn the fundamentals or maybe the fundamentals of the fundamentals.

What book or comic do I have to buy to obtain this nonsense?

>quints
shitty bait even for Cred Forums
If not bait, then lurk more

>She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew!
>She could have been a good friend in disguise
that part always kills me.

Lightsaber actually has weight. Your shitty fanfics explanation doesn't count.

Honestly, there's only so much you can show in a movie. Anakin knew Padme was going to have a child for the entire gestation period, so at some point in the NINE MONTHS OF UNFILMED TIME you'd expect he may have told Obi-Wan he wanted his lightsaber passed on should anything happen to him.

I'm not defending this movie as a piece of film or good writing, but it's fucking retarded to assume that films which are intended to cover months/years of a timeline will show you every bit of dialogue and interaction in 1 and a half hours.

This guy gets it

>Lasers have weight
Explain this bullshit.

That's gay.

There are billions upon billions of star systems in the galaxy. Some, like many of the core systems, are inaccessible without very exact star maps and very powerful ships. Even the galaxy itself isn't fully explored/under the sway of a major governing power, see pic related. There are countless independent systems and even more uncontacted societies, both primitive and advanced.

The only places that really get reliable information in a timely manner are the ones that made up the senate or the old republic and presumably up until General Hux destroyed a bunch of republic capital planets. As well as military fleets. Everyone else in all the back waters and out rim planets have to rely on are the stories spacers bring with them and the few holonet transmissions that they're able to receive.

Yeah but most planets are crapholes like Tattooine.

Quoting Buddha doesn't make Yoda a Sith, nub

>she died...of internal bleeding

i would of fucking burst out laughing

>Shield Generators
>Countless Turbolaser Batteries
>Tractor Beams
>Endless TIE squadrons with pilots more than happy to die for the Empire.
I don't think debris is a problem for the Death Star. Unless I suppose a hunk of slagged planet made it through a small unshielded thermal exhaust port.

The level of autism that would've gone into making that map is just unreal

Was Prince Siddartha a Sith Lord? Our experts say YES.

The batteries required to power that beam probably weigh a ton.

IIT: Retards that don't know how gravitational pull works

I fucking hate Lucas sometimes...

Do you even EU?

Psycho Bubble coulda been Sidious.

I'd probably be acting irrationally too if my name was Bibble

>explain fantastic stuff
No.

Vader was looking for Obi-Wan as the presence he had not felt for a long time. JJ's bullshit with lightsabers being force sensitive is dribble that fits in with the entire heap of garbage that is EVII.

If the saber was what Vader was looking for, even with a retcon, he would have easily found Luke before Obi-Wan.

In a desert. Drop anyone in a large desert with no GPS or compass/map and tell them there is a town 10 miles away. I doubt many people would be lucky or skilled enough to go in the right direction, especially with large sand dunes.

these blast points... far too accurate for sand people

>hyperdrive is damaged passing the blockade around naboo
>need to stop at a nearby planet and find a new one
>that map

At least they kind of tried with making hoth and bespin close to each other

>just change first name
>live next to luke skywalker, the hidden son of anakin skywalker
It was a good plan

they were a good friend

>Mace Window
every time

...

No, it was Leigh Brackett's idea. Nellith skywalker was to be Lukes long lost twin sister. Lucas cut out the name drop and left it as a hint. Leigh Brackett died before ESB was made, but they used Brackett's core story and Lucas teamed with Kasdan for re-writes to finalize it. So when they get to ROTJ Nellith is totally dropped and they make Leia the sister.

The mesapad. Which is funny, cuz' she was made to look like my insanely masculine stupendous beauty.

>There is a kid named Luke Skywalker on Tatooione
>He lives with the family that Shmi Skywalker (vaders mom) was sold/married too
>nah its probably nothing
is vader retarded?

yes, yes that would have been better than leaving a quadruple amputee to die of dehydration next to a lava river

yes, i would have if the toaster had the same voice as my brothers toaster.