I’m leaving this place. Not just Cred Forums, not just Cred Forums, but this mental hellhole I’ve put myself in. I’ve wasted so many god damn years on video games, countless YouTube videos, movies, tv shows, image boards, reddit, memes, useless apps, EVERYTHING. I’ve become such a fucking loser and become depressed. Or is it the other way around, did I become depressed then end up wasting years? I don’t know. All I know is I’m so sick of it, I’m sick of myself. I’ve let myself down and I’ve let my family down.
I never would have thought I’d be where I am now. If you told me at 15 that my adult self would spend years in his room alone and depressed I wouldn’t have believed you. I went out with friends ONCE in all of 2019. I’ve lost all my money, put myself in tens and thousands of dollars in debt, and I can’t even support myself financially. It’s the fucking 20th of the new year and I haven’t made progress on ANY of my goals. What kind of fucking loser am I? How did it get so bad? This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. My moms in debt up to her eyeballs and I can’t even help her. I can’t even help myself. It’s so fucking embarrassing. Tons of my friends made a bunch of money. Where’d my money go? Down the drain from lack of work ethic, paranoia, depression, fear of failure, and pure utter laziness.
This can’t go on, if this goes on I won’t be able to live with myself. I can’t let my life be like this the next 10 years. The thing is I’m scared as fuck about trying. I’m scared about trying to beat my addictions to instant gratification, to porn, to youtube, to Cred Forums and reddit and sugar and junk food. I’m truly scared shitless. I can’t sit down and study or work for even one minute without being filled with insane amounts of anxiety and fear mixed with utter boredom. But I have to try. (1/2)
(2/2) If I dong try then it’s going to be 10 years down the line and I’ll be even more depressed, my mom will be older and still be in debt, and my friends will have surpassed me in success and finances. It’s so fucking hard and scary and difficult and the obstacles and setbacks seem so devastatingly overwhelming but I have to try for the betterment of myself and my family.
I have a theory that the desire for instant gratification is just the longing to relive the past. When you try to get instant gratification you’re just trying to relive the good times you remember feeling from years before. But it’s just a fantasy, you don’t have to sacrifice your goals and purpose just to get a quick feel-good dopamine rush. And that’s what I have to remember.
You wanna know something else that’s crazy? I feel like my brain is absolutely fried from years of instant gratification. I can’t fucking sit down and do anything that requires focus. My short term memory and working memory are absolutely fucked. My maturity is absolutely fucked. My motivation is out the fucking window. My ability to focus and concentrate is gone. It wasn’t always like this, but a lot of failures and setbacks pushed me into this depression rut.
I’m going to get off all these shitty time consuming websites and fix my shitty life. I’m going to get myself out of debt and produce an income and make my mom never have to work again. I want to be able to take my mom on a vacation to Hawaii and tell her she never has to work again. That’s what I fucking want with my life. Not these video games or these fucking porn videos or these fucking YouTube videos or these fucking threads on Cred Forums. Because I guarantee on my death bed I will regret every SECOND I spent wasting my time doing these things. Every second spent looking for an instant-gratification dopamine high. I’m going to change my life. I’m going to become a better man. I’m going to become somebody. Someone I’m proud of.
(2/2.1) I’ll stay up until this thread 404’s and then I’m done with this shitty site and all my other time wasters. I’ll be here to answer any questions and/or help others that want to do the same. And if nobody replies we’ll I’ll start anyway.
P.S. if you did take the time to read all this then thanks
As a normal well-off educated liberal visiting for the novelty and political easy mode, It's honestly refreshing to see the entirety of the edgelords in this site come clean about what, let's be honest, we all know their lives were like.
Gavin Harris
So here's the deal.
You know what you need to do. Now fucking do it. End of story.
>implying this shitty site isn’t filled with just as many libtards as there are conservatives at this point
Ethan Bennett
This, now stop being such a gamma. love yourself enough to turn your life around. Its totally possible. And find a church, its a great way to find community in your area
Im right behind you OP. Selling my PC soon. I love it like a child. But it will be the death of me.
