A N C I E N T K I N O

>not watched the film
the christendom armies shout god wills it so many times in the film.

It was the absolutely shittiest thing I've ever seen... Agamemnon raping Helen? What the fuck were they thinking

>Passion Of The Christ is true ancient kino
not the greatest story ever told, spartacus, ben hur.

Yeah, it wasn't as good as the other one. But I have a weak spot for those kinds of movies so I enjoyed it anyways.

What did you think about this one then?

>mrw anatolians getting murdered

I liked this one, even if it was a bit long.

>Sean Bean didn't die
D R O P P E D

underrated

It got bad reviews, I wonder why. 5,5/10 on IMDB.

Maybe it was racist showing some white men conquering brown men.

lol fantastic movie

This movie is kino

There's like 5 different cuts, which one is best?

I honestly have no idea.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_(2004_film)#Versions

Take your pick.

I think the Revisited, Final Unrated Cut sounds best... which one is the version on Netflix (is it still there)?

I would not know, I dont use Netflix. But probably the theatrical cut? Maybe you can figure it out by how long the Netflix version is?

I just checked it's not on Netflix anymore... looks like I have to "yo ho yo ho" this movie so I still need to find which version

>Dates in the flashbacks and flashforwards use normal historical figures, such as 323 BC and 356 BC, as opposed to referring to time lapses, like "30 years earlier". In his commentary, Stone explains that, for the theatrical release in the United States, he had to refrain from using regular "BC" dates, since (according to data collected from test screenings) there was a significant number of viewers who did not know that 356 BC represented an earlier historical period than 323 BC

kek

If you want to wait for the download to finnish, putlocker have it for streaming. Don't know which version though.

My tracker only has "Final Cut", but according to the wiki page, there's no such thing... wat

Mericans, can't live with them, can't live without them.

Maybe they are referring to the ultimate cut?

Yeah I think since the longest version of Kingdom Of Heaven fixed a lot of things, I think the longest version of Alexander would be the best to watch.

It says 3hr 34min runtime so that's the final unrated cut?

Kind of just made The Iliad into a generic action movie even though the poem is much more deeper than that.

Not ancient history.

I just started the dl of the super long version. What am I in for?

i might join you

>youtube.com/watch?v=jgI5HQoZa9c
dat soundtrack

Let's keep this list going.

Is there any proper tv/movie Odyssey adaptations?

Not surprising at all if this happened desu

>Maybe it was racist showing some white men conquering brown men.

Fuck off Cred Forums. It got bad reviews because the theatrical cut is dogshit and even though the Final Cut is much much better, its still only a solid 7/10 at best.

Was this Oliver Stone's shittiest movie?

Still today the best series finale ever made.

So there's two shows and a mini-series?

What's the viewing order?

Blood and Sand (s1)
Gods of the Arena (prequel)
Vengeance (s2)
War of the Damned (s3)

Don't watch the prequel before S1 or it will spoiler you things.

...

So after B&S finale, go to Gods and finish all that before Vengeance? Was there a reason why they did that?

Main actor died and they had to replace him./\

Lead actor is kill.

Because Andy (Spartacus) was diagnosed with cancer. The production stopped to give him time to get better so they made a prequel series in the meantime. Unfortunately he got worse so he dropped out and another actor was cast.
Andy died on September 11, 2011.

Does pre-civilisation count as ancient kino?

>tfw no horny rae dawn chong crazy cave-bitch gf

...

I once considered writing a letter to Oliver Stone just to tell him that I appreciate the care he put into Alexander, despite that its writing and structure kind of make for a bad narrative and thus a disappointing movie.

Things like Ptolemy (a literally who to everyone besides historyfags) framing the story and the way Alexander addresses his generals at one point (in a Homeric fashion) suggest that Stone gave a genuine damn about the subject matter.

Kubrick's Spartacus has what may be the best ancient battle I've seen. The combatants actually stick to formations instead of fucking around in 1v1s all over the field. HBO's Rome also stuck this pretty well with its battle of Philippi, as I recall.

well fuck that's pretty sad

...

Still gives me goosebumps to this day.

youtube.com/watch?v=Ls81UrU42Pw

Do you mind if I save this?

