Say something funny cunt

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong's have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely Caucasian, white baby boy. "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents.
"Well Mr.Wong, what will you and Mrs.Wong name the baby?"
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we name him Sum Ting Wong.

Settle the fuck down Nyngan

Canadians voted in Justin Trudeau.

Where did you get this photo of me?

Absolute banter

kek

DELET

A Jackeroo rides into town after months of rustling. He ties the horse out the front of the pub, dusts off his pants, and then walks around to the back of the horse and runs his lips along the crack of the horses ass. He heads into the bar, and asks the barmen for a glass of beer. The barmen says, "Listen mate, can I just ask why you ran your lips along the crack of your horses ass ?".He replies, "I've got chapped lips".The barmen replies, "does that cure them ?". The jackeroo replies, "no but it sure stops me licken 'em".

Canadians are scum.

wooooosh, oh what's that canuck? A strong gust of wind is coming? That wind is Australia. A gale force wind to BLOW away the leaves your poutine loving rear end just put into a nice pile on your shitty lawn (maybe you can pay some kid a loony and toony to clean it back up for you!). By the way, hockey isn't a real sport the same way that Crash Team Racing isn't a real sport - it's just for fun and anyone who takes it too seriously is "that guy" (aka, you). Do not try to respond to me you maple syrup drinking cunt, because you WILL fail.

I am autumn, and you are nothing more than a fucking leaf.

Fuck off poof.

Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.
The musical chairs was a bit slow, but bugger me, pass the parcel was quick!!!

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Awww they blow up so quickly

Bruce was walking down the street on his way to the pub when he saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. He shouted up to him "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Three black ladies are getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time in their life..

The first lady said, 'I don't know bout youse but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties before I get on that plane.'

'Why you gonna wear them for?' the other two asked.

The first replied, 'Coz, if that plane goes down and I'm out there laying butt-up in a cornfield, they gonna find me first.'

The second lady said, 'Well, I'm gonna wear some fluro orange panties.'

'Why you gonna wear them?' the others asked.

The second lady answered, 'Cause if this bloody plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the sea, they can see me first.'

The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties.....'

'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.

The third lady says, 'That's right mate, you heards me right. I ain't wearin' any panties, 'coz if any plane goes down they always look for the black box first!

hahaha

Whats the difference between a Pakistani wedding and a 69?

You only have to kiss one smelly cunt with a 69

Don't trash Ice hockey. People who play that sport are the closest thing canucks have to alpha males

Bruce was on a trip to the big smoke and was enjoying a beer in a bar in Kings Cross.
It must have been his lucky day as he managed to attract a spectacularly sexy young backpacker sheila. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his motel room and, after some small talk, he rooted her senseless. Bruce had read in a magazine at the dentist that nowadays sheilas were also supposed to reach an orgasm so after a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Bruce jumped back on her and the rooting resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were many screams of passion.
When the action finally ends and, again, Bruce smiled and asked, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Bruce jumps the sheila yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Bruce falls onto his back, gasping for air. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish now?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful sheila whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian".

Kill Bill is a shit movie for weeb fags

work on your bantz sunshine
it's not a joke if no-one laughs

A German, a Russian and a Pole were stranded on a jungle island after a plane crash. In the water they found a magical fish who offered them each three wishes if they set him free.

The Pole butted ahead and spoke up first, "I wish to be rich, handsome and be back in Krakow." And bam, he disappeared.

The German then spoke up, "I wish to be even richer, even handsomer and back in Munich." and bam he disappeared.

The Russian had stayed quiet the whole time and had a think about his choice. "I will have 2 litres of Vodka, an assault rifle and bring my friends back."

>A

>FUCKING

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>LEAF

Australia is like the white trash brother I never had and Canada is like the annoying younger brother that isn't good at anything

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women's suffrage

Bruce and and Sheila were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while they were in bed.
He turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
Bruce then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at him this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So he said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

Canada.