Jason Baker
I'm proud of you, user. I'm heading down the same road you're getting off of despite my best attempts, so I'm finally biting the bullet and will go to a shrink if nothing changes in my life soon. I'm genuinely glad you've got the strength to get yourself out of your hole.
Angel Hill
GOD DAMN that's an old copy pasta. Still makes me cry a bit. I take care of strays and have some fucked up stories.
Charles Young
Wageslave at a shit job because reasons like you laid out. Turning 30 this year and i dont even have drivers license. I justget enough to support myself but of course fucked with some debt. Fuck all this shit. FUCK BEING SCARED of failing. Godspeed OP, whatever shit happens get fucking through it. I be right behind you, this is the end.
Jaxson Wilson
I’ve been strongly considering seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist/counselor but don’t think I’d do it unless it becomes a last resort
Austin Fisher
First of all, don't compare yourself to your friends. It will bring negative thoughts when you need positive ones. Only think about who you want to be, what you want to be doing, where you want to be and how you can reach it. Then reduce it down to the smallest step, and take the first step, then another one and so on. Start small, set a kind of test goal, something you can start accomplishing straight away. Exercise is a good foundation routine, it builds discipline and you realise that you can do something, first conquering your own body. Read how to do good pushups, do them every day. Don't strain yourself, and if your muscles hurt, take a rest day. Next one, go outside every day, doesn't matter for how long or what for, maybe go down to your local shop, or for a walk in the park or nature. I'd recommend taking a training course that gives you a useful qualification in a relatively short time. A first aid course is good, it is 1-3 days and useful almost everywhere. Once you've done that you'll feel you can accomplish things. Set a slightly larger goal, a training course of a few days more, or a week, do it and finish it. If you need some money, then find a part time job, even a few hours a week, and apply to it. Read up how to make a good CV and how to do well at an interview, researching that for a couple of days is well worth your time. Make 5 versions of your CV, improving it each time. It just takes practice. Try answering interview questions for yourself, then improve on your first answer. Consider it a rehearsal. Apply for a lot of small, part time jobs, don't worry if they reject you, it doesn't matter. That's why you apply to more than one. Eventually one will accept you, and you can earn a bit of money and gain some experience and knowledge. It also improves your CV. Even volunteer work is good if you can't find anything that pays. Volunteer for a few months,
Leo Walker
Okay the memes made me sad but I am happy you’re realized things now. You can do it OP
Thomas Davis
What’re these goals of yours you haven’t many any progress on OP?
>seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist/therapist/counselor
why do you think that would help?
Nathaniel Roberts
That's about how I was too, but realizing that I don't know how to fix what ended my last relation ship and also not being very good at my job mainly due to lack of focus drove me here. I've tried plenty, still hoping to find a new job, but I've all but given up on anything I can do anymore
Lincoln Gray
you can look for a job that offers driving lessons or free training. also ask about any free training at your current job, if it exists, anything to help you step up to the next level.
Jason Jackson
Hey bro. just wanna say u sound like me man. All i ever gave af was helping to pay bills for my mum. I dont want her to struggle. But this mental fuck loop can be a bitch and distract you from your goals, but you must OVERCOME EVERYTHING.. that’s what i tell myself anyway. I hope i win, but, it must be to do with dopamine. If we can rewire our dopamine towards greater pursuits, i am sure we will succeed. I am sure the people outside living their active lives are just wired that way with dopamine. You can achieve anything bro!
Maybe it wasn't you that caused the end of your last relationship, she was also involved. Sometimes people aren't supposed to be together, either one person feels it, or the other, or both. Perhaps take a qualification that can help you to find a better/different job.
Dominic Miller
Starting a business. I made a lot of progress in previous years but had a lot of big setbacks and failures
I don’t really that’s why it’s a last resort. But they must be helping some people otherwise they wouldn’t be in business
Jason Rivera
Also if you have any communication channelz like insta, drop your @ and maybe we can exchange information and motivation
I don’t think I’d be down to trade Instas but I’d be down to trade emails if you want to leave them
Sebastian Hernandez
It's good to recognize your problems, and have ambition to fix them. It's also good to let it out, king. I'm in the same position. I completely fucked myself over in 2019 because I was too busy being a depressed loser to want to do anything to change my life. All my life became was that sort of gratification cycle. Porn, Cred Forums, porn, Vidya, junk food, oversleeping. 3 weeks into 2020 and I haven't changed anything. Thanks for reminding me I have to step the fuck up.
