i fucked up big time. i fucked up the only good thing i've ever had. the only girl i've ever liked and my autistic ass fucked it up.
i've known her for years and we've been getting close for a while, like the last year or so. she broke up with her last girlfriend and we started getting even closer, we even moved in together, but i fucked it up yesterday.
because of some stupid shit, i've had to go back to sleeping at my parents' house for like 2 weeks. she'd been giving me rides to work on the days we both worked, and it was a 50/50 chance of her giving me rides on my off days. she started ghosting me when i asked and then every time at exactly 7:20 being like "oh sorry i was asleep". the thing is, and here's the part where i fucked up, every time she said she was asleep she was active on tiktok and instagram and i decided to screenshot proof of this.
she said it was creepy and a red flag and now she's talking about moving out of the place we were renting together and not really talking to me much.
can anyone give me advice on how to either proceed or move on? i can provide more details if you need them but no specifics on the person or place.
You didn’t fuck up and you should seriously consider letting her go. You sound codependent as fuck and she sounds like the type of girl to punish you unnecessarily for completely rational behavior. It makes me wonder if she’s playing on some kind of fear of abandonment you might have. Just to punish you. That’s it. If she was going to leave, she’d have done it. I think she’s trying to teach you not to call her on her bullshit, no matter how much it smells.
you probably didnt fuck up as bad as youre gonna get fucked up.
Aaron Adams
she has a mental disorder that makes her feel anger before any other emotion and as a result she has issues showing any emotion at all. the excuse she gave after calling me creepy and saying how much of a red flag it was was "i sleep with my phone on you know that"
when i pointed out that there was a point where she went offline for 10 minutes and then back online she said instagram turns on at random and called me creepy again.
Aiden Rodriguez
i feel like such a fucking idiot at this point, honestly. like i know it's probably not worth it to keep trying with her but at the same time i get so attached to people that it's nearly impossible for me to let go. i've been attatched to her since freshman year of highschool, it's been almost 6 years and i just don't know what to do.
Hunter Bailey
and it's not the fact that she didn't give me a ride that's got me upset, it's the fact that she didn't straight up say no and lied to me about "bEiNg AsLeEp" and ignored my messages when she was responding to other people at the time and even gave another friend that works there a ride an hour before i went in.
Caleb Hughes
and i also have to worry about the fact that there's a convention we were going to go to in february that's already paid for and is like a week long and we were going to share a 1 bed hotel room.
Jonathan King
What mental disorder? ...not that I’m qualified to tell you anything about them, but I had a funny habit of dating girls who may, or definitely have them when I was in my teens and early 20’s. I had a funny way of forgiving way too much, and believing way too much when they started pinning blame on me. ...not necessarily in that order.
She may be giving you rides, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to say or think anything about it when she doesn’t come through. A promise is a promise and your livelihood is sort of on the line, isn’t it? The fact that you didn’t bail on her or get mad enough to show a “red flag” after the second or third time really makes me wonder if you might be way too forgiving too
Thomas Nguyen
...and by “bail on her” I mean find a different ride, not break up with her kek
Levi Torres
we aren't even dating lol... and its not like i can't get to work without a ride, it's just a bit safer because there isn't a way to walk with sidewalks.
and idk what mental thing she has, it's like bipolar but just anger. she can't feel empathy or happiness for ther people at this point but she's been trying. she told me she was on tranquilizers for it when she was younger.
Liam Baker
its hard but you can let go with time you just need to believe that things will get better and they will
Wyatt Martin
user, you're being manipulated. If you're telling the truth, she's the one throwing up red flags, not you. >ignoring you and texting others, then claiming to be asleep >"instagram randomly activates" (no it doesn't, i use it frequently) >claiming ti be asleep while her status is active (this is not how apps work; they know when they're open or not) >gave another person a ride before you >calls you creepy for catching her in a lie >calls you creepy again for picking up on her damage control She's not good for you; cut your losses and get out is my hard advice. If you're having trouble breaking things off with people you're close to, ghosting is always an option. Remove them and all things that link back to them from your life and pretend like you don't know they exist. Reply to their messages in your own head, then swipe the notifications away without sending anything. Block them everywhere and stop using the part of social media that you frequented with them. Cry and moan and seeth and get all the emotions you have for them out of your system and then move on with your life.
You should be able to put distance between yourself and toxic people. If you do not have this skill, learn it. Seek help from a therapist or something.
Kayden Martin
Why the hell is she talking about red flags if you aren’t dating? You don’t owe that bitch anything if you aren’t dating lol. Why aren’t you being passive aggressive and mean to her like I would?
