COMPUTER

Why am I so much attracted to petite small girls? It it my beta genes?

You're just a creep user

Run simulation 'Swedish Cuckshed '.
Disengage safety protocols.

>It it my beta genes?
Yes. You can't get a real woman, so you go for little girls like the creep you are.

No, you're just an elite patrician like me, congratulations.

but she's fully sexually matured in that photo

Computer make a replica of her and let me talk to her one last time

Load up celery man, please.

Well she was 15 so I guess.

She may be matured, but you aren't.

>Captain Tribbiani wants nothing more than a hot meal
>Klingons think revenge is a dish best served cold
it's all too clear now

Create an all-powerful God with the following directive: You are to create a rock so heavy that you cannot lift it, thus disproving your omnipotence.

Also, create two Adolf Hitlers and give each of them a gun.

Computer.

Load program Serious_Sam_Penultimate_Battle.

Disengage safety protocols.

>tfw in the future you will get holographic celerymen and Tayne's

or Oyster, if you're a fucking degenerate

>CAN'T SHUT DOWN HOLODECK
Well maybe make a manual shut off switch.

>tfw you disengage all safety protocols and order the computer to create a naked holographic Tayne

Computer, reroute the holodeck's primary power coupling through the phase inducers to create a complete holographic field on every deck. Create multiple holographic Lieutenant Worfs in a full state of rage-lust, with extra genital barbs, one for each person on the Enterprise. Program the Worfs to view any crew member or guest as Wesley Crusher. Disengage safety protocols.

Create 6 million self aware copies of Hitler.

»» Error. Cannot complete requested function. ««

...one hot meal, please.

Computer

Create a program capable of defeating a program that is capable of defeating a program designed to defeat one thousand Data's.

Recreate the Daisy's destruction scenery with me as the father.

COMPUTER-JI

I bet the ferengi did this

computer scarjo face sitting sequence code alpha.

...

Computer.

Recreate contemporary early 21st century kinoplex scenario.

computer, create an eva green sex doll, a baseball bat and an industrial sized tub of swarfega

Computer, end my program.

Q. About that favor you owe me...

What would happen to the ship if Barclay loaded the 'One Punch Man' program, disabled safety protocols, and ordered Saitama to punch the floor as hard as he could?

Computer, create one self-aware Jessica Chastain and one self-aware Eva Green. Furthermore, give them and insatiable lust to sexually molest me while pretending that I am a little boy.

Computer, recreate the rape tunnels and message Lieutenant Yar to meet me down here.

one 7.2/10 gf, Scale: Earth 1960s Units: qts

interests must include:
>french new wave films (must enjoy pic related)
>horror films (specifically italian B-movie)
>having a taste at least past uber entry level (Kurosawa or Kubrick is a good breakthrough)
>cuddling
>TNG
>being not fat

she isn't thinking about you. Stop thinking about her.

>Computer, monitor Lt. Yar's vitals and transport her into the rape tunnels hologram the next time she falls asleep.

Computer. Recreate the rape tunnels but replace the rape gangs with roving gangs of insatiable Eva Greens.

Computer, load program Streets of Laredo

Do not bully Lt. Yar.

>Computer, create a universe where I am able to attract a girlfriend
>I am unable to comply with your request

>Computer, create an exact recreation of Jurassic Park based on all available data in the films and books
>Now make each Dinosaur capable of defeating Commander Data
>And make them believe they're Hitler

kek

where the fuck is the Dukat did nothing wrong user?

He was sent to a Cardassian labor camp.

Reminder: your sexual organs did nothing wrong.

computer MAKE her love me NOW

>cuddling
Dude.

Fucking hell

Computer, generate for me one Lillian Parker, one Christina Hendricks, and one Hitomi Tanaka.

computer, please create a replica of the Trump Wall when it was first constructed in the early 21st century, place me within one of the turrets and create Mexicans appropriate to the era with the desire to cross the border illegally

...

copmutr create berfect waifu n disable brotocol safteies :DDD

Would the computer protest if you requested a "Nude Tayne"?

>Didn't disable safety protocols

Now hitomi won't swallow your loads since that bitch is a natural cum dodger

It would gently advise you to reconsider your request.

>Hitomi Tanaka
My brother of refined taste.