You can about how you didn’t accomplish anything or you can o something about it and start now
Camden Campbell
Thanks for the advices, i will look it up right in the morning. Time for change. Even if its the smallest thing, its positive. Good luck to everyone
Luke Hill
Don't let yourself compare your success to other peoples definition of success user. You could be wage cuckin and playing vidya for the rest of your life if that's what makes you feel content and accomplished. Just remember to prioritize what makes you happy, and what you want to achieve.
Also, don't worry too much about your Mom. Although you should help her with bills and dept if you live together, don't be tied down by her mistakes. If she is toxic and refuses to improve herself and her own baggage, you probably need to distance yourself from her.
Get a social worker, and work towards finding stability.
Leo Richardson
Good luck, user. I believe in you, and I'll be rooting for you. Someday I'll try to do the same.
Jordan Ward
(1/2) been on niggerchan long enough to know this is COPYPASTA
Nathan Torres
so you had to post a pseudo-manifesto about it who cares nigger
Josiah Lewis
It’s not copypasta you dumb neanderthal turboretard
Isaiah James
Yeah okay, see ya next week Satan.
Chase Parker
good luck dude. looking for free training anywhere is useful. anything that can make you more useful to other people will improve your station in life and help you progress.
Robert Evans
k
Christopher Morris
OP here, just wanted to say thanks to everyone that’s replying to my thread, and thanks to everyone that continues to reply to it. I’m reading and saving all the posts so I can look back on them if this new change gets tough.
Also for those that are liking the baww pics, here’s a baww video you’ll love: youtu.be/sdUUx5FdySs
Also if I stop replying it means I went to sleep. Starting my day off right tomorrow but waking up at 5-6am
Jace Harris
I've thought about that, but I'm the one who ended things for reasons that basically boil down to my inability to say no to people in my life. Between not knowing how to train myself on that without sounding like a dick and my minimal qualifications outside of my current job, I think this is the best option. I do have an idea for a card game that I'm working on, but it's far from complete and I seriously doubt one game will change my situation that much.
John Murphy
Glad we could be here for ya. Insomnia ftw!
Aaron Turner
San Q
Bentley Davis
good luck man, and no matter what, don't let negative thoughts pull you under. for example, if you slip up and find yourself doing the same stuff again, don't punish yourself over it because that will make you feel lower, and you'll go deeper back into the same stuff. instead, just say "well I went for a few days without it, so that's already an improvement, i'll try again". even if it takes twenty tries, you will make it in the end.
Hunter Murphy
Best of luck OP. Just remember no matter how bad things get you could be back in this shithole.
Daniel Diaz
That can only come with practice, and for every time you do say no to someone for something you don't really want to do, it will become easier and you will become better at that skill. Whether it is with bosses, or girlfriends, friends or strangers. It isn't bad to say no, it is a skill that is necessary in life in order to live the life you want to. Otherwise, you will always be living other people's lives. A thing that helped me was looking at other people who had managed to say no in similar situations, and thinking about how the ones they said no to reacted in the short term and the long term, and how things went for the people who said no and went off to do their own things instead. Generally, the ones you say no to are fine with it, either in the short term or the long term, and you are better off for it, because you are closer to doing what you want to be doing. Maybe look into taking some time off work or doing evening classes, or a training course over a few weeks. The card game sounds good, keep it as a background project for now, to do in your spare time, but keep on with it until it is finished. It will be worthwhile. I posted about obtaining small qualifications and working your way up, earlier in this thread, have a read.
Adrian Ward
Thanks user, we'll see how I do
Jaxson Jenkins
godspeed brother
David Howard
you're welcome, later man.
Logan Howard
fuck your religious bullshit find some people who value science and art