But Troy was complete shit.

If you think it's shit, name something better

>the sex scene in full plate armor

It had prime sadfu in it so it can't be complete shit.

>Maybe it was racist showing some white men conquering brown men.

Alexander wasn't white and he sure as hell wasn't blonde. None of the Macedonians were white.

literally the worst casting ever

Virtually everything ever made is better than Troy, which is one of the least inspired, generic action movies I've ever seen. There's nothing to even push it into laughably bad territory. It's just an entirely awful experience that no one should ever be subjected to.

>only blond people are white
>implying Mediterraneans aren't the true master race and Germanics/Nordics aren't mudhut baboons

...

The most underrated film

I joined in on that, I usually need something to watch while I trying to sleep.

>le christians are bad le dark ages began when christianity spread xDDD

brainwashed cross lover detected

>Cred Forums is my history book

That poster is GOAT

>not recognizing the GOAT fight scene

kill yourself

swords, shields, armors and costumes in general were fantastic in this film

It's high fantasy m8, it's meant to be silly and campy

this movie is essential
>/watch on tv for 4 hours and let it take up your entire evening/ core

Amazing duel

I, Claudius is supposed to be bretty good

It really is

It really isn't

Fuck you contrarian

I heard it was okay

Fuck you centrist

Were we meant to sympathise with Achilles? Hector did literally nothing wrong and was the only likeable character in the film.

If you read the Iliad, it's clear Hector is the real and only pure hero in the story.

Saddest September 11 of my life desu

The Eagle
Centurion

Not gonna blow you away, but pretty solid Roman action movies.

The Spratacus tv series is amazing though.

Just imagine. Your career finally kicking in, you landed the main role in a promising show. Then one day you feel sick, go to the doctor and get diagnosed a rare and aggressive type of cancer and you have little chance of survival.
That must've been the hardest part for him to accept, other than he will not grow old to see his children become adults.
His career was finally starting... and then one simple sentence "You have cancer" ended everything. Ended his dreams, ended his hopes.

i really doubt you're meant to sympathize with him

he definitely wasn't meant to be portrayed in a bad light either though, it's just a fight you're meant to accept as inevitable i guess

...

> Spratacus

Underage, leave.

Thats what makes the conflict great

Hector is a bro but he did kill Achilles best m8 but the best m8 wasn't supposed to be there in the first place.

Good conflict.

I enjoyed the movie 7/10, the videogame was fun as fuck with friends.

I didn't think that scene was supposed to make anyone sympathize with Achilles. His bitch ass cousin got what was coming to him and Hector was pretty much the only true hero in the entire war while everyone else was out for greed or glory.

It's perfectly understandable for Achilles to be mad, but wasn't he off whoring or some shit and ignoring the battle? It was sort of his fault.

NO 300?

What's the cutoff date for ancientkino? Fall of the roman empire?

>YOU GAVE HIM THE HONOR OF YOUR SWORD!
Always hated that line. He gave the boy an honorable death on the battlefield, as all Achaeans (expecially the Spartans) hoped to achieve. He ordered to cease all military activity for the day in honor of the boy, who fought valiantly pretending to be Achilles. And Hector finished him in an act of mercy to spare him more pain.
Achilles was a douche. Kills his own fellas to save Briseis, lets his men butcher unarmed priests and sack temples and then insults his lover cousin by not taking him into battle (then why the fuck did you bring him all the way to Troy in the first place?).

And then there's the whole Briseis deal.
>Will you kill many of my fellow citizens and countrymen if I don't kill you tonight?
>Many
>Lmao who cares let me ride this Chad dick fuck my country
Grrr..

FUCK Achilles.
Boagrious should have won.

1453 seems like a pretty late cutoff for ancient times.

He was pissed at Agamemnon and wouldn't fight because of it. His gay lover (cousin or nephew in the movie) thought that was a bitch move and pretended to be Achilles and fought Hector.

Gaugamela is one of the best pre-modern battle scenes in kino history no matter what else you think of the films.

I hate people like you. Pretending to know more than others by spouting some random meme they heard somewhere contradicting common knowledge.

Actually, by all historical accounts, Alexander was blonde.

