I am really depressed. I haven’t left my bed much for two weeks. My mother put me in a group home when I was 20 because I was gang raped and she said I couldn’t keep myself safe. On top of that I’ve had a facial deformity my whole life. I am 22, I never have any “cool” experiences and I’ve struggled with homelessness pretty much ever since I became an adult. I constantly want to kill myself, every day since about 13 years old.
Is anyone else sad, why are you sad, does anyone have any reccomendations to make me happier
They drugged me up so much in the group home that I couldn’t leave my bed either. Also they didn’t let me go outside of the house or leave ever for 8 mo, made me take HIV medication even though I didn’t have it, and like 8 other heavy psych meds and schizophrenia medication. I would only really ever leave my bed because I wanted Ativan, or to use the bathroom, or to eat.
Therapy didn’t go so well. I’ve attempted a handful of times, woke up vomiting blood, and in the hospital. Was institutionalized about eight times. A therapist of mine gave me a fucked yo book he wrote and killed himself which kind of scarred me emotionally. Other than that therapists/social workers just petition me to go to the hospital and group homes which I’m not down with at all. It emotionally traumatized me. I want to die. A teenage girl died in the group home I was in because she overdosed on the medication they were giving us.
The United States is fucked up completely for testing on teens and girls in their young 20s with psychiatric medication.
I love you user. If I could kiss your heart, I'd do so. You can do this.
Every day I wake up and think about the gun in my cabinet. Somewhere, there is a happiness for folks like us. Something is will flip that switch and the darkness will get lighter.
Keep fighting. I believe in you.
Holy shit OP! That's fucking horrible. You have every right to feel the way you do.
Maybe if YOU picked out a book it might help.
Life too short be happy and enjoy every it I got friends that's dead and they younger than you just be great and stick through it I'm going through depression lost my whole life over a girl I'm in love wit my house kids dog everything so just enjoy while we here
don't mean to be callous or anything but it seems like you're done for in life. ending it is the only way out at this point. good luck
I didn’t realize people were actually sympathetic on here. Thank you, though. It’s appreciated. I expected as much. I really don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’ve tried pills but I think I’m going to try hanging. Maybe buy some heroin or barbs but I really don’t have the money, I’m on disability
Well, no. Suicide is not the answer. Every day I think the same. But I fight! My cousin was going to sell me a gun ... but he realized my intentions. And then he gave me an emotional speech. You know that life stinks and worse if you have emotional and mental problems. You need help bro. Talk to your friends or your family ok. Oh look for a psychologist .. you need someone to listen to you, you will feel better and for the money be patient there is always a solution!
My father is a schizophrenic and lives far away, barely comprehensible and I don’t talk to his family. My mother remarried and they do not like me, they constantly try to send me to a mental hospital whenever I say my problems. I am an only child, also I am respectful of my grandparents so I wouldn’t talk to them about this.
Do you think I would post this here if I had friends? Probably not.
You need to become a fighter! Start seeing your situation as a challenge, rather than something to be depressed about! This isn't just some bullshit saying from someone who never struggled, as I have faced unimaginable physical and emotional pain in my existence! Even as a child! But, instead of giving up and becoming another statistic, I've decided to fight through ALL of it, and become a living legend instead! Don't be another statistic! Anyone else would crumble in your situation, but you? NO! You are destined to be the greatest! You can't give up!
For you to say that, you are the one who needs to end your life. I sense projection
If cancerous, sadistic people like you were destroyed right now and more empathetic, compassionate, beautiful individuals like OP were in the world, this world would be so much better. If anyone is going to kill themselves, please be you!!!! Please not OP. All that experience and complexity gone!
I have found that with people who deal with a lot of difficulty or even trauma or things like that tend to be the most pleasant and unique individuals with empathy and depth. And many people who have it made and haven’t really battled in life can be superficial assholes
I have dealt with a lot of trauma in childhood and long time constant neurological issues. I can relate but I could never give up. There’s a lot to live for , even the simple things. I agree about the psychiatric abuse. I have autonomic dysfunction and I’ve had a lot of extrapyramidal reactions to medications that I should have never been on. I even had seizures from them and permanent extrapyramidal effects. There is a lot of abuse in psychiatry and psychiatry is still in an infant state. You have to be tactical when dealing with doctors
We wouldn’t be if you were actually hot...
