Local theater endorses Trump

That's nice I remember when rick use to nutshot people before the buzzer rang.

>tfw they confiscate your baloney sandwiches

>he doesn't have a trained falcon for protection

>You can't use drones in the movie theater because the FCC enacted a no fly zone inside movie theaters.
>You have to message your friends via carrier pigeons.
>People's falcon's just eat them.

Haven't been to the theater in a bit, is there still a cineramic sunglasses bin for those that didn't bring their own?

>theatre doesn't sell CelebSweat™: Eva Green popcorn essence

Have to settle for plain butter.

>Movie theater doesn't have AC
>I open a window to let some air in
>This thing flys in and starts staring at virgins.

I tried eating crab legs at my local cinema watching Shin Godzilla and I realized I don't know how I'm supposed to get the meat out.
I kept fiddling with the shell making lots of ruckus and eventually other people complained I was being consistently loud.
I got taken out by the ushers and they questioned why I was being so loud and I told them I was just trying to crack open my crab legs.
They asked me if I even had crab legs before and I responded saying it was my first time.
They escorted me out of the building and put me on a ban list.

>movie finishes
>everyone starts clapping
>it wasn't such a good film so I don't feel like clapping
>cinema doors wont open till the audience meets the clapping quota
>people start looking my way while they clap and smile widely
>one guy aggressively claps right on my face
>I know they want me to give in so I stay cool
>finally a loud air horn blares and the doors open
>everyone looks at me like I'm a weirdo as they leave

Sometimes you have to make a stand.

Good on you. Fuck mandatory clapping. I hate that shit.

>tfw you're hired smuggler safely imports your onion and potato snacks

> implying your shitflyer won't just get swatted into a crab-pit by some guy with a billhook

also fuck everyone who thinks phalanx isn't an accepted formation.

>tfw the designated shooter gets your smuggler

>new reddit detectors installed in my cineplex
>literally everyone who browses Cred Forums sets it off
>criminals are escorted to the falcon cages to scrub droppings for 72 hours and pay a minimum $400 fine (plus tip)
What did they mean by this?

It means you go to the mainstream cineplex and not the undergound cinemas that we normally go to.
>he doesn't go to the local meeting ground where we all get tied up have our heads bagged with a burlap sack and escorted to a bus where we're all held at gunpoint and brought to a cinema we have no clue where it is
No wonder you walk into Reddit theaters and get abused.

>we
But I don't browse reddit in secrecy like the average fa/tv/irgin

>local McDonalds endorses Jill Stein
>can't order my McChicken without taking LSD first

Yeah you browse Cred Forums in the open while some of us don't actually go to reddit.

Question: What do the girlfriends of the guys that have no problem with the no singles police do while their partner is going through penis inspection? Are they put in some kind of waiting room or something?

>local theatre endorses Hillary and deletes the film reels after every showing

If that's bothering you, don't look up their superPAC contributions filed with the FEC.

My kinoplex gave nine figures to elect Stein.

Do you get to bring friends?

We did but we're all tagged and brought on individual buses and after the viewing we're brought back to the cinema from separate cinemas.

fuck white people

>be me
>at cinema
>bring le anvil XDDDD
>falcon KEK

EPic. This is the reason I come on Cred Forums!

And it's reason why Redditors are weeded out so easily like yourself.

>no it was ironic

TOP KEK. I just love the anvil meme soooo much.

JUST FRICK MY SHIT UP MAN.

this lmao tfw ahahaha xD

>le ironic 4channers who act like redditors who been on Cred Forums their entire lives but actually are just as bad as reddit with their useless posts

Kekkity kek me Ladm8, laddy. Triggered, cuck?

Only one triggered here is the only who continues to respond to OBVIOUS bait who acts like their so LEL SO EBIN HE'S TRIGGERED.

Maybe when you grow up in a few years you'll look back and learned

you took the bait

Robert is a Trump supporter?

this was a funny inside joke and now it's ruined

Looks like a fun theater. Although I wish they would ban Falcons, the last time I went one almost bit my dick off in the shower.

Wew Lad. Wew Lad. Are you some kind of Numale SJW cuck? When redpilled Trump gets elected you're finished

Yeah, who's asking white boi?

+50 cents deposited into your account

good question

>tell theater guard that my mom is my gf to circumvent the no singles policy
>they cautiously let us through
>half way through the movie
>lights come on
>guards are approaching us from both sides
>"why are you not copulating citizen?"
>look around, all the couples are giving each other blowjobs
>"I-I didn't feel like it"
>"Why would you come to a movie if not to copulate citizen?"
>stare at my feet, I'm so embarrassed I could die
>"Either begin copulation or we will be forced to remove you from our domain"
>look up at mom
>she's not having that
>we leave
>all the way home mom is telling me about how she used to give blowjobs to dad at the movies all the time

>not eating your mums pussy to watch some quality cinema.

Has anybody ever had to get their falcons penis inspected before they could use the showers?

I tried to say something but they threatened to take away my anvil, and there was no way that was happening, I have a custom pocket sized one autographed by Tim Allen (but it's signed Tim The Toolman Allen)

I dunno, just seems like the security measures are getting a bit over the top

I've had to buy four tickets and lie about having a family (Vivian, 34, Sara-Lynn, 15, Bobby, 12) just to bypass the no-singles policy

I'm probably just being a whiner

bump