Things you won't hear Muslims say

Things you won't hear Muslims say

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Allahu Akbar

The explosion will kill you before you hear it.

This bacon is tasty

"Ah, toilet paper; my old friend."

"pass me another beer"

"No thanks, I'd rather stay here and try to help fix the country instead of going to a better one".

wrong stereotype

"I'll take the standard model, no luxury extensions for me. I definitely don't want it in gold either."

Fucking goats is shameful.

"please fasten your seatbelts, we're about to land."

Cute dog

They say this all the time. They just don't mean it.

I respect your beliefs.

ylyl Cred Forums edition

pic related

"Here's my passport"

"I'm legally in Germany"

"I didn't mean to"

"I accept your culture"

"infidels are friends"

"I love Jews"

Radical Islamic Terrorism

Item in the convenient store a nigger would never steal

"I only have one kid"

condoms because they dont know what they are

"I like the country I live in. It's great."

"I shaved my beard yesterday."

"I'm here only while the war is still going on. After that, I'm planning on going back home."

Please or thank you.
Rude uncivilised takbir pedocunts

"I liked the food they gave me for lunch. Even though it wasn't what I expected, they gave me it for free, so I can't complain about it."

>I want to embrace my host countrys culture and values, instead of dragging it down to what I fled from

I think I'll turn off the mic while I pray

"Women are not animals."

"I like dogs."

"I want to be useful."

i really want to go to brazil and smoke the shit you are smoking

"Can I get a side of bacon with that?"

Explain this christians

I have no taste for corruptible food nor for the pleasures of this life. I desire the Bread of God, WHICH IS THE FLESH OF JESUS CHRIST, who was of the seed of David; and for drink I DESIRE HIS BLOOD, which is love incorruptible. (Letter to the Romans 7:3)

Take care, then, to use one Eucharist, so that whatever you do, you do according to God: FOR THERE IS ONE FLESH OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, and one cup IN THE UNION OF HIS BLOOD; one ALTAR, as there is one bishop with the presbytery… (Letter to the Philadelphians 4:1)

They [i.e. the Gnostics] abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer, because they do not confess that THE EUCHARIST IS THE FLESH OF OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, flesh which suffered for our sins and which the Father, in his goodness, raised up again. (Letter to Smyrnians 7:1)

I wonder if there is a reason why every Muslim country is horrible and most every Christian one is safe and wealthy. It's almost as if Allah doesn't exist.

"I'm responsible for my actions."

We eat the literal body and blood of christ for salvation. I never said we weren't fucking crazy.

kek

"Are you crazy? I would never date or marry my cousin. That's fucking disgusting !"

can someone explain the aversion to dogs?

job application form?

"That's one ugly goat."

sikhs are literally the reason all of the indian sub continent isnt muzzie and continues to hate pakistan

Let's agree to disagree

Kek

>can someone explain the aversion to dogs?
Muhammed had cats so this means cats are holy and therefore it logically follows that dogs are evil.

Dogs are man's best friend and can sense when danger is afoot.
Muzzies hate dogs for obvious reasons.

Dogs are haram in the quaran

I don't gree with you but we can still get along.
No need to kill each other over something this dumb.

Mohammad said that Allah spoke to him every night in his dreams. One night Allah did not come to him and he thought it was because he had done something wrong. Mohammad found a pup that had slept under his bed and assumed Allah did not come to him because Allah was afraid of dogs. So Mohammad ordered all dogs to be killed. Even today muslims kill dogs in inhumane ways, on the level of the Chinese.

I will leave people that are outisde of the islamic faith alone and I will not try to make their lives worse through guilt and fear.

Maybe we should consider some reforms to our religion, Mo' may have gotten a few things wrong being an illiterate goat herder and all.
We should make a Koran 2.0 with all the bad shit left out.

"Little girls? Not into that."

Oh yeah and this all happened while Mohammad was banging 9 year old Aisha.

Rich arabs will buy nice looking dogs when they go camping for a few weeks. They never train them, or feed them or give them the shots they need. When their done camping, they usually leave the dogs behind.
Most of these dogs end up as mongrels eating trash. Some are semi-domesticated, but you can never be sure if thy are sick. Best just to not fuck with them or shoot them on the spot.

Some rural arabs keep dogs, but they are usually semi-wild.

You don't have to take it literary.

Dogs are seen as unclean animals, on the same level as pigs. Probably because in Mohammed's day, stray dogs went around and ate more or less everything. They do like cats though, mostly because they clean themselves and hunt other "unclean" animals, like rats.

That said, Muslims tend to treat all animals like shit. Generations of inbreeding hurts their capacity to feel empathy for anyone or anything but themselves.

sunni islam is cancer

hahah lmao

Here's another good one

"I've already been to Israel. Even though I don't like the place nor the people that much, I have to admit they are richer than us and they know how to get things done.
I wish we could learn something from them."