I loved the Hydaspes battle.
Elephants charging, gore everywhere, trunks chopped off, and Bucephalus' death.

I didn't watch that film but Egypt took a crazy cultural downgrade once it went Christian. Maybe it wasn't as bad as Islam but it's still the end of interesting and cool Egypt.

Not sure if this counts as ANCIENTKINO, but The Hollow Crown series is pretty kino.

Tried to watch it. Can't understand shit of what they're saying and it makes it's too theatrical for my taste.

This movie was a fucking affront to The Iliad.
>Hector kills Ajax
>No Diomedes
>No Gods
>Achilles is inside Troy
>Achilles has some love interest
>Paris lives
>Helen Escapes with Paris
>No Aeneas
>Paris kills Menelaus
T R I G G E R E D

>>No Aeneas
He was at the end of the movie

Compared to his prominence in the actual poem, he was literally non existent.
He's the second most important Trojan after Hector.

"Capua, shall I begin?!

What did he mean by this

>No Diomedes

I cry every time.

>Be King of the greatest Achaen city Argos
>Found 10 other cities
>Be on par with Achiles in fighting prowess and with Odysseus in intelligence
>Be Athena's favourite
>Be worshipped as a God
>Have the highest body count of the Illiad
>Be the inspiration for the knightly hero of the chivalric age
>Only man to have fought against a god and survived
>Only man to have fought against 2 gods and survived
A literal who

This fucking country is an embarrassment...

>>Paris kills Menelaus
This is the shit that angers me the most. But to be more precise, Paris gets his sissy ass kicked and cowers in fear, begging for Hector to help him. Then Hector kills Menelaus, shitting on his Illiad counterpart, who would have told his brother to fuck off and die like a man, or at least try to.

Hell, Paris is an asshole with evil intentions in the Illiad, he's basically the same in the movie, except with "good" intentions. You just can't like this cunt, and him being portrayed by Orlando Bloom to ride on the LotR wave is just the icing on the cake. Unless you are a Bloom fangirl/gay fanboy.

First 10 minutes were pure kino. After that it became leleddit: the movie

>Iliad adaptation where Achilles hates war, Menelaus is weak as shit and the Greek gods are nowhere to be seen
>the best thing I've seen this month
Either this piece of shit and Rome are the only two things you've seen this month or you're worse than capefags.

>He's the second most important Trojan after Hector.
The fuck? No he isn't. Sarpedon was much more of a big deal.

Troy is what got me to hate Bloom desu

Like fuck he was nigga.
Aeneas was absolutely the number two Trojan commander, and had his ass lifted out of battle by the gods. Sarpedon's only claim to senpai was getting rekt by Patroclus.

underrated

Rome like you said, the kubrick spartacus (much better than gladiator in my opinion) passion of the christ, Exodus has great visuals but is really slow and not Biblical at all.

here again, forgot add Cleopatra is pretty good, not a masterpiece but very beautiful and stimulating. long AF. On netflix. The Eagle is on netflix too, the first twenty minutes (until he gets injured) are worth watching but then it turns into a piece of shit.

Et tu Bane?

a sue. seriously, diomedes is a fucking odious character.

Are they dancing? What the gay shit?

I agree on the same thing im not

>Cred Forums is Christian

Is the directors cut worth watching? It's so fucking long.

If you like action / ancient greek movies than yes it is worth watching.

>all of this over the top hyperbole

You sound like a 14 year old

>actually wanting the gods to appear

Surprised you didn't say you wanted to see it animated too you fucking scrub

is Cleopatra comfy?

I really liked Centurion... except for like most of the cast for some reason... and the chasing sequences... eh fuck it it was comfy as least.

SPARTANS

>he still uses le and leddit

Does Cred Forums r8 Caligula

and it's orgy scenes with Helen Mirren?

>Kubrick's Spartacus has what may be the best ancient battle I've seen. The combatants actually stick to formations instead of fucking around in 1v1s all over the field. HBO's Rome also stuck this pretty well with its battle of Philippi, as I recall.

Do we need a reminder that we don't know exactly how formation battles happened?

