So Cred Forums, what do you all use for a homemade flesh light?

When I was like 14 I used to make pocket pussies using a rubber glove and a towel. I would place the glove on top of a towel then roll the towel as tight as I can around the glove leaving a few inches of the glove hanging out. Then I turn the glove inside out and bam I just made a pocket pussy

When I was a kid I used 2 sponges in a jar or glass, rubber gloves between them with some drops of baby oil

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What?

>force this fuckers mouth open like Steve Irwin
>crikey.flac
>shove dick in
>feel the muscles contract around my cock like a kiegle instructor on crack
>cumshot.avi
>pass out in utter bliss
>wake up hours later
>”Hello user, they call me Saint Peter”
>fuck.jpg

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I bought a fleshflight a month ago. I was drunk and horny and bought one.

Before that I used a toilet paper roll without the cardboard insert, a latex glove and lube. Fleshlight is better even if it is a little embarrassing owning a fleshlight.

You know snakes normally have teeth even non venomous snakes, actually non venomous snakes tend to have even more teeth. Souce: got bitten by my king python once.
P.S. no I didn't try to fuck it, it has teeth!

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Is it tho? It's like having a vibrator as a women.

Ive had a vibrating cock ring once to fuck my ex with. Feels amazing

I prefere a vibrating, inflateable but plug (in her ass of cause)

yeah i suppose

1 that's beef, 2 trichinosis has been eradicated

Just take the fucking joke and laugh faggot

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Oooooooo. Thats a good one. She only let me do butt stuff when she was drunk. She refused to do butt plug tho because when she was sober she was embarrassed of liking it lol gotta love prude catholic latinas hahaha

Creampie it then wrap it in foil before the ball snot runs out and cook it

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Oh man, Vaseline is the top.
I have tried moisturizer, facial creams; becomes watery in stead of slippery.
I have tried motor grease and peanut butter: too dense (protip: anal)
I have tried spit; dries up in seconds.
I have tried shampoos; i was peeling skin from my dick for days.
I have tried marmalade; had to buy a new bed.
I have tried butter or margarine; definitely a step forwards, but the viscosity remains only for a quick fuck and the last half hour you are flopping in the hallway.
I have tried anti fungal creams; when I had eczema the tube was always empty.
That is when I met Vaseline.
Heaven.
No stains, not sticky, just the right density for friction and great suction when pulling out!
Not for sale in my area.
So I brought a dozen half liter pots with me back home.
Customs asked what I was going to do with those.

>I have tried marmalade; had to buy a new bed.
lol

Bro. Yes.

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Add some warm water and fold in half ues some lube works good it's cheap and cleans easy and has other uses

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Anyone else love Frozen?

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Well I met mine on a bdsm munch, so being prude is off the table anyway.

try this

cut it in half, fold in half, tape up with duct tape, fuck the inside its wayy more smooth and feel better with lube.

Swimming arm bands are good with lots of lube, wedge under mattress and fuck it with VR headset on watching POV porn

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>marmalade, had to buy a new bed
The image of user fucking a jar of marmalade and splattering his bed in it is fucking top

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I just bought one.. fuck it's like 30 bucks, lmao

Lol, damn..

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Not if you brake it with your diamond dick!

>Customs asked what I was going to do with those.

I'm going to butt fuck all Greta Thunderbird supporters

There's no such thing as a king python, you were trying to be the smartest guy in the room, but you sound like a fucking retard.
t. herpetologist

>Ive had a vibrating cock ring once to fuck my ex with. Feels amazing

Did he like it too?

haha gay joke

gf's vagina

He's not trying to fuck a mexican beer, retard.

An eye of round roast and jar of Vaseline are literally more expensive than a hooker. OP you're wasting money.

Where do you speak English but can't get petroleum jelly?

You can't eat the hooker afterwards...

sure you can

He is not wrong

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Paging Mr. Gein, Mr. Gein to a courtesy phone.

My first thought was catching a disease from eating whore meat.. Wtf is wrong with me.

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>came here for the cringe
>actually entertained
today is a good day

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Your mom

You made a fleshlight after reading all this shit, didnt you?

SEAsian country, in which more than a few people will remember the desperate expat looking for Vaseline.

not yet but i caught some ideas

corn starch in a cup, if you got a nice stick or bumpy handle or some shit you put it in the middle when it hardens, nice texture and you can form it however you like with a bit of creativity, cheap as shit, mass produced them a couple of years ago until i went full fleshlight

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watsons bitch

Shear thickening fluid, perfect for breaking your dick.

A++, sire

Fucking any kind of meat will give you salmonella dick or something related, the very least a swollen red dick that needs antibiotics to heal

fuck you Cred Forums for a moment I thought you guys were back...this post gave me hope

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Yep Watsons.
That is where I bought the ten jars, on holiday in 2018.
Also bought some Durex lube, but Vaseline is way better in combination with rubber based partners.

My Girlfriend

wat in the fuck is wrong with you m8

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you add hot water to the corn starch or microwave it, not just mixing up cold water with it, its jelly and not a shear thickening fluid this way you numb nut

Confirmed.
Also, squid sounds like a nice idea, but it does not work at all.

I'm circumcised so the carpet burn feeling is at least some kind of feeling. Better than not feeling.

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>ITT burnt penis

gtfo with your disgusting coronachinks aids...this thread when to shit very fast...i take back my thought that you guys were back...
red dit cancer is still very prevalent

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>HURR DURR DURRR
Why dony you have a village girl yet user?
youtube.com/channel/UCoC47do520os_4DBMEFGg4A/videos
youtube.com/watch?v=3mCeQLqB7TQ
youtube.com/watch?v=nqw4UFY16Wg&t=8s
youtube.com/watch?v=QdCMtV8TOdg&t=3s
youtube.com/watch?v=fhkE3e7lT_g

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oh naw dude, just naw, that looks like some freshly finished transexual operation gone bad.

its
>burned penis
numb nuts
and no, you dont fuck it while its hot, you cool it down... like jelly, to form it... you know, people throw around physics terms and dont even know how to cook the most simple shit, thats what a generation raised on hot pockets is

kek'd, thanks user

Yo is there sauce to this

Thanks for the laugh anons

Me too! self warming/lubricating.

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just remove them and train the snake from birth to suck your dick

>

Yeah faggot!

This. Even if shes not really in the mood for full service she will much lay face down ass up and take dick until I cum almost any reasonable time.

What about fucking a hot pocket?

Jesus. I dont want to melt the skin off my cock. Crust is pretty rough too.

I've actually never fucked any inanimate object other than my hand. I guess im missing out.

Did you just take my bad joke and make it a plausible activity?

Just let it cool off?

Yea its great. Shit lubes right up, moans too.

anything is possible my friend. anything can be trained with enough time and dedication. just dont be forceful

Ive tried this several times without the microing first, what does it do to the sponges?

Warms them up. Itll first make then scolding hot. Then itll cool off to human temp

This is what I use for a fleshlight

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used to do pic related before i could afford a real fleshlight. it was not bad but need a lot of lube or the glove would break

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what happened to your real hand user?

lol it´s funny this annon got serious answers "no you cant do that :( " what a fucking retards