/brit/

NORTHERN POWERHOUSE edition

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=Us-__MukH9I
youtube.com/watch?v=LePkrr4FeUE
youtube.com/watch?v=L94QXVesxpg
theguardian.com/science/2018/feb/18/china-great-leap-forward-science-research-innovation-investment-5g-genetics-quantum-internet
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Clean your room.

Is Norn considered Northern?

need a grimes gf

gf
youtube.com/watch?v=Us-__MukH9I

speaking of grimes what ever happened to the cute ears cute laugh gf bloke

GOOD EVENING, TRAVELLER!
Have you ever heard the story of the ess jay dubbleyews?

Her name is Claire

got summat here for you x

Nothing wrong with genocide and colonialism.

It's barely considered British.

math yank wherefore are you spending so much time on vectors and scalars.

if the athletic prowess couple (who are white) have a mulatto kid I'll post the pics here, I reckon she's four months along? heard this all from an older neighborhood who occasionally drinks with the husband and I awkwardly had to explain to him what cuckolding was

*has a look*

youtube.com/watch?v=LePkrr4FeUE

LOVE dominos

what's your profession mathscanuck
engineering?

high iq memes inbound, shield your eyes, brainlets

kino flick

youtube.com/watch?v=L94QXVesxpg

bloody hell how did warner bros get away with this scene?

No u

Are you a homo?*
(Homo is the diminutive of homosexual)

pure, a.k.a 300k/yr. maths.

any weed man in
how long is a gram supposed to last

you could've asked that before the edit to be honest

any lads wanna play some fortnite

>United Artists organised a screening of [Kes] for some American executives and they said that they could understand Hungarian better than the dialect in the film

Why doesnt the queen give it back to South Ireland?

...

...

it's a grim state of affairs

MODS

i.e research? in which uni

...

>"Your paper? Mindless drivel. I'd expect more from a first year undergrad than anything your poor brain can produce."

It's not her decision. The government won't do it because it'd be like admitting defeat.

>just wasted 54 seconds of my life watching a cat get brushed

Would dominate you mentally, physically and spiritually

i'm still undergrad la'. 'Pure' isn't strictly research (however it is fruitful), it's just a distinction between 'applied' courses.

mum and dad want to move out of my childhood home

>mum found the cum mobile

Maths is for literal brainless
Wow you can remember methods that other people invented to solve things??
Amazing...

me on the left

yes pls

Brexit means brexit.

Time for drugs
Despite using min&fin my hand is covered with hair each time I wash

depends
some people roll two 0.5g spliffs with it and get absolutely monged, but i prefer to smoke small 0.1g spliffs in small skins. gets me nice and buzzed, but not absolutely smashed.
as for how long it lasts, well that depends on you personally and how strong the weed is.
i've been smoking it literallly every day for 4 years. a gram will last me a day maybe two when i smoke small spliffs, but my weed is high quality and i get good bags.

YOUR MOM

Point on the doll where maths touched you lad. It's okay, it's just between you and me.

:3

You look cute
Post willy

Words are for literal brainless
Wow you can remember terms that other people invented to describe things??
Amazing...

Is minoxidil annoying to apply twice a day? Does it dry quickly?

weed twat loves his fucking weed

I can see the gruen is brainwashing you lot real well. Give in to the Chink dominance
theguardian.com/science/2018/feb/18/china-great-leap-forward-science-research-innovation-investment-5g-genetics-quantum-internet

Spunked in my sheets 5 times today and been laying in the mess all day, just rolling around in crusty filth at this point

After the job centre I'm going to get some cinnamon swirls, £3 meal deal and some other goodies from Tescos. Gonna be banging.

...

no m8

me at the bottom

alri and how do you know the weights and stuff? do you just take your gram and take a tenth and say its 0.1?

would literally chain all your fucking female relatives to the third generation both ways in my basement, bludgeon all the blokes, and breed them over and over again, breed the daughters, breed the granddaughters until I made your whole fucking line *me* again. got it?

hate how powerful the chinese are getting
why couldn't the japanese have beat them ffs

...