Yes, keeping formation lines was important and Hollywood loves unorganized skirmishes. That said, we don't know how the fighting between two formations was done.

They might have fought air tight as one unit. But remember that a lot of ancient warfare is done by non professional soldiers. That is farmers, conscripted. Or villagers.

It's possible people fought more 1v1 in between the two lines, especially early in warfare, which is hinted at in the heroic age stories.

Later formations in history, especially by professional soldiers, fought in formation and didn't break them much.

The only relevant posts in this entire thread.

No Spartacus
No Ben-Hur
No The Ten Commandments
No Samson and Delilah
No I, Claudius

Instead we get singing praise about a show about depilated gladiators on steroids flinging around cheap cgi blood.
What the fuck Cred Forums.

How about some love for Conan?

>That soundtrack
>That ability to tell a story without loads of dialogue
>Those philosophical undertones

>Tried to watch it. Can't understand shit of what they're saying and it makes it's too theatrical for my taste.

An american complains Shakespeare is "too theatrical".

T H I C K

>ancient medieval

I am not religious but that movie was legitimately stupid.

It lionized Hypatia to such an absurd level, making her essentially the inventor of models and concepts that had been around for centuries in legitimately cool cultures.

>muh feminism
>muh atheism
>muh cool Egypt

It was shit. Everyone knows it.

>Spartacus
too communist for my taste tbqh, but Ben-Hur/The Ten Commandments were amazing

too bad there will probably never be another actor like Charlton Heston

RIP Andy

>make a movie based on mythical story
>remove all the mythical parts

This is the exact reason Ridley Scott's Robin Hood was so terrible. No one gives a shit about the "true, untold story" or whatever excuse they're using to extract the dullest possible movie out of these kinds of stories.

this one is my guilty pleasure

everything about this feels just so fucking grand

>Ajax and Agamemnon are killed
>Slave girls never showed their tits when they fucked Achilles
Disgusting.

The trailer was great though
youtube.com/watch?v=IKQhUzxlml8

Allegedly the scene of the Greek army rushing into the Troy soldiers wasn't pre-rendered but a simulation program that they could fine tune and change the style of attack or how aggressive a solider is.

Step aside, I've got your Kino right here

> troy wasn't a big enough hit for there to be an odyssey sequel with based sean bean returning home to slay the enemies who stole his kingdom

why even live bros

Gerard butler paying off that student loan

I remember watching this in 9th grade English class, pure kino.

Why is that hieroglyph taking a selfie?

youtube.com/watch?v=v6OsDXLhYjs

Out of my way pleb fucking shits

Egypt was deep into a downward spiral far long before Christianity came, like well over a thousand years before.

wow this is such trash

>t. gypsy living 1 hour away from dracula's "castle"

really happy this thread is still alive DESU

You could almost say, its ancient

I think this is the version I watched in school

>tfw we will never get an Odyssey sequel with Sean Bean

It could have been the apex of Beankino.

>an odyssey film made in serious fashion instead of dumb blockbuster style
What do I have to do to make this happen?

...

In antiquity having women clothed wasn't a priority, especially during religious and cultural events.

Any Kino that portrays this phenomenon peculiar to many cultures in great length and detail?

That would be amazing
it could bring Peterson back to his Das Boot days

too bad he's old as fuck and retired

in danger of being told this is off topic, what are the best versions of the Iliad and Odyssey for a beginner to read?

>too bad he's old as fuck and retired

Then there's never been a better time for him to be Odysseus.

Why hasn't Tut been mentioned yet? Awesome miniseries.

>A miniseries concentrating on the youngest Pharaoh to rule Ancient Egypt.

Ralphie approved

>ancient egyptiun not being played by an african-american

triggered

While not kino, Centurion and The Eagle are comfy as fuck.

no I mean the director, Wolfgang Peterson

That black guy on the left is in every fucking period piece known to man just about that's low to medium budget.

you crusaderboos are getting as obnoxious as the samurai fags

sooner or later "deus vult" will become a joke on the level of "folded 1000 times"

ps
nice job sacking Constantinople and basically opening the gates for the turks to fuck europe for 500 years

Cause that man is an amazing actor

The actor playing Alexander ruined the whole film. Pharell or whatever he's called.

