How's it going Cred Forums?

lots of suicidal thoughts
want to be a decent and upstanding member of society
can't because i have fucking problems and demons and fucked up fetishes that i got during childhood
which now that i'm an adulthood are serious as shit
22 and just bought land with the love of my life and through a vicarious loan will have a house paid off by like july
i know 30+ year olds still working for rent so
it's like i have it really sweet i really do
but i can't stop being a fucking depraved monster in my head
i'm worried something is going to happen that is going to corner me into killing myself
want HRT
want to join the navy
want to live out my days in comfort with my lover
i'm so fucking scared though

Fuck, sounds difficult user, have you sought any medical/mental help?

no because of trust issues
if i seek help they're going to incept on me
that's what i feel like anyway
i don't feel like there is actual help out there

incept is the wrong word...but you know that first scene in Inception where they interact with people and they all turn towards them and basically start trying to kill them?

that's my worst fucking nightmare, symbolically, what i feel would happen if i looked anyone but my lover in the face

>What're your thoughts right now?

Suicide. But it'll pass, this happen like every other week. And I'll go back to being a drain on people and an utter waste of life.

Cant complain and pretty light headed. My deprivation therapy theory kinda works and that makes me glad

I'm just about in mid-life. Not successful but not in trouble. I miss everyone being young. I kept myself emotionally healthy but it seems nobody else could.

told myself i wouldn't drink alone for two weeks

that was two days ago

guess who's drunk

don't you hate when you look at a thread of "Local women nudes" at it's all like 125px semi nudes of fat cunts who graduated high school in like 2002, like fuck, just looking to see women i know naked, not fucking gaping ancient crevaces

There really should be better porn on the internet. Seriously.

I miss soft core, there were really some beautiful female forms. I don't need to see the other guys dick go in I can figure that shit out myself.

That's something you're gonna have to overcome if you wish to better yourself, and I can understand why you'd feel that way, reaching out can be scary in all honesty, but you are in control, I have no doubt that in your first attempt to reach out you'll still be scared but that feeling will dissipate the more you see the person helping you. for example a therapist, you'll grow to trust them and will be a happier person by the end of it.

>Drain on people and an utter waste of life
If you feel that way then change it, better yourself in any and every way possible, even if you don't feel motivated you need to force yourself into improvement, it'll help trust me

Glad to hear your therapy is working

Perhaps you should seek others your age who are as emotionally healthy as you, I'm not saying cut off those who aren't but an introduction of those who are may have a positive effect on you and your current group of friends/family

You need to learn self-control, you need to have that willpower to resist, rather than two weeks try one, then build your way up to larger portions of time

>If you feel that way then change it, better yourself in any and every way possible, even if you don't feel motivated you need to force yourself into improvement, it'll help trust me

Working on it. Gotta get back on meds of some kind, seeing psychiatrist soon.

Glad you're taking steps to improve yourself, user

>Seek others your age
One problem is I always enjoyed female company more than men. You can't do that after everyone gets married. Got one girl I'm friends with from years ago online, still willing to bullshit about things. I love the banter with you guys but only so much. Raised by a single mom go figure.

I shouldn't complain, I have friends, some people don't have any.

You guys be careful as you get older.

If we switched consciousness, I would no longer have access to my brain, therefore I have no access to anything that made me, me, including memories. If I was placed inside your brain, I would have access to all that you ever were; do I become you or am I still me? Is personality unique to your consciousness or is it all in the brain? If it's all in the brain, I now have your personality and your memories. Essentially then, at that point, I'm you. But if I'm you, who am I?

memories and identities don't come with us when we die,
and when we die we go back to being what we really are, whatever we were before birth (an eternal continuum of energy being divided like tentacles from an octopus into physical streams of life)

There are more planes to ones conciousness. You get only parts of it and the rest is formed inside your vessel. Losing your vessel is means losing parts of your consiousness. To answer your question. You would adapt to the consiousness of the previous users vesell and produce an amalgamation. A whole again. You would be more than a singular but less then a plural.

individual consciousness exists only in the physical realm

there is a greater singular consciousness that we all return to in death

don't view life as being constrained to the time between your own birth and your own death

it isn't that easy