Hi I'm looking for a nice British girlfriend
Preferably white and not from London

mate you've not even finished your degree lmao

got a mental evaluation coming up, how do I convince them I'm not suicidal

the working classes scare me

yeah? mine doesn't fall out that I've noticed, it's more that my hairline seems to be slowly creeping further up. my crown also feels a bit thin

by saying you're not suicidal

sorry not a bender sweetie x

alri steve

Depends on the paper you're using, White Zigzags can get me a good buzz-fucked up depending on the bud

i don't know
i just break a bit off the nugget, grind it up and if it covers all the tobacco when i tip it into the skin then it's a good size.
i said 0.1g as an estimate because i get about 10 spliffs out of a 10 bag

Toil on the morrow, should have been asleep half an hour ago.

>my crown also feels a bit thin
cuz you ain't a kang whiteboi
*dabs on you in swahili*

Chortled

that's not balding you sniveling worm and even if it is its extremely non aggressive
id post my hair to show you what actual mpb looks like in a young age but you can just look at the archive and check for the what they ethiopian posted since his is aggressive as well

Remember when saffer lad used to post jokes instead of crying about his hair

runt

how's your day been then, lads

I use 1ml at the front and .5ml on the crown.
It is annoying to apply twice daily just like brushing teeth. So you get over it. It dries pretty quickly. I can be used to style hair instead of wax etc

>UGHHH IM BALDING BETTER CRY ABOUT IT A LA WOE IS ME AND TAKE LOADS OF DRUGS THAT BREAK MY DICK

retard
just roll with it and accept your fate once it's bad enough

kill me

Why are they called "working" "class" when they never work and are generally uneducated, eh?

only time I’ve emerged from my bed due to a gargantuan hangover was to eat a banging roast dinner so not too bad

>Why are they called "working" "class" when they never work and are generally uneducated, eh?
the people you're referring to aren't working class

Glad the Saffer is going bald
That's what he deserves for shilling for kikes

Where do we go from here lads?

why's that

anxious as fuck lads
got toil in the morning
need to sort out my student finance
need to sort out my living arrangements for uni
it doesn't seem like much, but it overwhelms autists like me
already told my mates i'm not doing anything until i get everything sorted it. nothing but 100% focus from now on.

how do i beg for forgiveness from my attractive line manager who i spent the whole of last week mocking and laughing at because she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer? seeing her pretty face upset has been the only thing on my mind since friday and i can't stand it i don't care if i'm right or wrong her smiling face is more important

North Korea vs USA war when

Ashlea i wanna pee on ya

You show us the second to last pic

sounds fantastic la

I'm 21 though lad
different saffer ye shits

apologize and get her a present she'll actually like

was supposed to use the past few days to really catch up with all my coursework
did absolute fuck all

those commie gooks wouldn't last a month

>why cant I just hit rock with axe, lerning fings is hard
Fucking northerners.

FONT

usually have my hair quite short, but i haven't had it cut for a while and i have quite a long fringe now
i like it desu

would gladly saw off your heads with a rusty file just to be two years younger

why would you slag a woman in the first place?

>fringe

Bent

not the end of the world la, I'm sure you'll manage

...

is it true that girls goes literal days without showering?

I feel emotional lads. This time last year my ex gf went back to her home country. It was so sad at the airport.

chav

and the bait has been cast, let's see who bites

my ex certainly did

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Depends how complex their hair is.

...

i don't understand maths at all and i never will
feels bad being dumb. fuck knows how i managed to get a C in maths in my GCSEs
i have absolutely no idea what quadratics are and i still barely understand basic algebra

I do this

I quite often go weeks without showering. I don't smell or anything so who cares lol.

The working class are fat, dumb, ugly, trashy, aggressive and wear clothes with writing on them

some do
it's not that much of an issue though since girls don't stink too much after a few days without a wash

>The working class are fat, dumb, ugly, trashy, aggressive and wear clothes with writing on them

mine showers every day (unless shes hungover) but only washes her hair every few days

alri tarquin

I usually shower once a week or so, the smeg under my foreskin can build up into a quite a thick block but no one sees it anyway so who cares

hmm no you're thinking of the under class

t. middle class manchild larper who thinks he's fighting a revolution for the working class

Quadratics are literally just sticking numbers into a fucking formula you neanderthal cunt.

Ironic. His money protected him from bad outcomes in life, but in death he's famous as a cunt who got BTFO.

