I have a massive crush on Janeane Garofalo

>BLOWS WHISTLE!!!

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One summer, I was house watching for a friend while he was out of the country. I was woken up by this monotonous pounding on my (his) door. "Jaygar" as she insisted I call her, barrels in through the door as I open it. I started to say "Hey, aren't you J-" when she pressed me into the wall, suddenly - knocking the breath out of me. She slammed the door shut behind her and the rush of wind blasted me in the face with her profuse musk. She smelled like she hadn't bathed in at least 2 weeks. She told me, in a very measured voice "Hey, uh... Steve; lemme come straight with ya, I-" "I'm not Steve, this isn't even Steve's place." I interjected before she covered my mouth with a very damp hand."Look, STEVE, I have a need. I need you to help me, Steve, right now." She then led me back to my friend's couch, kicking her shoes off as she walked (the scent of cheddar and sour sockless feet assaulted my every sense). The rest of her clothes looked no better, she had a wife-beater on that said "Lilith Fair 2006" in faded letters, that looked like it hadn't been washed since she first put it on. (it had been YEARS at that point.) Her cut-off black sweats had like pebbles or gravel and grass stains on them, the back was in a severe wedge up her butt crack. I could JUST make out the shape of her ass cheeks as they peeked from under the fabric.

We hadn't gotten within 2 feet of the couch before she was on top of me, fiddling with my pants. "Ma'am?" I suggested "Uh, we just met, and I mean you sure this is safe?" she just cocked an eyebrow, pulled her knees together and with what could best be described with a shudder, wriggled out of her bottoms. I saw a (actually magnificent) raven colored bush with a stray ball of toilet paper, tiny but glaring in that forest of curls - briefly. With a flick of her foot, my face was covered by her shorts. My senses were suddenly enveloped, that musk I had previously smelled was so MUCH MORE intense now as I was covered in the source.

Holy shit that is hot ill fap too it!

>I have a massive crush on this fat bitch
Why haven't you killed yourself yet?

The next thing that happened, well, the world sort of went into slow-motion. My senses were flicking on and off, and having whipped her drenched shorts off of my face, I saw her face go from emotionless and slack (eyes like a shark, she has) to intensely hungry, once she'd freed me of my pants - well, tbf, she just got them down below my knees and pulled the belt tight to bind my legs. I was ,mesmerized, terrified by that look. I thought my peen would shrink back into my body, but it betrayed my brain almost instantly, and almost just as fast, she was on me, tonsils deep just slobbing down my shaft like it had the cure for EVERYTHING. I'll admit here and now that it was intense, and the whole slow-motion thing was still going on so it was like literally the most amazing head ever, just felt like a mouth full of tongues slipping and sliding all over my dick, but like... also my dick itself was somehow part of that situation, she turned on some super-sensitive switch on me, made my dick feel like a penile singularity of my being. It was a strange almost religious experience, I felt my inner chakras all open and stay with me, I don't even KNOW what those are, I felt at one with the universe, all planes of existence and reality and time were passing through the conduit that was my penis, yet ALSO, I was that penis-conduit. I could STILL smell that stank of her drawers though... just you know, fyi. That last part was a good thing though, since I lasted longer than I ever had before; you know, from the big bang to the heat-death of the universe and I STILL didn't drop my nut (loads of precum though, and she chugged it like a champ.)

All that wasn't even the main event, though I mean I couldn't say I really wouldn't have been satisfied with JUST that.

Pulling herself up, she sucked a thick rope of precum straight out of my nob like it was a spaghetti noodle, just like -sluuuuuuuurp!-, I rolled back into the couch totally thinking I was done, LIKE REAL DONE, It felt like she'd sucked that precum noodle straight from my soul. Stanley was still ready to go, just looking slippery and slightly purple, and OH YEAH, a good 4.5 inches longer than I ever recall seeing him before or since. She straddled my legs, sort of waddle-stepped up as she went, a trail of sticky cunt-slime covered my shins, then knees and finally my lap her face turned into that nearly human approximation of 'cute" she said "ooh, ooh ooh, where is he?" all while sliding her palm up and down my prick. She gave him a strong squeeze on the last upward stroke, drawing a pearl of baby-batter right onto the tip before literally willing her pussy lips to part above him.