Just stating a fact. It's a shit movie. I don't give a fuck about this garbage thread.
Debate me on it, faggots

Cout

topkek

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Oh look the emufuckers have a copy & paste database of autistic Australian humour

amazingaustralia.com.au/aussie_jokes4.htm

So funny, so original much wow

The three directors of Fosters, XXXX and Coopers were travelling together to a meeting, when their limo broke down.
Fortunately it was right near a pub, and it was 10 AM so it was just opening, so they went inside to wait while the driver fixed it.
The Fosters director ordered three stubbies of Fosters Lager for them and they drank it all while chatting business stuff.
When the beers were gone the XXXX director got up, went to the bar, and came back with three stubbies of XXXX.
They continued to talk business and some time later the stubbies were empty again so it was the Coopers director's turn for a shout. He got up and went to the bar, and said to the sheila behind the bar; three of the same please.
The sheila was surprised and said hey mate, you're the Coopers director, why do you order XXXX?
To which he replied; well, I thought it was still a bit too early to start drinking beer yet....

What defines funny?

Stereotypical Aussie banter?

How about fuck off with that shit. We arent a fucking natiom of stereotypes, we are a unique people. We are one, but we are many.

I am, you are, we are australian. Unless your a mudslime or a smelly curry muncher.

I can tolerate the gooks, most of them are ok. Flips and shit? Mostly garbage. Maoris are filthy cunts. Dumb as fuck, but weigh 200+kgs.

Anyway, fuxk of Canacuck, your prine minister is a cock gibbling faggot. Your country lost any chance of having even a modicum of respect aince you faghots went all PC MultiKulti and shit.

Fuck off. aussie Pride. We are literally the greatest people on this planet.

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cut me down to size didn't ya

>be leaf
>see perfectly good thread
>realize you are in fact a fucking leaf
>obsessively compalsively shit in it and be a general faggot in a faggot pride parade.

Learn to spell, fat cunt

n0.

learn to post properly cunt

hbahahahahahaha

why are there so many faggots in Canada?

they had nowhere else Toronto

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I saw your grandma last Christmas. Shoved 11 raw oysters up her cunt and sucked 12 back out. Tell her I said g'day.

here, for you

Moot cowered as the doors to his panic room were being punched down. Every powerful Australian fist banging against them shook the rooms walls, and sent Moots framed images of Woody Allen and Shimon Peres falling to the floor. He backed into the corner but realistically he knew he had nowhere to go, as the door collapsed open under the Australian assault

What Moot saw in the doorway stunned him
A large, well tanned man, with an outback hat on his head and a Zyzz tattoo on his shoulder.
"G'day mate". bellowed the man, as he walked towards Moot. ''Get them poofter fucking skinny jeans off mate".

Moot knew he had to do as he was told. The last time he tried to fight an Australian, his website was destroyed.

"D-d-d-on't hurt me please", stuttered Moot, "I'll expose my anus like you exposed my janitors"

The Australian man smiled as Moot began to undress in front of him.

"Corr, fair dinkum mate, thats a pretty nice dick". Moot tried to smile at the compliment, but he couldn't smile knowing what was about to happen. "Listen mate" continued the Aussie; "You'll have to do a sexy dance, at the moment an erection is like a Cred Forums pass, I'm not getting one because Moot isn't doing anything for me"

Moot stood up and began to sway his body from one way to the next. He could see the Aussie begin to smile, and he could see his penis begin to stand. Moot was, at this point, in tears, and completely humiliated. "Thats right mate, keep crying you soft bloody wanker" laughed the Aussie. "The floods of tears right now could drown Queensland", he bantered.

Moot looked at the Aussie and got down on all fours. He turned round and said "P-please, just fuck me and leave"

The Aussie laughed once more and looked at Moot

"What do you think I am, some sort of poofter?".

The Aussie left the room, with moot by himself, in a puddle of tears, his anus exposed to the open air.

This one always fucking gets me

Speak English cunt.

youtube.com/watch?v=zFca-jyJbXw

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OK OLD CHAPS IT'S TIME FOR YOUR DAD TO TELL YOU A RIGHT SPIFFING WHOPPER

"WHY ARE THERE NO JEWISH SPORTS TEAMS?"

" BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL AFRAID OF THE COMMUNAL SHOWERS!"

top shit matey

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Outdated joke since Kiwis can't get Centrelink anymore.

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

Cred Forums joke by comedian Lisa Lampanelli (I think)
"What do you call a black woman who's had seven abortions? - A crime fighter."

A bloke escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money, beer and guns and finds a young Australian couple in bed. He orders the bloke out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.
While the man is in the bathroom, the husband tells the wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped inmate, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years... I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!!"

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it's funny because he won't. he is sexist, racist, and Islamophobic. The race ended when we started saying negative things about minorities. talk shit, get btfo