I got a B in GCSE maths

I've literally never gotten smegma, it must be a genetic thing

disgusting, never post again

because she tried to lecture me and i took offense since all i do is tell her how much i want to fuck her all day and she giggles then suddenly she's acting all serious when i make one mistake when she's incompetent as fuck so i ripped the fuck out of her just for trying to do her job and now she won't even let me stroke her leg any more under ther desk

i thought a Quadratic is when a spinal injury means you can't use your arms and legs

it's just inputting numbers into a formula you div
it's not rocket science

I finally beat my Dad at chess. Times are changing.

bring her out to dinner to apologise

There’s only one thing more insufferable than a middle class dose sharting on like he’s a working class prick and it’s a working class dickhead trying to act the hard runt

I’ll put any working class CUNT into the fucking dirt and he won’t be getting up

did not retract my foreskin until i was in my teens. QUITE a lot of smegma there. surprising it didn't cause any problems

heh'd at this

ooooo check out the brains on these two

I got an A* in A level maths and now I work full time in a fast food joint, go figure.

wish I was a genuinely interesting person who can speak for ages and is interesting to be around listen to and have lots of stories to tell unfortunately I'm that boring mong normies would rather not be around

Literally me

oy vey

He lost on purpose because he's ashamed of you

same, had a very sheltered upbringing, not a single interesting story to my name

Me too, my mates were talking about washing under the foreskin one day on the way to school and I was baffled. This must’ve been about year 9 and id been wanking since I was 10. Literally there was no visible red bellend it was just caked in rock hard smegma

reckon i'd enjoy being a slave, i'd follow every order eagerly until i eventually got the trust of my owner then i'd brutally kill them in their sleep

Na he hates losing

haha imagine your mate making you swirl your tongue around his glands the first time he retracted his foreskin would be mental that haha

yeh, quite the unpleasant experience

Grow up with a single mother?

Pulled my foreskin back when I was like 10

What took you retards so long?

The United States is currently engaged in six wars.

...

disgusting cretins. had phimo' until i was 18 and didnt have smeg

it's easy you div
just build up a repertoire of amusing anecdotes and master the art of improv

I refuse to believe this

my mood swings really are a thing to behold
felt a surge of energy before and couldn't stop smiling, i sat there absolutely buzzing my tits and off chain smoking and fantasising about the future.
now i feel like shit. i can barely move my hands to type. i want to fucking die.

Wish I could be myself without hurting everything I touch

no, but I might as well have. Don't really have a close relationship to my dad

how did you fix it

Pulled mine back when I was like 3

Did you lads not all play with your willys as kids?

Do you not have any interesting things you'd only know by being internet weirdos who post on Cred Forums in the wee hours of a Monday morning?

bipolar

Why is there a disproportionate amount of people on /brit/ with phimosis?

got phimosis and an oversensitive willy that's painful to the touch

don't think me mates down the pub would be interested by the tales of /brit/

can only go one day without bathing before I look like most of /brit/

i bring up things i heard on 4 chan regualrly in conversation like wacky news articles about he german guy who melted cheese on his cock with a bag on his head and died or the piloit who drew a penis in the sky

phimosis is gods punishment for not getting circumcised

nose man took my foreskin ngl

WHY DID MY STUPID FUCKING MUM LET ME PLAY VIDEO GAMES ALL DAY INSTEAD OF GOING OUTSIDE WITH FRIENDS?!

You play with kids Willy’s? Nonce ha

The sun never sets

Pulled the foreskin back from as young as I remember. I was told that I should clean it in the shower so I did it. Not rocket science lads.

Most people have it to some extent

that was awful

put two cotton ear buds into the foreskin and pulled them apart from eachother firmly in the shower. eventually i could fit fingers in there and did the same. didnt even take long to fix

have phimosis myself and i've never seen any smegma. not sure why.

I know, I was raised by an xbox. fucking hate videogames now, waste of time

Your will is painful to touch lol? How do you wank? Sounds like a living hell

Except those of us who don’t, ie normal people

England is beautiful and glorious

I mean the actual glans

Thought you literally needed to go out and buy fag-tier lubricants in order to wank because my only exposure to the concept of masturbation was from smutty yankoid television.

mine was the opposite, now I'm a shut in and have no friends. Riddle that one.

That's what my mom said when I got infections as a kid but I'd didn't pull the 'skin back till I was 16 playing with it in the shower

Because they were neglected by their parents. Same reason they are on here.

Thank fuck, my penis is normal.

