ITT: You can have any superpower but whoever posts after you has to ruin your power somehow

kek

i have the uncanny ability to rapidly age or uhh...."youngify" myself and keep my current mental status and memory

You now have a permanent smile
Changing your age is painful and weakens your immune system

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your body loses chromosomes every time you do it

>Changing your age is painful and weakens your immune system
fuck I'll take it!! I bet it's painful and I'll get some AIDS-Lite but i could knock off any bank or anybody and just take off my hoodie and HHHHNNNNGGG become my own grandpa, scott-free bay-BEEEEE

i exist in 2 different places at the same time

One of you is blind
While the other is deaf

But somehow you always end up in Haiti.

One of you is the top half, the other is the bottom

I can see anyone I want naked

I can make my penis grow to any size I want.

Attached: pinkman.jpg (696x392, 23K)

But each time you set your age, it adds that same number of years you're jumping to the age of one of your organs. So if you're 30 but go to 20, 10 years gets added to a kidney, jump up 5 years to 25, your liver ages 5 years. And the organs stay that age until it fails; could be at 80 years old or 120, who knows. You can get transplants, but those will age as well.
>i can read peoples minds whenever i want

I can grow or shrink my dick to be the "perfect dick" for any girl I hookup with

You're now really ugly, so you'll never get laid.
You black out for a bit after every mindreading

It takes years for it to change in size

their thoughts stay in your head and constantly repeat throughout your whole life

I have telekinetic powers

Every foot of telekinesis you use your penis is decreased in size by a whole inch and your IQ is decreased by 20 points

i get to be white, all white privilege included.

You are poor white trash in bumfuck Alabama.

Except all foods are too spicy, and the people who cook for you aren't white so you opt to starve to death.

Whenever you use your ability, you get a boner and the tip is always facing whoever your using it on

>all white privilege included.
There is no such thing as "white privilege" and you are quite literally mentally and socially retarded for accepting such a blatantly obvious jewish narrative. You are literally too stupid to know how stupid you are and you know absolutely less than nothing about anything since you have accepted literally mentally retarded jewish bullshit as fact instead of actually ever living in reality and never noticing "coincidences" regarding the jews and how their number one strategy is to blame other people for the crimes which they are guilty. It must really suck to not be white and not have an IQ that is above room temperature

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I am immortal

You are a quadriplegic.

I don't have to eat food.

I get the ability to nullify whatever restriction gets put in place by anybody replying to this comment, without exceptions. Also, I fuck OP's mom

You have to drink several gallons of semen a day to stay alive

youtube.com/watch?v=U2qHHZWC90I&feature=youtu.be&t=168

You're anorexic
You've become OP

But you have to drink water twice as much and ways have waterry diarrhea

imgur.com/jtb5KWu

You now piss out of your mouth

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good thing you can type.

I can change anything I want.

But you can never leave /b

Into a 6" dildo.

Everything you change will get worse everytime

You are limited to changing yourself, and you can only change yourself into a loli

I have all the powers spiderman does

His enemies will become real and attack you every day

I have the power of super speed

Are we talking all at once?

Your skin is contantly being cut open due to high speeds

Yes

You don't have the power to withstand the gforces and air friction or the reflexes and reaction time needed to stay upright at those speeds.

You'll never have full control, and you'll die if you run into a wall

I can make bananas appear out of thin air

They're always rotten

The two places are your desk and your bathroom

They're always over ripe

>I can instantly understand how to use any piece of technology by touching it

You live in Kenya and can never leave

My cum tastes like vanilla milkshake

Everything you use breaks after one use

But part of the nature of teleporting means you shit yourself on arrival every time.

Pencil dick

>I can consume any drug or alcoholic substance and never OD or experience hangovers / bad-trips

Everyone who comes in contact with your cum now develops a strong allergy to vanilla

You never get high or intoxicated

You experience withdrawal symptoms if you're not high/drunk for 1 hour

Every time you take any mind altering substance, you have uncontrollable diarrhea

I can make gold appear out of thin air

Sir, this a Wendy's.

It's the size of a pea, and can only be done once a year

You're a jew

I can make the perfect hamburger

It can only be physically manifested inside your brain and must be surgically removed every time you do it.

