>be me, 28
>living with gf for almost 4 years
>she regularly drops hints about marriage
>last time being today, her female friend being proposed
>her relatives asks me about it too
>me do not want, marriage smells like a trap
What is Cred Forums thinking about marriage ?
I don't want to lose half my shits on court.
prenup
Speaking as a man eleven years very happily married:
Don’t.
Not unless there is a very good reason, legal, or tax-related, for instance, to do so. It’s otherwise all risk for no reward.
This is only a small protection, as judges can and do regularly invalidate them if they feel they’re “unfair”.
Don’t, OP. In fact, the more insistent she is, the harder the “no” should be.
literally the worst place to ask for advice about relationships
everyone here is bitter towards women
idk tho man. I am thinking about it just to sound more professional. I feel like a child saying gf around my colleagues within my career, it makes me seem somewhat inexperienced and young I think.
that being said marriage seems largely useless. Im not religious, so I see no real reason accept for social norms to get hitched up. But also no real reason not too, assuming you wont loose everything in a divorce.
I'm no expert in life, only 23 years old but everyone seems to be putting you at pressure. In this case you'll have to make it clear to your SO, that you do not want to be married, ever. You probably love her very much and see your future with her, but marriage isn't something that should be forced on you. It has to come naturally.
Just say partner instead, worst case they think you're gay if they haven't met her
I think I'd rather be assumed to be young and inexperienced than gay to be honest. But thanks for the advice.
My parents aren't married but my Dad refers to my Mum as his wife around new people or in professional settings.
just lie.
alrighty gay boy
Do her a favor and just break up with her, you're stringing her along and wasting her life.
assuming that most women think they'll get married and have children one day, i've often wondered what it'd be like if a guy who'd dated a woman for years to tell her that marriage was never on the table.
so i think you should tell her that you don't want to get married, then come back and tell us how it went.
Speaking as a happily married man, I would say get married if you genuinely love someone and want to spend your life with them. And by this I mean you're not getting married because of pressure (from her, from family, from society (aka you've been together for 5 years, you should get married), etc.), you're not getting married for purely legal reasons (green card etc.), you're not getting married because of a child or religious beliefs, and you're not getting married cuz "why not?". Marriage is for love, when people are committed. If you're not in love, or not committed, dob't get married, it will just lead to heartache and/or pain down the road. Too many people get married for reason other than love, and that's why you get the weird, bitter Cred Forumstards on this board, bitching about how marriage is a trap and stupid and blah blah blah. It is only those things if you get married for the wrong reasons. If you don't feel like getting married, don't. You should prepare to answer questions to her though, cuz it means you either aren't committed to the relationship or you don't really love her.
Nigga that sounds like the most pointless reason of them all to get married.
>I want to wake up every day next to this person for the rest of my life just so I can feel professional
If that's what completes you than don't string the poor girl along. Just call her "the Mrs" for the time being
I mean i was exaggerating, or something along those lines. I wouldnt get married purely too sound more professional, thats absurd.
I do have a long time gf though that I dont plan on leaving anytime soon. So getting married is not out of the situation for me, and the professionalism would be an added benefit.
I’m this guy, BTW.
But here’s an idea:
Why not ask her why she wants to get married? What benefit will be realised? What will change for the better?
Does she just want her “special day” as a pretty, pretty princess? That would be horribly shallow and selfish.
Or does it mean security, an arrangement you can’t easily leave? That’s an even worse warning sign.
My wife and I got married only because we were emigrating to another country, and trying to do so unmarried would have been effectively impossible.
So, again: why? What is to be gained, and at what risk? Obviously, you’re seeking to be told: “Go for it, bruh!”, but both you and your GF should *seriously* examine your motives for marriage first.
Personally I think we live in shitty times, the system is rigged against men. If you do end up divorcing you'll most likely lose big time.
>the system is rigged against men
why are so many idiots convinced the world is against them?
