Hardest you've ever cock blocked yourself?

Hardest you've ever cock blocked yourself?

>Be me in high school
>10th grade
>My whole schtick is making fun of myself constantly for being a virgin and the struggle of realising I'm going to be a virgin forever
>I'm glad you also find that annoying
>People are amused by it for like a week, but resent me as time goes on
>won't let the joke go (yes I hate myself)
>ff to homecoming
>friends with a bunch of losers like me so we all decide to ditch homecoming in favor of a kickback
>not a bad turnout, 15-20 people come by
>local slut comes by as well
>context: local slut used to hang with us nerds in 9th grade until she fucked her way up the social ladder, still comes by to say hi to us every once in a while
>local slut brings alchol; now it's a REAL party
>do my whole shtick of being a virgin for life
>no one is laughing, everyone visibly annoyed
>can't stop myself as I drunkly project my insecurities as "humor"
>local slut gets in on the convo and tells me she'll help me out and take my virginity
>"BEGONE THOT"
>she's unmoved by this and sits on me
>"BACK AWAY YE HARLOT I MUST PROTECT MY VIRGINITY AT ALL COSTS"
>slut gives me a lap dance
>continually shout stupid anti-sex memes
>slut gets mad and slaps me, shuts me up good
>takes my hand and leads me into my friend's room
>she gets ontop of me and tries to put her tongue in my mouth
>continue to drunkenly babble more bad memes
>she takes off her shirt and bra and I see her glorious tits
>stops me dead in my tracks and I'm fixated
>she starts to take off her pants
>"WAIT, STOP"
>she looks at me for a second, as if contemplating if I'm even worth all this effort
>she's about to slip off her panties
>"SERIOUSLY STOP, I'M GAY"
>she looks at me confused af
>double down hard on it and tell her I love cock, I don't want anyone to know, I really don't like vagina in the slightest
>she sits next to me 75% naked while we talk about me being gay, and let me tell ya, I SOLD that shit

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What the fuck is wrong with you dude.
Do you have fucking brain damage?
>confirmed autism

>FF to next week
>Slut tells everyone I'm gay
>don't fight this at all
>go from making jokes about how I'm a virgin forever to how I'm the biggest fag ever
>best friends question me for a few months, but after convincing them over several hangouts with a 100% serious demeanour, I manage to make believers out of them
>Go all 10th-11th grade people thinking I'm actually gay
>11th grade even pay some actual gay dude to tell everyone he fucked me (I tried haggling to be the top in this lie, but he said he's a top and I look like a bottom)
>roll with this lie because it's better than everyone thinking I'm a virgin
>12th grade come clean to my best friends about all this and they disown me for being a pathological liar
>Drop out after 6 weeks because everyone still thinks I'm gay

29, still a virgin.
Why couldn't I just let that slut take my virginity

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I'd like to tell you no, but this story says otherwise so idk what to tell you

>be me at 20 yo, still a virgin
>super cute girl at work leaves phone # on my desk (perfect body, legit 10/10, face like 7/10)
>we go out on a date that weekend, fucking kill it. I'm suave, confident, she's laughing, we can't keep our hands off each other.
>a week later we're at here place, I brought rum
>nervous AF about busting my cherry tonight, I drink too much
>puke in her sink and sleep on her couch
>we awkwardly avoid each other at work from then on

That's pretty shit lmao

You sound... like you have some issues.

Planning ahead is one of them

>Be in middle school
>Best friend convince me to be le socialist and ask girl out with flower
>End up cowarding out while my friend forces me to give it to her for me
>le cry distantly because of chaos

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Yeah, I still kick myself over that sometimes.
So
fucking
stupid
I get embarrassed and ashamed just thinking about it.
My only consolation is that I finally started having sex at 22 yo and quickly started making up for lost time.

Die in a car crash

glad i at least got laid a lot between 17 and 19
hasnt been going great since then but still

so wait, you never graduated high school all because of an overdone gay joke?