Her snatch, what I could see of it, was glistening, I could FEEL her massive heat just pulsating onto my rod. I must have stared for ages like just holding my breath watching as it drew -slowly- closer to me. What looked like for all that I believe was drool began to drip off of her pus-lips STRAIGHT onto my tip, and to describe that sensation as orgasmic would be doing the word a total disservice, I felt my body sink into itself and almost immediately I became the peen-conduit once again. I started to see colors that no human eye could ever conceive, I could TASTE elation. I think I also died for a few minutes because I was blinded and stunned and motionless for what seemed like hours. Anyhow, then we fucked.

OP here. This is disturbing. : /

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So I'm there in the peengularity, could have been millennia, or seconds, or hours, or minutes, time had stopped, but there was still passage, like I was living in a moment of quantum timelessness. Where was I? Oh yeah, the peengularity, it felt like the moment JUST before you cum, everything is tense, everything is building, you are holding back the dam from breaking; but it ALSO felt like the moment of breaking, where your body it lit up and you're feeling that wave begin to crest, that mega nut is popping and you are being pulled into that moment of pure unadulterated bliss. Yeah, that. She was literally doing all the work, my legs were still tied, I could SWEAR I'd go flaccid, I had nutted a LOT, (a LOT a lot) and there was a distinct fuck foam building in our laps, the squelching sound of skin on skin messy nasty sex was everywhere, I saw the face of god, who winked and gave me a thumbs up. Lucifer was also there, with my entire family on Skype® like I was supposed to be embarrassed, but I gave a shrug like -fuck YOU satan!-, "Jaygar snapped me out of it when she pulled me by my face with both her hands "These titties, not gonna suck themselves." and planted my face straight into them, they were awful, I mean did you now she still lactates? Like I don't think she has kids, but there was this nasty, I dunno... sweat-blister-flavored juice coming straight from her nipples. They were soft, the way that old peoples' skin feels, but in my MOUTH. even THAT wasn't making my cock wither though.

My mind slowly drifted in all that, like "I'm totally going to have to buy my friend a new couch after this. fucking Jaygar... fucking life, right?" She began to speed up her humping, "Hey, Steve, ya got a free hand? I need you to work the back entrance."

I suppose you know, where that went. But yeah, she has a SURPRISING amount of GRIP, I'll say that much. Everything sped up immensely from there, sounded like a horse at full gallop in a pool of pudding.

That final shot of go-time worked me out of the sense of multi dimensional drift, I slammed completely back into my body with the mass of the infinite cosmos behind me thrusting me straight up her cervix she'd been talking to me the whole time, sexy talk or something, but all I caught was those last two words "-right THERE" while she was slamming back onto willy. I swear to Jupiter, I invaded that cervix, popped her DEEP cherry, cocked right into Mordor. I then proceeded to have the grandaddy of all nuts. I could feel my body go from 80% water to about 14. I pulled desperately away, but I seems she was even gripping there, or I was somehow bigger on that end, I could HEAR my dick squirting the payload, my heart burned with every pulse. Jaygar crowed loudly, like a giant having a seizure, the walls literally rattled (i may have peed a little), then calmly lifted up off of me, where I dangled for a moment before dropping with a *pop*.

She put her clothes back on and I walked her to the door. She said she had to "be somewhere", I closed it slowly behind her and wept silently once she was out of sight.

Moments later I heard semi distant pounding, a door open and Jaygar shout "STEVE!" before hearing THAT door slam.

I suddenly needed a shower more than ever in my life up until then.

>gif
yeah I ain't clicking on your virus ass shit

>Lrn2GreenText
Faggot

Typisch Amerikaner.

>Suck a dick
green is for storytellers, I'm just describing my experience.

I am friends with her family. She's not fat any more. She's lost a ton of weight everyone's proud of her. She works in some law firm these days she seems really happy