Favorite/best monologues?

>he doesn't realize that cia IS the big guy, effectively making him talk to himself and making it a dialogue

fucking plens I swear

>plens

just how new are you

youtube.com/watch?v=h5czM9pf9Wo

Classic mental

cheeky scally
>can I help you m8?

timid
>sorry?

cheeky hard cunt pose
>what the fock r u lookin at?

pure hatred
>YOU YA CUNT

youtube.com/watch?v=pYugFF2-7Co

youtube.com/watch?v=1WB-_Zq9UcE

>Back there I could fly a gunship, I could drive a tank, I was in charge of million-dollar equipment.
>Back here I can't even hold a job parking cars!! [throws machine gun at wall before breaking down]
>Uhhh!! Wha...I can't...oh, I just, oh my God. Where is everybody? Oh God...I...I had a friend, who was Danforth.
>What, I had all these guys man. Back there I had all these fucking guys. Who were my friends. Cause back here there's nothing.
>Remember Danforth?
>He wore this black headband and I took one of those magic markers and I said to Feron, "Hey mail us to Las Vegas" cause we were always talking about Vegas, and this fucking car. This uh red '58 Chevy convertible, he was talking about this car, he said we were gonna cruise till the tires fall off ... We were in this bar in Saigon and this kid comes up, this kid carrying a shoe-shine box. And he says "Shine, please, shine!" I said no. He kept askin', yeah, and Joey said "Yeah." And I went to get a couple of beers, and the box was wired, and he opened up the box, fucking blew his body all over the place.
>And he's laying there, he's fucking screaming. There's pieces of him all over me, just...like this, and I'm tryin' to pull him off, you know, my friend that's all over me! I've got blood and everything and I'm tryin' to hold him together! I'm puttin'... the guy's fuckin' insides keep coming out! And nobody would help! Nobody would help! He's saying, sayin' "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" He keeps calling my name! "I wanna go home, Johnny! I wanna drive my Chevy!" I said "With what? I can't find your fuckin' legs! I can't find your legs!"

Your mother

only Frenchfags will get it

>Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Yup

Austin Powers 1 realy is a classic, it's aged really well

Shame about the other ones, utter dogshit

>if you argue correctly you're never wrong
youtube.com/watch?v=-zNaeo8nPOo

kek
he's got a couple of decent rants in Sideways if memory serves

He's a great ranting actor. He's the only good thing in ironclad

YUUUUUUPPP!!!

>He's the only good thing in ironclad
The fighting is pretty good, way too much digital blood, but I think that's just how they do it now.

"Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the age of Men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand! Men of the West!" - Aragorn

>He's the only good thing in ironclad
pleb detected, not even the best thing.

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

All the animals come out at night

youtu.be/7lYVggyHRkY

youtu.be/VXNfxK5Q2Qg

youtu.be/066BFGk6QvA

not really a monologue but fuck it

youtu.be/JFX-qfYbHKg

not really a monologue but fuck it

I like the content of Aragorn's speech but Theodens was delivered and worked way better.

DEATH

Pretty good.

...

Is John Slattery literally the same character in everything? Unreal the fucker is only 54.

Californication. The dear karen and becca letters.

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

youtu.be/8WsHwXs_aq4
everyone knows it but it's too much fun
probably the best scene in the movie

also youtu.be/X7qlRlioUzA

Not my most favorite, but it's a damn great one: youtu.be/xkgbWGBmgN8

...

>youtu.be/cRj01LShXN8
How has this not been posted yet?

I HATE PEOPLE MAN I DON'T CARE!

youtube.com/watch?v=tF40Q7NCaIE

youtu.be/ytOD9ZxLvEs

like half of Stalker

this

Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well, I tell ya, let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He’s a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift and then what does He do? I swear, for His own amusement, His own private cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It’s the goof of all time. Look, but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, don’t swallow. And while you’re jumpin’ from one foot to the next, what is He doin’? He’s laughin’ His sick, fuckin’ ass off. He’s a tight-ass. He’s a sadist. He’s an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never! … Why not? I’m here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! I’ve nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have! I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections! I’m a fan of man! I’m a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin! All of it! Mine! I’m peaking, Kevin. It’s my time now. It’s our time.