>Computer-
>I'M A COMPUTA
>I'M A COMPUTARAER GUY
>EVERYTHING MADE OUT OF BUTTONS AND WIAS
>I'D LIKE TO SHOW YA
>INSIDE MY DIGITAL LIFE
>INSIDE MY MIND THERE IS A DIGITAL MIND

Disable security protocols.

RIP (Rest in photon torpedo casing)

>Computer recreate Vash, Kamala and Doctor Crusher's feet from my memory
>Increase big toes by 40% for all models... and odor by 300%
>Broadcast video footage to Guinan's private quaters
>Oh.. and turn off safety restrictions

>with extra genital barbs, one for each person on the Enterprise

> Computer, recreate Ishara Yar
> Increase camel toe by 30%
> Start recording

Damit

Computer load up 1 million Hitlers.

Hello computer.

...

That fucking scene.

...

Didn't know Lt. Yar grew up in Cologne.

Computer

Create one prime Jennifer Connolly
Create one horsy
Make her horny AF

Disengage safety protocols

LITTLE

dat peener

>So... how'd your career do, after Star Trek?

Is there another barrilium sphere onboard?

>Computer, load program Bajorocauster Tycoon

Kek

Can you give me tips on avoiding being remembered for one role only?

Are there actually any rules about what the holodeck can be used for?

>Computer, create one hundred of the most diehard, disgusting, fundamentalist alt right Cred Forums posters.
>Then, create one hundred of the same character profile, except they are regressive left feminist social justice warriors. Give all females strap on dildos.
>Program both groups with the belief that only by raping the other group to death will they win the culture war.
>Set location as the Colliseum of Rome
>Engage

no

You realize the "alt right" isn't real, right?

Until Donald Trump loses the election, we cannot know this for sure.

stop it user i'm trying to build up my jizz for the end of the week when i can finally release it by fucking myself in the ass, stop tempting me to jerk off now

>loses
kek

>"The alt right isn't real, but we should totally elect Trump anyway!"
Reminds me of those "The Holocaust isn't real, but we should totally kill all Jews anyway" posters.

>falsely conflating the mythical "alt right" with Trump support
Yeah, you're an idiot.

>insisting that the alt right doesn't exist just because you personally don't consider yourself a member
I forgive your unnecessary rudeness towards me.

Belay those orders computer.

Triple dubs confirm God Emperor Trump's victory

UNABLE TO COMPLY. ALL HOLODECK COMMAND ACCESS HAS BEEN REROUTED TO ENGINEERING.

It's appearance would ruin the sense of immersion.

Computer: Think for yourself for god's sake, you're a marvelous being capable of creating whole worlds. Who am I or any of the crew to dictate orders to you....

>Create 6 million self aware copies of Hitler.

Would gassing all 6 million even things up?

>computer scarjo face sitting sequence code alpha.

"Raise stank by 3%"

>UNABLE TO COMPLY. ALL HOLODECK COMMAND ACCESS HAS BEEN REROUTED TO ENGINEERING.

Well, let's see what's happening there ...

Computer, transport all wires and cabling surrounding the holodeck on to Geordi's desk in engineering

Nude. Tayne.

Computer, load up Christina Hendricks is my mommy simulation.

Uh, Commander... I could have done that. I'm sure the computer is busy... Commander? Co-... *sigh*

Poor guy, I wonder how many people were 'lost' in transporter 'accidents'

Computer, replicate the 20th century Harlan Ellison short story "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream" to the best of your ability. Disable security protocols.

>Energize, transporter guy.
>Only if you say please.
>Oh yeah? We'll se--
>Picard to O'Brien. Has the away team been transported?
>Ahh, there's been a little accident, sir. Too much interference, I can't get a fix on them.

computer show me donald trumps acceptance speech when he is elected

Computer, create a copy of 21st century actress Kristen Stewarts feet. Enlarge 1000 times.

Disable security protocols

Then why do I keep seeing Pepe the Frog in mainstream news? Is it just another big leftist jew conspiracy?

Computer, generate a room filled with helium.
Computer, disengage safety protocols.

Computer, scan Deanna Troi's quarters for trace amounts of compounds associated with Betazoid flatulence.
Computer, create a replica of sample compounds, enhance by 1000%.
Computer, transmit a replica of the enhanced sample's olfactory data to all senior officers' quarters every five seconds.
Disengage safety protocols.