>I no longer have to shit or piss, plumbing still intact

It can only be a vegan burger

All of your burgers turn into nothing-burgers

Everything else you cook will taste awful
You make really loud and long farts instead. And it's uncontrollable.

I can use my penis as a functional helicopter

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Micropenis

You dick is always floppy and you can't fap or fuck with it

I can talk to and understand animals

your dick has to be inside them first

all they say is recycled "yo mama" jokes

I can fly in churches

You can no longer understand Humans

>I'm can become a super saiyan with all forms from DBZ

I can convince any woman to be a rational, genuine, non-selfish, non-greedy, understanding, non-gossiping, quiet, responsible adult.

You have an irradiated aura and everyone around you dies

every time you transform, your IQ is cut in 1/2

For every women you change, 2 will become the opposite.

gotta catch em all

>I become spider-man
Literally just say it

I can make people shit himself

It falls into your pants.

I feel like this is the dumbest thing on this thread

I can make black people turn white

egg

Attached: egg.jpg (600x606, 24K)

But their brain remains unchanged

only they can see that they are white, everyone else still sees them as black

They're albino

but they still have big pp and cuck u user haha cuckboi

But youre a nigger

I can manipulate anyone and anything to my liking

They come into existence at 70 kilometres per hour

I secrete massive amounts of pheromones

I have the ultimate reflexes that never fade

My power is immunity to all negative possiblity
No matter what I do only good things can happen for me and those I encounter

Only lizards want to bump uglies with you

Satan is the only one who can define what is a negative possibility

you have advanced parkinsons

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I can read minds.

You get imprisoned for fraud.

Easy.
Stop being a cunt to them. It's not a superpower, faggot. Not even rocket science.

You're constantly hearing others thoughts that it drives you insane

>insane
Too late.
>PTSD
>Bi-Polar II
>BPD
>DID with sociopathic tendencies

..fuck. when i say it like that...

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They become Obama

my smegma smells like blueberries

>never shitting yourself again while vidya

But your mother can see you naked at the same time.

But every girl finds you repulsive so you never meet a girl to hookup with and it's useless.

Every time you lift an object it flies directly at your face.

>Only ethnic group to ever conquer continents for spices

But any time you use it your shoe laces become fused together.

They appear in your ass.

But it breaks the moment you touch it.

Every time you do it you black out and wake up in another slightly more feminist universe.

You must live in India and can only do it on a street

Every time you do it you become blacker yourself.

You lose the ability to like anything ever again.

You lose the ability to feel anything bad so all good feelings become standard and meaningless leaving you a nihilistic husk.

I'm that guy who tries to reply to every post on a thread
Wherever you tp to you are completely naked and hairless
But you're not gay
The animals won't stop talking about sex and you are an incel or become one if not already
You're only attracted to pre teen boys
Rapidly changing size causes you to painfully and violently shit blood bone and flesh chunks to shrink and growing requires you to human flesh
One of you is in prison for attempted rape of the other who is in constant therapy for the mental damages you caused to yourself
You also have mind reading but it works reverse, they can hear your thoughts while you're looking at them naked
But you lose it in a tragic horse porn scene where your dick is too big for the horse
You said when ever not where ever so I'm gonna say that you have to be face to face to read their minds and when you do they see you naked
But you suffer premature ejaculation
You can only activate your telekinesis during orgasm
Based
You get stuck floating in space for eternity
Despite eating literally nothing you poop 3x as much as the average person yet never lose any weight from the pooping, science cannot explain where the poop is coming from
You turn poop into wine for a living
But you're the spider man with nothing
The shit one with web blasters and sticky pad suit
Also the webs are made from semen so you have to suck off a bunch of OP to get it
You can't slow down
They come out your butt
You have autism and severe physical disabilities limiting movement and speech so you need care workers to wipe your ass and feed you and you can't speak clearly
You get cock strapped to a machine by Pepsi co to create their "natural flavors" for their new vanilla beverage
Based

But reappears 3 seconds after you wash it off and tastes like horse shit.

>I gain the ability to summon and desummon mythical creatures who act like life long loyal pets

Wow I never thought about it like that
Thanks
I'm

You’re also a nigger.