Never been cock blocked. 46 married AMA

I got my GED

>be me, beginning of 12th grade
>reconnect with childhood friend who became kind of a whore
>hang out at DQ, go to the mall
>she makes a point of talking about her boyfriend and why he always makes her mad, swings the conversation to sex multiple times
>later dropping her off at home
>she says, and I quote "Wanna come inside? My parents aren't home"
>Dumbass me doesn't get the hint, make some excuse about homework or some bs
>leave, realize .3 seconds after i get on the road how badly i fucked this up

this one isn't that bad but more just embarrassing for missing such an obvious goddamn signal

>be me in college
>housesitting cool big ass house with pool and shit not too far from campus
>invite select group of friends who i know arent dumbasses and wont break shit, maybe like 5-7 people total
>one female friend has sister visiting and asks if she can join, i say sure
>sister is qt 3.14 artsy type girl, long brown braided pigtails, blue eyes, nice lips, great body
>we're all chilling and drinking down at the pool, i had actually just transferred into this school and didn't have everyones number yet
>gathering numbers from newish friends, qt 3.14 sister pipes up
>"hey why don't you take mine too...in case, you know, you ever want to call it" with a huge smile
>flirting sails right over my dumbass head and i just say "okay, sure!", put her number in my phone and proceed to never call or text this girl

i actually ended up hooking up with the female friend rather than the sister a few months later, she wasn't nearly as cute. feels badman.

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remembered another but this one is also more of a missed signal than a cockblock...detecting a pattern?

>be me in adulthood, living in big city
>dating german girl who was smoking hot and had awful personality
>german girlfriend has cute but kinda snooty friend, from very rich part of new york but she was cool enough
>german girl has been on me about being nicer/more outgoing with her friends (AWFUL personality) so we're all at her house, i'm chatting and giving lots of attention to snooty friend
>snooty friend sits on couch next to me and throws her feet up in my lap so she's lying down on couch with her legs draped over me
>glance at german girlfriend to make sure she isn't gonna kill me, she gives me a nod like its cool
>put my hand on snooty girls ankles and kinda start stroking her legs, on an angle where gf can't see
>snooty girl plays it cool and doesn't really react other than a couple eyebrow raises and smiles
>this goes on for awhile, snooty girl decides she has to go home
>both gf and snooty girl lived a couple blocks from each other in a pretty bad neighborhood and its now dark
>i had work the next day and remember gf command to be nicer to her friends, i offer to walk her home
>we leave, as soon as we're a few blocks away from the house snooty girl puts her arm in mine and kinda starts nuzzling me, acting like she's drunker than she is
>get to her place
>"user...do you want to come in? i'm moving in a couple weeks so everything is boxed up...but i'm sure we could find something to do..."
>my stupid ass: "nah i gotta get home, work tomorrow. bye!"

broke up with terrible german girl like a month later, i should've absolutely railed the shit out of her friend that night. hindsight is 20/20.

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is marriage as bad as everyone says it is after a while?

>be 23 year old obese virgin wizard
>reconnect with an old family friend on Facebook
>shes clunky but super sweet and cute
>wants to pop muh cherry
>go to her house
>she literally tackles me and grabs my dick, pulls it out and starts sucking it
>feels amazing but somehow, I get super weird and turn into massive pussy.
>ask her to stop because "I'm not sure I'm ready for this"
>I awkwardly hover hand cuddle her until she passes out and I sneak away at 4am.
>she flips out later and never talks to me again

Luckily, I lost 120 pounds after that, got a career, and had many less awkward sexual relationships since then. Still...I was a huge beta cringe machine

I think it would get annoying. I'm not married,but I've been with my bf for 5 years so it's like being married. We don't even Fuck anymoree lol.

my parents & the government cockblock me 24/7 im literally the most sought after bachelor whoever existed or some shit.

