Why are superheroes so common in comics but essentially nonexistent in real life? It isn't a lack of technology, is it?

Why are superheroes so common in comics but essentially nonexistent in real life? It isn't a lack of technology, is it?

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Simple no 1%er would ever go out night after night and risk their life for the common man

The same reason you didn't enlist in the army.

You're wrong, I'll do it senpai. I will be The Bat.

Vigilantism is illegal, that's why.

Aliens hate us. Radiation kills you. Vigilantism is illegal.

Are you retarded?

there are a startling lack of superpowers in real life

also crime is way down in most developed countries, so a superhero would get really bored

My brother did though.

This would explain why it's uncommon, but with billions of people on the planet there should still be some around. Why is it all we get is crap like Phoenix Jones and Master Legend?

The world is your oyster, OP. Nothing stopping you. Go to "the bad part of town", wait for a crime to occur, attempt to stop it.

ok, but I'm in Detroit, I don't think that'll be very safe...

You know how the government/corporations/media/etc always convinces the public that superheros are actually a threat to their well-being and they're actually menaces, rather than saviors? It always looks so ridiculous from the reader's point of view, because we able to perceive every angle of the situation, while everyone else in that universe has an extremely limited perception of the events that take place.

Because guns.

If you live in the US you can go full Punisher, go just do it user cleanse the streets of scum.

Cause no human could accomplish what people in comics do all the time?

Look at how many errors and fuckups happen at the Olympics. THAT is peak human. Sooner or later some dipshit running on rooftops would faceplant into an alley

Depends on your state. Perfectly legal in good ol Missoura.

I've thought about this before. I think for sure we've had legitimate super- *villains*...

>The Unabomber
>Pogo the Clown
>The Ku Klux Klan
>The Zodiac Killer
>Vlad the Impaler

Just not any superheroes.

Or how about those times where you're baffled by how the people of the world you're viewing allow themselves to fall prey to the main villains leading them through government/corporations/military/etc?

Hillary's not a supervillain, just a regular villain.

What would you like to see? A Punisher or a Batman?

>Why is it all we get is crap like Phoenix Jones and Master Legend?

What I don't get about real life ''superheroes'' is why are they all using some OC name. No one out there used the name of an actual character? It's not like they'd get sued for copyright infringement.

There's no such thing as super powers, so it's hard to have supervillains and superheros. We still have all the same elements as the fantasy worlds we read/watch, it's just less entertaining when you're not omniscient over the situation. We largely live in the boring parts of the story and that's a good thing, because typically the ones who live in the entertaining part don't live for long.

Someone who isn't a joke like Phoenix Jones and Master Legend, who doesn't go out "patrolling" with pepper spray and call the police on the rare occasions when they run into criminals.

Someone instead who leaves criminals either dead or at least tied up in front of police stations and who don't call themselves "real life superheroes" and who don't do interviews about it on local news stations. And while there are real life vigilante murders, to qualify for superhero status the perpetrator would need to have some degree of costuming / naming gimmick going on. So a random cartel guy with a shotgun wouldn't count, but if that cartel guy wears a luchador mask and calls himself Santos then it would count.

Ned Kelly did pretty alright.

What's stopping you cunts?

My city has its own justice league. I've never actually seen them but they put up recruitment posters last week.

>you will never be a supervillain
>you will never get to dress in a flamboyant costume, commit thematically appropriate but victimless crimes with two or three henchmen following your example, and match wits with a worthy opponent playing along with you
It's the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life, the only "career" I have any passion for.

because IRL doesn't have reboots

>Ned Kelly

It doesn't count if it's just a guy with a regular guy name.

Do it

Why do you say this after every retcon? I wonder if different timelines have different anons say this, but for whatever reason it's an integral part of the universe?

No matter how flamboyantly you dress up, you're just going to get caught by the same old fuckers in blue uniforms, and probably get shot for your trouble.