One of you is worth more than billion of these simpletons . You will be doing the world a major disservice by killing yourself and keeping these fucks here
Have you tried squeezing all the cum out of your ass? That might make you feel better :)
OP listen here start writing whatever feels good to commit to paper it'll take you somewhere far away and bring you back where you want to be
Thank you... Now that you say that you are very, very right. I’m sorry dude. I have had the same thing. Seizures and almost had tardive dyskinesia. But you’re right. what do u mean tho bro I have been scouted before by modeling agencies Yeah! You’re totally right. I feel better.
Pretty much I wanted this thread to be a place where other people could vent, too. But whatever works best for people
Fuck yeah, I want to publish a collection of my poetry, I also want to write about a sect of skepticism that has yet to be defined
You may hold off on the fighter thing. I know it’s a compliment but Your brain doesn’t need any unintended damage
And when people go to Cred Forums b for advice I think negative cruel responses is expected
But yeah don’t give up your scars are meaningful. You don’t see scarred maimed lions and crocodiles giving up the just keep going lol
Wow you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen!
don’t simp me man I have fucked up eyes
Hey OP, I'm sorry to hear that you've had a hard time and I hope that something changes and you can be happier. I struggle with my own challenges but not as severe as your own. I'm a registered counsellor here in Australia. You might roll your eyes but keep trying! Keep trying new medications/dosages, keep trying therapists until you meet one that works for you. Focus on small objectives, eating, sleep, exercise, socialising. This doesn't all happen at once but I'm confident you aren't going to kys, you wouldn't be looking for something if you were. Keep stronger my friend, you will find what you're looking for.
Yes I am simpjng you. But you are the first person I have ever felt deserves it ;) Your eyes are beautiful ;)
How do people even get themselves into situations where they're gang raped. Guaranteed OP was partying and doing drugs before any of this
Your life sounds horrible. Write a book or something
Please don't hurt yourself. If you think any of your grandparents care about you, you should reconsider talking to them. Perhaps you should try contacting a charitable or religious organization like the Salvation Army? There are people out there in organizations like that that love to help others in need like yourself. I hope life gets better for you.
My boyfriend at the time was a skinhead, in a proud boy gang. That’s how it happened.
how come all of you faggots are sad and depressed these days
i dont understand
do you even work?
who the fuck has time to lay about in bed all day and cry
jesus this generation is fucked
I did tho it’s a bad pic, scroll up
It has to do with sappy B's which is even gayer
I literally have SSI government money every month There’s nothing to do but sleep this doesn’t happen to many people, it’s not normal for this generation
I did and it was really wet and rigidy but smooth at the same time
Tits or gtfo
I would if I wasn’t fucking depressed lmfao douche yeah
Your brain sucks at negations. I mean not yours specifically, but the human species. Focusing on what we don't want (typically things like pain, loneliness etc) will have your brain go looking for those things. Human brains are pattern seekers, and problem solvers, and if all your attention is directed at what you don't want, then you will become very skilled at two things:
1) Finding things you don't want. 2) Finding reasons why you can't solve your problems.
Instead, try defining what you want, and then go about finding ways to get what you want. "Not being depressed" is a negation. "Feeling happy" is not a negation. The human brain is invariably built to focus entirely on what is bad. Indeed, there's even a cognitive bias called loss aversion, making it worse to lose 10 bucks than it is good to win 10.
I would strongly suggest googling "what makes people happy" and studying closely what science tells us makes people happy. Then I would suggest that you go do those things.
I used to be sad a lot, I am also diagnosed with dysthymia. But I think if I went to check my diagnoses now, I would get a clean bill of health. I haven't been seriously depressed for many years at this point. And that is in spite of unemployment, failing physical health and deaths in the family. Understand that two things are true here user:
* Problems are inevitable. * Problems are soluble.
being asian isnt a facial deformity lmao
Thank you. That helps. It’s true how many good things one can conjure with good thought, and I’m happy I still have the ability to express gratitude
Describe your gang rape please
I’m not Asian dude. I am American of Ukrainian and Swedish decent. I have an eyelid deformity. I wouldn’t say it makes them look Asian because that’s disgraceful to Asian people. It makes me look sleepy and high and sad all the time.
lmao are you serious
Absolutely. It helps to talk about it. Also I'm curious how something like what happens. We're you burning the coal?