>thinking there was any religious motivation behind the 4th crusade
KYS

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

THIS

>thinking there was any religious motivation behind the ANY crusade
grow up kid
the pope wanted shiny

>a smokeshot
A what?

>implying it's false
Everything good about Christianity was ripped off from Greek philosophy. Shit cult/10. Fuck Abraham.

>The teachings of Christ were in greek philosophy
lmao

must have meant "smoke show"

I actually liked it - Ra was goat!

Typical white knight. Briseis is a whore, but you get mad at Achilles.

>Only man to have fought against a god and survived
>Only man to have fought against 2 gods and survived

>Only man to have fought against Ares and won

Dio a beast

Oh please, troy features fire arrows. It's beyond shit

you faggot neets are the cancer of this earth im so glad Cred Forums is dieing and doesnt have enough money to live another month. its great knowing you faggots will be going away while hilary becomes president lmao Cred Forums neets get rekt all day

Not really. Hellenistic Egypt is best Egypt. Muh Pyramids faggots can fuck right off.
Actually, you're completely wrong.

We need a proper Odyssey movie with Sean Bean... why didn't it happen why! It would have been amazing

As the OP of the thread, I'm still happy as well

I want to know which versions to read as well.

Read the Pursuit of the Millennium. Christianity is some fucked up commie shit.

The teaching of the revolutionary prick are the worst parts about Christianity.

Go back to 8ch/christian.

fook off

I agree

The best ancient Kino isn't Kino at all but TV. I, Claudius followed by HBO's Rome are better than any movie that takes place in classical antiquity that I"ve ever sen.

That's the point. Achilles lusted for glory and his ego was immense. At the end he realizes what a fool he has been when priam is brave enough to sneak into his son to reclaim the body of hector.

It's basically an anti-war/humanist message

>4 (you)s in one post
>they're all positive
cool

maybe I will. Been looking for an excuse to try that place out

I still dont understand the CGI criticism. This movie doesnt even try to look realistic so why criticize it for not doing so?

OP here, nice claim

Forgot the pic... here ya go guvna

KYS

here you go

The way you worded it made it seem like you claimed I was sameposting...

oh no, kek

being this new

Dem trips

True kino coming through:

youtube.com/watch?v=ByHwMetOeW0

checkem.

Christianity is the best thing to happen to the world since agriculture. prove me wrong

>All those horrible quips

New HBO made I, Claudius when?

I've been champing at the fucking bit for this for the past 4 years.

what?

...

Not ancient, but is there any good movies/shows out there about the mongols?

Literally "Mongol"

>we wuz naked during ceremonials and shieet

sure is reddit in here

>Greatest Story Ever Told
>Spartacus
>Ben-Hur
my nigger

Why did they make the guy in the poster look like Victor Mature?

No Joe Mankewicz's Cleopatra?

Not even the 1934 Cecil B. DeMille film?

You disappoint me

It's a very comfy movie.

First part is full of great and witty moments between Caesar and Cleopatra, second part starts kinda slow, but it picks up on the Battle of Actium and just loses its shit after that

No love for the Samuel Bronston epics?

How can you not have a man-crush on Charlton Heston after seeing him in this, Ten Commandments, Ben-Hur and Planet of the Apes?

>THE LORD OF HOSTS WILL DO BATTLE FOR US.
>BEHOLD HIS MIGHTY HAND
>[Elmer Bernstein intesifies]
If >yfw wasn't pic related then get out of life

then he acted well in that movie....

Absolutely love this film, but I was kinda disappointed how the quality drops in the stop motion scenes

I doubt anyone will ever top this. Armand is so perfect as Odysseus.

did anyone actually go to see the new Ben-Hur?

The only Ben-Hur I watched this year that wasn't the 59 version was the 2003 cartoon with old man Heston

I didn't but I heard it was pure shite

haha you sound autistic

are there any ancientkino that are also a zombie movie?

closest I can come up with is The Mummy movies, but even that isn't true ancient K I N O

or a zombie movie

it's most serious and actually above Rome tier shows about Rome.

The Mummy is kino user.

bait?

i agree that it's kino but i'm just saying it's not exactly ancientkino

Ehhhh, it has Fass, based Davos, McNulty and the qt Poots in it!