The appeal of supervillainy is in the game, man. The back and forth victories and losses. The bantz, the battles, and the style.

>Why do you say this after every retcon?

pls no user, I'm too high for this.

Don't worry, you'll forget about it before it happens again.

It's because our universe lacks a heavy supernatural element.

Becoming a science-focused (as in, "science explains the universe" and nothing else, rather than "magic/etc. explains science explains the universe") society fucked us over.

There's nothing holding you back from becoming the Sorcerer Supreme

What if user dresses in blackface for his costume? That way people can say police are so racist they'll even shoot someone who just looks like he's black?

>ywn kidnap the police commissioner only to shove a pie in Batman's face

Why live?

Not until Grant Morrison makes Hypercrisis real

This user understands what I yearn for.

At least my girlfriend roleplays with me and the scenarios always take a heated turn.

Thor counts.

>our universe lacks a heavy supernatural element

Excuse you?

>TFW when Gilgamesh, Achilles, and Susanoo were all totally legit but can never happen again because motherfuckers stopped believing

God damn rationalists, I want to journey across the babylonian wastes with my bro.

It seems like shit now, but once the AI wave hits we'll be drowning in sci-fi bullshit.

Why doesn't Elon Musk use his position as a famous billionaire head of industry to build himself a superhero suit and start fighting crime? He has enough money to make the police officially allow it.

Son of a bitch why can't we get a supernatural force working in tandem with our reality instead of our everything works like clockwork reality so nothing happens or maybe it is happening just not on a level that we can even perceive/comprehend it

Because he's a pussy.

Everything he makes blows up. Do you really think he wants to put himself in a mechsuit of sorts?

Because you'd be fucking killed five minutes in

Nah, it happens. youtube.com/watch?v=Fu7TCu9a3sM

>Born too late to live in the epic age where men could walk as gods through sheer willpower
>Born too early to explore the sci-fi era where we'll discover incomparable mysteries of the universe

No memes are dank enough to soothe this aching feel

Because as soon as the technology exists to give someone an edge to be super, someone else reproduces it so it becomes mainstream. Take guns for instance. The first person to have a gun would have been a superhero if he was the only one to have it or had he had the technology in an earlier era. Once everyone could access that technology though, the playing field was leveled and it became the status quo.

In the real world, Iron Man's armor would be reproduced countless times and every neckbeard would find the plans and have a copy. Moreso, someone would undoubtedly be better than Tony Stark at piloting it making him less super. We are already seeing it with drones.

We're a late game starter. Boring and usual in early game, start ramping up by kid, and by early late game into post-game we functionally dominate.

What I'm saying is that we're going to be the ones to make our own heroes.

He'd rather bang Johnny Depp's ex instead?

>Friendly reminder that Phenoix Jones was forced to give up his secret identity because of this bitch.

Why do we treat our supers like crap?

Vigilante and taking justice on your own hand is mostly illegal. RL is also not black and white.

Heroes like Spiderman and Batman gets away with "I don't kill motto," but how about internal bleeding, fractured skulls, head injury, sometimes paralysis and coma they induced on your everyday 711 robber? Most people become criminal out of desperation.

Also like 60% of violent crimes at least in the US is by the African American community. You can make all the excuses you want (some of which very legitimate) but in comic book land you'll have blind white collar lawyer nigga Daredevil punching black kids and gun toting PTSD' redneck Punisher shooting dindu nuffins kid all day everyday.

You I have a theory that this whole world was made because some supernatural shit went horribly wrong or something and now we're living in this boring reality because of it still waiting for that reality to stop working moment

>but how about internal bleeding, fractured skulls, head injury, sometimes paralysis and coma they induced on your everyday 711 robber?
You get your body taken over and nobody but the Vulture even notices.