You wank with your foreskin up

Don’t tell me you rub your head with it retracted you freak

quaint little fairytale castle for sissies

I don't know if I have it, but I started wanking very young (like 5 or something) but I did it by sort of pushing my dick against my leg, and I'm think I fucked my dick up a little. Certainly it leans heavily to the right because of it, and it hurts to touch up under the skin.

Used to think masturbation was bouncing your balls up and down

had a ton of smegma as a kid but my foreskin didn't really retract
then there just stopped being any even though i stopped bathing as a teen

panicked the first time my foreskin retracted since it was after i'd been looking at porn and i thought that your foreskin retracts in the teenage years and then you wind up having what i now know is a circumcised penis, which looked very uncomfortable.

idea: only subjects of her majesty queen elizabeth the second post in this thread
not so fast micks
not so fast yanks
not so fast saffers

score 2 phimosis here. no motivation to work on it cause I'm a loser with no gf prospects

does that stuff really count though?
can't see 'normal' people being very interested in the shit i find on the internet
i showed my mates Tim once and they reckon it's proper weird i even know who he is

Have loads of great memories myself but have absolutely no clue how to actually tell them in a story.

Now that you mention that. The Big Lubricant Industry must be the one behind this whole foreskin snipping bullshit.

doesn't the cotton go in eew

seen a dead deer t'other day ;_;

I thought the exact same

yay or nay?

I used to do that when I was a kid, it didn’t fuck my cock up

Was literally scared to pull my foreskin back until I was like 13 because I thought it would go all the way to the base

damn...

laughing at all you lads

jordan b peterson appeals to the kind of people who blame their mother for their father leaving them

>he doesn’t wank with his foreskin back

Means you have a small willy

smash into deer once a week with my truck, I don't slow down because I know the truck can take it

was his manhood really that prominent or is it exaggerated?

very few childhood memories but I've been on the chon since 13 so I know some older memes haha good times

got phimo too scared to pull back in case it gets trapped

in what? the cotton is sturdy enough to not fall off or come undone and its soft enough to not hurt sensitive glans

>an ugly jew creates plaything for niggers
sick of this episode

I mean, I did it quite a lot, from a very early age. It was quite an intense "squashing" action.

delte this

I snapped my banjo string wanking when I was 16

One of the most painful experiences of my life, I was squealing and guffawing in utter agony

fancy myself quite the provocateur

clean your room

was 25 before i learned to wank with my hand
before that used to grind off pillows

How fucking dirty do you have to be not to wash your bellend?

nigger

do you have one of these

name one memorable bit of british culture to come out the south (london doesn't count)

used to be many spiders in my room, now: none. didn't think i'd miss them as much as i do

It won't get trapped but the sensitivity of your head will be insane

have had this happen. you go full primal panic mode, not a fun experience., especially when the skin folds underneath itself on the way back up

The thing you need to understand is that there's a difference between language (or imagery) and stories (or content). If you understand how normies talk you can tell them very strange things in terms of content and have them in stitches, but they won't understand you if you try and get them into the language of weird internet subcultures.
Think about how much of the internet stuff is only funny because it occupies a place in a functional discourse between members of a community, however dispersed. There's no reason for Brendan Fraser being funny outside of the way he is used as a language image, for example.

>I snapped my banjo string wanking

I used to think that you got an erection so you could rub your balls on the woman's minge and that's what sex was.

You should ask your mother lmao

I know exactly what you’re describing, lots of kids probably did it. I squashed my cock in between my legs and rubbed one up and down and it felt great.

jfc

horrendous, how did you explain that one to your parents

>leafs

FOY

Huey P. Newton actually founded the Black Panthers

Da Gulls

Harry Potter was written by a mum from Yate.

anyone want to pick this little piece up for a night?

look at that fucking house nigger

*bursts into your room tearing hair out and screaming to the point that i’m pink in the face*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I'd like to hear that demo tape

london parks have their own police force lol

I have a mum and a dad and I like him though obviously I disagree with him on some things

Why do you dislike him?

He was famous for his strong Roman nose and I've heard it said this indicates a large penis.

It’s been a few years since I last washed my bellend, I don’t really wash in general so it doesn’t matter too much. The cock smell is noticeable though I have to say I can still notice it, have had a few dirty looks and comments from people because I work preparing food

the so called "education"

why would you do this?