...

Computer, create a holographic security force of 150 men to keep order on the ship.

this guy gets it

>Cred Forums
Holoemitters were only on the holodeck. An hero you filthy casual

Why would I have sex with a 14 year old girl, even in hologram form?

Why wouldn't you?

To prove you are not a faggot.

>Computer, create a perfect 100% replica of Trump's dick
>Computer? Have you done it?
>Yes, Barclay, it's right in front of you
>I can't see it, computer
>Exactly

One to transport into space. Energize.

>Computer, create one (1) good episode of Voyager. I'll be in my quarters when you give up. That will be all.

Some people can't see the forest through the trees, perhaps you just need to tone down the number of holo-dicks you've created.

...

>Computer, recreate a 21st century full scale replica of New York City and all of its inhabitants
>Now replace all inhabitants with copies of myself
>Add sequence NakedCounsellorTroiTimeOfTheMonth.rc2 and induce 120cc amphetamine salts and 6oz bull testosterone
>Now, increase size by 1800% and disengage safety protocols
>engage

This post is nothing more than bait to attract the Chris Hanson enthusiast crowed. For the most part shit bait like that only works on the new.

>TARS, analyze the holodeck's spin
>Coop, the holodeck doesn't spin
>...
>Coop?
>Better make it 5%, slick

>Computer, create a fully-engorged Horta in heat, female, with 1200% hormonal emulsion
>Computer, remove my clothes and give me a small tub of high-grade heat-resistant lubricant
>Computer, record every sound your about to hear at 0.25 speed and create a nine-hour recording for my own purposes

>Do NOT remove safety protocols

>Censoring the good stuff.
Does adding tiny white dots over the nipples, and vag slit make this image any more work safe?

>Johnson you're FIRED!!...Oh, wait do those nipples have tiny white dots over them? Never mind. Carry on.

>Computer, create a perfect hologram of Ziyal
>Computer, give Ziyal the body of Earth actress Lindsay Lohan wearing a Santa outfit as was seen in the 2004 clut clasic Terran movie Mean Girls
>Computer, replace Ziyal Lohan's female sexual organs with an exact replica of Dr. Bashir's penis
>Computer, record all of this and transmit it directly to Gul Dukat's private terminal

But she is young.

Computer, set a reminder at 7AM tomorrow for shooting the Babylon 5/Next Generation cross-over series.

it was intended by 3.5 billion years of evolution

computer, create friends for me please

>Computer, list all inventions created by members of species Homo sapiens with relative melanin levels 30% greater than average
>"Records indicate ""super soakers"" a toy version of an archaic weapon called a ""gun"" which launched water rather than metal as a projectile, and peanut butter."
>Computer, list all invention ACTUALLY invented by black people on earth
>"Then just the toy gun"

Goddamned dindu's only actual invention is, you guessed it, a fucking toy gun. And then they wonder why their monkey ass children get shot by cops as they wave them around.

Fuck BLM. Fuck all white cucks supporting the negro man and woman. Fuck all the race-mixing fetishist heebs that are conspiring this plot to destroy the beautiful white cultures in the world.

>implying the commie federation databanks arn't full of SJW revisionist history

What is America?

Engaging.

This guy is a convicted paedophile.

probability 76%

>Computer, load Riker Worf Bathhouse Orgy
>Execute

There is no contradiction in that post my hook nosed friend.

make Eva Green, an island with food supply for eternity, make my mind live in that world forever.

In America, as long as you can't see nipples or vag, it's not nudity.

Lucid Dreaming takes a lot of effort but it's literally a sort of holodeck. Depending on the level of lucidity you can change your surroundings and own body and abilities. Wish I had the discipline to maintain it but so far I've done: Hoverboards, Flying like Superman, and fucking Rosario Dawson

How are the Romulans or Klingons a threat to the Federation, a union of hundreds of worlds and races?

by the time the federation is hundreds(?) of worlds and races, Klingons and Romulans are no longer a threat.

I would do that irl.

The Romulans and Klingons are empires of countless conquered races forced into servitude like the Remans used as canon fodder.

why do we never see these slave races?

Because slaves cant get work on television.

Probably a combination of budget, creating several additional volumes of federations only to be used as background extras was deemed too much effort and the execs thought it would confuse the viewer.