Because actual crime fighting involves long hours of paperwork and trying to find strong evidence the prosecution could present instead of superpowered fights and hammy villains. White collar crime is even harder to detect, track down and conclusively pinpoint on someone than catching street hoodlums. I havent even carried a gun once in 8 years outside of a firing range and had to type more than Dickens in his entire life

t. yuro cop

Anyone else think that or am I the only one here who thinks something seriously of about all this

The only time being a superhero made sense is if you had a legitimate superpower, none of that "infinitely rich" shit. Otherwise, you're just gonna get your ass beat.

Shit man, the only way us lazy bums can stop crime is with inherent meme magic. It may be a force usually used for chaos and good laughs but just trying to use it for good will might help a little bit.

>He doesn't know about Phenoix Jones.

How much of Tim Burton's secondhand rectal residue do you think he's tasted as a consequence of where Depp's Sweeney Todd has been?

>TFW he turned out be a famous kick boxer.

Imagine being a bunch of gangbangers with illegal semis and shit out for getting some drug money or some good old extortion shit going on and seeing these wackos. I'd shit myself laughing.

Why would an erection be illegal?

According to Pheonix Jones he's encountered armed criminals a total of six times. His armor is made to protect him as much as possible from it after the first time when he actually got shot. Fun fact, the first time he got shot was the first time he went out crime fighting. The Mexican dude on the team (I can't remember his name) almost started a gang war in the city he's from because people thought he was racist.

Lack of powers, mostly.

Hey now, Phoenix Jones looks entirely respectable, but the rest of them...not so much. The red guy in particular.

Dude looks like he's delivering my chow mein.

1:It's pretty hard to catch someone in the middle of a crime on a regular basis
2:You'd probably get shot in the kneecap and then arrested for vigilantism after you go to the hospital

At least that dude is more respectable than Mr. Xtreme. Seriously, what the hell is this asshole wearing?

Weaponized autism.

>ywn leave riddles in the crime scene.
>ywn get betrayed by your henchmen.
>ywn have a crazy girlfriend as a sidekick.

The Mexican guy can be pretty cool if he suplexes his enemies and can play the guitar.

I shit you not his super name is Ming



>you will never distract your nemesis with pointless riddles
>you will never incorporate your treacherous henchman's betrayal into your overall plan from the get-go
>you will never make love to your sidekick on piles of stolen moneybags

I heard the Mexican dude is known for being a massive cunt to people. Also, he got knocked out once because some guy was pissed off at his costume. You wanna know the really funny bit about all this? These people have super villains. Pheonix Jones even has a rogues gallery.


>Pheonix Jones even has a rogues gallery.

Pls elaborate.

Half of them are people trying to take the piss out of him and the other half are legit criminals who dress in costume to commit crimes. There's this one dude that Pheonix Jones fights called Arsonic, he basically goes around lighting buildings on fire, but Jones usually finds him immediately after since he's dressed up in a bright red outfit.

The world is as magical as you make it.

You're fucking with me, right?

There's this one guy called the litterer. He breaks into people's houses and pours their trash all over their floor then runs.

This is amazing

Nope, the longest Arsonic has ever gotten away from Jones is twenty minuets.

Don't let Geoff Jones read this thread please.

Helicopter dick

So...how does he keep getting out of jail?

As for the "taking the piss out of him" category, there's a guy who tried to copy his costume and added a phallic helmet to it who calls himself Penis Boner. All he does is follow Phoenix around really slowly and pose for pictures with a cocky smile. They don't talk about him because of his innately profane nature.

>here's this one dude that Pheonix Jones fights called Arsonic, he basically goes around lighting buildings on fire


This is also my favorite villain.

Hell if I know. Maybe he owns the buildings he's lighting on fire.

I can't seem to find it at the moment, but Pheonix starts talking about Arsonic in an interview he had in Britain.

we do have real life lex luthor's

they're called trump and hillary

Nah, Luthor is a criminal and has a brilliant mind.
We'd have to combine Trump and Hillary to get Luthor.

>Donald Trump

But that's retarded user.