Oy vey!

"The holocaust happened."

>"UNHAND HER, YOU FIENDS!"

>we should punish rapists instead of murdering the victims

Allah is not that great actually.

"I'd rather going to Kuwait than going to northern Europe."

Christian refugees, welcome my friends! Make yourself at home.

>It's just a prank bro

"I want to stay and fight."

go*

>while the majority of Muslims aren't terrorists, there is indeed a problem within our culture that causes some to support or engage in terrorism
>we must make changes and address this problem within our communities so it never happens

ily Brazil.

"I want to integrate, that's why I don't talk mention Islam with western people anymore."

This thread is filled with so much ignorance its kind of pitiful.

Islam is kind of flawed desu

"Yeah I'm totally fine with Christians/Europeans dating our women."

t. Ahmed mujadeen muajadok shakah khan

"This is my cousin, no she isn't my wife we are good friends."

Jezus is god

yeah kill the infidels for allah. our teachings from the religion of peace have taught us well

How are we supposed to compete if that'd happen? We'd die out. My cousin I had a crush on married some stupid slav before i even got to tell her how i felt.

Most people just want to live normal lives

Fake gold chains?

Animal print shirts?

Cheap cologne?

Designer sunglasses?

Those are so tacky!

Let's tag team some whores in public while we feast on pork Prophet Muhammad!

Except lots of people do integrate. Its even talked about at mosques on fridays.

"This woman was raped, lets show her some compassion"

This is said extremely often

I don't feel like raping anyone today.

Mosques help Christian refugees coming to canada as well aa non christians. We also contribute to food banks the community uses.

Punishment for rape is death.

It did. Muslims sheltered jews in france while under german occupation even though zionists were fighting in the levant.

Not to their own countries then
For the victim

Again most people just want to live normally and lots do

>stupid goyim

thezog.info/list-summaries/

"I'm going to work hard, so that I don't go on welfare."

"On second thought I won't fuck my goat today."

Almost all our countries are ruled by totalitarian dictators eapecially in arabia who don't even let muslims come live there. If they punish the victim its wrong.

That is haram

"Guys, I know you all want to shoot up, and blow up the shopping mall. But how about we show our love for Islam in a more peaceful way?"

Your rights > my beliefs.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

How do I get back to the other thread

...

hahahah lmao

Check that out

"I have a female friend."

Those are horrible migrants coming by boat to Europe because they heard they will get free stuff

I have female freinds...

a job application

Now I'll do it for muslim women only.

>I went outside without asking my husband if I was allowed once.
>I wear makeup sometimes.
>I just got divorced.

>hey, check this out. I just got a new tattoo.

>I can play a musical instrument.

>I can draw. I like art.

Divorce rates are actually very high in arab countries since horrible men divorce them like its nothing. The permission and make up thing is completely overstated especially in the west.

>I love poetry.

Lots of people draw. The trump Mexican meme was made by a malaysian user.

Poetry is extremely common and poets were prestigious even during muhammed time

"children and children traits are a no no"
seriously just go to Cred Forums and you'll find pedo arabs instantly

Musical instruments are taught in school and everybody learns how to play them. Even in Muslim countries like turkey.

>I believe in love.

...

>Fate is not real."

google search turkish music

Everybody does

t. Mohammed Takbir Canacuck Ishalam

Can we ban Canada yet?

>Thank you

Ill defend my countries borders and develop economic opportunities for future generations.

Actually the brit had it right. Half of it anyways.

For bringing up reality?

...

...

"Make America Great Again"

"Lets stay in Syria and fight like men! And send the women,the children and those handicapped to somewhere safe and arrest or restrict the ISIS supporters entering Europe,because mostly its our fault for not checking who goes out from OUR land."

Sure honey. You can drive.

Muslim women do drive. Only in saudi Arabia is it considered wrong.

Thanks Habib

>Looks at the statistics of percent of overweight in hardcore mudslime countries that aren't at war.
>Your losing 'Murica, you guys need to step up your game.
>Look up Saudi Arabia, the guys that declared Chess as Haram, and banned it.
>My sides reach escape velocity.

No-one would say it in Brasil though

But dogs are “haram” in shitstianity, too. For orthodox christians dogs are a no–no, cannot even let one in one’s house, but cats are okay. Maybe that lesbian pastor in your reformist gay church just forgot to mention it when she was “reinterpreting” the scriptures trying to prove premarital sex is okay.

I know this is just pure b8 but it still made me laugh.

But brazilian expats appreciate the countries they go to, and that was my point in this thread since muslims are currently on the run for conquering the world.
Muslims are never satisfied in the countries they live in, they always have to complain about it. Either they want the countries they live in to be like the countries they ran away from, or they just come up with some other random bullshit and find any other reason not to integrate and play the victim in the country that hosted them.
All of that just for getting social benefits and annoying the local residents.

"I'm going to wait for my child wife to hit puberty"