What's it like being a celebrity bodyguard?

What's it like being a celebrity bodyguard?

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youtube.com/watch?v=n5tFpS70Gn0
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if you're kim kardashians', pretty uneventful apparently

Does he beat off before every shift? It'd get the awkward boners and ideas out of your head, but at the same time you need that edge which makes you animated. After I beat off I feel like dying and skip the gym.

do you think he has to carry kanye when his feet start to hurt?

>Kardashian-induced boners
Disgusting. You must be a nigger.

Probably the EASIEST job that might require you to have fire arms training. And I'm not even sure it does. It seems like 90% of it is just being tall and big enough to be intimidating.

imagine having to audition and all the other bodyguards have cooler facial hair than you

I imagine there's a bodyguard organization with lists of merits. To really appeal to celebs with endless cash you're gonna need a real non-meme black belt at least.

Wouldnt that guy make Kanye feel inadequate? Kanye seems like the guy who cant have bigger men around.

Pretty sure fo such high profile body guard shit you'd need helicopter and airplane licence just in case, several advanced courses in driving and shooting, be tall and buff, have lots of previous experience in bodyguarding and have a perfect psychological profile

Seriously, I imagine veterans getting back home having a hard time finding work they're qualified for. They happen to get a lead on a job as a celebrity bodyguard. They show up dressed as best they can but pretty modestly auditioning and listing off all there qualifications, things that were regular routine on duty, actual foreign dignitaries or generals they were in charge of transporting across some active war zone. Then losing the job to some ex bouncer with a 500 dollar watch and a perfectly trimmed beard.

kanye looking like a pretty huge cuck in this picture

kim should really be commended for her ability to control men

Nah he's fine.

Is there a Henchmen-R-Us?

>babysitting your wife's son for the weekend

You watch too much movies, bud.

>pants literally falling apart

Is he JUST?

He is fucking her. Kim needs a big alpha to fuck her, not cuck little Kanye

>Cred Forums

No shit?

Anyway the world is more fun when I imagine its cooler than it is.

If you remove half the cloth from your pants, you can make a new pair for free!

...

holy shit look at his face this guy lives for this

Did this dude just fuck up?
He looks kind of pissed/surprised that someon is all of a sudden hugging Kanye.

>>pants literally falling apart
that's haute couture these days bud


it's probably from Kanye's own fashion line and those pants probably cost 6k USD.


is it stupid to wear ripped pants that cost thousands of dollars? Yes. I think so.

But I don't think you can be JUST when people lap that shit up and your ripped clothes sell out on release.

>no taylor swift bodyguard yet

I think he is just watching in case the kid pulls out a grenade or some shit

>celebrity
sad world we are living in. Worst timeline?

>tfw have to look after this autist in between shows

Yeah I couldnt do it. Would cum in my pants constantly for just being near her.

Yeah, damn, it looks like he did....
>kanye is in mid stride, in other words, he is not actively posing for the picture, some dude just happened to run up while Kanye was walking to snap a selfie with him
>the bodyguard is in mid stride too, he's half on and half off of that ledge he's standing on, i.e. this isn't a planned event

what a fuckin' scrub. all that beef and no skills.

>what has shitposting come to

you want to go home and rethink your life

...

He was down in the crowd at Kanye's show in chicago this weekend, got to say hi

>tfw when you had a chance to go out with a girl who was almost a double of Tay tay, she was only 20% less hot than Taylor, but same hair, eyes, same height, same build, and you fucking blew it and never called her back when she wanted to hang out

it hurts, lads

>be a kid
>just throw on whatever jeans to go hangout
>mom bitches everytime, EVERYTIME, about going out in torn pants
>sit through countless lectures about how important appearance is
>years later, be adult
>go home for christmas
>this woman has bought you some 200+ dollar pair of jeans with frayed edges and wholes in them.
>telling you she heard this is what's in
>MFW

>psychological profile
yes
>tall and buff
yes
>courses in shooting
yes
>courses in driving
stop watching Drive
>helicopter license
you don't think they'd prefer an actual pilot?
>airplane license
what

Kanyes body language is like a little kid, especially in this pic

>daddy can we go now

...