I screamed and cried that I hurt my cock and got rushed to hospital

It heals itself, did you know that?

how can yanks compete?

love uni because i can write about whatever i want and still get an a lol

i have phimosis but my cock doesn't smell. just use shower gel and a shower head you scruffy cunts

With the help of some decidedly non-black minorities...

haha remember this one lads?

and then cover your walls with Soviet-era art

That time we kicked all the muzzies and blacks over the white cliffs of Dover.

Oh wait that hasn't happened yet

wholly expect the education bubble to burst in a few years

government funded paper degree merchants will hang from trees

did not know that, how long did it take to heal?

Never ever actually heard anyone say the phrase "reverse racism" apart from minorities bitching about how it doesn't exist

If a nonwhite is racist to a white, I don't call it reverse racism, I just call it racism.

Tell us a joke baldy

What the fuck u talkin about

What gets stuck?

>"he has soviet-era art therefore he's a soviet sympathizer"

looking forward to breakfast haha

swiss style oats w nuts and fruit mmm haha mmmmmmmm :) x

Cx

the virgin president. v the chad first minister

>not 400x400

fucking newfag

>tfw no gf

bit gay

Know a fat bloke who works at McDonald’s and he’s told my he’s stuck his finger down his sweaty arse crack hundreds of times and wiped it on burger buns

*extends open dirt-covered hand from under bed in want of food*

the early bolsheviks were runtoids
thankfully based stalin took over

hauled the foreskin down past the ridge one day in the tub and tried going for a wank. Went slow for three pumps but on the fourth the skin folded in underneath itself and got stuck a little north of the ridge and hurt like hell with the sensitivity.

>Swiss style oats

Hmmm, quintessentially Swiss

I hear you're a Communist now, Peter!

not only have i never had any problems with phimosis my cock is also very fat and 7.4 inches and statistically i am in the top 5-10 percent of men in terms of penis size

lads like these have no place in society

as such they should be killed

*shoves a pringle into it*

Bagel with gouda and honey roast ham for me tbqh.

someone says oats?

don't believe the pooey lynx lad story was true
severely doubt he got a can of lynx up there when i couldn't get the end of a playstation controller in

Fucking love McDonald’s but hate the ugly, spotty, out of shape, specky deformed little teenage runtoids that work there

And EVERY McDonald’s has a fuckin spastic working in it too

Why does he sit like this

fuggoff alpine monkey

fuggoff celtic guinness monkey

he doesn't want to manspread you shitlord

i dropped out of sixth form when i was 16 and only returned when i was 18 because all i wanted to do was get stoned and drink
i ended up going mental and basically destroyed my whole life, lost all my friends, ruined my family, ruined my body, ruined my mental health
i'm finally going to university this year and scared
i just want to be normal lads, for fucks sake. i've already got an unconditional offer, but it feels like i'm going to fuck something up.
just tell me it's going to be okay lads. i need to sleep but i'm worried about it. i've been ruminating over it for months now.
i know im going to fuck up at uni anyway, i'm going to die alone at a young age.

>take my bike into a supermarket/mcdonalds
>everyone looks at me funny

fuck off ya cunts

establish soft dominance and a false sense of security

haha alri london trillionaire

i remember these - whatever happened, the lad said he wanted to be a writer

fair enough

can't think of any good ones, have a slag instead

as an aside would you look at the size of that bloody lamp good lord

are you me

catherine im so sorry i love you i was so unkind to you i just lost my temper you're such a lovely girl i can't stand to see your face without the beautiful smile

conspiracy: justin trudeau cucked clarke gay(lol)ford

...

>"Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak"

>it's going to be okay

Brother...

No shit, scummy working class fucking weirdos, mentally defective cretins who honestly deserve the bullet, repulsive inside and out.

I have an utter disdain for the “working class”. Working class doesn’t even denote hard labor anymore because the runts just commit themselves to monotonous low skilled drudgery in Burger King. Fucking lazy scum.

Bought a 6 multipack of cheesy Wotsits, some fresh white Warburtons toastie bread, buttered 8 (EIGHT) slices and made me some delicious crisp sandwiches. Beat that.

you live in the safest easiest times to ever happen

there is no possible way you’re going to fuck your life up to an unbearable extent

i take solace in the fact that i can just buy a shitty old car and light up the trails if i fuck up big time