I here man hating feminists say the same "the world is against me", "hurr duurr patriarchy" again and again.
every minority thinks they are screwed. white men thinks they are screwed. Old people think kids have it so easy. young people think the old had it easy. etc etc
its disgusting how everyone can just play the victim.
stfu you incel numale. the world is against you more than anyone else.
Was married for 6 years. The only difference is that now I have to pay a shit ton of money just to break up with her. Joint taxes aren't bad though.
>the world is against you more than anyone else.
isn't* my b
I am both dumb, and very high
The system is bias against men, even more so If children are involved
4 years she's waiting on you, it's about time user.
If you don't trust her Then prenup or just be honest with yourself and her and break up.
The legal system favours women over men. Women are the ones that win the vast majority of divorce cases. Women in general get lower prison sentences than men for committing the same crimes. Female child predators get far lighter treatment than male child predators. The bloody official statistics support this you dumb roastie.
I don't care what some dried up dead egger thinks of me.
If you say yes you're giving her half your shit in 5/10 years.
If you say no she will break up with you in 1-5 years.
Just accept it's going to end and get a younger gf (18-21) next time who won't be so rabid.
the system is bias against everyone, you silly little snowflake
no one has it easy. you look through the lens of any individual and you see bias against them. The world isnt fair.
yes, men sometimes get fucked.
yes, women sometimes get fucked.
yes, blacks sometimes get fucked.
yes, whites sometimes get fucked.
yes, hispanics sometimes get fucked.
yes, poor people sometimes get fucked.
yes, old people sometimes get fucked.
everyone gets fucked user. if there was a group of people out there who never got fucked then wed have some actual privilege, but that doesnt happen.
I'm 31, happily married for 7 years.
If you love her, and you cant imagine life without her, marriage makes sense but it is still a risk. A prenup may make sense though more traditionalist people feel it is "planning for failure"
I am glad I got married when I did. No regrets.
But, do not marry the wrong one. I have seen it ruin many people. Be absolutely 100% sure before you do it.
Dude, it is biased against men. Check the statistics; they don’t lie.
Divorce laws and child custody laws are relics of a time when women had very few opportunities to support themselves and alimony was necessary to keep them off the streets.
As for custody, women are awarded it over 85% of the time.
There is a good reason the overwhelming majority of divorces are initiated by women: to them, there is almost no risk, and much reward. To men, it’s the precise opposite.
I say all this as a very happily married man who has nonetheless seen what the system has done to many of my male friends.
men in general are seen as disposable and women as fragile.
you want to go identity politics with race and gender then yea, they are largely playing it up for the ability to be on top
but men in general, they get fucked in all court cases against women, even when said woman is a meth head running 3 labs and is looking at murder charges, the state STILL wont take her fucking kid away and give it to the father who wants it and has a stable job and is married to someone with a stable job.
>everyone gets fucked user
But men get disproprtionately fucked more than women.
>if there was a group of people out there who never got fucked then wed have some actual privilege, but that doesnt happen.
Jews haven't been fucked in centuries.
DO NOT DO THIS
prenups are fucking worthless and get tossed all the time.
If you want children to carry on your superior genes then marry and make as many babies as you can afford. Only if you are not white, as whites are the lowest on the gene pool, and that goes for asians as well. Yes, it's a trap if you can already feel it is going to be a trap.
only Christians should get married.
>the system bias is against everyone
Okay, you literally don’t understand the word “bias”.
When all groups get fucked with roughly equal frequency, there is no bias.
When one group is regularly fucked, that bias.
I get that you’re trying to convince yourself that things are not aligned against you and your group because that makes you feel better, but facing reality now means less pain later.
Don't do it. If you think of marriage as a trap now, that feeling will carry over if you decide to get married. Besides, marriage is no longer considered as important as it once was. Do you really want to bring children into a dying world?
you are literally the man version of the angry feminist screaming about the patriarchy
i never said men NEVER get fucked. the world fucks everyone.
but saying "the system is rigged against men" is too far. The system isnt rigged against anyone. As much as all the losers who want to blame their problems on the rest of the world want to think, we live in relatively equal times
women need to stop bitching
men need to stop bitching
everyone needs to stop thinking the world is fucking them. I mean the world is fucking them, but they need to stop thinking its not fucking anyone else
there can be multiple types of bias's user
men can get fucked in court
women can get fucked by being denied leadership roles(or whatever they like to complain about)
everyone can be fucked in their own special way, and find their own area of the world that is biased against them.
you can stop pretending your some victim anytime.