I would kill myself

>hire bodyguard
>walking down the street
>guy runs up to you mid stride and tries to take a picture
>bodyguard levitates off of the sidewalk and disappears over the roof of a nearby building
Kanye has a hard life

Uh yeah? Pretty sure Kanye needs evac from warzones when he does his shows in Syria while besieged by ISIS

This is the look of a responsible adult.

lanky lumberjack best guard

He is right. THey make a fortune and have to smart. Their primary job is to protect the client so it makes sense they would be prepared to shoot as well as fly a plane or a helicopter in an emergency. I bet they take EMT courses as well.
The more you know the more you make.

Looking at her ass seems to be the only time he shows any emotion.

...

Who's that cutie in the see-through white dress?

Kanye's side bitch

PASCAL HELP

youtube.com/watch?v=n5tFpS70Gn0

Also thread theme.

>when ur bodyguard aint there to help u into the car so you panic, freeze and just fall into your seat like a tree

>“We headed to his music studio. When we got into the elevator Kanye just stood there with his arms folded and said, ‘Aren’t you going to press the button?’”

>Stanulis explained he didn’t know which floor.

>“[Kanye] flipped out, squealing that his time was precious and that he couldn’t believe I hadn’t called ahead to find out which floor he worked on.”

>“I was amazed by the amount of bizarre behavior I saw in just two weeks,” said Stanulis. “It is his world and everyone just exists within it. I don’t know how Kim [Kardashian] stays married to him.”

>Almost anything could set the erratic rapper off.

>“He got annoyed because I ‘got in his shot’ once when the paparazzi were taking pictures,” Stanulis said.

>Stanulis also recalled being sent out to retrieve West after “The Life of Pablo” MC stormed out of his music studio in a rage.

>The bodyguard used his personal car — and West balked at having to maneuver past the childrens’ car seats in the rear of the vehicle.

>“I told him he could get in or keep on walking — and after a sulk he climbed in the front.”

pagesix.com/2016/05/23/could-kanye-west-be-even-crazier-than-we-think/

Oh, I know.

When she was expressing interest in me my poor self-esteem made me convince myself she was only pitying/humoring me, and wasn't actually interested in me.

A few weeks later she ended up going out with a guy who was pretty damn similar to me (both me and her bf were lanklets, we both were turbonerds, we both worked as DJs at the same radio station). So I totally had a fucking chance. I was deluding myself that I was too lanky, too nerdy, too lame - she definitely had a type.

I hate myself.

In Hollywood, everything is an accessory.

I want to see a comedy/drama show about celebrity bodyguards.

>lanky
t. fat "bearmode" fag

christ, how pathetic are you?

>got to say hi to kanye's security guard

literally top yourself.

I just watched my first episode of keeping up with the kardashians this weekend and I think it must be awful having to listen to all that bullshit.

Easy now, you dont know eho youre fucking wit

EMT training is mandatory with some security companies.

Guarding a celeb is probably a high-interest job. Only the cream would get the work, so while it might not be a prerequisite, having a bunch of skillsets are probably common.

what's going on here?

>West balked at having to maneuver past the childrens’ car seats in the rear of the vehicle.
This isn't unreasonable. Fuck that bodyguard. Bet the slob has crumbs everywhere and empty lighters.

I need this hoodie.

have a friend who worked in security, pretty much the pay is good but you do get clawed, scratched, spat, thrown things at you since most of the fans are trying to grab your client.

most of the time he's just there to push paparazzi away, one time someone punched him square in the jaw blacked him out for a second, he couldn't punch back or chase him since he had to guard his client

tldr. if you're pretty much ok getting shat on physically and have a big body and tall yeah its ok

Damn Yeezy has some good fits

is this tom cruise tier?

just why

kek

Tom Cruise doesn't wear embarrassingly obvious lifts

what is wrong with that niggers eyes?

what was his expression trying to convey?

>“I told him he could get in or keep on walking — and after a sulk he climbed in the front.”

Wow what a great bodyguard I wonder if he got a raise after this. Seriously though I doubt that happened.

