So i just wrote a story about humanity fuck yeah and im curious about what you guys think

ah i agree, i am writing a book in my own language, but i though it could be interesting to writhing something in enlgish and see what others think, do you mind if i post the rest and ask you to review that aswell?

Sure, if it's not too long.

What language to you usually write in?

about 3 more posts after this one

so after a while we decided to engage one of their bigger populated areas.
i was there during the first assaul, and i'll never forget the horror of that day.

we deployed at the edge of the city, surely this wouldnt be any different from the weak humans we had faced before.

command gave the order to advance.
but just before that we heard a strange rumbling in the sky, the ground we stood on began shaking.
at that point i should have realised we where underestimating them.

-we never stood a chance-

a whisteling sound started to fill the air and as the sound passed my ear an explosion went of beside me,
and then another and another.

explosion after explosion rifled trough our ranks.

the order to advance was already given so we pressed on asurred that the explosions would cease after the shield was activaded.

and yes the explosions did stop,

for a while...

we cheered when we saw the explosions being stopped by the shield.
but the explosions didnt stop, instead they increased and kept increasing.

after a while the shield flickerd, buckeld and finally went down.
it was only thanks to the fast reactions of our commanders that the first assault wasnt completely destroyed.

after heavy losses the first assault group reached the city.

while we aproaced the streets and houses we encounterd no resistance.

maybe the humans where to afraid to face us head on?
my squad had a laugh.
how stupid of us to think that could have been the case.

-we never stood a chance-

im dutch

but what im writing in dutch is my first time trying, this is my second story, its all very chaotic but and i know its not anywhere near good but its fun to do. and i want to improve

ump

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Ok, it still has the same language problem, but I'm gonna ignore that since you're writing in another language.

The theme feels a bit flimsy in a way. It flows between examining/judging humanity from an outside perspective, and telling a more personal story about these aliens invading. They sort of clash.

Maybe work on what you actually want to say with this story. You don't need a message, but you should figure out what kind of story you want to tell.

I'll never forget what happend when we breached our first house.

we opended the door and started entering the house, i was the last to enter.
while my eyes wher adjusting to the darkness i heard the door behind me slam shut.

"we have you now xenos fucks" is what i heard before a huge fleshy arm wrapped around my throat.
i tried screaming at my companions but it was already to late.

one by one i saw them fall down, i had experienced countless campaigns with them.
the only cause i could discern where the small flashes i saw popping up in the darkness.

after the room went silent the multipale humans started appearing from the darkness.

they didnt look at all like the humans we had faced before.

their figures where broad and imposing and the way they moved was frightening.

one of the humans began to survey the bodies, he lingered at one body, getting closer to it.
i felt pride swell up when i saw one of my companions wasnt dead, he swung his blade at the human.
my heart imediatly dropped, the human didnt even flinch while he blocked the knife and then broke the attackers arm there was a scream and the knife was dropped.

He didnt flinch while he wrapped his other hand around my compagnions throat and grapped the knife that he was just assaulted with.

the human placed the knife at the throat of his attacker.

their eyes met and the human spoke:
"so these are the...." he spat on the last word.

"things that invaded our planet, attacked our cities..."

my compagnion spat in the humans face interupting him.

a few seconds whent by and even though our spit is slightly accedic it didnt seem to bother the human in the slightest.
he didnt flinch when he was spat on.

but while wiping it away he did flinch.

i looked at his eyes and if my captor hadnt hold me as thight as he did id have ran away as fast as i could, not for my own safety no,
but from what i saw in the humans eyes.

they where filled with hatred with determination and with something else, something deeper.

-we never stood a chance-

the human removed the knife from my compagnions throat, his hand shaking.

he opened his mouth then he closed it again.

he released his grip on the throat.

"the are the things..." whispered the human while raising his himself.
and then the he shouted, the anger in his voice haunts me to this day.

"the things that murdered my SON!"tears sprang from his eyes.

his fist slammed down on my companion completely destroying his face.
and then his left fist slammed down.

then his right again,left,right,left,right.

all the while the human was screaming.

one of mine was being beaten to a bloody pulp before my eyes but i couldnt react.

it took less then a minute but it felt like a life time to me.

after the human was done he stood up and started aproaching me, oh god his the look in his eyes!
i tried to get away from his hands from his fists but mostly from his eyes.

it took four other humans to take him down and even on the ground he tried to crawl towards me all the while screaming some word over and over,
"my jason, jason, jason!"

after the human was finally draged away the other humans started interogating me.

at first i was defiant, conviced that that we would be victorious in the end.

but as my captivity lengthend and the humans shared with me the information that my race was having loss after loss i broke.

i told them everything.

thats true, in the story i just wanted to examine how an alien race could misjudge how humanity would react, in other humanity fuck yeah stoeis ive read it also goes like that, i wanted to set the setting a bit before i got into something more personal. but when it comes to what kind of story i want to tell its not very clear for me

3/10
Your spelling, grammar, and spacing need improvement.

yall posting in cringe thread

If you'd keep to this almost horror-esque theme through the whole story, and only wrote about this one alien basically. It might be more thematically strong.

Also, some events are hard to follow due to lack of description, while other parts are way too descriptive.
Parts of the fight with the angry father could be less descriptive, basically just sum up the fight instead of describing every bit. You should also make it more clear what happened after he killed the other alien. He got dragged of by his mates, but be more descriptive here, to make it clearer.

You could stretch out the ending a bit also, instead of just saying the alien broke and told them everything you could explain how fucked the aliens actually got or something similair, give it more context and make the ending clearer. It ended a bit abruptly