>you are literally the man version of the angry feminist screaming about the patriarchy
You really are a woman, aren't you? Well, at least you're acting like one.
What is marriage? AN ARBITRARY CONSTRUCT THATS OPTIONAL, THEREFORE, DON'T PARTICIPATE. You won't get heart disease and die if you don't.
We are talking *specifically* about the risks men face in marriage, and you are deliberately shifting the scope of the debate to conceal that.
In divorce court, in matters of property division, alimony, and child custody rights, men are at a *massive* disadvantage. Go ask any divorce lawyer, male or female, and they’ll tell you the same thing.
But you won’t learn until it happens to you or someone you care about.
Smart move, she is your roomate/GF at best. Common law can still screw guys over, say she ends up being a stay at home mom for the next 10 years. You find out she cheats on you , down on your luck you buy a scratcher ticket and win big. You think fuck her i'm out, Common law comes back to bite you in the ass when you she sues all because you have been calling her partner, wife, wiffey all these years. Your probably gunna loose this one.
If it isn’t a woman, it’s a male feminist, the only thing worse than a female feminist.
I swear, this asshole is coming off like that meme with the shark typing out screeds about how “shark attacks are super rare” and “only pussies don’t swim off the Australian coast with bloody sirloin steaks strapped to their chests”.
Marry her but not legally. Do the fucking ceremony and shit but dont sign any papers. She just wants to wear a big, fancy, expensive dress and have her "big day." So just give her that but agree to not make it a legal thing.
oh
than i completely agree
but
>Personally I think we live in shitty times, the system is rigged against men
doesnt sound like we are primarily talking about divorce court to me
I'd like to believe that he's trolling, but I doubt it.
>men doesnt believe anyone is a victim. neither male nor female
>he must be a feminist
no user. feminists think women are victims as well. I think everyone is a pussy who likes to cry, and create me vs them mentalities within themselves, like you are currently doing.
depends if you want to lose you individuality
never be "me", but rather "us"
become a drone in a marriage where noone of you two is free
its literally contract for your whole life
it feels like a trap, because it is
Yeah, where I live marriage is just a formality/ceremony. People usually just start living together and calling each other husband and wife after a while.
THE WHITE MIDDLE CLASS+ FEMALE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS THE MOST PRIVILEGED ANIMAL ON THE PLANET.
Then other women in North America, Europe, Aus/NZ, Japan/SK. Then other women in the rest of the world. Then white men in North America, Europe, Aus/NZ, Japan/SK. Then other men in North America, Europe, Aus/NZ, Japan/SK. Then other men in the rest of the world.
Oh, he ain’t trolling.
He is what results when the “just world” fallacy mates with the “false equivalence” fallacy and produces a retarded flipper baby.
I’ve encountered his sort before.
poor you
the world hates men
men get the boot on everything
that really sucks man :c
everyone else has it great. we are just fucked because we have penises.
I hate this. :c
i really wish the world was against me
I really wish our system wasnt rigged
we were fucked from birth. and everyone else has it so easy. no one else is fucked at all
this sucks :c
marriage is a business and has been always has been. Love has nothing to do with it IMO, it helps you live together and thats great, but not required.
modern day reasons
-health care in the US
-taxes
-dealing with your kid business but not required.
in theory, if you and your wife got married in your 20's, your taxes burden is reduce substantially. Off hand you got atleast 10% more than being single with 2 modest income levels. Then the shared housing should reduce your Cost of living by almost half. Then you can fund your retirement at basically double the rate you would have. You could literally fund your IRA to the max and say 15 years in, you would have 1 account that was easily funded with what you saved by being together and that 1 account would be ready to rock n roll before your 45.
obviously people aren't frivolous and wont do anywhere near this.