There's a guy who calls himself Helicopter Dick. He whipped his dick out in public and did the helicopter dick in front of Phoenix Jones.



>Everyone in this thread talking about Pheonix Jones

>No one talking about Rex Velvet.

Come on anons, get with the times.

I like this guy. I think his costume needs a little padding to match his hard hat, but that's a solid general idea.


Fuck off, we're talking about real ones.


>Nobody posts his trailer


Well there's General Buttnaked, but he's leagues above Jones. And no, it isn't some "poke the fun out of someone" type villain, this dude is legit fucked.

If you work and study real hard for years and years, you could develop the powers you already have.

I stole that from a Calvin & Hobbes strip.

>Well there's General Buttnaked

I know who he is, and yes, he counts.

Cavin and Hobbes should've stole good writing from some other strips

Where the hell are you getting this information from?



tl;dr, Satan made him slaughter people while being butt naked, but then he found Jesus.

>he doesn't know about Wheel Clamp Man

Where are you at?

The example you posted doesn't count. He doesn't care enough about this dimension to bestow anyone with supernatural gifts.

Because if someone obtained comic-worthy superpowers they wouldn't be a vigilante, they'd rent themselves out for paychecks.

Superman wouldn't be stopping robberies, he would be offering contracts to construction firms to complete their skyscraper projects in a day. Then labor unions would piss and moan about him on CNN and send his mom threatening letters.

How new are you. That dude is a joke.

I sincerely hope that he truly is trying to redeem himself and this isn't all a ruse

If he was the knowledge of his deeds must be on the verge of unbearable

>cuts wheel clamp down
>police finds the cut clamp
>look up his licence plate cause its recorded when the clamp is applied
>motorist gets fucked in the ass and has to pay for everything

fucking brilliant idea there

Reminds me of that quest in Fallout 3 with the ant chick and robot dude

>omits Hitler

With all the aesthetic and high tech shit for the time? Come on. Some people here will argue he's not a villain, but he fits the "super" bit perfectly.

>they'd rent themselves out for paychecks.

>Implying I wouldn't just steal whatever I wanted
>Implying I would be foolish enough to reveal my identity
top kek

Oh, and I would commit rape. Like a lot of rape.

What part of you need a super-name aren't you getting? 'Adolf Hitler' is a regular name, not a super-name.

Assuming the military doesn't try to lock up supers for research and for war.

Gotta spend dat 80 million+ somehow.

I wanted to fuck the ant chick so bad man

>needing superpowers to rob a bank
>not just wearing body armor and pumping yourself up with PCP and flakka

You'll be unstoppable.

I'm just gonna explain it one more time
one person is one person. they can only be in one place at one time. They can only stop one crime at a time. By definition, one person cannot make a difference, because if the amount of difference one person can make is enough to make more than a drop in the bucket, then it would be far, far too spread-out for one person to ever get to in time, y'dig? If there's only a few scattered crimes going on in your area, then you'll never get to them. if there are so many that you can go wade into it and find them on every corner, then you aren't making a dent.

That's not a very good argument. At worst you're just saying there would need to be superhero groups with multiple members.

but heroes do exist. Russian Batman is here to hunt down criminals


its russian batman, and he got out of a building full of criminal scum.

Russian Batman/Pheonix Jones team up when?

Stop being a pedant, we need to take what we can get. Also:
>Who is Victor Zsasz
>Who is Lex Luthor

>this is a 10/10 in canterbury commons

IIRC "Josef Stalin" means something like man of steel in Russian. Well, it has "steel" in it and wasnt his real name.

They fight superheroes on a regular basis so they can afford to not have super-names and the reader still understands what they are.

>we need to take what we can get

No, there are enough examples that fit properly without needing to open the door for any random head of state or general throughout history.

Real life vigilantes are less like Daredevil and more like the Punisher. Dressing up in a bright costume and trying to fist fight criminals is just stupid LARPing with some danger.

