Hello user, I'm your state-issued gf. Would you let me in?

do you always have such delayed reactions?

Nooooooo!!!!!

I don't have tea. So maybe coffee?

No. Anything government touches turns to shit.
I want to pick a gf, not be assigned one.

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Are those cat and human ears? Disgusting

She’s gotta make the poses and then edit the screen cap before posting I think so it takes a little bit user

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at least you're sure she can hear well.

Have you been previously assigned or are you new to the system?
Any experience with being a SIGF?

Noo

i think those are dog ears

That's my hair ... it won't stand down.
Uhm, I can't sleep if I drink coffee. So maybe I'll pass.

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If this ever happens, remind that you very would have gotten a woman similar that those people who adopt kids for social benefits

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Can i register her as my state issued gf or will i have to wait for my actual one?

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I don't have coffee. So maybe you want water?

surprise - I have water.

This get must be a sign

Thank you for your hard work fbi man

tits too big tho

Koikatsu? Nice, friend!

They said there was no such thing as a perfect society until...

How long has it been since you've had sex?

here is your water.

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great, now please give me a blowjob

I'm a total newbie. I don't even know what I am supposed to do... I hope it's not too inconvenient. They didn't give me much briefing.

Eheh, I figured. Yes thanks :3

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Ahahahhaha wtf are those arms compared to the legs

I have only one question....
> a girl came to me
let's assume it's even possible.
> I am beginning to hear the voices of men in my home.
sixteen men.

> I'm calling for an exorcist.

Those are some sick trips user, but that won’t save her. I mean. Unless there was a quads get or something...
Miss you’re gonna need to come down to your local police station with me. You’re technically impersonating a government employee.
If you’d like you can come with me and we can update your information to have a preferred registered female. I’m unsure if she’s going to be able to be registered without a hefty fine or some minor jail time.

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Not redhead
No braces
No pimples
No freckles
Tits too big
>No

Do you think im attractive? Do you like who you were assigned with?

Stop fapping and go get wendy's faggot

There's no such thing as female wizards. Checkmate.

be glad it's a cute girl and not a suprise trap

Have you ever masturbated and orgasmed before?

Wouldn’t you feel more comfortable without a hoodie on? It’s hot in here

Tits or gtfo

I noticed you're wearing a solid black choker. Is it because you planned on giving oral?

user, you know what type of things you can do with this waifu, especially in this game... give them what they want.

Sir, there must be a mistake. My permit is here and it's all in order.

Are you really a government employee? There has been awful talk about kidnappers of SIGF lately...

Yea, you're cute, user. But I'm not wholly sure if I like the program.

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user, the agency is currently dealing with an extreme amount of female losers pretending to be registered with your state’s program just so they can live with men without paying for rent and food while getting all the sex and affection they want. If you were to resist this and keep her you would receive no tax benefits and your name would be taken off the registry.
M’aam. You’re coming with me. Don’t resist.

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Someone kill this dude!!!

Uhm, I've brought some spare clothes if you want me to change.

...

Why don't you like the program

How can I help you? After all, you came for something to looser like me.

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This is getting out of control. Everyone needs to relax. I’m going to need to take her to your local police station to verify her permits are not forged.

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Please do

Calm down sir this is my case now

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Wtf

what are you doing in my house? FBI is not allowed in my country!

How about topless

It’s ok Ma’am you check out

Officer Pepe? What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were on leave.

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This thread is becoming a mess and I love it.

> I let the chick into the house
> fbi comes in, some people with him
> are starting to discuss with each other
> profit. the dealer did not fool me.

Lost

Fucking lawl

why the hell is the fbi here i just want to talk to my state-issued gf and liva a good life

I’ve been requested to keep an eye on this case. Didn’t you get stripped of your badge?

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someone probably lost control of this thread.

Ok white incel here everyone put your hands up or you die ,chick with big boob Strip NOW!!!

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Fbi made it better

Imagine letting a government spy into your house

the thread went tits up the moment the fbi came in.

Yea well, I was told you probably would want to look at my breasts, so...

Uh? How are those things related?

I dunno if it really works. The SIGF on TV are pretty enthusiastic, but I haven't keep in touch with any of my friends in the program, so...

Uh? You're not a loser, surely

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No, just got bumped down to investigating this shit, like most of the lower-rung guys. If you really want to deal with this I can get home sooner. Seems this guy is resisting.

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So can I see them then?
Bra doesn’t count and you know it.

I see. I'm going for popcorn. I have to make a lot, because the party is just beginning.

Yeah, Officer Pepe just went up there, Officer Li went in first. Alright. Update me when she’s coming out.