I don’t remember much but I was beaten nearly to death. I had scratches and bruises and cuts all over my body, I had broken a couple ribs and my wrist and finger. And no, they were a white supremacist hate group
Stuff your excuses in a poopsack!
im asian and its not
That's hot. How were you even in that situation
np dont be so hard on yourself
Whats wrong with your face. You cant be that hideous if you got raped after all
Some of the gang members found out my significant other was dating me, a girl with an eye deformity. They saw it as a fetish, I guess. They claimed my eyes were like that due to human experimentation in the Holocaust and saw it is a fucking fetish. People like that are simply sick in the head.
I was told to get in a car and they were going to take me to a party, they gave me something to drink and it had GHB or something in it. I barely remember what happened for the next 4 hours.
Terrible larp. Terrible thread. Please kill yourself and donate your body to science.
I'm sad because my good friend at work took his own life last weekend. It was my week off and I keep thinking if I'd have been there, I might have noticed something wasn't right.
Good point. I just hope he's at peace now. His life was pretty shitty a lot of the time.
damn sorry man just dont forget them and get help if you need it
He won't be forgotten by anyone who met him. He was funny, kind and brutally honest about how fucked up he was. He was only 30. Fucking waste.
Good luck user. When shit like that happens it can leave you with a chronic fear of disappointment, which can translate into a fear of making plans or voicing hopes and goals.
Just something to keep in mind if you're trying to get back on your feet. You seem pretty smart, so trust your instincts and try build yourself up. It won't be easy I'm sure you carrying some really scary sensations. But by learning to not let your fear stop you making commitments, I promise things will get better. You are strong for still being here. You are inherently valuable as a human being. I believe in you.
This. I was also able to get out of depression with studying psychology, bias and cognitive evolutiory behavior. It allowed me to "detach" myself from what I was feeling when the feeling was going over a set threshold, and I could then analyse what make me feel that way, why, how, and if this feeling was justified/usefull for me.
Well, due to this I am a bit overly "rational", like I can't believe anything if I didn't study it first and haven't found enough evidence for it. And will never take a single decision based on emotion/feelings/intuition anymore, because since it once almost costed me my life, I decided that it wasn't a reliable way to live.
So you don't have to get as deep into this mindset as I had, but trying to study it a bit to understand the logic and science behind your situation may also be a good way for you to get another point of view and maybe (hopefully) open a new path for you.
I can only give you what worked for me and wish you the best !
We love you user, you are absolutely not alone in this shit, try to piece every advice together, and maybe you'll find something that work for you. Only stagnation will lead to despair, every step count, no matter how small they are.
Is that you? You are super cute!
You have nothing to be ashamed, keep going
OP, would you like to have an internet friend? Leave a contact. Also, you are probably malnourished and lacking several minerals /vitamins, should get some supplements. They do wonders much more than you would expect. I hope nothing but Love comes in your life, and wish you the very best.
You look pretty good OP
>If cancerous, sadistic people like you were destroyed right now and more empathetic, compassionate, beautiful individuals like OP were in the world, this world would be so much better. If anyone is going to kill themselves, please be you!!!! Please not OP. All that experience and complexity gone! can't be bothered to google search so i'm just going to assume it's copypasta
if you're still here op, there's hope still some hope for you, but it won't last, unfortunately. if you're 22 and you're having this shitty a life and this severe a depression, commiseration from Cred Forumstards is not gonna be enough solace to outweigh the suicidal tendencies etc.
go ahead and talk it out with your friends/coevals (assuming you have any), sure it's only palliative coping, and will not ultimately prevent your eventual suicide but that gives you more time to do whatever i suppose, idk. again, i'm not trying to be insensitive, it's just shit you learn by having friends who act sullenly for a long time and then end it. there's really fuck all you can do about it
>Leave a contact. don't do this though OP. you might as well be leaving your brain at the door instead. anywho, you don't need me to tell you to use your discretion ffs