>Implying people are able to correctly pronounce that name
>Led a reformation for an entire religion, going against the church, and by extension, the very state itself.

Come on, user, those names are already super.

I remember an EMT on Cred Forums telling a story about how they got a call about some caped vigilante that tried to stop some street punks from vandalizing a public park and ended up getting beaten and sodomized with his own baton.

Also, the police, firemen and doctors ARE real heroes, OP

>>Dumping some pics


>the police, firemen and doctors ARE real heroes


Hey, 2 out of 3 isn't bad.


Pheonix Jones' new outfit is shit.



It's, surprisingly, the abundance of common sense.

Yeah, those docs can go fuck themselves. Anal reconstruction costs HOW MUCH?!


Pretty sure that user was talking about the cops.


I thought he meant firefighters. Those assholes chopped up my apartment door with an ax once.

>>Last one

Because that's not how our legal system works. You can't just leave a bank robber tied up in front of the police station unless they already have a warrant out for their arrest.

Because IRL people are pussies

>You can't just leave a bank robber tied up in front of the police station unless they already have a warrant out for their arrest.

You can if you leave before cops get to you.

If you were a superhero, what would your theme be?

I'm guessing you haven't seen the cost of Anal Reconstruction.

Maybe you shouldn't be getting Batons shoved up your ass

That still leaves us a near endless universe of things to shove up my ass.

>Also, the police, firemen and doctors ARE real heroes, OP
they are heroes, but we are talking about superheroes.

I think it's because our world is limited.

"Peak" humanity is dangerously ineffective, and even the highest skilled men in the olympics who train day and night to exhaustion with enormous funding and the best doctors often have career ending injuries or at best have limited career-spans.

This applies to the would be hero and villain. My family works in sports medicine, and it's incredibly easy to harm a human being. A few punches, and what would be simple bruises and hurt egos in comics, lead to lacerations, hematomas, massive concussions, and life altering injuries.

Our legal system isnt built for heroics, as even the precense of a law abiding citizen using necessary force againts an armed assailant in his own home is arduously debated in this country. Criminals have gotten off because they've HURT THEMSELVES in a house they broke into.

Superheroics are a dream.

Perving on girls while there in the shower with my shrinking power. Also hiding in there shoes as they go on jobs and getting them to eat me so I can leave the natural way.

Working on it, Infiltrate into every disgusting facet of your city. Anything that can give you a foothold into figuring out motives and where abouts of various and shady characters. Social media is the best thing ever for this kind of thing. Depending on whatever you wanna do you can either be preventive or just straight vengeful. I'm going the vengeful route. Ive been trailing drug pushers and getting to know working girls to try and stay in the loop. One thing I've learned is that it's probably easier to be a hero for hire type situation.

Ive become a drunken mess who doesn't care anymore. I might as well do something rad and protect the people too far gone or scared or just plain unable to change.

>my family works in sports medicine

Someone is going to kill your parents and turn you into Batman. And when that happens I'll be by your side helping you every step of the way.

Shit what if user dies and his dad become Batman?

user, listen to me. They are remaking Zorro and calling it Z. Do NOT go and watch it.

what if both die and both become batman?

Wouldn't his mom become Batman?

Dad jokes.

Like theme song?


>dude wearing LGBTQZURY+ socks
>hailed by motorists (fags)

South Park was right.

are you black

Another problem you have is the REALITY of crime. It's not the 1940's or 50's anymore- fuck's it's not the 70's drug wars or 90's gang wars.

Crime is complex as fuck in today's age. Most people nowadays believe that crime is up, and that violent crime is endemic. But the truth is that most violent crime has been in decline since the 2000's.Most crimes are unavoidable- heat of the moment, passion crimes, or spontaneous, ill planned activities- there's just no way a normal human being without superpowers can intervene if a malcontent decides to go postal on his friends and family.

The only thing a vigilante/super hero-light could do is wage war againts organized crime, but eventually, you'd make a mistake early and kill someone due to a punch that led to someone tripping and snapping his neck on a chair, or someone having respiratory/cardiac failure due to combat related injuries.