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Fine by me, go home to your wife I’m sure she’s missing you. I’ll take it from here Agent

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Grab me some skinny pop white cheddar please and thank you.

Hey, buddy, you can’t go up there. This apartment block is closed off for now. I can’t let you up there.

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I almost died just weeks ago. I hanged myself being drunk.

the branch broke, knocked me out and I spent two days in custody.

So...yeah....im a looser.

Heh heh
This guy

look in the cabinet above the microwave. You will find it for sure. And when you get up, bring vodka from the fridge.

There's two cabinets, which one?
And your vodka is in the freezer, do you want that one?

Well, allright.I see that you know the rules, uh?

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in both cabinets you have only delicacies. Choose anything.

I prefer the fridge one.

and right .... you may not know this rule ... bring every bottle you see. it makes no sense to get up twice.

Well, actually I’ve got a husband, you shouldn’t assume—OFFICER PEPE GET BACK SHE’S GOT A GUN

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

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If you stop at your failing point, you prevent yourself from succeeding.
It doesn't matter how hard you fall if you're willing to stand back up, user. It's never easy, but you won't be a loser unless you stop fighting. Look youtube.com/watch?v=tXi5J6NH_mw

you have really nice breasts

Yes please

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Okay I found some pubmix, you are all the garlic bread pieces, but there's still pretzels so it's all good. Okay I got the fridge vodka and found a small bottle of smoked whisky from Sedona Az, I'll drink that. Anything else?

There he is!

Three FBI agents are at user’s apartment, the girl has taken her top off, one guy just opened fire, and these two hoboes are fucking sorting through user’s pantry for snacks. Max kek

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More

Miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss

you fucking shot me!

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This is a pretty cool thread though

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everything is already there! sit down and drink!
you can see that you rarely come to my house for parties.

Does my state issued gf have a penis?
Because if she doesn't, I'm suing the state for misgendering me.

This guy just brought fucking hotdogs to the party...

Uh, thanks?

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since I survived I have to keep trying.

shooting continues. Push him. we'll see what happens.

Guys, this is your neighbor next door. I hate to be a pest, but you know we've talked about the noise level in the past. Keep it down or I'll call the super. I'm getting gosh-darn sick of the constant cacophony from your apartment.

Girl, why your titties so wonky? Fuck this I'm outta here. I'll find my own titties.

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not our fault the FBI busted in, but we'll try to keep it down

motherfucker!

You shot me at beer!

Now you go to the store for a crate of beer!

Dick!

sooooooo, I think now we have sex? I'm still confused on how this works

siiiiip

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Damn, I already found some better titties.

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Thank you. That's all I ask.

Go away.

ugh... W-why....

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A-are you alright!? D- damn cop bastard she didn't have a gun you goddamn retard!

Heh heh this is what I came here for. *Sip*

oh goddamit FBI, you shot her! are there any bandages here?

you see? You pushed him and he doesn't speak anymore. We'll get rid of the body and stains later.

give her morphine. I have it in my marijuana box.

It’s going to be alright ma’am. I’ll get you fixed up good as new! Nurse!

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Damn girl your implants are gonna leak out and make you flat chased. Ain't nobody got time for that.

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Huh. Did I hear someone just dump an entire mag or is it that construction crew over there?

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BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

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gentlemen, fuck. A little fucking culture.

you almost knocked over the bottle. Bandages are prepared and lie next to the sofa.

who stole my lighter?

i don't like dubstep. You have a rock mix on yt

Li, stand down. She was unarmed, goddamnit. I’m Officer Kelsey, Pepe’s partner. You’re coming with us.

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what the hell did this thread become

I found more titties nicer than yours...

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So when you are here, officer - somebody stole my lighter and I have nothing to light a joint

It's Rammstein played in x2

Thanks Partner, Just come quietly Li

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Someone check on the woman, see that she’s well tended to

What the fuck is going on?!

All she needs are pierced nipples, black lipstick and a strapon and you have my ideal party girl

oh. okay.

let it play.

are you alive?

> I'm going to look for baseball.

I-I’m not going anywhere. You saw how fast she moved to unclip her bra. Any officer would have reacted the same. Call the goddamn supervisor in.

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I let some ass in the house ...

and somehow this party started.

hey dick!

where's my beer?

You shot my beer! You were supposed to go to the store for the next one!

Oh shit... Please, officers, I flushed all the coke down the toilet!

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why is there ANOTHER girl here?

Kekd

I'll say so ...

I haven't had so much fun in a week

* smoke from the joint *

khy khy khy khyyyyyy

* releases smoke *

and the party lasts maybe two hours. where's the next bottle of vodka?

