Let's start a DnD stories thread

He rolled a nat 1 on his "Don't Sleep With Someone Else's Wife" check.

never played before, but heard some cool stories from players and DMs

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So many rules broken in that greentext.

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Like what? I've never played dnd I just read greentexts about it.

Bears have an INT of 2 which grants the minimum of 1 skill point per level. Can't put enough skill points into both disguise and bluff to pull this off. Penalties to disguise for trying to appear as a different species while not having hands to apply makeup/costume would make detection guaranteed at any character level.
Bluffing that you speak a different language doesn't work like that.
Couldn't prestige into spy until achieving level 31 at the earliest (epic level is 20).

>last campaign got killed cuz my sister in law didn't like that her turns were being sort of stepped on because she barely did anything
>I start a new campaign
>first session
>one hit ko her with a max damage crossbow hit
>"fuck here we go again"
>next turn she nat 20s her death save
>next turn blows up the guy who killed her with a chaos bolt
>campaign saved

Note that her husband, my brother, was the one DMing the previous campaign. She messaged the group after the last session saying she was done and left all the group chats

Lost

I havent played for almost 15 years... suddenly people gets settled with their families and start to hang out again our vacation houses in a remote town. Comes up with idea to do DnD again (swedish version is also called DnD (Drakar och demoner (Dragons and Demons)))

So now Im gonna dust off the books and becomne dungeon master again. I have an idea of a campaign, would like some feedback if youa re interdested

i assume that it was an awakened animal ( i did play an awakened cat once, that was fun) but i'm pretty sure he'd be able to speak common then

go for it, dude
also, what version are you going to be playing? 3.5?

would like to hear about it

version? - We made our own based upon chronopia with an advanced combat system that mixes in multiple phases and combat styles during battle. a little bit like mixing rock paper scissors and magic the gathering into it.

Anyway the campaign will be like all of the characters are in a remote village without much knowledge of the world outside. They are part of a Kingdom but they rarely travel anywere (just like irl middle ages). Suddenly kingsmen show up (not this collecting taxes bullshit again they hope). Nope.jpg even worse, they are going to be drafted into the army to stop an overwhelming foe of Grooks (actually Orks but I dont want them to know yet). These orcs behave very different, they move and attack with purpose (think of it like the wc movie beginning). Wipeing most of the good guys armies.

>friend playing a wizard
>we encounter a living statue in a dungeon
>few rounds go by, wizard wants to take the statues sword
>DM laughs and lets him try
>nothing but 20 on the dice
>wizard disarms a statue with his bare hands
>wizard wants to keep sword so DM says roll a 20 to shrink it
>he does
DM didn't let him keep the sword, but when someone starts a 20 streak, shit can get pretty crazy.

they will go through bootcamp where they will learn that they will understand that the enemy are actually orcs. and then when transfering to their army. they get jumped.

>be DM
>at the end of a mini-campaign with two friends
>one is a human warlock who just wants to be a murder-hobo
>the other is a fat dwarven youngling searching for his mother, still has his first axe and dingleberries
>the world is falling apart because human warlock was being such a faggot that a god intervened
>Dingleberry Barry and Eldritchblast Ed are on a street that’s been split away from the surrounding city by earthquakes
>Ed wants to kill Barry before they both died
>Ed turns to Barry: “Barry, I’ve got a confession. I was your mother this whole time.”
>Ed rolls a 7+3 Chr on persuasion, Barry rolls a nat 1
>both of their eyes widen
>it’s your mother Barry
>Barry goes to his momma
>he hugs him
>Ed’s player looks me dead in the eyes
>”I cast Eldritch blast”
>nat 20
>Barry’s player says “SHIT”
>Barry’s player rolls with disadvantage to break away from him and dodge
>Nat 1 and then a 6
>Barry is instantly disentegrated
>the sky begins to fall with one less tiny dingleberry-ridden dwarf to scream into the end

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kek

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d&d has actual rules and versions, it's pretty cool that you made your own.
you can check out the d20srd and d20pfsrd for rules and such if you need inspirations or ideas.

soz for typing slowly, am in game of COH2. I have to tab out to type ;D

Anyways. The column gets slaughtered and the party will be taken prisoner and held for ransom. During prison they learn more about the orcs, they have a two headed ogre as their leader.
They will learn some weaknesses about the orcs by eavesdropping on their guards. Mainly that they have united orcs goblins ogres cyclops and all black blood races. And it is done by this two headedguy. Problem with him is that he isn't realy black blood. he is taking potions to apear as one (basicly dyes his blood from red to black) but is acctualy a half-race. so if the rest find out, then they will desert and huge infighting will errupt. ALso they will find out about the command structure. Can kill subcommanders to weaken the black blood horde.

When the ransom arrives the humies do the same as in vikings. Basicly the carts are empty and they attack the prison camp,in the turmoil the group have a chance to escape and may do some damage before they leave. Of their own choices. but be careful, not to take on too much, the humans are loosing.... slowly.

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sounds really cool

thanks mate :D

Anyway after they escape they make it back to the human camps, and can then use what they have found out as advisors. And have some part of the army aid them in fights. They can attack commanders, spoil other ambushes set up, gather more intel. Use counter magic. etc. Mostly up to them, there will be a map with different locations for them to hit. If they fuck up and decide to go for the main boss immediately they will ofc get rekt. he will overpower the entire group all by himself. so basicly they have to weaken him to get to him. Best scenario - all his main commanders rekt, they find out that he is half-breed which will make some ofhis own guard aid the humans to overthrow him. They counter his magic and sabotage his armor (which is located in a cart that is traveling with his camp)

make sure they have a convenient way to escape if they do try to take on the boss and see it's not going their way.

might also be interesting if they were able to sabotage the lab/supply of potion he's using to keep his blood right.

"make sure they have a convenient way to escape if they do try to take on the boss and see it's not going their way." - Very good yes I thought about this, the first time they take him on and loose. he will not finish them, he will laugh, and thank them for the practice and have them sent away limping. Next time though....

"might also be interesting if they were able to sabotage the lab/supply of potion he's using to keep his blood right." - That is ofc one of the main strategies to do. sabotage the supply will make his blood red, so if he takes a hit the rest of the orcs will see.

May a new generation of lucha libre heroes ride on the winds of time.

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> DM for life. Never player. Feels bad man
> Played 5e between classes and in the evening
> Cute latina in the group plays a halfling
> Rolls a 1
> Shouts "I'll suck your dick for a reroll"
> Allow it.
> Rest of the group gets angry at me
> Point out the halfling lucky trait that no one besides me remembered somehow.
> Did not get dick sucked afterall by attractive latina.
> "Sucking my dick for a reroll" is literally shouted out for every bad roll now.

Pic not related, but I did fuck the latina a couple times. I shit you not, her bedroom fetish is roleplay.

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>my sister in law
>her husband, my brother
good staged greentext user

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ok this story was great thanks for posting
inside jokes like that are 50% of what makes DnD great, also congrats on the D6

thou hast to be shiddin me

agree. And also, sometimes we play, just social life in the town and some kinda wierd mini adventure comes up that is actually better than designed ones :,)