Luke, did I ever tell you about Dexter Jettster? He was a fat...

Luke, did I ever tell you about Dexter Jettster? He was a fat, disgusting slob with a George Lucas-esque goiter who owned a 1950's-styled space diner on Coruscant. Somehow, despite his appearance and lowly occupation, he was the only person smart enough to be able to identify a poison dart as originating from a planet called Kamino, which is so secret and unknown that it wasn't even listed in the Jedi archives. After that, I never saw him again. He was a good friend.

Reported for Kenobi bullying

no

Luke, did I ever tell you about Colonel Saito? He was a Japanese officer and Engineer tasked with building a bridge using the men of my battalion of a workforce. Now according to the Geneva convention my officers and I weren't obligated to work - which he wasn't a fan of let me tell you. In the end after he'd locked my officers in a punishment hut for a few months, and me in a metal box in the blazing sun he finally relented - but then we helped him anyway! Designing and building a far better bridge than he could have done himself; and you know why? Because he was a good friend!

Luke watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett. Did I ever tell you l fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senators room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms not the robot in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time!

Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something then he escaped with his tiny jetpack.

Luckily for the senator my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend.

Look out out for those narrative voices in your head, Rey! Did I ever tell you about a former mentor of mine named Obi-Wan Kenobi? He was a Jedi master that became one with the force after being decapitated in a duel with my father, Darth Vader. Yes, you heard me correctly. Vader was my father, but he was actually a good friend without his mask on. Obi Wan had it coming after chopping his limbs off and leaving him to die in a volcano many years ago. He then took my father's lightsaber and gave it to me almost two decades later under the assumption that he would've wanted me to have it. In fact, it's the very lightsaber you're holding in front of me right now. It was one of the many ways Obi Wan would warp the basic language with his point of view in order to justify his agendas. He now has the ability to communicate with the living at his own convenience and without warning. He was a fucking asshole.

This is my favorite one.

> It was one of the many ways Obi Wan would warp the basic language with his point of view in order to justify his agendas.
top kek

Deep kek

>"Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I rode Boga, the large lizard-like female varactyl? During my search for General Grievous on Utapau, I found myself in a need of a mount. So I visited an area of pens where the Pau'an natives kept varactyls. And I took from them savages one of those inconspicuous huge bright screaming dragons instead of any other more advanced transport vehicle we had at our hands at the time. The fucker couldn't even fly like the majority of our vehicles so we both got blasted hard during Order 66. Boga is probably dead who knows lmao. I was a mediocre friend."