Hello Cred Forumsetards, bartender Joe here!

Hello Cred Forumsetards, bartender Joe here!
what's your poison?

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Fentanyl

I'm more of a taquila guy, like cuervo gold.

whatever gets me drunk, its the only way I can fall asleep any more...

Ketamin

you posted it. with a slash of soda water and a lime wedge. if it was a dirty martini i’ll want Tang though.

Op here, you got shit taste my dude

twisted tea change my mind

Based.
Churchill once said the best way to drink martini is to have a glass of gin, while looking at a dry martini bottle.
Little piece of history for ya.

Have you tried Irish cream coffee? It's the shit.

Long Island Iced Tea
Do I have to show you my ID?

Same. It's tasty as fuck and gets you completely and utterly shitfaced.

Milk!
*slaps counter*
Chocolate!

Scotch whiskey >>>>>>>>>>burbon/Tennessee whiskey.
Change my mind.

that depends on if its a hand pour, or pre-mix, pre-mix"s balance out the flavor better, but hand pours are much stronger, especially if you know the bartender, they make a half ounce pour into a a full ounce pour

I personally like building it in the glass, and finishing with a splash of coke.

agreed but what if you want a cocktail? cheap scotch tastes like ass and I would never use it in anything, but cheaper burbon or whisky in a cocktail is amazing

I totally agree but depending on the bar you don't always get that kind of love

Well you are correct in the case of mint julep, but in Rusty nail or godfather, blended scotch works better (I prefer single malt myself).

ok fair enough. what is your opinion of an old fashion with scotch? I feel like its trying to cover up the flavor notes of scotch but I know alot of people that say its a compliment flavor(s)

I'm getting to that age where I just want a good wine to sip on. What's a good wine that's sweet?

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well it depends.
i think the taste of the bitter is pretty dominant and the drink is sweet as it is, so bourbon actually works in some cases.

Rose and sparkling wines are the sweetest.
try gevurtz.

get me a beepsky smash, barkeep. i'm looking to get robo-fucked 4 ways from sunday tonight and i don't care who's around to see it

Dry gin martini on the rocks please. Botanist if you have it

try a boulevardier with an orange twist my dude.

well i do have a tanquiry 10, which has orange and some other fruits.

Eh, I’m not horribly partial. Hendricks?

Based and redpilled gin

bombay sapphire is pretty good I like to mix it with juices or gogurt.

white russian pls with milk froth instead of baileys on top

there’s a good joke too about waving vermouth near the martini but not putting any in. but i forgot it. great story i know.

Says the fagtender that posted Bombay Shitphire.
"Hey Pajeet you want some blue poo in your loo cuppa?"

Long Island Ice tea

White Russians made with a shot of espresso and gingerbread cream.

All jew jokes aside, Manishewitz concord grape or blackberry are both sweet to the point of being oversweet. Pretty cheap as well.

Vodka and still water

Rail whisky and a bud heavy please. I'm broke as shit.

Comrade, dees ehs naut de ould countri. Leev beefor yuo die

Get some mash from fruit companies after they're done making juice. Distill. ??? Profit!

drinking for Cred Forumsros

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patrician

I need help /b.

I need a classy drink (two actually, one for me, one for my gril crush who I bullshitted about knowing tons about alcohol) where you can't really taste the alcohol. She wants me to order for her on our date and I'm fucked

That's really cute

>Long Island Iced Tea
I did a cool trick in college, I found an equilibrium with ice cold vodka and room temp peach schnapps that tasted like water almost.
> Anything with cream / sugar in it cuts alcohol smell.
> Mudslides / White Russians that do "floats" or ice cream mixed in it, but those are pricey and filling though.
Failing that, get a beer with 9%

One can of Diet Coke, one can of strawberry seltzer, one shot of Everclear. I call it Bulletproof Wine.

just get some fruity bullshit like a mai tai or sangria

Not classy, I'll be fucked with her

Do you know anything "classy" with cream?
Sugar sounds promising!

For classy I would literally order for you a white Russian and her a pink lady.

Looks weird! Thanks for your help! I know fuck all about this shit, she's out of my league and I'm buying time hoping she likes me enough before she finds out

I'll have Dale's Pale Ale on draft.

I feel you, user.

Could go for the quick option and order 2 Sazerac- they're neat, classy, and strong. But they are alcohol heavy, and noticible, she'll either be impressed and try to 'show you up' and drink it expressing interesting. Or she'll be like "bleh to strong" "I like sex on the beach" if she's one of those, fuck her, just get Orange Juice Tequila and Vodka mixed up. It'll get her fucked up and she's only into girly drinks.

