What can be done about cat gangs in theatres?

Mandatory kitty inspections

Hire dog gangs to patrol the area

Throw water on entering patrons to weed out the kitties in disguise

I thought felines hated water. Or is that just housecats

We hate cats here.

some breeds of housecats love water, others hate it

I know there are "water cats" like the turkish van, but I just assumed most felines didn't like the water

This is the only real answer tbqhwyfamalama.
Don't rent the Falcon Flat after the pre-trailer shower; just make sure you opt in for the falcon insurance, pay the deductible & avoid giving your falcon any kino crab legs.

Theatre Geese gangs.

Burt Reynolds was never the same after that

what happens when the falcon gangs take over?

...

>Throw water on entering patrons to weed out the kitties in disguise
Easier said than done m8

>walk into local VU Cinema to peruse the fine selection of Kino on offer
>the vestibule is full of large Canadian geese

Vicious little fuckers too.

Snake gangs, of course.

fig leaves

by that logic, we'll end up with Elephant gangs in no time!

>Vicious little fuckers too.
You don't say.
I especially hate when they get into the shower room, so you have to protect your dick at all costs.

...

Do cats not like fig leaves or something?

>tfw everytime I walk the doggo, I walk by a house with a giant fig tree with its boughs hanging over the rock wall
Fig trees smell so fucking good in the summer/spring time, fuck

Which is countered by mice gangs, which is countered by cat gangs.

We really are screwed..

fig leaves hurt heir buttholes

I would happily pay a kitten surcharge, or possibly just an adult cat surcharge. Kittens can be a bit high energy.

>using the complimentary goose pheromone instead of the repellent
Does your kino repository not label the bottles?

But what about the cats?

>Kittens can be a bit high energy.
You're so low energy that you can't even keep up with a kitten? SAD!

Don't cats wreck them? My general ideas cat wreck nearly all birds.

>pic related like a crazy fucker

>triggered redditor

>Anons go to the cinema, get overrun by kittens, many such cases!

>triggered /polditor/

All cats swim well. Some don't like water because it memes-up their fur.

I'm not the one reacting to a Cred Forums post like a butt hurt Jew lover

But you are the one responding like a butthurt SJW

i am catten will nibble yur popcorn :)

Falcons are like the velociraptor of birds. They are super cool, super smart, and have no real natural enemies (except for awful snakes).

Like, did you know that the Peregrine Falcon has a top speed of about 400km/h? That's the same as a Bugatti Veyron!
A Cheetah has a top speed of 110km/h. That's slower than the 2003 Fiat Panda.
How could a cat even compete?

That was unexpected. I fully expected the croc to turn around and kill it

This is the wild nigga, if swimming means you eat then you swim

I hate that they're named after our country. Like we like them or they're fucking special to us.
They are absolute goddamn vermin

there are already like 5 boards dedicated to retarded shitposting

...

It's not fair to count animals that fly, they can just fly straight down and let gravity speed them up.

I bet a cheetah could go pretty fast if I pushed him out of a plane.

>WWII taught us that if you do it peacefully and send them all to the Middle-East they'll declare war on you.
i know its dumb pasta but this line makes no sense. the zionist movement and relocation of the disapora to israel was purely a jewish movement that sought the support of britain and america to faciliate the process. so why would they be mad about it?

>not being a no-allergy masterrace
You deserve deserve to be wiped out by your beta-male allergies

Theater Asians. Your local kînëmætēqůĕ does have theater Asians, doesn't it?

FPBP.

the bottom pic could be a cool album cover

boxes

>tfw allergic to:
all furry animals
trees
grass
dust
mould
nuts
fish
crab legs

Don't worry. I do not plan on ever poisoning the gene-pool with my rotten sperm.

reptiles BTFO OUT

FUCKING MAMMALIAN MASTER RACE

Not faster than the falcon!
And I'm pretty sure you'll go to jail for pushing a cheetah out of a plane.