Now you're just some criminal killing other criminals.

You probably thought about funding your mission by stealing their money, right? So you're a murderer and a thief too?

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Some have tried and it ended with predictable results: nydailynews.com/news/national/vigilante-ninja-arrested-pennsylvania-article-1.1429621

I like to think that this hypothetical real world Batman or peak human would be extremely skilled and tactically aware that he could avoid sustaining life threatening injuries throughout his entire crime-fighting career. Even then, the possibility of a real life Super soldier like Captain America and Deathstroke wouldn't be out of the question as they seem quite plausible.

You'd sort of expect guys like that to have a secret identity. Cartels will torture your family to death.

I mean, I even know this dudes name.


I wouldn't even trust you fuckers enough to hand that one out.

If you intend to fight crime in the U.S or any Developed nation then yes, finding random violent crime to intervene would be quite difficult. But I'm sure the Cartels would provide an interesting challenge.

You could easily try to bait criminals with a car with it's door left open and wait for someone who hopefully isn't armed to take the bait.

>I wouldn't even trust you fuckers enough to hand that one out.

Yeah, you shouldn't. At least some cartel members probably shitpost on Cred Forums and they'd see it.

It would be kinda hard to just walk around dangerous neighborhoods randomly hoping you see a crime in progress, it's rare you would actually witness something as it's happening and you don't have any special means of getting around like superheros do.

And once you do, it's not as easy to beat up a group of guys that have guns with your bare fists, despite what comic books tell you.

user, that's entrapment. You just created a crime that wouldn't exist otherwise.

I think people are smart enough to know that shit like Batman, Robin, and all the underpowered, non-powered heroes are just really dumb power fantasies.

One guy isnt gonna go Wushu againts 5 armed guys with guns. It just doesnt work like that.

Here's Bruce Lee's take.
"Nowadays you don't go around on the street kicking people, punching people — because if you do (makes gun shape with hand), well that's it — I don't care how good you are."
Bruce Lee interview on the Pierre Berton Show (1971)

Remember that guys. All a guy has to do is twitch his finger.

I'm pretty sure it's clear at this point we're talking about a hypothetical real world vigilante that doesn't share the typical Batman Morality.

what are smoke bombs, flash bang grenades, and sneak attacks.

And rubber bullets

>what are smoke bombs, flash bang grenades, and sneak attacks.

Won't work as well as you think, as soon as you hit the guy he knows where you're at and unless you're lucky enough to hit him hard enough to knock him unconscious (which again doesn't happen as easily as they make it seem) they'd shoot you before you could get a second hit.

Pepe and Wojak are real life superheroes. Unlike fictional superheroes who only exist inside stories, Pepe and Wojak are memetic thoughtforms that dynamically manifest in internet traffic in real time.

>what are smoke bombs, flash bang grenades, and sneak attacks.

Theatricality and deception.

Iron Man armor would be absurdly expensive. I can see a scenario in which only the elite can afford gene therapy, as well.

Genetic modifications that affect the human germ line are also illegal throughout most f the world, to say nothing of mods that would turn someone into a walking, concealed weapon.

Because people will start to complain about muh morals and muh feelings even though the only solution to some is vigilantism

If you're gonna do it you gotta go all out and be The Punisher, just shooting everyone that gets in your way. Don't give them a chance for a trial or even an explanation why they're committing crimes, just murder them.

why are you here

Patrolling Pike & Broadway. Right. Real hotbed of crime.



how do i get real superpowers? should i go to cern and jump in LHC?

i love how condescending and derisive all these articles are

Just find something radioactive and start splashing it all over you until you get powers.

>Killing organized criminals is a bad thing
Unless it creates a power vacuum, literally nothing is lost by a drug lord/gang leader eating it.