>nigga we made it

noted friend of TayTay, Gigi Hadid

salsa on gif senpai?

En Bruges

saw Cumberbatch and his bodyguard today

No, I meant I would kill myself if I was pining over a girl uglier than the mind numbingly average Taylor Swift.

like prince in the cluub

I knew a guy who served in both the South African (apartheid-era) and Israeli militaries and served as a bodyguard for both Miley Cyrus and Jonas Brothers in the mid-2000s

It was uneventful and he had to deal with a lot of their tantrums. More akin to babysitting.

>tfw you'll never be a huge bodyguard who gets to kick the shit out of Kanye Wests pleb fans
jdimsa

He always has that vietnam vet ptsd stare going on, poor traumatized Kanye.

Got some juice boxes in his fanny pack for Kanye

Why didn't Harry just kill Colin Farrell before killing himself?

most of kanye's life seems to be getting in and out of cars

wide angle lens distortion

>Getting a boner over Kim Kardashian

I could understand Ray J level Kardashian but nobody would get a boner over that ugly Plastic horse face bitch now.

Having seen all these photos, I can declare that Kanye has the weakest posture

my man, always needed to watch that

how to say overpayed clowns in arabic?

Aside from the stupid looking boots?

when you're rich you literally wear whatever the fuck you want, you do not give a single shit about what the peasants around you think

>looks at mens shoes for "lifts"..

Do you do bulge inspections to see if they're stuffing their crotches too, faggot?

But, the bouncer already has years hands on experience, actively and physically dealing with morons all while needing to think on his own. The veteran doesn't. The veteran was always ordered to do this or that and would rarely if ever have trouble baby sitting foreign dignitaries or generals.

i've hung out with a few bodyguards. they're usually chill

Those are speed holes.

There's a lot of bouncers that are vets. Yelling at drunks and throwing them through a door isn't that much different from yelling at hajis and kicking in their doors.

They have to be in order to deal with drunks. They are rarely like what you see in movies, being all antagonistic. Don't get me wrong, there's still some like that.

We were talking about a vet that wasn't a bouncer vs a bouncer.

great thread, please post more bodyguards

>tfw 6'2'' but skinny as shit
>tfw have to eat 3x the amount of food a normal person eats because my metabolism is so high in order to plump out into an average bodytype
>tfw want to be bear mode security guard but is 3x harder to get there even with a drastically changed gym and diet

youre basically a chaffer/babysitter for somebody. At best you just stand by them all day and scare off people that post on Cred Forums, maybe get to shove a paparatzo into a bush and get away with it. At worst youre trying to control some drunk/cocked out starlet or athlete or something and keep them from making an ass out of themselves,shitting themselves, getting arrested, ect

then theres the small chance you might deal with a stalker or murderer or something
>source I work in LA, see them from time to time

>being such a manlet you pay someone to be bigger than you

damn you're a faggot

is her sextape real?

from what ive read (yeah Ive thought about doing this, I'm broke and hate my job) there are a few different kinds
lower, entry level that don't require much training. youre just there to look intimidating and be a bullet sponge. they just want big motherfuckers who look scary

middle level, better training. LEO, military work, EMT qualified, weapons qualified, ect. Not that they provide you with it but if you have it you stand a better chance at better clients

high level, personal bodyguards. People that have been the same bodyguard for years for one person, probably get paid bank

I think a lot of it is what you can show up with. if you have a resume with some serious skills on it you get better jobs and better pay. If you have nothing and just want to fap to your waifus you aint getting shit

don't forget the the highest level: secret service

I remember some user like 2-3 years ago posted claiming he worked as security in Hollywood, I remember because it sounded like a decent job and he seemed to like it, but said it was mostly just hanging around and keeping everything organized and stuff, like all the others have said in this thread

It's also who you already know. Say a company handles an NYC client that likes clubs. If you can name drop bartenders, managers, promoters, and actually know them, you'll have a better chance at work.

But that social circle won't do dick for a guy who wants to go to Rio every 6 weeks.