How does a bird get cucked by a snake?

also checked

The theater Asians where I live are always smoking and and arguing about their gambling games throughh the whole movie, it's unbearable

>PAI GOW
>PAI GOW
>TSING TONG TONG TAE
>TONG TAE

Holy fuck dude its just dominoes, how intense could it get?

Cats. We're talking about cats.

>he doesn't light one up and have a game of mahjong with the theater Asians while he takes in films
This is why the theater staff laughs at you and calls you a pleb behind your back.

that was badass, based jaguar

Isn't that what snakes do?
I don't know shit about either snakes or birds

No, snakes look you in the eyes and cure you into transforming into a python at every crescent moon. Sounds like someone skipped their zoology class.

*curse

Just like leafposters

My local theater has a pet night where you are allowed to bring pets. Cats, dogs, pigs, and lizards only though, no fish or birds allowed. It also has a baby night, which I didn't know about until I happened to be there. It was as fucking bad as it sounds.

>My local theater has a pet night where you are allowed to bring pets.
How the fuck does that end up working out

Damn, brutal. Sorry user

Shit. I knew I forgot something.

>pigs

>It also has a baby night
Baby pets?? No but seriously, that would be horrific

I've also got fucked up joints, sacroiliitis, ulcerative colitis, and a fucked up immune system that hardly works.

I hate my body.

Are you a fucking hapsburg or some other kind of inbred royalty?

I don't think so.. Shitty luck I guess.

I've also got asthma.

Depends if you shot the cheetah before pushing it out.

Cheetahs don't fly so good

Of course, the problem arises when the falcons attack them during the movie. They hate gooks for some reason

Have you ever seen a gook hunted down and killed by a falcon while you're trying to watch kino in the singles section? It's fucking noisy

Sure it's not all in your head?

>Cats, dogs, pigs, and lizards
That would be an absolute warzone

Anyone's theater have a singles pass?

I just turn 360 degrees and Charleston my way into the theater to confound the guards when they try to confront me about it.

Yes. They jacked up the prices to $40

Pretty darn sure. I've gotten allergic reactions from shit without even knowing that what I ate/was in close proximity of the thing I was allergic to.
I've been diagnosed with these allergies by doctors, and I've got prescription meds on all of it (including adrenalin shots).
And my dad has the same allergies. Just way weaker, so it hardly affects him.

>no fish or birds allowed
DROPPED

Nope. They banned it as people were getting scared by the single patrons

Have a feel, user

Thank you?

how can crocs even compete?

Why would you shoot a cheetah before throwing him out of an airplane?

Animal cruelty?

>tfw my theater did this and now we have a dog gang problem

They are highly organized. I brought my Bloodhound-poodle mix (Vladimir) because I figured he could negotiate with them and lend me some "street cred," which he did-at first. Eventually they indoctrinated him, using him to sniff out hiding cats, small children, and anyone else they deem to be a threat. The last I saw of him, he had risen to become one of their lead enforcers, and no longer acknowledges me, except to occasional snarl, piss, or hump on my leg.

Fucking sucks.

Well at least you can talk.

Probably because you aren't a cheetah.

youtube.com/watch?v=jYBn5oTFroA

GAAAAANGS

youtube.com/watch?v=KnEQPb79piA

GAAAAAANGS

THANK YOU
AMEN

...

At least they aren't selling ketamine to all the other animals in your theater

>mfw the falcon gangs are at war with the dog gangs in my theater over rights to the mice kennels

Fuck Secret Life of Pets. My falcon (Aaron) begged me to take him because he heard about that stupid fucking falcon character. Turns out a bunch of other people in the same situation brought their pets. The dogs and the falcons teamed up and eventually defeated the cats, lesser birds, and rodents, before turning on each other.

>mfw I brought my friend to Suicide Squad, and he stooped down to pet a Yorkie, at which point the falcon hordes swooped in and drove him off for being a "dog sympathizer."

My partner pass was immediately revoked and I was tossed out. Still haven't seen in.

Why were they banned in the first place?

Their feathers and bird shit kept clogging up the shower stall drains.