>Implying Putin is not superhero
Have you seen alien invasions destroying earth?
You now know who you have to thank for protection


No, in russian language the name Josef Stalin does not mean "steel", nothing like that, just fyi. Of course he was associated with power and all this but it had nothing to do with his name.

Spring Heeled Jack is the coolest villain ever IMHO.

why do women feel like they can just hit people and expect to get away with it? Then why do they get away with it?

There actually are real life super heroes:


I saw The Variable one time here in Chicago.

Oh sorry for the wrong information here guys actually Stalin has "Stal" in his name which is "steel" in russian.

>It's not like they'd get sued for copyright infringement.
They probably would.

>It isn't a lack of technology, is it?
It's a lack of unlimited energy, easy time-warping, invincibility and immortality that's keeping people from taking the mantel.

>ywn construct a gigantic retarded hand with finger webbings to tie up your enemy and make them a living marionette from your floating fortress

Supervillains get to have all the fun.

His last name is derived from "stal", steel in Russian. So he was Joseph Steel. It also wasn't his real last name but rather a revolutionary nom de guerre, so he knew what he was doing there.

Sounds more like LARPing than actual villainy.

user, the process will creep by slowly enough that it no longer "feels" sci-fi. Just like every other scientific advancement.

Well when you get down to it, that's all it really is. Super villains are LARPers who happen to commit crime while dressing up. Heroes LARP while they save the day. It's all a big cycle.

Not really, most supervillains commit very harmful real crimes and aren't in it for the pagentry.

No she becomes the joker

>Now you're just some criminal killing other criminals.

What if someone goes Frank Castle on a human trafficking ring? How many would call him a criminal if he killed people like those?

Once and for all it doesn't matter who you murder in the eyes of the law, it's still murder, and public opinion of whether something is a crime doesn't change whether it actually is one or not.

>why don't people with enough money to arm themselves to fight crime risk their lives and possible jail time out of sheer goodwill?

>The court heard Baker was asked what he would do if he encountered a real crime and said he had not thought that far ahead

You sound like an edgy faglord.

Nigga it's 2016 and We haven't created a single robot or Exosuits worth shit

Advancement is dead

t. Marty

To be fair that's a pretty safe answer, makes him look harmless.

You sound like when people were saying "it's 1989 and we still don't have flying cars!".

Meanwhile smartphones are a pretty huge invention.

>Vlad the impaler

You do realize that he is literally a Romanian folk hero, right?


Being able to acess a database of legally and ethically questionable eastern porn at the go is a major thing

You'd get arrested/killed pretty quick yo.

You joke but they basically make us augmented humans.

He needs a new PR person

Who affixes impaler to the name of a superhero

Off topic anybody saw that new vlad the impaler/Dracula film that got released like a year ago? Is it good?

Well be fair, Vlad was an unimaginably cruel person if the historical accounts are accurate.
>turks come to visit his court
>tell him they cannot remove their turbans when asked to because it goes against their religion
>has the turks held down and their turbans nailed to their heads with iron spikes so they can never be removed

I wouldn't call him a supervillain but I can see why people would think so. Dude spent a lot of his free time coming up with inventive ways to murder people in large numbers.

Satan speaks the truth.

People seriously take smart phones for granted. I can cash my checks, take care of my christmas shopping, manage my stocks, look up random shit on the internet, talk with friends AND masturbate to questionably-legal porn, all at the same time, anywhere in the world, from the palm of my hand.

It's basically the Hitchiker's Guide except with better peer review and it actually does stuff too.

Romanian here. His history is pretty complex but basically he and his brother were sent as hostages to the Ottoman Empire to ensure their father's behavior. Despite that their father continued to aid in battles against the Ottomans so Vlad was in danger constantly. Ironically his cruel behavior was due to his experiences in the Ottoman Empire and the Sultan's court. These days he's pretty romanticized despite doing some awful stuff like killing many homeless and sickly people and foreign merchants who refused to pay him tribute. At this time Wallachia was also split between Ottoman supporters, Hungarians, it was a whole mess. TL;DR: He got handed a broken country after spending his youth in a hostile environment with an axe dangling over his head.