>tfw I used to sympathize with Hector when I read the Iliad as a teenager and I'm now more of an /achilles/ guy

What have I become?

This was really good. One of the first quality tv shows I remember

>Andy wasn't able to channel his struggle with cancer into the best performance of a character by any actor in the history of film and television

Watched that when I was a kid in school, really good.

oh fug were you in my class?

Eric did a pretty good job too

A faggot that unnecessarily quotes an assload of posts while attempting to re-center the discussion on himself.

You're basically a woman.

JESUS
E
S
U
S

OF
F

NAZARETH
A
Z
A
R
E
T
H

Was your teacher a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader?

nah, my teacher used to be a Bose employee

That's some good shit

This is shit. You can tell because the camera cuts whenever anything happens.

Nah this was absolutely great.

The adventures of a Scottish paedophile

>I watched Every Frame a Painting
>that means I know more about directing than Wolfgang Peterson
no

there's no impact happening in this scene, just momentum. The camera is cutting with changes in momentum. It's very good, actually

the fight goes on and it gets better and DOESN'T cut when there is impact, because this is a life or death fight

kek

Does this count?

You mean the historically innacurate adventures of a gay Scottish paedophile

>Troy

The movie in general wasn't amazing imo, but it easily had the best duel scenes I've ever seen in a movie. You could almost feel the impact of every blow and the exhaustion behind it. And the music was fucking briliant.

Homer's epics will never get good adaptations tbqh

>I have really shit taste: the post

admit it, there's not that many cuts compared to a lot of action scenes done these days

Yeah just look at some of the cuts for recent capeshit movies and of course Taken 3... what an abomination those were.

The thing is Achilles is supposed to be part god, so he is depicted as such, at least in the epics. It's not that he is a bad person or anything, but Hector is more humane, while Achilles' seemingly alien nature makes it difficult for us to sympathize with him.
I remember the first time I read the duel between Achilles and Hector and how hard I was trying to hold back bitch tears in class. Hector's realization that he was being played by the gods all along and that he will not make it through this battle is to this day the most epic and heroic thing I have ever read and still it makes me tear up whenever I read it.
Fucking masterpiece.

Fuck, you just made me want to start reading the Iliad. Which version of it am I supposed to read? Which is the best translation?

I don't know user, I'm Greek so I didn't read it translated. I'd suggest you ask on /lit/.

>I'm Greek
I am greek

I explained why I'm right and you're wrong and you've got nothing but memes and high-school tier film analysis in your brain. give it up.

I don't know about you guys, but I get fully erect during this scene and climax when Achilles moves his spear to that over the shoulder stance.

That duel really had some good choreography

Fagles is generally considered to be the easiest to read. Much less flowery and pretty straightforward.

But if you're not a pleb redditor you'll go with Fitzgerald and accept the fact that the Iliad's style doesn't match modern literature. If you're a real hardass, you'll read Pope's translation.

Thanks

this movie was amazing

>not even the superior story of troianos
aeneas_laughing.jpg

Isn't modern Greek very different from ancient Greek?

>ywn fight for an army under the cross of Jesus Christ and be victorious against the Umayyads
Just end me senpai

read the Aeneid you dogs, the Illiad is entry level tolkien shit

...

Not particularly. Any Greek could probably get the gist of classical Greek, although there might be a few fuckups here and there.

aeneas was a cuckold

How about this:

>Illiad
It's the Iliad but set on the streets. Paris, a Crip, makes off with Menelaus's bitch, and since the latter is a Blood it sets off a war. This is the only lens through which contemporary audiences can understand these characters, because they basically act like hood niggas, what with their touchy sense of honor, valuation of martial prowess, and preoccupation with loot in the form of treasure and women.

fantastic movie, mel gibson's best

bump

nth for aeneas was not a cuck

Anyone else liked this one?

>heavy goods link

Troy is so based. I feel like no one gave a shit about it when it first came out.

My favorite viking movie, after "Dragens fange" so yes.

Like basic stuff we could get but not the more complex poems and stuff. We are taught it in school so that's why a lot of greek know it though