I'm a shitty person, Cred Forums. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm a fairly handsome, extremely manipulative guy, I've never been faithful or grateful to anyone. I've lied and cheated on everyone, I drink if I can't do drugs and I've spent a fortune on prostitutes. Once in SF I paid shemales (plural) to fuck my shit up, all in one night because I was drunk or sad. I spent a year in China to lament the fetish and fucked everything, because I'm white and because I can. Married milfs is a given. I lived in Spain, had a decent job and a girlfriend but hooked up with a Russian girl from a dating site and eloped to Turkey (Visa issue). I've been on amphetamines for a long time now, just to be able to get up in the morning, and do loads of bensos to pass out at night. I keep having visions of being rushed in an ambulance, people calling my name and telling me to wake up.
I'm a shit person and I know it, not proud of it. I don't want to kill myself, yet I keep at the self destructive behavior. How fucked am I? How fucked are you? Wanna shoot the breeze or confess, please do, I'm scared and lonely.
I grew up with my rapist. For years I lived in this weird state of fear and denial. Anytime I would be reminded of the danger I was in denial would kick in and just erase all feelings and memories.
I am not sure if he understood what he was doing but for sure he took advantage. He even got away with it.
So now I am left with all these damage feeling like I can never trust anyone again. Meanwhile he lives his life as if nothing ever happened.
Messed up sexual interests now because of that?
you had me up until shemales.
I lie and cheat and drink far too much but not really into whores.just keep 2-3 girlfriends and lie to them all to keep them.
I hate the thought i'm never going to be in a happy, long-term relationship. but I dont see how I can get there and I'll probably just keep fucking up other peoples lives along the way because I cant keep my dick in my pants.
that's a pretty fucked up situation user, I'm sorry.
I don't know, dude. It's not like I don't know what I'm doing, I just don't know why.
That's fucked, I'm sorry. Makes me feel worse, because I was given a chance and a choice to begin with. I think.
I fantasize about being a male-bi sex slave to a master I trust
its like I want a positive version of what I went through
0-4 fap 5-9 sleep
>That's fucked, I'm sorry. Makes me feel worse, because I was given a chance and a choice to begin with. I think.
that choice is important though cause they were yours so you got to be yourself. That is something very special.
I meant my question genuinely, and also makes me wonder about a lot of other slave/sissies/traps out there. Sorry you went through that. Hit up /soc/ if you want to chase that fantasy. Some of us are into that shit
But where did it stem from? Any life changing incidents? Dramatic events? Series of unfortunate events?
OP here, it's 02:40 AM should probably give it a roll: got work at 7 fapped twice already tonight
I some serious trust issues I can't even enter relationships and its been like 20 years later
Who says need a relationship? Just get a master to use you how this wish, but take care of you
Hey user. You're unconscientious and narcissistic. Bad news is you're right, you're a shitty human being. Good news is, you can change.
If you're successful as you say, go and find yourself a therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy in specific can really help you. The skills you're currently using to fuck yourself up are skills the world needs, skills that can make it a better place.
Good luck on your journey. It's not over yet.
Sounds like you know John McAfee
sounds like you have trust issues, did anything happen when you were younger to make you feel like you can't be honest with other people sometimes?
no thats too much like rapist way
trust is very important to me, and I can't trust without the relationship
Relationships aren't all what they've cracked up to be. You can have more fun, be more free and have more of a laugh with fuck buddies. And they can't destroy your trust as not in a relationship with them
trust is like a short cut for me to know so so wont rape me
I can't go into things blind and feel safe
Kik me OP, Modyann. We're alot alike but I'm almost 42 and getting a handle on my shit. Yes my hair is pink and purple and I'm wearing a fucking Trump t-shirt
im in a similar boat user. wanna kik? FashyAnon
Thanks, user. I've actually been thinking about it, just haven't been able to get myself to do it. I think this is probably the year it will change for the better or just end. Yeah, I was terrified of my alcoholic dad when I was a kid. I know that probably left some trauma, but at the same time I don't want to make excuses, because I don't know for sure
I'm not op but I'm NatSoc. I'll kik you
Well the only way you're going to be able to trust someone is to just keep trying. It's a shit thing to hear but it's true. I could date two separate people, it's not then a matter of how much I trust them, but rather their actions and behaviour which would dictate who is more "trustworthy". You just need to meet new people and start over, but don't paint new people with the same brush your rapist gave you. Treat everyone as a clean slate until they prove or show otherwise.
>tell someone >statue of limitations, even if out of date, if that’s how you were raised you can use that to your advantage in court. >sue and get rich >afford therapy >hopefully get better. If that doesn’t work >try burning the house down?
Jesus what are you talking about, you sound like god damned James Bond fucking your way across the globe high as a kite. Either change to be a "good person" Or start fucking owning it and accept you're going to die alone in a flaming blaze of coke fueled glory and start loving every second of it.
I really feel defeated by life and I just don't have what it takes for another battle
Honestly, therepy/counceling is the most important thing. If you can get that you're pretty much set. Even if it takes you working a crummy job and eating ramen every day to afford it it's worth it because eventually it will get you to a point where you are both happy and stable and the funds wont be an issue anymore.
I really appreciate you guys having listened I will looks into getting help
No. Discord? Cred Forumsro, you had me kekking so hard. I think that's the problem: I'm not proud or have any sense of accomplishment, because I'm not whats expected of a good person. Don't know why it should matter. And also, yes, I was owning the Bond-part until a traffic accident cut my face up to look like the villain
Glad to help, goodluck!
sometimes, the most damage from parental abuse isn't felt until years later. i would suggest cognitive behavioral therapy to help you unload these feelings that you've been carrying around all these years. sometimes the best help you can get is from someone who will just listen. as for feeling burned out, unload off of the booze for a month and find god through eating a sheet of LSD
We’re all pretty shitty people here, OP, you’re in good company. Everyone posting above me is a fucking asshole, and I guarantee everyone posting below me has and one time or another jerked off to underage children. I’m quite possibly the only decent person on Cred Forums, the rest are obsessed with traps and eating shit.
It's all about perspective, pick one and stick to it and never look back.
Looking up to characters like James Bond, Don Draper and Henry Chinaski my whole life probably should have set me up better than this to be able to own it being a badass