Jose Green
my main issue is attachment. when i first meet someone, 9 times out of 10 i can't tell if i want to be friends with them or if i have a crush on them. i never had that issue with her, i just saw her as a friend and it built up over time. we go to conventions and cosplay together, we lived together for like a year, she's really the only person i've ever been this close to.
we even had plans of driving across the country to visit her mom in california. i know i'm a fucking idiot for wanting to stay, but i can't help it.
Blake Nelson
i tried being passive aggressive but i couldn't keep it up. i've been mad at her before, but every time in the span of 24 hours or less, my dumb ass is like "it was probably my fault anyways" and i move on from it. this time is different because she's the one still stuck on it and she ignored me trying to apologise even though i know i didn't do anything wrong.
Logan Fisher
here, when it comes to making plans with someone you find yourself in a difficult situation with, you need to ask yourself, "Am I going to sincerely enjoy doing this with this person now?"
I don't want to plant doubt in your mind, but is this convention realistically going to fix anything? Is it going to be an opportunity for her to manipulate you or potentially collect blackmail? Do you trust her not to lie about you after this in order to get something out of someone? She already said you were "creepy" and has probably expressed this sentiment to someone else if you're not dating.
It sucks absolutely, but if the situation is dire enough that you're gonna have to break ties with her, then you may have to consider this trip a sunk cost.
On the flipside, you could just be extremely codependent and are reading too much into this and overreacting. I think you need to put some distance between this woman and yourself. Maybe not ghost her but certainly find another person to grow close to.
>lack of empathy and emotion Sounds like sociopathy but I don't know enough to say for sure. Sociopaths tend to be textbook manipulators because they often can't communicate emotions properly and thus can't develop relationships without manipulation. Sometimes they're functional manipulators and go without malice, sometimes they aren't.
Nicholas Wilson
she told me before that she's a boarderline sociopath, but not quite there
William Murphy
and i'm not hoping the con will fix anything, i've just been looking forward to it for a year and i'm worried this is going to fuck it up and ruin it.
Xavier Russell
My first girlfriend felt like the easiest person in the world to talk to and she never shyed away from me, even when I opened up to her about my deep, dark, shitty inner turmoil and secrets. She also compounded my relationship anxiety to become crippling and gave me an inferiority complex by refusing to compliment me, ever, thus making me feel as if I was even less worthy of praise than I believed before I met her. Finally kicking her out of my house felt better than every single little tiny bit of oxytocin and happiness she afforded me put together. But I cried myself stupid, drank myself sick, and went on a year long drug binge with my old roommate, who was also a classic manipulator (he drained me financially and destroyed my possessions before finally being sent to prison) before I got my shit together and started taking care of myself again.
Now, I'm clean save for some weed every now and then, I can finally accept compliments and genuinely compliment myself and others, I'm no longer constantly suicidal, and my life is getting more and more back on track with every month and week and day of effort. All because I cut out the toxic people and started standing up for myself. I used to have eight or nine friends that I saw in person nearly every day. Now I see maybe two friends twice a month. But it's not that bad because I'm there for myself now, as well as for others.
Take care of yourself first, because nobody else is obligated to. If you don't, you'll always be miserable.
Ryan Green
wow, maybe you should kys
Austin Jackson
not gonna lie, it was considered for a bit. this isn't a situation that warrants it, i'm not that sad over it. if i decide to completely cut her out, though, that would involve getting a new job and trying to avoid her on literally everything. now that might make me kys
Camden James
I was like this more so in December when I was super depressed... you're lost in the sauce.
Just broke up with an ex who just actively broke me down with bs.. still coming back to my senses after her, the drinking, loneliness and PTSD of winter shit of olde.
Go then, and have fun, but don't drink too much or take any drugs because my intuition is screaming blackmail. Keep those eyes in the back of your head open.
Sorry if I sound overzealous in my last few posts, I've got a caffiene headache and I'm tired and I fucking loathe manipulators for what they've done to me and what I've seen them do to others.
Definitely take care of yourself. Stand up for yourself and don't take the blame for something you didn't actually, definitively do. That's how they get their hooks in your skin. If you blamed them, then you'd have a reason to leave, and they'd have to find new prey, so they make it your fault.
Sounds like she's a compulsive liar and manipulative. Do you really think that's behavior of someone who cares for you, let alone has romantic interest in you? Don't fool yourself. You can blame it on whatever disorder you want, but being treated that way is very unhealthy for you.
James Flores
i've kinda always known she doesn't see me in a romantic way. when someone asks if we're dating, her response is "no, i've dated best friends before and i don't want to mess anything up". idk if she knows i like her like that, i'm not really subtle with it, but she's never actually said if she's noticed. at this point i think what the other user said is my best option; just cut her out and go from there.
this is going to be the hardest thing i've ever done, but it's for the best, if nothing changes.