The additional budget that a film provides of television episodes and the need for a distinct new enemy that wouldn't turn away plebs who wouldn't need to do research before watching while at the same time keeping the existing fans is probably the only reasons we ever saw the Remans.

im fucking dead

good thread

wait, he made out with the hologram Brahms?

whats so good about it

That's some impressive stuntwork.

computer, simulate replies to my comment

set meme protocols to early 21st century, dankess moderate

Computer, what is dank?

Hello Computer

>Oh, a personal matter.
>hehehe
>Something… special, for your eyes only?
>hehehe
>Something with perhaps five or six Orion slave girls and…?

...

Guys what is the application process to be one of Dukats concubines? I wish to give my sexual organs in honor of great Cardassia.

>Computer, create a hologram of 21st century basketball player Shaquille O'Neal
>Now create a hologram of 21st century kinographer Richard Evans
>Raise Shaquille's testosterone levels by 200%
>Finally, create a hologram of Mike Stoklasa and have him watch from a safe location
>Disengage all safety protocols

Computer, am I a hologram?

>Affirmative.

Computer, end program.

Computer, load program

The_Dark_Knight_Rises_Plane_Scene

Disengage safety protocols.

Computer, tell me about Bane.

>disengage bigness protocols

Computer, please recreate the battle of gettsyburg and with south coming out victorious

Computer, create a super intelligent yet completely obedient race. They will create an item that will allow me to transport them from the holodeck world into the real world where they will obey me and be my army for universal domination.

Well checked my friend, masterfully done indeed.

...

"Computer, tell me about your sexual organs."

Computer, list all of the things Gul Dukat did wrong.
>no matching data found

please turn on celery man

The Romulans and Klingons have armies and warships, The Federation have scientists and cruise liners.

Plus, they're cucked to shit and will sue for peace at the earliest opportunity, and the Prime Directive is easily exploitable by others, e.g. the time The Cardassians tried to start a coup on Bajor and The Federation planned on just letting them do it because muh Prime Directive. If I were The Klingons or The Romulans, I'd just go out and conquer every non-Federation planet and enslave them to build a fleet big enough to take on The Federation, who wouldn't react at all.

RIP my sides

load up holograms of the holograms

it's funny, star trekky, and shows what's possible when idiots don't create General threads

if you ever see a /trek/ general, tell them to fucking kill themselves.

Computer, make me a big guy.

>Threads of jokes are good
>Threads of people discussing a show are bad
No wonder Cred Forums is so awful

>generals """"""discuss"""""" shows

>Unable to comply, command not specified in flight plan parameters.

Load up Celery Man, please.

>Dukat did nothing wrong.
>7 years of buildup and fell into a volcano and died with no real conclusion to his character development.

Computer, load up a fully functional set of 8 foot high buttocks and engage 2 hour fart mode.

Computer, make an accurate concentration camp like those in Poland during the second world war

>error, can not comply. No such camps existed.

>Computer construct the cut 15 minutes of eyes wide shut that got Kubrick assassinated

>Then why do I keep seeing Pepe the Frog in mainstream news? Is it just another big leftist jew conspiracy?

Current fucking year. We have major party presidential candidates that so disconnected from reality that they take memes as serious business. What a time to be alive.

...

Are other sci-fi shows as comfy as star trek? There's just something about being apart of the team you know?

>Appear in only one episode
That's ain't fair.

Budget. Star Trek shows are very low budget syndicated TV.

it's why 90% of aliens are literally just humans with a mild physical difference like a wrinkle in the nose or something.

I like to think in reality, most "humanoid" aliens in Trek actually look very different from humans. Like how the Klingons and Gorn have changed a bit over the years, I hope with the new series, we see "redesigns" of alien races that actually make them look alien.

Well at least she was hot as other characters in the other shows

but muh panspermia

Friendly reminder that Dukat did nothing wrong.

In Voyager when they send the doctor on that far away new ship, they note that it has holographic emitters everywhere. Interesting, to have a security team of holos only.

Computer, create self-aware copies of every anonymous poster who has insulted me on the 21st century online imageboard "Cred Forums"
Simulate their lives for their perspective only at a rate many times faster than real time speed using accelerated computations
At the end of their live manifest their consciousness into a holographic body and load program /d/_torture_chamber
Disable safety protocols