Oh I am sure there's one around here somewhere.

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you stupid bitch! It was my cocaine! Yours is still in the car!

N O I C E, I've got an android gf!
Can you connect to iot stuff and like start the dishwasher remotely?

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khy khy khyyyy

do not worry. I still have some vodka.

I knew someone would eventually spill something.

WEE WOO WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO WEEOOOWEE WOO WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO WEEOOOWEE WOO WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO WEEOOOWEE WOO WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO WEEOOOWEE WOO WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO WEEOOOWEE WOO WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO WEEOOOWEE WOO WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO WEEOOO

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which idiot called an ambulance?

Someone has to go to the garage for a drink of alcohol ... more guests have arrived.

WEE
WOO
WEE
WOO

BEEEEEERH BEEEEEEEERHH

for more alcohol.

the phone changed words strangely.

Gentleman. I’m the supervisor for this area. Tell me what happened, EMT got here before me, so clearly someone fucked up.

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SHEEEEEEEEET
wher da blasted foo at?
Im da amberlamps

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the bald man shot the one with bare boobs.

do you like eggs?

Certainly Officer, I was on patrol when I saw this young woman enter a apartment and Officer Li opened fire with for no reason

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does anyone even listen to me? this bald man shot me in the beer!

Found this cutie just chilling in a field. Anyone wanna see her titties?

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I confirm the testimony of user.

the guy was shooting at alcohol.

Oh, why don't you just FUCK. OFF. Of course YOU found out I still had mine in the car.

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maybe you'll check his pockets. I've lost my lighter.

Thank you citizen, I’d like Li to be prosecuted to the fullest extent!

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Christ. Explains the bloodbath in here. I see she’s got a SIGF permit on the ground right next to her. She’s a state-issued GF? Officer Li?

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I sensed it with my nose.

Yes I’ve found a lighter

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yeah she's a SIGF, she came a few hours ago

Please, Supervisor... I shot in self-defense....

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that's exactly what I lost!

Alright. I’m gonna have to go the hard way with this. Officer Pepe you might want to step outside.

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I wanted to report that someone spilled this little girl a drin.... orange juice

Look hun, shut up about the coke and I'll let you watch me drink my cup of choccy milk, k?

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that I spilled?

this is my vodka....emm orange juice.

hey ... I came with you to this party ... don't take that much because you already have holes in your memory ...

may be. but your breasts are covered.

I demand answers, damn it!

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Alright Sir

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Thank you.
Now. Officer Li.
*dramatic pause*
Don’t do it again. Or else we’re gonna make you go on paid vacation for a few weeks. Now get the fuck out of my face.

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What about helping me... lick this nice, creamy, wet strawberry icecream? The feds shot my hands off, after all...

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quiet small.

you have orange juice here.

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God Thread

KEK
THE TRIPS OF REAL JUSTICE SERVED

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You can't resist...

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Has it been fixed already?

* I can't resist *

a-are you a... s-succub?

it's amazing....

we drank only three hours.

Everyone sleeping? Wth

AH, F-fuck.. Of course not... my... icecream... shit, it tasted so good... but... I spilled it all over...

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c-can i lick your f-face?

I'll allow it...

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and your breasts?

you also have your shorts dirty.

I... feel a bit... warm, user... what's happening?
Yes, you may....

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you have to take off these clothes. We'll wash them ... later

Im confused what is that

show more legs

Underrated.

Yeah, user, lemme just... handle this cucumber I just had lyin here...

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so, uh, how is the girl that came in at the beginning of all this doing?

try to crush it with those juicy legs

good thread

*CRONCH*

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bump

eat it!

stupid cow tit sluts dont know what true culture and quality looks like.

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We all know it's actually the red flag laws

oh my kek

Fuck yes

Such culture

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I agree.

dead thread ran out of steam cuz ADHD op.

the thing that kept it together was the FBI just busting in and other anons going with it
And it sure led to a wild ending

I’m glad I could entertain while the fun lasted. But yeah these threads are great for both fappin and hijinks, keep it up OP

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smug brown loli's are the best

Did the SIGF die? Fuck we never got pussy

Yeah I think the amberlamps guy "dindu nuffin"

idk why no one just ressurects her with the dragonballs and make her immortal so she cant die again.

>Using the dragonballs to resurrect some random thot instead of making yourself Supreme Leader of the Universe and getting all the earth and ayylmao puss/dick you could ever need

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You just HAD to say that, didn't you? And why the fuck would the government care if I had a girlfriend?

Lemme fuck your gunholes