Let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song, it's a metaphor for big dicks...Like a Virgin's not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what True Blue's about. Now, granted, no argument about that...Let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular f--k machine. I'm talkin' morning, day, night, afternoon . . . dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick... Then one day, she meets this John Holmes motherf--ker, and it's like, whoa baby. I mean, this cat is like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape. He's digging tunnels. She's getting this serious dick action and she's feelin' something she ain't felt since forever . . . Pain. Pain... It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her. You know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat f--ks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see, the pain is reminding a f--k machine what it was once like to be a virgin. Hence . . . Like a Virgin.

And you, sorority girl, just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day there’s some things you should know. One of them is there’s absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world. We’re 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, Number 4 in labor force and Number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: Number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending. Where spend more than the next 26 countries combined, 25 of whom are allies.

Now none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student, but you none the less are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Yosemite?

It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chests. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars. Acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it, it didn’t make us feel inferior.

We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore. Enough?”

Can someone help me out? I'm trying to remember a monologue-like scene.

The lights dim, long conference table, two persons talking. Then the one person starts a monologue. Looks like it's a bank or something, they're wearing suits. Can't remember which film it was, seemed to be older, maybe pre-1990.

network?

that's it, thank you!

youtube.com/watch?v=jxiT30N6ti4

"Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man, a disgusting man who could barely stand up....a man who if you saw him on the street you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him. A man who if you saw while you were eating you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. And after him I picked the lawyer and you both must have secretly been thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets! A woman....a woman so ugly inside that she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside? A drug dealer....a drug dealing pederast actually. And let's not forget the disease spreading whore. Only in a world this shitty....could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. (Pause) But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home...and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common...it's...it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. And what I have done is going to be puzzled over...and studied...and followed....forever."

youtube.com/watch?v=v9XW6P0tiVc

youtube.com/watch?v=gLN_UanuUTs

not my favorite but something to shit out real quick

Thought of this, I'm pleased that someone posted it.

>A WOOL MERCHANT

Good Will Hunting is chock full of great monologues.

youtube.com/watch?v=ouppQFx3v-I

This one always gets me.
youtube.com/watch?v=3i8eIzSeC8w

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos, ruined dreams, this wasted land. But most of all, I remember the road warrior, the man we called Max. To understand who he was we have to go back to the other time, when the world was powered by the black fuel and the desert sprouted great cities of pipe and steel — gone now, swept away. For reasons long forgotten two mighty warrior tribes went to war and touched off a blaze which engulfed them all. Without fuel they were nothing. They'd built a house of straw. The thundering machines sputtered and stopped. Their leaders talked and talked and talked, but nothing could stem the avalanche. Their world crumbled. Cities exploded — a whirlwind of looting, a firestorm of fear. Men began to feed on men.
On the roads it was a white-line nightmare. Only those mobile enough to scavenge, brutal enough to pillage would survive. The gangs took over the highways, ready to wage war for a tank of juice, and in this maelstrom of decay ordinary men were battered and smashed — men like Max, the warrior Max. In the roar of an engine, he lost everything and became a shell of a man, a burnt-out desolate man, a man haunted by the demons of his past, a man who wandered out into the wasteland. And it was here, in this blighted place, that he learned to live again.

It's, uh... it's a downward spiral... to the end of all times and uh... there's no chance that we can survive. I mean 70 million people every year are brought onto this earth. What are they doing? Sucking up our resources. There's too many people. So, what do we do? Just keep them around? Let's kill them! Let's get rid of them! Good, thanks for coming out! But, uh, you know what? We're at capacity. We're at capacity now. So, uh, sorry. No more. No more. So, that's what I'll do. I mean, why not? That's my plan. That's what I wanna do. Let's just CLEAN the world... so that maybe some of us can sustain a little life! So, that's maybe what I'll do... in the future. I'll help you out. I'll help you out... and I will cleanse... make more room for you. I will exhibit my own brand of population control... for you. That's it.

maybe this or Kill Bill Vol. 2 Bill's Superman monologue

>It's really just the age we live in, isn't it?
>Take a pill and forget your problems.
>Take a pill to go to sleep.
>Take a pill to forget your problems.
>Need an erection? Take a pill.
>Need to forget your problems? Take a pill!
>Take a pill and your problems are forgotten!
>Take a pill... What an age we live in! It's great!