Yep I’m a 6’3” alpha 220 muscle beast.
>be me in high school and college
>all women are on me all the time
>laid constantly two or three girlfriends at once
>ffw age 29 decide done with bar life
>decide to look for wife
>age 30 meet wife at gym
>married at 31
>4 kids later in 78 months. love these kids would give my life for them
The answer to your question is yes as far as sex goes I never get laid anymore and there is zero intimacy.
Would I give it up? No Just for my kids I care for them more than getting laid.

interesting and in a similar situation, im 6'5" and keep in good shape (wouldn't say muscle beast, desk job with late nights smh) and have never had an issue getting girls (except for the above stories where i was a dumbass).

been with a girl for almost three years now and getting to the shit or get off the pot stage, but she doesn't want kids. unsure wat do.

holy fuck, you went out of your way to make sure you could not have sex. you deserve to never have sex at this point.

Holy shit dude. You went through 4 years of that instead of just owning up to your entire high school that you were just nervous?

You actually paid someone to keep this going?

I wasn't even remotely deppressed until reading this. Please hire a prostitute so I don't kill myself.

fuckin idiot

Man. I don't understand you, you got some issues bud.

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Dude if you don’t want kids DO NOT get married. No matter what you think of this woman it will get old. My best man and I always joke if we didn’t want kids the life we would live. He has 5 children. His family life is great but his marriage is hell. We always talk if we never got married and had lived together as bachelors. We both make north of 150k per year and could have had a stellar bachelor pad and all the pussy we wanted, even in our 40’s and 50’s. Just a thought user

mmhmm. probably could've been a kept husband if i'd knocked her up and proposed too, family had tons of money.

bro, that fucking sucks

oh i do want kids but she doesn't, hence my holdup. i'm also fortunate enough to make money like that but so does she, would be sick to be a $300k+ income couple, but she's pretty adamant about not wanting kids.

you retard! even i wouldnt fuck up that bad!

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Dunno if it's a cock block or what you'd call it, but end of senior year got drunk with a really cute girl I'd been obsessed with ever since Freshman year. We started making out, she fumbles my zipper and takes my dick out starts stroking it while whispering "Momma's gonna show you some shit" - an I couldn't get hard cause in my fucked up drunken state, I kept thinking about my mom stroking my dick.

She was nice about it an made some jokes about getting whiskey dick, ended up just sharing a sleeping bag together and passing out. Dated her for about 4 months after that til I left for college, so it turned out good in the long run.

>11th grade
>chemistry class
>teacher assigns seats
>get a seat in the last lab group in the back
>3 other kids ive sorta talked to but not really
>girl to my left is a qt3.14, i immediately think she's cute
>as the year goes on we all get along as a group
>im a beta so i never really said anything to her
>january rolls around, someone bring up valentines day
>my school did this thing where you could pay a dollar and seniors would go deliver a note to your valentine, called a 'valogram'
>i say "haha nobody will ever send me a valogram"
>who else loves self deprecating humor right?
>qt says "ill send you one"
>fast forward to valentine's day
>im nervous
>did she do it?
>should i have sent her one too?
>make it to lunch, no valogram
>figure she just forgot, whatever, nbd
>4th or 5th period, can't remember, omg the valogram comes
>it's pretty long
>hmmm.jpg
>run into her later on, tell her i got it
>"oh yeah user, what did you think?"
>me: "oh it was really nice, thanks."
>confused look on her face
>did not realize i missed the boat until literally years later

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Well satan you are in a tight spot how old is she(you)?

i'm 34 and she's 31. i could break it off and find another girl easy enough but i do love her and would miss her, and girls that make that kind of $$$ don't grow on trees

I have seen this in friends of mine. Don’t be surprised if she changes her mind in 4-5 years as she will feel her biological clock ticking. My brother and sister in law had their first at your age. Now they are 40 and 42 and have 2 and one one the way. Godspeed user you are the first non-retard I’ve talked to on her in a long time

hahaha right back at you Cred Forumsro, thanks for the advice