>What's it like being a celebrity bodyguard?
It's a really easy job if you're a big guy.
How many celebrities are killed, anyways?

But if the first celebrity killed by a fan happens on your watch you're out of business.

You think porn stars ever get freaky with their bodyguards?

>There's a lot of bouncers that are vets.

As a vet, and a prior doorman, my military experience taught me to do pretty much the opposite of what you need to do as a doorman.

Club owners don't want fights because they lead to loss of customers, injured employees, and lawsuits, so the job of a good door staff is to look for and prevent aggression before a fight ever breaks out. You're a good doorman if you can talk a customer down, as opposed to being a great fighter. Fortunately most people don't want to fight and are just trying to save face.

In the military we met aggression with greater aggression, and usually deadly force. That's not what a celebrity wants in a bodyguard.

>cocked out

it maybe be a typo, but its still technically correct

>kanye's dead expression in all of these pictures
You can just tell how much shit he puts up with just to fuck that ass every night

Just eat lard, chicken and ice cream, with lots of oranges to let you shit it all out

Wash it all down with a 12 pack if results do not match desired gains

Kanye's face in this one is way better, belongs in a museum.

>that one guy who used to guard Britney Spears in her prime
>yfw he quit because Britney kept throwing herself at him and asking him to fuck her

The ultimate gentleman

>saw all the cock she rode
>didn't want to share the STD's

"gentleman"

This

source? Alsoof all the celebrities to throw themselves at you, you get the backwoods hillbilly. Poor guy

id rather be a celebrity bodyguard desu. probably the same better, more or less the same bullshit but at least some of them can be cool and you'll get cool stories
imagine being a bullet sponge for Clinton

>tfw

It looks like the body guard is shooped onto the picture, above the road. Like he's about to just float away.

That guy has no shadow.

that'll be a short career kek

There's different kinds of bodyguards, and some of them are trained in things like driving, shooting, hand-to-hand combat and first aid. Then there's the Blackwater types.

quick, claim your client you'd want to bodyguard
first come first serve

Kanye for this picture. He is not laughing.

>you'd never have to do anything because she never leaves the lego room
>you could just fuck Kate in the room next door
Sign me up

It's ez-pz, you just stand there and be chunky.

Those are the eyes of a genius.

I want to protect selena gomez

Everyone'll want to bodyguard their own respective waifus but will fail to see the plus side to guarding one of the more chilled guy celebrities.
> meet your waifu through him
> chill beers when you're off duty

right or Norm McD

I want to be Saoirse Ronan's bodyguard. I would protect her. She would develop feelings for me like I was her second father. She will hug me, laugh with me, talk to me, bake something for me as a present and maybe even kiss me on the cheek every once in a while. But my job would be to make sure she's safe. I would still do it even if she was cold and distant. Then one day some idiot will try to get too close to her or worse and I would have to bring my full fury upon him like I was Zeus. That display alone would cause me to be irresistible to Saoirse. From then on, we would be closer than ever.

I want to be Chuck Norris's body guard.

this goddess would have been nice

is that the you gonna get raped jacket?

...

Why the hell is he standing like that lol. Is that a look he has been trying out in the mirror?

Why wouldn't they get courses in driving?

you do not need to wait for her feelings. women who are protected already choose to be fucked by their bodyguard

As a current close protection operative I can tell you I've never heard of anyone in the business that hasn't done an advanced driving course, it's part of the training for the license. You don't need to be tall and buff at all, many clients favour subtlety.

What's in his fannypack?

>Robert Downy Jr on set of Tropic Thunder.bmp

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

>You don't need to be tall and buff at all, many clients favour subtlety.
Do they favour suggestive gestures and inappropriate staring?

his dick

His scooby snacks

the bodyguard fucks the bitch

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B A D
A
D

I'm pretty sure she doesn't need a bodyguard since no one knows who she is.

Not on my watch, Dahnald

Would you guys be willing to participate in a sort of Cred Forums Battle Royale Waifu Bodyguard war? Each user has to protect their celebrity waifu of choice against other user/waifu teams. Last user left alive gets to live happily with their waifu for the rest of their life. Televised and anything goes.