What does wine say about someone?

Its the perfect drink allows you to hydrate while you dydrate and its easy enough to get at literally any bar and vodka has no taste at all to me anyway

She's only ever drank daddy's expensive wines, not a sex on the beach kind of girl. I know she's a lightweight and has a great palate but she won't be able to handle much in terms of alcohol. Sazerac (other than being too intense) looks perfect!! Thanks user

Good luck user!

Bellini, sidecar?
Maybe stick to wines then?

Alright. fair point, I know dick about wines, though I read red is good right?

No user, buy her a tequila shot or the cheapest 2 wines they have, then have them blend them.
Easy bartending trick to get nicer wine for cheap

Actually?? Is this real?

Well I'ma take some of this mead I'm making and soak this next seasons harvest of amanitas in it.

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>red is good right?
No red is a catagory.
First you need to decide
Dry, Semi-Sweet, Sweet
Full Body, Fruity, Crisp, Light
Then Red or White (also Rose, Blush, Mixed)
And finally region
Basically, you'd be fucked on trying to pick good wine. Alcohol is technically easier path.

Do a chocolate martini, or "seasonal" martini - most bars have some sort of special to that affect.

If she wants a shot, Baby Guinness goes down sweet. Have the bartender pour 3/4 shot of Kahlua and float a 1/4 shot of Bailey's on top. (Also easy to make at home with two mid range bottles if she comes to your place)

Moscow Mule. Hot, sweet, and refreshing. Unless she hates ginger.

I was just thinking, that's the drink he should get, and "let her try some" then if she likes it, order her one as well.

Thanks my dudes!! Have a non nude from her as thanks!

Based and berzerkerpilled

I think she said she likes Mary Edwards Russian river pinot noir and I think peach lambic.
Is ordering her that a cop out?

Yes, but she likes Peach Lambic... she'll probably like a Moscow Mule or Fruit / Sour Martini.

Forgot the pic

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Thank you dude!! When I finally get to bone I'll say a silent little thank you prayer to you

Wow youi're in over your head dude.
You gotta be 100% honest with her... about the wine.
Shit, ask her to teach you things about wine, because you don't have much experience in them. It's good to mix some truth in here and there, and it gives you more to converse about.

>its the only way I can fall asleep any more
Might be a reason you should consider giving it up.

I'm done with this stuff again, first day sober after a four day bender. I'm thinking I should sleep fine tonight, I'll be fucked tomorrow night, if I'm lucky I'll get a few hours

Not that user, but if she likes pinot noir, thats a sign you can stray somewhat from the "safer" sweet wines. Do you know what youll be eating? As a general rule, heavy, or rich dishes like steak tend to benefit from a dryer red pairing whereas lighter dishes like brothy soups or whitefish tend to benefit from light to dry whites

hey could i have a titos and soda? could you put it in a tall glass im not driving tonight and i want to get DRUUUUNK

Have a drink user you’ll be fine hehehe

I know you're right, but I know she's only looking at me for my outsides. She's used to smart dudes and doesn't think I've got much culture (she's right). I want to keep it up a little while, until I can learn enough not to be a troglodyte and keep up a conversation you know?

Steak? - Dry Riesling
Chicken? - Riesling
Fish? - Semi-Sweet Riesling
Anything? - Fucking Riesling

This is my combined 40 years of wine knowledge.

Lol, you're definitely not wrong.

It's a "drinks first" situation. I'm her first non rich non safe pick so she wanted to go out to a bar and then "on an adventure".
Sorry I'm not helping. I know a lot about her as I've wanted this bitch for years but not so much useful stuff I guess

full ounce of each? that sounds like just straight liquor up to the brim my dude i mean i would drink it though i mean i wasnt in rehab for no reason

what fucking bar premixes long islands lol? its like a basic cocktail and everything you need to make it is on the speed rail at every bar. where yall drinking at?

No worries, if youre set on wine do you have a dedicated wine store in your town? Many of them have a sommelier (even if they're not classically trained)on staff whose whole job would be to help you pick a bottle she would like. Good luck on the adventure

Only thing I'm set on is fucking this little cock tease after YEARS of waiting.
Thanks man! I feel better prepared already

Bleach and rat poison coktail in Martiny glass.

Ah yesir, the Jonestown Jank. Havent made one in years.

don't drink alcohol

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Just cum?

Either a Negroni made with Hendrick's or Bombay Sapphire, or a White Russian.

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Absinthe or tatra-tea please

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Basil Hayden
Best Burbon for and old fashion