>tfw your country has costumed villain squad

The fuck are these gremlins?

the call themselves "The Band of the Million"
bank robbers dressed in police uniforms and spooky masks taunting the police with their guns
I couldn't find any pic with better res

She also ran over someone. Pheonix Jones was forced to reveal his secret identity because of it. He turned out to be a famous kick boxer or something like that.

I saved this from /asp/ - before it went all /wwe/ they had superhero and vigilante threads here and there that really never amounted to anything.

>Ninja Volume 1: Spirit of The Shadow Warrior

I'm pretty sure that , "Ninjas", or Shinobi as they are commonly referred to didn't exist in Japan's Feudal history as Popular Culture likes to depict. Most Ninja back then were actually Samurai who would operate as a Spy or Assassin since it would be in violation of the Bushido code. Despite common perception, Wearing a Black uniform was something that not all Ninjas did, I'm pretty sure most of the supposed feats that Ninja performed were exaggerated (like most Historical warriors).

Secondly, I doubt there are actual genuine Ninja Schools, anyone can claim to have an historical lineage to a past Ninja clan and write books about it. The concept of Ninjas are sort of bastardized in the West and using "Ninja handbooks" as a source of information to help survive life or death scenarios might not be very lucrative.

>americans are legitimately wondering why there are no people with superpowers flying around shooting piss out of their eyes

Superheroes are impossible. Look at the police with all it's man power. They still can be on a place of the crime unless someone informs them that it's happening. Stumbling randomly as a third party upon mugging or something like that is once in a lifetime thing at best. You can't make a careere ou of it.

But remember, Batman doesn't just go around patrolling the streets of Gotham looking for random muggings. This hypothetical real world vigilante could also be a detective who tracks serial killers, finds missing persons, and tries to find evidence to convict organized criminal organizations.

Police with all it's manpower does the same thing. What one man NOT working tightly together with different professionals can do aside of getting in their way? it's like comparing full profesional army and one mercenary. Which one will work better?

The supernatural exists. People who have abilities that defy the norm of what people are capable of exist. But most people lack motivation. You don't just throw yourself into dangerous situations unless you got a good reason.

Most of us aren't as selfless as Superman.

But Police forces have limitations. They have Jurisdictions and standard procedures to follow. The point of a vigilante is to do things that regular Law-enforcement can't. Criminals have gotten off due to lack of evidence.

I've talked to a lawyer about this and he said that if a police officer illegally attained evidence from a suspect's house, they can't use it, but if a civilian did it, then the evidence can be used in court.

>"Ninjas", or Shinobi as they are commonly referred to didn't exist in Japan's Feudal history as Popular Culture likes to depict.
>Most Ninja back then were actually Samurai who would operate as a Spy or Assassin since it would be in violation of the Bushido code.
>Wearing a Black uniform was something that not all Ninjas did, I'm pretty sure most of the supposed feats that Ninja performed were exaggerated (like most Historical warriors).
Yes, the Ninja series referred to in the screen cap advises this as well. And Ninjas wearing all black never happened - it was a story-telling tool used by theater groups. Classic japanese plays utilized players dressed in all-black to assist with prop and background interactions. In plays depicting Shinobi adventures one of these background players would eventually reveal themselves to be the Shinobi of the story's subject. It was meant to 'wow' the audience in a "...he came from the shadows!" sort of way.

>I doubt there are actual genuine Ninja Schools, anyone can claim to have an historical lineage to a past Ninja clan and write books about it.
This is also addressed in the series.

>What one man NOT working tightly together with different professionals can do aside of getting in their way?
I'll take "Private Investigators" for $600, Alex.

And there you have why nobody wants to be a superhero.

Zhash? I think that would be the pronounciation if you tried to do it in Polish.