Top Dollar's from The Crow

youtube.com/watch?v=0_NS0vAYGVk&sns=em

There’s a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you.” Now… I been sayin’ that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You’d be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin’ made me think twice. See, now I’m thinking: maybe it means you’re the evil man. And I’m the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here… he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. And I’d like that. But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is you’re the weak. And I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.

People ask the question... what's a RocknRolla? And I tell 'em - it's not about drums, drugs, and hospital drips, oh no. There's more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life - some the money, some the drugs, others the sex game, the glamour, or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the fucking lot.

youtu.be/_r5pqkE4jik

youtube.com/watch?v=BgEDUlqgeSQ
Amazing underrated movie. if u haven't seen, I suggest u get right.

Another. Cause. Damn Hardy can deliver a line.

Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat then despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me! You know, he would have kept coming back. That's what he would have done. People like this, you let them take something from you, they just act like... and they keep coming back and you still owe them and they never, never change. You can never change their mind!

youtube.com/watch?v=J7GY1Xg6X20

WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT. WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT. WE'RE GOING TO LIVE. WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE. TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!

wtf man... talk about a shortchange.

“Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

>What is your name, gladiator?
My name is Gladiator.
>How dare you show your back to me! You will remove your helmet and tell me your name!
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Oh okay, Flaming Dragon. First, take a big step back... And literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again. Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking about scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

This is when I realized joe pesci's narration is the one that said 'ARRGGH'

youtube.com/watch?v=8t9x_y3vFic

Goodie Oldie
youtube.com/watch?v=z2f1qRdSmQA

I don't even know where its from.

St. Crispin's Day

The Multiverse.

Every universe in it is irrational...

...sloppy.

I just try to make it rational.

I just try to make it neat.

You call it murder.

How could I murder myself times?

I just took those wasted energies...

...and put them into one container: Me.

It made me faster, smarter, stronger.

What if that is our fate?

To unite with our other selves.

To be unified forever.

To be one.

I will be The One.

>Are you ready?

Ah yu?

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

>I don't even know where its from
Avatar?

It's fake, but great.

Statham's accent in this is some hilarious shit

This

...

this.
except we as Americans have always beat our chests

YOSEMITE!

Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?

>Cyborgs don't feel pain.
>I do.
>Don't do that again.
>Listen, and understand!
>That Terminator is out there!
>It can't be bargained with.
>It can't be reasoned with.
>It doesn't feel pity.
>Or remorse.
>Or fear.
>And it absolutely will not stop!
>EVER!
>Until you are dead!

youtube.com/watch?v=zu0rP2VWLWw

youtube.com/watch?v=lQwsfWftrPQ

youtube.com/watch?v=8ZsRsWDqrjE

This is better than I was expecting.

youtu.be/JKobmM2OnDc

>no ones posted it yet
youtube.com/watch?v=TuYhfCkRxyE

perturbator are great
youtube.com/watch?v=oTN6cGmH2yM
youtube.com/watch?v=IGqeyQhBPMI
youtube.com/watch?v=3KZlggHqU7M
youtube.com/watch?v=RY66fdMt4vc
youtube.com/watch?v=xAM6mG6BWjw

That one in Way of the Gun where the dude is at the sperm bank and talking about double standards about men, women and faggots

youtu.be/Lc-OhRrvyvE

Russel Crowe in Gladiator
Mel Gibson in Braveheart

youtube.com/watch?v=eCfU44cnbCc

> tfw nobody mentions Quint’s Indianapolis monologue from Jaws

And you call yourselves Cred Forums?….

youtube.com/watch?v=u9S41Kplsbs

Sounds like Garrison. Shiet I haven't seen that movie in 4ever. You decided my movie plans for the evening user, congrats.

If only what came after wasn't so anticlimactic..
The car ride had me on the edge of my seat and so excited for how it was going to turn out but I was pretty let down in the end

Polish version is great and quite popular here.

...

Great opening. I had completely forgot about this.

...

youtube.com/watch?v=m7PVyEOt3Is

>Drama Teacher didn't let me do the Tears in Rain monologue because of its length

Stage actors are hacks!

HACKS!

youtube.com/watch?v=J782jBp_pW0