MONKEY PAW THREAD

They all have AIDS and STDs

Only for your organs.

Reading minds

>Immortality
You remember every face and know when they die

You only have access to thoughts when sleeping

>levitation

Still feels good

Condoms bro, come on protect yourself with strange

you can only float half an inch at any given time

>telekinesis

worth it.

You don't have hands

>There is a DC comic about this

but it only reaches a few inches

You have to touch the object at all times

>Thanos finger snap

you have to go on your way to actually collect the stones

>super speed

You fart loudly when using your power

> super fast tissue regeneration

You're tied to a pole with a 10 foot leash

>X-ray vision

But you don't get to choose when or where

You can only do it for extremely short distances

You can't control how fast you go
Every new limb is deformed
You can't turn it off. Everyone now looks like a skeleton to you.

I WISH EVERYONE IN THIS THREAD HAS TASTEBUDS IN THEIR BUTTHOLES EXCEPT ME. Oh, I wish there were no more wishes.

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You outlive the human race.

Noone left to shitpost with on Cred Forums

You cant an hero

Gives cancer to anyone you use your power on

>Underwater breathing

you can only breathe while you have a glass of water on your head

>super laser piss

Finally, the peace of quiet I've been looking for...

Incontinent

>Supersonic braps

Only if you have a your head in a fishbowl

Make me the strongest and best fighter in the world also inb4 manlet

Burns your pp everytime you use it

>Flying

its painfully slow (think old man at the supermarket level slow)

>fast reading

You're banned from every fighting sport
You can only fly for a minute, and its just as fast as walking

You only read numbers

>able to control my body composition at a thought

Retarded

>Able to talk to animals

Only ones that are extinct.

>Able to cum hentai levels everytime

It is the year 1000000000000000, You still are alive and are completely lone in space. Nobody to talk. Nobody to have company with. Nobody to surround you in the lonely void.
Even the biggest of black holes burn out into nothingness, but you still live on.
Luckily for you, you can't even think.
And then you feel something.
Its motherfucking Kars.

they dont talk back

>able to get dubs whenever i want

Changing hurts like hell
They all just shit talk and insult you

>the ability to instantly time travel. Clothes included.

The thread 404s before anyone is able to check

>able to make any food I want teleport in front of me

>able to get dubs whenever i want
You get perma b&

Ability to see with eyes closed

Jumps happen ala Quantum Leap style and you don't get a say into which body you occupy.

>The power of Thor

It doesn't calculate for Earth's displacement.

Appear at that EXACT place in space you were at the time of traveling. You would most likely be in the middle of fucking orbit, and die.

>Wish for no wishes for me to ask for

It's always rotten
you've got no eyelids

>forever wealth

Niggers don't exist, I don't care what you do monkey paw it will still be better than niggers.

Cumming is painful now, and you need to drink twice the amount of water you'll normally need
All rotten or expired
You can't get a good night sleep any more
Only works in the Marvel universe

Wealth, fame, and fortune are instantly bestowed to everyone you ever talk to, driving you insane with jealousy.

>super intelligence to logically solve all the world's problems and bring peace in our time

All of the brain power would not fit into your brain, therefore compensating with a Stove size brain.
You now are just a server of information, barely able to move, and nobody listens to you.

Anyone with whatever eye color you have will be treated like the new niggers
You're now homeless, and too poor to get any materials you need

>Anyone with whatever eye color you have will be treated like the new niggers

At least it will be safe to own a bicycle because while we may be treated like niggers we will not act like niggers.

Thank you monkey paw, you have made the world a better place.

The power of reincarnation

Know the correct answer to any question asked to me.

Everytime you do you are 3 inches shorter

You can move objects with your mind

When you move something you shit yourself and the consistency is always different.

To get trips.

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Instant blending with your environment like a chameleon.

You have to be tripping while you trip over everything

Eternal happiness and peace

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You're anorexic

No one to share it with

>able to predict the future

You can only see the future of niggers.

You have reptilian skin and eyes

Impervious skin

You're now cursed with niggeritis

Not be able to articulate it. You have tourettes and just start yelling I LOVE COCK, I LOVE COCK, I LOVE COCK.

Being able to stop time in order to have a lie in or batter someone out

Not knowing when it's going to start again.

If you cum everyone you love dies of cancer including yourself.

i wish to be lactose tolerant

You can only breathe in freshwater and normal air no longer works for you.

You recieve no pleasure from it.
>Ability to phase any given body part through matter at will

The first time you use your super power you create an antimatter void that will slowly but surely destroy everything in the universe

>Everytime I have to pay for something I have the exact sum on me

>Everytime I have to pay for something I have the exact sum on me

... exclusive of tax!

You become intolerant of everything that doesn't contain lactose. Hope you like cheese, bitch.

Except you don't have the right currency.

>I am Neo

To control the minds of others and make them do what ever I want them to

And they're only deep sea animals that respond on Tuesdays of a full moon

But after years this grows boring, and you become an impulsive kleptomaniac.